Is it worth giving my girlfriend a second chance?

[Anonymous]

This is the second time this has happened, we’ve been together just over a year. Our relationship is amazing otherwise. We’ve worked on so many things through our relationship, mainly her due to her past. She does recognize if she has a fault, is open to listen and will work on it. Never had this type of communication with anyone else I’ve dated and I feel as if I can be my true self around her. Recently she ran into some life problems, ex not paying child support, unhappy with work, stress at home, finances, etc. All of this mirrored on our relationship, she began distancing herself and closing off to me. I’ve always encouraged her to be open with me, if something bothers her, be upfront. I knew she was holding back on what was bothering her until last night. She didn’t see a future together based on different life experiences. I told her comparing life experiences are ridiculous, not everyone have the same opportunities in life or experience the same things. Needless to say the end result was her breaking up. The first time it happened, she was pushing me away and said it was based on her kids not being ready for her to date so I decided to call it quits. This time around she also admitted saying she doesn’t feel like herself lately around me and her kids also noticed that. But I also said her kids are too young to understand dating (this is her first relationship since her divorce that her kids have been exposed to). Today we had a good talk in person because I was picking up my stuff. We both deeply love each other, and she admitted that what she’s going through right now could potentially be projecting on our relationship. She never intended for what was said last night to come out. She said she felt pressured in the moment and is massively regretting it. My one close friend is saying to run, however he can have jaded views. I’ve never seen her hurt so much until today and it breaks my heart. She has her faults but deep down is an amazing person.

[Anonymous]

I honestly think her mind’s all over the place bcs of the stress so she might not be in the right mindset for a relationship right now. But it seems that she has a tendency to close herself off when she’s stressed… She needs to realize that and make an effort to not entirely distance yourself from you, she needs to communicate that she needs space and you will need to be very understanding and patient with her. So if you’re up for it, and if she’s willing to communicate then I’d say give it another chance.

[Asker]

Thank you. She has a load on her plate so I totally get why she is stressed and she has every right to be. I was worried about it at the start and tried to keep her spirits up. She said not long ago that she was so grateful for me being supportive regardless of the situation. She knows I'm patient, I never want her to feel pressured. I always give her time and she'll come around.

[Opinion Owner]

That’s awesome of you. I hope she’ll also learn to unlearn her tendency to push people away when she’s undergoing a lot of stress… I’ve seen a lot of relationships fall apart bcs one person just keeps pushing away the other without communicating clearly and the other person eventually got tired

[WhitneySnow]

If she wants to get back together with you, you should give her another chance. Anyone can say things they don’t mean in the heat of the moment.

[AviatorTom]

There are issues in any relationship. The question one must ask always oneself is this: "Am I willing to put with the issues, try to work through them... or do I think I deserve better and I think I can find better somewhere else?"

Your answer to that will tell you if she gets a second chance or not.

[Asker]

Thank you. Well the previous stuff we've worked on together, she has gotten through. She was never a cuddler until she met me, she's never been comfortable in bed until me. For the most part, if something bothers her, she'll speak up, there's rarely ever a guessing game. I've never had this in previous relationships. Right now we are still talking, both of us miss each other like crazy. She admitted she is worried about hurting me because she loves me so much. I know she is being truthful.

[HippoDino]

It sounds like she does want it to work and seems to be in a bad place mentally. If you are willing to put up with that which sounds like you are, then I wouldnsay go for it.

[Asker]

Thank you. We've been talking ever since and had some excellent dialogue. I do want to help her through it as I know she's worth it.

[Avicenna]

If she isn't reliable, don't stick around

[Asker]

Thank you. She's reliable otherwise, I can always depend on her and she's supportive in other aspects of life.

[Drewtate]

Get out of there. Have sex with her for a while. You are Mr right now not Mr right, there was probably another guy in the running that you didn't know about but it didn't work out. She thinks she can do better than you. The more you try to help her and the more you do for her the less she respects you and the more she takes you for granted.

[Asker]

No other guys in the running, she's always been open with me. She actually never officially dated after divorce until me. She never wanted a future with someone until I came long. Our relationship even started out as a fling.

[VictorMachiavelli]

It’s hard to say without knowing more about your situation.

What did you have to work on due to her past?

Do you live together?

[Asker]

We don't live together but did spend a load of time together. Probably more than most couples. Her ex was abusive (not physically) so it's made her very reserved and in the mindset of never wanting a future together with someone. However with me, she does like the idea of marriage and having someone to grow old with. She was at the start uncomfortable about her body image, sleeping problems, emotions, even saying "I love you" was hard because she was scared. Our relationship originally started out as a fling and in no time we did fall for each other hard.

[CaliAttorneyGuy]

If a girl ghosts you/needs space, it’s time to move on. If she reaches back out, then it’s up to you to decide if she’s worth giving a second chance. Most people don’t change especially as they get older.

[Asker]

She has changed and evolved a lot in our relationship. I'm really proud of what she's accomplished. I've dated women with problems before and I will admit, it rarely ever gets better. How she's different. We have continued to talk, she admitted she panicked to her friends of what she did. Both of us miss each other like crazy and she doesn't want me to leave her life.

[DextroShade]

Bruh, WTF are you doing? Unless you are a single dad single mothers are recreational use only! Her life is a fucking mess and she's dragging you down into the shit with her. You should listen to your friend, he is trying to save your life!

[Asker]

I don't have any children and have decided not to have any. I've dated a lot of women and she is worlds different than all the others. I wouldn't say she's dragging me down either.

[nawtee_me]

If this is the second time then it is her third chance….

[Anonymous]

Yes, give it to her

[Asker]

Thank you.

[BoopBoopBeep]

She needs a world of therapy.

[Asker]

I disagree. Her ex was abusive (not physically) so it's created a lot of hang ups in life for her. And with him still being in her life due to kids, he still continues to have a toxic attitude.

[boobliker]

not at all.

[SUMAIREBRAHIM]

No bro