I'm trying to improve my life and I don't feel like I'm in the right place for a relationship but I'll welcome it with open arms if it's in the cards. I think my gym crush is looking for an friends with benefits as well for different reasons but I'd like to find a way to be sure. We both have harmless little crushes on each other but if she's looking for something serious I don't want to waste her time. How would you go about figuring this out and is it something you can do find out via text or should it be done in person? Ideally I'd like to hang out with her one on one to get to know her more but without making it a date.
Should I go for friends with benefits with my gym crush?
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This sounds like an awful idea. You THINK she’s looking for friends with benefits too? What gives you that impression? It sounds like a complete hypothesis to me. With no evidence or facts backing it up. Just awful idea.
On just a higher level. I don’t like to judge. But friends with benefits rarely works. Like almost never. And the fact that you referred to her as your crush, seems to indicate that you potentially have deeper feelings for her than just a hookup partner.
Here is the bigger concern for you tho. You mentioned you aren’t in a place for a real relationship. There is a massive risk that doing this will set you back even further from being able to have a real relationship.
Why don’t you focus on actually doing the hard work on improving yourself and getting into a position where you could pursue something serious? I promise, it’s SOOO much better than friends with benefits.
Only reason I think that she's looking for something similar is based off of conversations we've had. I didn't think it was necessary to add that because I was more just looking for a way to casually bring that up in conversation without it sounding forward. I think at the time I was just thinking this cute girl has shown interest in me but I don't want to date anyone at my gym but I don't want to reject her. After some more thought I decided I'm just not gunna do anything and just keep it platonic.
I say crush cause I couldn't think of a better way to describe someone you kind of like, she's barely a friend. I don't think crush has as much weight as you've given it in this context but I think your assessment is fair, if she didn't attend my gym I could see myself dating her.
As for your last line I'm not going to lie it irks me a bit cause we don't know each other but I know you mean well. I have friends with benefits while still improving myself, relationships and growth aren't exclusive and maybe somewhere along the line there'll be a relationship. Nothing is guaranteed.
You’re way over thinking this man. “If she didn’t attend my gym I could see myself dating her”. That’s just crazy. Now I get that I have the benefit of being an outsider here. But it also means I can call things out and hopefully give people good advice. What’s the worst that could happen? She isn’t your boss. She isn’t even a coworker. She is someone who goes to the same gym as you. If that is off limits to you, how are you ever gonna find someone to date?
Sorry that my last line irked you. My intention here is to give the best advice I can. Sometimes that means telling hard truths. And telling it like I see it. I’m someone who believes friends with benefits does not lead to any type of success, happiness, or benefit. Now it’s fine that others see it differently. But I gotta call it like I see it.
If I were you. I would get the friends with benefits thing out of my head. And I would simply ask her out on a date. I know it’s hard and scary. But it could turn into something amazing. Take that leap man. And don’t have any expectations. Live in the moment and start spending time with her.
Truly wishing you the best.
Not that deep but thanks
Sounds like a good idea to me.
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