Is it bad if two people in a relationship need each other?

[Anonymous]

Usually its one person who is too needy or whatever and its seen as unhealthy. Is it the same/worse when the boyfriend and girlfriend both need each other to be happy? Or is that normal/okay?

Updates

6 mo

My boyfriend has said the words “i need you” a lot both when we’re happy and when we are in bad terms. He says he needs me to be happy, he needs me because i make him a “better” man, or jus that he needs me in his life. Its pretty overwhelming sometimes but i love him so much. I need him too but i have never told him that because it scares me to let him know that. He probably does though.

Updates

6 mo

So today i was upset with him and he said life isn't worth living if im not in it. Why is this making me freak out so much? Whats wrong with me? I love him and care about him but it makes me uncomfortable that someone feels this much about me. I feel like i should be happy but im not.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

Lol, I just went on a whole rant about this.

No, it's not bad, it's one of the signs you found your soulmate or if you don't believe in that, it's a sign you found someone who is viable to be your long term partner.

Everybody keeps getting cheated on and disrespected or treated like they're less valuable than they really are. You think someone who needs you is going to do that?

The question is do you need him? Meaning does he have the ability and willingness to become the type of man you're looking for?

The whole point of dating is to show someone what you're all about and indoctrinate then into your tribe. Not just as a man, as a woman too. Is he showing you a world view which you think will propel you towards the things you want in life? If he is, I'd say your hesitation is more of a fear of commitment, if he isn't, it's probably all your instincts screaming at you to dump the guy.

[Joshydavid25]

I mean... If you both feel that way, it's not too bad, but at the same time, saying "I need you to make me happy" is a bit of a pressure point.. It can feel good when you feel the same way, but eventually one of you won't feel that way so much, and the clingy and neediness will become a hindrance to the relationship.

[Asker]

Yes it is, i dont want to be needed this much. Even from the guy i love.

[Joshydavid25]

That's true... And that's fine.. It's pressure to feel needed like that.. Like you are his everything..

[Joshydavid25]

Thanks for MHO!..

[DaveJord]

Classic!!!

Like this is my issue with online dating right now.

Like everyone comes to online dating site for a reason... like you are in need of or wanting of something. Like if you did not need or want something from another person, why come online to date? What is you really want?

The answer is all the same, I want a real true and genuine freind, who loves me and is my everything, and long-term commitment. And now here you are with a guy that is telling you that you are his everything, he loves you and you are his best freind. And here you are like yeah, I feel the same way, but I ain't going to tell him.

Why would you not just tell him? He's being honest with you, and you are not being honest with him?

Because it freaks you out, right? So honest, is that something you really want then, when obviously you can't handle it?

Do not assume he just knows something you have never told him. Like can you imagine how insecure it makes a guy feel, when you share something like that, and woman does not reciprocate?

He might seem fine with it right now, and you can just write it off as if he knows it without you saying it... but that seriously fucked up. Why would you not want to tell him, after he has laid his soul out for you? Like that is so selfish and fucked up. Because you literally feel the same, and you are not telling him the truth, and then judging him for being honest with you. Why? Because you lack the courage.

Trust me you better start being honest with him, before it figures it out for himself, and starts resenting you for be a cold hearted whatever... something tells me he is feeling insecure right now, which is why he keeps saying it... every time he says it, its an opportunity for you to say it to... like he wants to know if it's safe for him to feel that way about you. And you do not want to give him that because, your too scared?

Come on, this guy does not deserve you, so do him a favor and let me down easy.

[DaveJord]

Like I want to say in a playful way, that I hate you right now. Like here is this guy that toitally wants to be with you, and you totally want to be with him... and your issue is that he says it out loud, and it makes you think he is needy.

Like I wish I had your problems... get over yourself.

[Asker]

Make sure you understand what i said before you write down a completely irrelevant essay, thanks

[Mewzinc]

Calm down, it's her stuff not yours

[Mewzinc]

Asker: for some reason this hits close to home for him and it's making his emotions run wild and attack you for no reason. Just ignore him

[DaveJord]

Asker You said you boyfriend says he needs you a lot... you say you need him to, but you have not told him that you feel the same... but at the same time his saying it makes you uncomfortable.

Why?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Yes. When I like a man, I don’t exactly need him, I want him.

I am able to do everything on my own, I don’t need him to do anything for me other than want me back the same way.

[DaveJord]

100% I do not "NEED" a woman, I want one. Like want turns into need over time. But I do not need one, like I don't need to be taken care of, I can take care of myself... but would really want someone to share it with.

Like here is this man who really wants her, and she apparently wants him but does not want to tell him. Like I hate you right now, I wish I had that in my life.

[Asker]

Would it bother you if a guy told you he needed you?

[DaveJord]

Yes, I am hetero sexual... so if a guy told me that I would be freaked out, like cringe worthy.

Now if a woman told me that, it really depends on the woman and were we are in our relationships... but no not in general.

[Asker]

wasn't asking you

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I have been told that they needed me. That they couldn’t live without me and blah blah… Haha

I’d rather be wanted

[CubsterShura]

Depends on how you approach it. You shouldn't need your partner in a sense that you can't have a healthy functional life without them, but also I see no point in relationships if my man cannot meet my needs physically, mentally and emotionally. He should definitely be an addition to my life that makes it better especially when I'm not well myself, and I do the same for him. The whole basis of relationships and community in general is that you make up for each other's lackings to come out strong together.

[WhereIsMyMind]

I don't think it's healthy to rely on a partner too much, because if something were to happen to them or the relationship, where would that leave you? Independence is a good thing, I need some personal space in a relationship, and I completely understand and encourage that for the other person too.

[TheSpaceGnome]

No, thats good. Neediness/clinginess is a sign you appreciate the person's company and actually love them.

If you don't need that person in your life to be happy, then they are not the right one for you. It's actually really concerning that people find attachment to be bad in relationships. Attachment is relationship glue, without it the relationship falls apart.

[Asker]

I guess attachments could be bad if theyre in the wrong relationship..

[TheSpaceGnome]

Thats the only time they are when it comes to relationships.

[provokeesmokee]

Yes, that's called co-dependency and can lead to a lot of issues.

Both need therapy and couples counselling. Unraveling the co-dependency and learning to be able to be happy independently will build a stronger relationship.

[Asker]

Do you think therapy and counseling is the only way to fix it?

[provokeesmokee]

Not the only way, but you'll certainly have a harder time without it.

[DizzyDesii]

Its better i feel I need him than not. If i dont feel i need him then I’m going to struggle with committing to him and feel i can easily replace him.

[DizzyDesii]

But I haven't felt i needed a guy since a certain one in 2019. So I don't know what the future looks like for those to come. The one im with, I love him but i dont NEED him yet. I can see myself feeling like i need him though because its hard to sleep without him

[Asker]

You love him but dont need him, you’re saying you’re struggling to be loyal to him?

[DizzyDesii]

No i was just giving an example. Loyalty and commitment aren't the exact same to me

[Asker]

I see. How do you feel when a guy says he needs you? Is that a good thing?

[DizzyDesii]

Its such a turnon. It makes me feel like he's a bit submissive and trusts me like crazy. I love it

[DizzyDesii]

That second update is scary. he's too dependent

[FreyaRed]

It's better to be independent, what doesn't mean you can't enjoy a relationship. Human nature can cause lot of troubles when other person is sure you need him/her.

[Asker]

What kinds of trouble would that be?

[CaliAttorneyGuy]

Comedian Chris Porter said having a girlfriend who can’t live without you is like having a puppy that can text you. He said it’s better to date someone who doesn’t need you at all but chooses to be with you because she loves you lol.

[Asker]

I would love it if my puppy could text me🤔 but i get your point

[CaliAttorneyGuy]

Haha I probably would too.

[havingfun2023]

I'd prefer a relationship where, since I'm needy, it's nice to have a needy girlfriend, as long as we're both sane and cool/calm people ☺️😊😀😆

[havingfun2023]

Referring to my fictional girlfriend there lol 😆🤣

[Anonymous]

The issue is 'enmeshment' so look that up.

Strictly speaking you cannot love someone else until you love yourself, but this is an ideal and the perfect is the enemy of the good.

[Asker]

I will look it up thanks

[Opinion Owner]

Regarding your updates; I told you already, the issue is called 'enmeshment', you were supposed to be looking it up.

It may also be called 'codependancy'.

[sheikalana]

It's normal to feel that you need your partner when you're in a committed relationship with them.

[Anonymous]

i've seen that before. it doesn't end well!! so yes, i do think it's bad and unhealthy. can even be toxic.

[Asker]

Can you please share why it doesn’t end well and/or what happened?

[Opinion Owner]

it's codependency. and that's a red flag.

www.fortbehavioral.com/.../

[Unit1]

Not really. So long both do not depend on each other e. g. financially. That's the worst.

[Asker]

I see

[Nikki1989]

No, it is a good feeling to feel needed by someone.

[Asker]

It is i agree, but doesn't it overwhelm you sometimes?

[Anonymous]

I think either of those examples are actually really sweet and endearing. Both CAN be unhealthy, one more often than the other. But neither is inherently bad, and both I feel facilitate a wonderful and loving relationship.

[Lokiion]

Need is a strong word I don’t think anyone should need the other. So yes it’s bad

[Asker]

I do think so too

[Likes2drive]

It’s probably a good thing, maybe they will act better to each other

[Anonymous]

I think it's bad for ANYBODY to NEED ANYBODY.

[Asker]

What should a person do if they find themselves needing their partner?

[Anonymous]

Of course, that's why the relationship formed. There is, however, a fine line between relying on your partner and being codependent.

[Asker]

I agree