Me and my girlfriend have been dating for nearly a year, she recently got a new job that took her across the country. I knew a while ago this was a possibility but we didn’t know for sure until about 3 weeks ago. She suddenly got the job and was asked to move within 3 weeks.
I immediately started looking for a job near her and we were making plans to move. I have a well paying job with good benefits, most importantly health insurance. I am 100% planning on moving to where my girlfriend is, but I want to find a job first as a safety net in case my company doesn’t let me work remote. There is a risk I could be laid off too if I bring it up as a possibility.
My girlfriend was not very understanding at first and didn’t understand why I couldn’t just ask my company to let me work remote. I explained I couldn’t just drop everything and move that quickly, but that I would absolutely move to her, it just may take a bit while I get everything in order. We eventually established a back up plan that if I don’t find a job in 4-5 months that I would tell my company and hope that they let me work remote.
But I feel like I am going crazy, I feel guilty that she is there alone and she is convinced that I am leading her on and that I must not be serious about the relationship if I didn’t ask my company. I am just trying to do the smart and practical thing and no matter how much I tell her I have no doubts about us, I just want to do what’s right for us and not risk my job and our financial future.
I love her, she is the best and healthiest relationship I’ve ever had, and this is a very stressful situation, but I feel like it’s reasonable to maybe have to wait a few months considering just how fast and unsure her getting the job was.
I immediately started looking for a job near her and we were making plans to move. I have a well paying job with good benefits, most importantly health insurance. I am 100% planning on moving to where my girlfriend is, but I want to find a job first as a safety net in case my company doesn’t let me work remote. There is a risk I could be laid off too if I bring it up as a possibility.
My girlfriend was not very understanding at first and didn’t understand why I couldn’t just ask my company to let me work remote. I explained I couldn’t just drop everything and move that quickly, but that I would absolutely move to her, it just may take a bit while I get everything in order. We eventually established a back up plan that if I don’t find a job in 4-5 months that I would tell my company and hope that they let me work remote.
But I feel like I am going crazy, I feel guilty that she is there alone and she is convinced that I am leading her on and that I must not be serious about the relationship if I didn’t ask my company. I am just trying to do the smart and practical thing and no matter how much I tell her I have no doubts about us, I just want to do what’s right for us and not risk my job and our financial future.
I love her, she is the best and healthiest relationship I’ve ever had, and this is a very stressful situation, but I feel like it’s reasonable to maybe have to wait a few months considering just how fast and unsure her getting the job was.
Updates
7 mo
Not in my experience, most of the jobs in my market you have to move for, and I relocated a few times for my jobs. It is very common for people to apply to jobs all over and relocate for the job, after all, it’s what my girlfriend just did as well. She interviewed for an out of state job and got it, beating out local candidates, I’m just doing the same
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You usually need to be in the area to get a job if you can't do yours remotely
Not to interview, interviewing for a job you can be anywhere. I meant interviewing for a job and having it as a safety net. You don’t have to be in the city for a specific job, just willing to relocate which I would be doing
I'm not saying that's impossible to do (I've done it myself), but you're likely to lose out to a local candidate.
Not in my experience, most of the jobs in my market you have to move for, and I relocated a few times for my jobs. It is very common for people to apply to jobs all over and relocate for the job, after all, it’s what my girlfriend just did as well. She interviewed for an out of state job and got it, beating out local candidates, I’m just doing the same
Well, you may need to compromise with her
The compromise is that if I don’t find a job in 4-5 months that I would ask my company if I can work remote and I would just dels with the consequences if they say no or let me go
If she's ok with that, go for it
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