My boyfriend doesn't tell me how much he makes. Should your boyfriend/girlfriend tell you how much they make?

Question

I don't get it why he keeps it as a secret... Is it OK to ask your boyfriend how much money he makes?

Rosexøxø · Accepted Answer

It’s tough cause usually people want to know “how much?”

cause they’re going to take.

How much does the job pay me? (Do I want to take that or don’t take).

How much will you be depositing in our bank account with you? (Can we work with that on this day and that day)?

So why would either want to know which the other is making?

Unless of course they’re planning to live together and it’s good to know how valuable - reliable of a member they’ll be in that type of partnership.

For females I’d know in some cases, knowing his wages is just a peace of mind, and some rare cases a wishful option to partake in and either rely on or exploit.

Could very well be vice versa to dependent men.

I think worth adding is- if she asks, there could be lack of trust there on her end, if he denies, there’s lack of trust on his end, and of course vice versa.

Essentially in best interest situations she’d/he’d want to know so they can catch any slip up with their partner. Wrong check made out, poor budgeting; spending; saving. And any addictions, BUT if they’re JUST boyfriend and girlfriend- then I think they should let each other live their lives respectively. If one obtains a spending addiction or spends recklessly, or they simply find out the partner is spending on cheating sources, then they should just split up instead of trying to change a whole person via their money- they’re fuel for their actions.

You can’t ‘parent them,’ or try to accumulate therapist expertise, in just seconds, to “save” them. Best to leave that to the professional therapists. 👍

It’s tricky. I know what my partner makes but it’s not a big deal to either of us. I don’t monitor him or anything. Nor do I touch his money. Vice versa. If I got some idea of a poor spending habit I’d give word of encouragement and try to find resolution but if things should go sour I’d have to give my ultimatum and be ready to back that up.

People’s finances and living sources and means of many decision, is just not something I take lightly or would want to mess with. 🤷‍♀️ I can understand entirely why partners would want to know the income of their other half, and why they may not want to disclose that info.

Rei13 · Accepted Answer

Someone else asked a similar question. I personally think that is a conversation you should have with your partner to see what you’re both able to afford if you ever move in together or get married. However I also think it is important to go over debts as well and look at what both of your spending habits are. If one person is responsible and the other isn’t, for example, it is better to know that early on so that you can prepare yourself and build better habits. Maybe also not share the bank account lol. I don't know. That was a conversation I had with most of my partners early on, sometimes I made more and other times they did but at least I knew what we both had to work with.

Circlesgames · Accepted Answer

It all depends, silver,

Could be ashamed as they have said it not to worry you because they belive they should carry all the worry of finance etc or

What you like and what he likes, for some they prefer to have some secrets about that as long as he does not act selfish when it comes to family matters,

A solution for this would be for both of you to have a family account either separately or 1 together, where the finance there is known to both of you and can be discussed.

He should be able to tell you how much he gets paid and if he is working any other works, but doesn't have to tell you how much all together he has.

And then they are people who prefer to know it all, that is both are on with it and see it as no issue at all, this is good as long as one of the partners won't be selfish and demand things from their partner when their own money is finished or see it as a way to call their partner wicked for saying no I domt have money for luxury at the moment.

It is a topic to take seriously and must be talked about with great understanding from both sides, if your partner is not into the topic then he is probably just keeping it a secret because of the second method, bring naked =forced to spend unnecessary = family poor.

He will surely provide for the family if he doesn't then it will be a concern.

DaveJord · Accepted Answer

Here is my advice on this... you need to do you and be true to yourself. If this is something that really matters to you then yes, you should talk with him about it. I hear or have heard this thing all the time, that women do not care about how much a man earns, what type of car he drives and ext...

Well, I do not know honestly how much that all matters to women, but it matters to me. I am 47, I am looking at retirement very soon... like maybe 50 to 55... so depending on what type of relationship you want to have... you better believe it matters.

So, for me I like to know what they do for a living, where they live what type of things they like to do, what their interests are. All these things will tell you or give you an indication of what type of money they earn. But I have never got into specifics with a woman on her economic status, until the relationship reaches a point where it really matters... and by that time you have already have been to their place, you have ridden in their car, you see how they dress, you know if they are a person of class... so by that time you know if they are a quality person and/or a person of value to you. So, it does not really matter at that point, or you would of never of gotten to that point.

Finchie40 · Answer

Maybe he feels you will lose interest in him if he doesn’t like his income , and he is embarrassed to admit that’s all he is making , Most girls’ love guy’s with status and love to brag about how much her partner makes to her friends , Most guy’s don’t give 2 shits about status when it comes. to a girl he finds beautiful to his eyes that treats him well. Most Girls on the other hand do, they think it’s the most important thing to have a man that makes a shit ton of money , Sadly most girls’ will cheat on her man if she feels he doesn’t make enough , she will spread her legs for another guy that she feels has more status then her partner does. I am not saying every girl does this , but a majority of them do , sadly to say. So he is probably embarrassed and nervous to admit to you , what he actually makes , because he is afraid he might lose you. Look at all these Gold digger girls’ and whores that are prancing around looking for hand outs Females did this to themselves , why so many guy’s today do not want to get married , because most girls’ are selfish these days when it comes to commitment , if she doesn’t get her way she will run to another guy thinking he will save her , she is turned on by that other guy because of his status and what’s inside his wallet. Most girl’s today are never fully happy , they always thin grass is greener on the other side

dynamicyandere · Answer

I believe it’s either he’s poor and doesn’t want you to know, because he’s embarrassed.

Or, perhaps he’s rich, but he wants to make sure that you love him for him and not for his wallet.

Later in the relationship, he may open up about it. But, it would be weird to ask that at the beginning of a relationship.

It’s like if a guy asks a girl how many men has she slept with, it’s a bit personal of a question and can come off the wrong way.

If she wants to share that later, she’ll do it in her own timing.

DishLady · Answer

It depends on your relationship. If you’re just starting out, it’s none of your business. If you’re not on track for a permanent relationship, it’s also none of your business. If you’re in a serious relationship leading to marriage and shared household, then yes it becomes a question just for the purpose of covering joint bills, making a home, etc. The WAY and TIME to reveal it is up to both members of the couple… around the time when I prenup might be discussed is a good time to discuss salaries and any other financials.

coachTanthony · Answer

LOL no it's none of your business... i mean if you know what he does for a living then just google it and get a round about number.

AviatorTom · Answer

In a serious relationship. each partner should share their economics with the other partner. It avoids nasty arguments over money, which is one of the most comment issues in relationships.

LaFemmeFatale_1 · Answer

I just came here to say, display pic of the question got me laughing really hard 🤣🤣

Avicenna · Answer

Not if you keep your finances separate

Anonymous · Answer

The fact that information it is so important to you means this is red flag for him. He should view you with more suspicion for making a big deal about that. I know I would (I make decent money by the way)

You should already have a good idea of what he makes anyway. You can look at his career, how long he has been doing it, if he owns or rents, if he has been divorced, etc.

Now if you two were looking to get married this would be a different story. One of you could end up paying alimony if it doesn’t work out. That’s an appropriate time for that discussion but not when you are just dating.

Honestly I also find it sad, depressing and frankly gross that a grown ass woman 44 year old woman in modern times is making such a big deal about this. Really lady grow up. Quit looking at men as ATM machines with penises. Make your own f*cking money. Western society is literally rolling out the red carpet nowadays (over the top of men) to give women high paying careers.

He must have something going for him giving you are dating him. He probably gives of an appearance of being well off and you are wondering if he’s raking in mega bucks. I doubt you would ask this question (or even date him) if he was a working class average Joe.

If he is doing well then good for him. But he’s smart to keep his mouth shut. He’s probably testing you to see if you are a gold digger. If you are he will figure it out. Most rich guys have radar for that bullshit. So unless he’s 20 years your senior or something I wouldn’t get your hopes up.

SakuraBlossoms87 · Answer

@silver There's many reasons why he's not & many reasons why partners shouldn't.

If you're newly dated you're NOT entitled to the information
If you don't have a job yourself, you're NOT entitled to the information
If you constantly ask him for money, you're NOT entitled to the information

This applies for both women and men.

If the boyfriend/girlfriend contributes little to the relationship then they are not entitled to know how much their partner makes. Because more often than not the contribute little is simply going to leech off the partner like a parasite.

Miristheiss · Answer

Probably because he wants girl who just wants him. Whether his salary is low, average or high... he doesn't want a woman who is hyper focused on his pay. So, he takes that out of the equation. It is his money, not yours. He doesn't want to be with a woman who uses his money as an attraction trigger to decide whether she wants to be with him or not.

The fact you are so concerned about this missing info gives clues you could be the type of girl he is trying to weed out of his dating life.

imtiaz45 · Answer

Whether a boyfriend or girlfriend should disclose their income depends on the nature and stage of the relationship. Open communication and trust are essential, especially in serious or long-term partnerships where finances might impact shared goals, living arrangements, or future planning. In the early stages of dating, privacy is understandable. However, as the relationship progresses, discussing finances can help align expectations and foster mutual understanding. It's important to approach the topic respectfully and considerately, expressing why it matters to you and listening to their perspective. Ultimately, financial transparency can strengthen the relationship and build a foundation of trust.

GoodManDave · Answer

They could be embarrassed by it if it's low (let's say 30k and under), and don't want to tell you if it's six figures (becasue will you then be dating him for the money or the benefit of a man making that money (trips, etc).

If you've been dating three months, then you don't need to know (provided he's able to at least handle paying for some of these dates without going into debt). Now if you're dating for eventual marriage, or you're engaged, then absolutely, there needs to be discussions on how you both handle money, and what he (and you) make. But casual dating or too early, then you don't need to know. There needs to be a level of trust established beforehand.

Kinkyhubby · Answer

While dating, especially in the begin I don't think it is anyone business. But maybe if you been dating for 5 years, planning to move in with each, get engaged or married. Then yes it would be ok to ask.

If some girl ask me how much I make when we first starting dating I would probably end it. She is either looking for you to become a sugar daddy, and pay for everything, or wants to be a gold digger, I would be skeptical of her in the relationship.

Now if she came out and told me what she males and ots more then I make I would have no problem.

BoopBoopBeep · Answer

It's not your business. You're only a girlfriend. I was engaged to a woman that didn't know how much I make because "well above enough" is sufficient. If I can handle the annual bills off a couple month's pay then how, functionally, is your knowledge of the precise spread actionable in any meaningful way?

ta-ra · Answer

Unless you two are married, no either one should have to disclose that.

Now if you guys are getting engaged, and going to spend the rest of your lives together and need to make plans and goals together regarding your finances then yes there should be full disclosure so you guys don't get in over your heads.

WindAtMyBack · Answer

You didn't say how long you've been together. In the early stages, I think it's common, even advisable, to not talk about such things.

"Is it OK to ask your boyfriend how much money he makes?"

NO !!!
Not unless you've been together a very long time and have long term plans. Wait for him to volunteer the info. You'll probably get some vague idea before then though. You should at least be able to figure out if he is dirt poor or not.

Billlewis · Answer

Any time a guy doesn't want to tell you how much he makes, that's an indication that he doesn't plan on spending a lot of money on you, which goes against everything I believe in regarding dating, in general. I believe that the number one reason to date a woman is to spoil her rotten. If I'm successful in accomplishing that, I think everything else will fall into place from there.

Anonymous · Answer

I was with madame-ex for 10 years and, never once did I ask her how much she makes! All she ever told me was that she makes enough in just 2 or 3 nights (about 6 hours a night) to equal what most people make in a week so, she only had to work 2 or 3 nights a week. I doubt she ever asked me how much I was making at any of my jobs but, if she did, I really didn't care if she knew. But, if not knowing is cause for you to break-up then, you're plastic and shouldn't be IN the relationship, to begin with!! You're QUITE shallow, if that's what you base the relationship on!

MisterWack · Answer

Depends on 1. How long you have been dating, 2. Have you told him how much you make, 3. Understanding / Respecting he wants to reserve his privacy especially if he has his own bank account separate from yours.

Could be a fear that if you found out the true number you’d leave him OR that you’d try to steal the money from him which could be insecurities from past relationships / past drama with family or friends.

XXTruthfulOgrexx · Answer

Personally, I never share my income or financial status with anyone I am either dating or in a relationship with. Unless I intend to marry that person has no need to know what my personal finances are.

My own family do not know what my income level is or financial situation. The only 2 other people who know anything about my situation is my CPA that handles my personal business and my financial advisor that helps me with my market trading.

WillowofFeathers · Answer

I don’t see any reason to tell your partner how much you make unless you live together or for some reason share some kind of economy. But if you have a common budget for food or something like that I think that would be a good idea. Then you would know how much each person would be able to contribute to the budget

MrOracle · Answer

It's probably not necessary UNTIL you get to the point where you are considering moving in together or otherwise entangling your finances in some way. At that point, it's necessary to at least know that they make enough to cover their obligations.

provokeesmokee · Answer

It really depends. Some people don't mind, others really mind.

To me, I want to know especially when we have some shared finances like bills. It's important to have a fair split. I've previously out earned my partners, and thus paid proportionally more of our bills.

Plus I think it's important to me to be able to talk openly about finances and money with my partner.

RavVid · Answer

He doesn't trust you with that knowledge. I had a girlfriend who spent all of what she earn't and seemed to have intentions of also spending all of what I earn't.

Maybe you have given your boyfriend the impression you're that type of girlfriend.

thatshydork · Answer

I think it’s fine to ask so long as you respect it if they don’t want to tell you. For a lot of people, myself included, income is a private matter and they were raised that way.

My whole life, I’ve never known how much my mom and dad make, I just know that it’s enough to pay the bills and have a bit of a cushion.

sunflower00 · Answer

I mean I suppose no one has to share how much they make. I just don’t see why not? I feel like it’s kind of important when you live together and split bills.

My partner and I have always known how much the other makes (we’re on very similar pay), and speak to each other about money openly.

WillaRose · Answer

I mean… it depends on your intention I think. It seems crazy to me to keep it a secret BUT, I never felt the need to ask my partner for a number. He showed me that he was a hard worker and would do whatever it took to take care of himself first and take care of me second, just as I tried to do. If you’re dating with the intention of having a long term relationship and want a family one day, I’d think you’d want to know if you and your partner could collectively make enough money to support both of your future goals and dreams… especially if you want to start a family eventually.

Constatine · Answer

Depends on how long you are to getter.. maybe he has a reason for not telling you... so you have to wait till he his ready to tell

A: And he takes his private jet home... 😁

B: And he gets his personal stuff and is ready to sleep in the train station.

So no he should not tell you unless you guys are ready to get married or are together for 4 years.

Maybe he has money and want you to be with him for him and not is money... options enough.. 🙃

rosemilk · Answer

we've always been pretty honest and open in how much we make or any raises we get. i mean, you kind of have to. do you two not live together? or planning on living together? if so, then yes you need to know.

i do think it's weird how he's so secretive. did you two just start dating? under a year of being together? either he's embarrassed or doesn't want to be taken advantage of.

spoiledgirl · Answer

It depends how far in the relationship you guys are. If you are starting to intertwine finances, bills, living together then I feel like a conversation of what you make shouldn’t be that big of a deal.
But if you’re at the point in your relationship where you guys aren’t financially together, I don’t see the big deal in sharing your finances (I feel like my finances is something really personal and will only share that once the relationship is financially intertwined together). But if it bothers you so much just talk to him, if he doesn’t what to share then you just have to respect that his boundaries.

Anonymous · Answer

DuHHH!!!

Why the hell would he hide that from you unless he’s trying to be sneaky 😂 keep secrets. Or he’s buying shit for someone else. Spending money on someone else 😂

DA FUCKKKK. I don’t care if he’s poor or rich. You need to know.

Anonymous · Answer

Most guys I’ve met don’t want to share that kind of info with someone who’s not their wife or is on the verge of becoming their wife. It’s okay to ask your boyfriend what he does for a job, but for a lot of men, asking him what he makes comes across as rude, as if you’re only interested in him for the money.

Phoenix98 · Answer

Nope I’m not entitled to know their income and they aren’t entitled to know mine.

now if we get serious down the line or we’re going to make a serious joint financial purchase or we’re moving together something like then yeah then we can talk.

But unless one of those criteria is met I see no reason to.

glennos89 · Answer

Having secrets for eachother in the relationship for eachother sounds like a relationship In wouldn't wanne be a part off.

If the minor things like finances are already a secret then I don't wanne know what else is been hidden from you 🤷‍♂️

Good luck with that one 🙏🙈

Meropatrick · Answer

Yes they should tell u. Because as a human being u need to know where do you stand in life. Where does ur kids stand in life. In which social status are u. This is very important for ur identity and for tapping into ur oppurtunities. If u know u r poor then u will plan to change that or manage ur budget. If u know u r well off then u will plan ur life accordingly. Not knowing what is ur social status is like not knowing u have cancer. Sooner or later it will mess u up.

DubiousIntentions · Answer

I asked your boyfriend for you, and this is what he said :

Anonymous · Answer

@emyywolf and what if he isn't telling her because he makes a bit of money and she is showing signs of being a gold digger.

You also don't know how long they have been together so maybe it's a new relationship and she doesn't have the right to know that information right now.

Philyouup · Answer

if you’re not living together, we’re planning to get married or establish some long-term committed relationship. I don’t believe it’s any of the other person’s business.

not that it shouldn’t be your business eventually but if you’re just a girlfriend or just a boyfriend, it’s not your business

CaliAttorneyGuy · Answer

Unless it's a serious relationship, engagement, etc., I don't know if it's any of your business, tbh. If it's just early stages or casual dating, then why do you want to know? If it's more serious, then, yeah, you guys should talk about finances at some point.

LiamJHayden · Answer

How long have you dated? Are you living together? Contemplating doing so?

I ask, because I would not reveal my income nor net worth to someone if she and I had only just started dating exclusively. If we were talking about a long term commitment, that would be different.

IslaTheWitch · Answer

I wouldn't ask... I don't need to know... but the rule is simple, if we don't share our incomes, we pay 50/50 for everything, as it's the only fair way

Nifrayu · Answer

I personally would like to know. But I would respect it if my girlfriend didn't want to tell me.

If I had a particularly high income I would not want to share that with my girlfriend. I would rather prevent that from being a factor in my relationship if I could.

Bigmell · Answer

Nope, I knew my girlfriend makes more than me, but it took everything in me to not ask the big question 'how much money you make? My opinion that question gives golddigger, money hungry vibes. I understand for some they want to make sure their partner has their back financially, for me, I wouldn't ask that question. I know you have a job, and I can see what she brings home and tribute to the house I'm Kool with that.

Guido · Answer

We shared all of that kind of info from day one. We have joint bank accounts and know everything about our finances together. It's worked for over 30 years without a problem. We started this long before we were married as soon as we moved in together.

Ramrod15 · Answer

Early in the relationship, it shouldn’t be the other person’s business, but once things start getting serious, and shared finances need to discussed, both people should be open and honest about their income to better work together, especially when living together.

strawberrybaby3 · Answer

I wouldn’t ask unless it would have to become my business. If we were to get married, of course. If we were going to move in together of course. Otherwise I wouldn’t even care or ask.

Anonymous · Answer

Why is it so important to you to know?

Has he had any issue paying for things? Is he treating you poorly? If not, then all you’re doing is snooping. Being curious. And yes moment you know his income you’ll put him on a scale and decide whether he is worth your trouble.

Flatmanlewis · Answer

If you have combined finances, then yes. If you do not have combined finances, then no. If you know what he does for a living then you probably have at least some idea. Private information like that is for spouses, not girlfriends.

Angxl3120 · Answer

Its not a problem if you're close to each other, it doesn't matter who makes more. If he tells you its good if he doesn't tell you it won't mean its not good. Just kèep things positive and love each other

Nikki1989 · Answer

I don't know how much my husband makes. I know he makes decent money, and that is all I know. We never discuss money.

Freeman403 · Answer

This is an easy answer because most people are very nosy. You should not tell them because they will almost definitely tell someone else who will tell someone else. People should be very private about the information that they put out.

If you start telling people how much you make, you're inevitably going to make people feel bad if they make less than you. And when you make people feel bad about their financial situation, you will no longer get their love and support.

Widower123 · Answer

If your boyfriend doesn't trust you enough to tell you how much he makes, that's a red flag. He doesn't trust you and quite possibly you might be giving off a vibe of distrust. For reals, if you're in a relationship and he doesn't want to let you know how much he makes, kick his ass to the curb.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Why do you need to know?

DarkWinterNights · Answer

Unless you’re in a serious relationship and looking to get married, I don’t think either party has any obligation to disclose that. You should be able to tell if they’re at least decent with their finances by dating them.

LazerBean · Answer

You two are not married and probably never will be married, thus it's none of your business.

Nephilim000 · Answer

I think it definitely depends on how far along you are in the relationship. But honesty in these matters and well all others really is important so you can see if your goals align and don't waste each other's time

RingOfFire · Answer

I always try to hide my wealth until I get to know someone much better otherwise I never know if she is after me or my money. It's very hard to trust someone.

Anonymous · Answer

Unless he is married to you.. he doesn’t have to disclose to you how much he makes. You should he liking him and being good with him no matter how much he makes. Just in the same way women want men to not care or even ask how many men she slept with… if that doesn’t matter, how much he makes shouldn’t matter to you.

exitseven · Answer

It is not your business. After you get engaged maybe you can ask. Lets face it if he just making minimum wage he will probably lie about it anyway.

KatherineJ · Answer

If your relationship gets serious, as in discussing marriage or some other permanent thing, then you both need to know what each is bringing into it-both debts and assets. Until then? Why worry about it?

My boyfriend doesn't tell me how much he makes. Should your boyfriend/girlfriend tell you how much they make?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

My boyfriend doesn't tell me how much he makes. Should your boyfriend/girlfriend tell you how much they make?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.