I [32M] & my girlfriend [31] revealed our body count to each other. She is at #27 & I’m at #28. I am a bit bothered by her number. any advice?

[lemillion]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for a year and opened up about our body count. She’s not bothered by it but I am. I know it sounds hypocritical since we’re close in number but I’ve never been in a serious relationship with someone so close to mine and I do not like it. She slept with 20 men before her first serious relationship at the age of 24. I only got my numbers because I had my “hoe phase” last year after the end of a long relationship in which I slept with 18 women in a year. It feels ridiculous to say but if I met her last year I would have not dated her because her count would have been way too high when compared to mine back then. I don't know why I’m bothered by this. She is also the first person I actually would like to marry and already have a ring ready for her but I can’t get on my knee and ask until I’m over this if that’s possible. P. s we just started couple’s therapy because I told her this bothered me and we both thought it’ll be a healthy way to figure it out. Also we’re located in NYC which I think lead to our high numbers.

[Matadorius]

There's nothing to be bothered. You two got a fair share of history, got together and happy for being together. There's no need to look back. It will only let you not see the obstacles on your road. You are her man and she is your woman. Drink the last sip of your whiskey, wash your face, prepare your ring and finish the job. Period.

[lemillion]

Yours right. Thanks bro

[lemillion]

You’re right. Thanks bro**

[Matadorius]

You're welcome bro. Don't hesitate to pm if you need

[Billlewis]

I think you should be thankful that she was honest with you about it.

[lemillion]

I know. I just I reacted like a child.

[Billlewis]

Considering how close in age you are, her number actually isn't all that high, because she's a woman.

[lemillion]

I’ve heard older people say that before but tbh I don’t truly understand why? I’m assuming it’s the theory that women can get sex when and where ever meanwhile a man has to work for it in a way? I was told women have the control over sex and men have control of when to marry a woman.

[Billlewis]

If she's 31, that means she's been having sex for about 13 years or so. Divide 31 by 13, and you'll see that it's not very many times.

[lemillion]

Yes, we both lost it at 17 meaning we average 2 a year i guess. Thank you for your response

[Billlewis]

No problem. I just started following you and I'd like to invite you to follow me as well if you want.

[lemillion]

Just did. Thanks

[MzAsh]

This illustrates why I believe it’s best for couples to not discuss this. However, that cat’s already out of the bag so my question to you is… What underlying beliefs or fears are driving the discomfort you feel about your girlfriend’s past, especially when you’ve had a similar history?

[Apple1996]

y'all basically have the same number... how could you be mad about that? Seems pretty even

[lemillion]

Exactly what I’m saying and why I’m so frustrated at myself.

[Apple1996]

Seems like a insecurity thing

[lemillion]

You think so? Hmmm

[Apple1996]

Yes maybe you feel like she has to much experience and will compare you to another man. You won't be good enough type of feeling. I think a lot of men feel that way

[lemillion]

Nah, I feel like I’m the best she’s had or at least close to it. I feel disgusted with her number if anything which is hella hypocritical

[Apple1996]

If she's clean then there's no reason to be disgusted

[lemillion]

She is clean. Thank you for your input. I really appreciate it ☺️

[elizamichale1]

dont u think u r being hypocrite n u r having double standards huhh... u r judging her but excusing n justifying urself... did u ask her how did she feel about u or would she accept u n all huhh...
also a body count is nothing honey it doesn't even matter at all

[LazerBean]

Just keep reminding yourself that you are not any better than her.

[lemillion]

I don’t think I’m better than her. I actually think the opposite. She’s a much better person than me. I judge her heavily on her count yet she doesn’t do the same and instead tries to fix it for me. I can only wish to be so benevolent

[LazerBean]

Well I hope the couples therapy helps y'all out, it sounds like she would be a good wife to you.

[Anemone978]

This is why you should only discuss these things in the beginning not once you are so far in and in love.. you made a stupid choice to find out but I don't see the big deal since you both had hoe phases.. You seem like you suit each other so just accept it and if you really love her it will just come naturally..

[lemillion]

Are you being mean when you say we suit each other cause of our past? Just curious

[Anemone978]

I just mean because you are close in number you must have similar personalities and considering you wanted to marry her.. you must suit each other.. so I say just try to accept it..

[lemillion]

You’re right. We’re similar in almost every way besides religion but that’s another story lol

[Anemone978]

Uh Oh religion actually plays a big part in a relationship.. I didn't think it would but it really does so watch out for that..

[lemillion]

Oh we know lol. We’re lucky my Christian family and her Muslim on are progressive and approve our relationship

[Anemone978]

LOL well considering she is Muslim and is allowed to marry you and she got around a lot I suppose it shouldn't matter too much.. My husband is Muslim and he changed since we started dating.. and our kids had to be Muslim too..

[lemillion]

I’m sorry her changed on you. She did tell me when her mother passes she doesn’t mind converting if I really wanted it but tbh idc. As long as the kids believe in one God & are kind to people I’ll be happy

[lemillion]

I’m sorry to hear he changed on you*

[Anemone978]

Yeah that sounds good.. it's nice you both agree :D

[LiamJHayden]

Her promiscuous phase was further in the past than yours. Let it go.

[lemillion]

Thank you for your response. You’re right. I’m working on it

[HelpfulWoman]

You're bothered by her number... when she's still less than you?
Double standards and a hypocritical bitch boy much?

[Iron_Man]

How long did it take you to actually find that out?

[lemillion]

Early on into dating. By the third month. Didn’t bother me until now since we’re starting to plan our life together. Planing to get engaged at the end of the year

[Iron_Man]

What will you do though

[catarecute]

simple advice, grow up!