Autistic people! Can you relate to this?

[Juxtapose]

Long story short, years ago I had a girlfriend who was jealous of my female friend. I told this girlfriend very specifically I have autism and she needs to be direct with me. I made it clear what my disability entails so even a small child could understand.

I then ask her later on if it's okay for me to hang out with my female friend. Doing so is a huge courtesy and is in no way necessary on my part since I don't need permission to befriend anyone.

She says it is okay and I double check and remind her that I need her to be direct if she is not okay with it. She reaffirms that it is okay and wishes me a good time.

A few hours later I go to talk to her and she says we are breaking up because I couldn't tell she was not okay with it. This was ALL through text by the way which even neurologically normal men have trouble deciphering and a lot of perfectly normal men have trouble deciphering women in person as well.

So autistic people, how relatable is this for you? How often do you get people who just flat out don't understand that your disability isn't a joke? We don't say we have a disability just for shits and giggles, we don't say it to get pity. It's a genuine fucking disability just as much as being blind is and we are trying to help you normal chuckleheads understand us so you don't feel like you are bashing your head up against the wall.

Officer Chambers walking away from nonsense.

[NamerOfStars]

I think a pretty appalling number of men- autist or allist- can relate. You make yourself clear and unambiguous, repeatedly explaining that your condition makes her hard to read, and you want to be certain, then she gets angry anyway because you couldn't read her mind.

Unpleasant as it is, you're better off without her.

[BoopBoopBeep]

You dodged a bullet brother

[YAsQuen]

+1
...

[Telekinetic-Potato]

Dam bro, I'm sorry to hear that. To be blunt, it sounds like she had her own problems too and that her attachment to the relationship wasn't very strong. I would venture to say not because of anything you did.

Most woman who behave like this are incredibly indecisive and insecure. You should be looking for someone who values the relationship enough not to experiment with it by being indirect about things that matter to you.

I don't think it has much to do with your autism. Unless there was something happening before this situation which changes things.

[Juxtapose]

I brought this scenario up because things like this are common but usually on a lesser scale. I was not into attached to the woman and it happened close to 10 years ago.

Crazy ass bitch haha.

[Juxtapose]

*not too attached to the woman

[Unit1]

Not autistic (or so i believe). She has communication and social skill issues. It's a pretty common thing. First she lays out a trap and then pushes you into it and makes you feel like it's your fault.

Forget about this crazy bitch. She deserves to be used for sex only.

[Exterminatore]

I think even non autistic men can relate to these types of experiences with women. Women are subtile in their communication. They usually aren’t direct and explicit.

[YAsQuen]

hear me out for a second.

Have u considered that the whole autistic stick (not talking non verbal/extreme cases) is just a psy op to normalize lying in society even more?

Oh you can't handle it when people aren't direct. You must be mentally defect since society is perfect.

Ik Ik u have other symptoms too. Just something i wanted to throw out there.

I might have it. Not diagnosed. BUT I HATE THE CONSTANT LIES.

[Juxtapose]

It is a well-documented medical condition that has been through scientific consensus. I was diagnosed by professionals and specialist at age 5 in the best facilities money could buy in the USA.

[Juxtapose]

*specialists

[Juxtapose]

And it has made a very profound impact on my life from day one. The entire reason why my parents took me to be looked at was because I was behaving abnormally.

[Juxtapose]

You don't know what it looks like to have to be taught how to maintain eye contact and all these other social rules that you take for granted and are just gifted to you by intuition and instinct.

[YAsQuen]

I mean ur assuming that my parents would care if i was lacking in social development.
Ur assuming that i dont have any symptoms.

No need to get fuzzy mah dude. Thats how they get you. Indoctrinate them early so that the sunk cost fallacy won't allow them to think otherwise.
Im not commenting on the validity of your diagnosis.

wouldn't u say that ads is being overdiagnosed nowadays? Just like adhd. Again not saying those are not real.

[Juxtapose]

You're almost 30 man, you can go to a doctor and get a diagnosis if you really have it.

And if you did have it then you would understand that it is not a psyop, it is just as real as being blind.

[Juxtapose]

[YAsQuen]

im actually 23 and i generally tend to keep away from aspie threads as to (in my opinion) not get sucked into it. I heard all of it and i can relate. Im at least neurodivergent.

I mean its not like ur getting medication right? Its all about being straightforward with those around you. Or do you cope with speech therapy aswell?

[Juxtapose]

I had someone literally follow me around in school that was called an ed tech, I got held back a year and I received some special classes and therapies to help integrate me into normal society.

Nah I hate big pharma and I don't need that bullshit.

[YAsQuen]

Ya im just not sure that all that they are doing is helpfull is all. But well never know obviously.

[YAsQuen]

im not saying its a straight up hoax

[Juxtapose]

I was also exempted from learning a second language. I needed every bit of help I got and then some, I was NOT okay.

Growing up feeling like a total alien and being unable to connect to people around you really necessitates a lot of special socialization. If I was not socialized properly I would have grown up to be very, very bitter.

[YAsQuen]

No second language? man that sucks sorry to hear that. Never to late to look into Spanish.

Ya i dont know if i was socially isolated cuz im *alien* or just random happen stance/parenting.

ya i know someone like that. Being all bitter and having no clue what a societism is. Woman. Maybe thats why she didn't get diagnosed early.

[Juxtapose]

Being autistic impacts you socially as much as being blind impacts you physically.

[Juxtapose]

But people can't see autism so they think it's fake.

[RealMarek]

I have met more than one woman who dated autistic men because they were tired of mind games and appreciated the honesty.

[KC-Sunbeam]

Autistic here. People regularly treated me like crap & didn't want to understand. Not I live like a hermit. To hell with them.

[OddBeMe]

Maybe don’t act like a little bitch about your “autism”. Real people with real problems don’t ask for special treatment.

[Juxtapose]

Are you trolling? I already told you how I was diagnosed and had my diagnosis reaffirmed by the best professionals money could buy.

I'm not asking for "special" treatment either. I am literally trying to HELP you normal people save yourselves a giant headache trying to get me to play social games I do not understand.

[OddBeMe]

I’m being serious. I’m tired of fcks using their “disability” as a crutch.

Doctors are better now at putting people on the autism spectrum and expanded its meaning. I don’t know your issues, besides getting really conservative sometimes.

But you told a date right off you were autistic? Sounds like you want special treatment, FUCK THAT.

[Juxtapose]

Nah man I had talked to her for a few days before starting to date. It's an important part of my life and it's something that people should be aware of so I'm not going to take a super long time to share it.

I'm not asking for much, just to not bring me into social mind games like I detailed in the question. I engage you just fine and don't ask for any special treatment from you because you are pretty direct from me no?

[OddBeMe]

Social mind games? You mean life?

[Juxtapose]

I was first diagnosed in 1994 by the way, not too long after some basic treatment options were just starting to become available.

[Juxtapose]

Haha no not at all. My family and friends do not play those games with me and know better than to try.

[OddBeMe]

I don’t need your life story bruh. I’ve spent too much time talking to you here that I know you’re intelligent and articulate. That you do have days of weird right wing extremism…fine.

So unless you’re like a guy with cerebral palsy or Rain Man, I don’t think you need to care so much about “dropping this bomb” lol

[Juxtapose]

This mean below really encapsulates this interaction:

[Juxtapose]

*meme

[OddBeMe]

Did I say I didn’t beleive you were autistic? I’m saying IT doesn't MATTER. Deal with it like we do all our problems. Your autism is not worse than my depression or vice versa. It’s just life. Deal with it.

And I love that we’re adding yet another label to blame our problems on… Neurotypicals

[Juxtapose]

I personally just call normal people.. normal. I agree with you on that.

But either way neither of us know what it's like to be the other. I don't think I was normalish for awhile and I will always be different in how I think.

Depression is a bitch and like autism a potential long term partner should eventually be made aware of it.

[Juxtapose]

My primary point is that I am trying to help normal people not frustrate themselves. I don't like mind games and that girlfriend didn't listen to me. It was years ago but the best example I personally had of a person who should have understood me better. I have no ill will towards her but I think her behavior was odd 🤷

[OddBeMe]

And my opinion, you’re trying to get your dates or friends to give you extra slack for being autistic.

[Juxtapose]

Well since you love credentialism so much, your opinion means jack shit when compared to my doctor's. You have no idea what you are talking about, you don't know me and in the first message you posted here you seem to have doubt the validity of autism as a valid medical diagnosis. Having depression, you should know better. How many times have people told you your disorder is not real? That you just have to smile or do something and you will be fine and you have just been lied to..

[Juxtapose]

Like literally read my fucking question again dude. I fucking describe a scenario where I am utterly blameless and had no way of knowing that this woman I was with would have a problem with me hanging out with a friend.

Frankly even normal people shouldn't deal with that kind of nonsense. If you ask somebody if something is okay and they say yes but really mean no, they are not someone worthy of fucking with you.

[Juxtapose]

And if you're on the side of that woman and think I'm demanding special treatment or whatever, this says quite a lot about you. I am asking for very basic accommodations just like a blind person would ask for very basic accommodations.

And if you say my autism isn't as real as I am saying? Well then your depression is not as real as you say. Two can play at that game mother fucker.

[OddBeMe]

No one does or would have a problem hanging out with a guy on the Austism spectrum unless he kept bringing it up every half hour to make sure “we were cool with it”. AGAIN you are using it to get slack from people.

And I’m appalled you think I discount autism or mental handicaps as my brother is handicapped yet doesn’t go around talking about it like fucks do.

[Juxtapose]

"Maybe don’t act like a little bitch about your “autism”. Real people with real problems don’t ask for special treatment."

That's diminishing my very real disability when all I am asking is for people to say what they mean if they don't want a headache.

I have never asked you for special treatment because you're not playing social games with me. You're being straight up.

And no lol I don't mention it every 30 minutes. I don't know where you're getting these assumptions from, are you projecting other people's behaviors on me?

[OddBeMe]

Sorry you feel it’s diminishing. It was prob harsher than I shoulda wrote. But you are trying to get people to give you slack for your autism. Just deal with your shit like a man.

[Juxtapose]

Haha okay so I should have read the bitch's mind which is something even normal people can't do and I should just pretend I do not have a debilitating disability : )

[Juxtapose]

@HappyWoman34 does this seem reasonable for an autistic person to be expected to do in your eyes?

[HappyWoman34]

Asperger’s is a real, debilitating disability for people who are not mild. For mild cases like me, it’s not too hard, but still a lot more confusing and more overwhelming than it is for neurotypicals. They will never fully understand our experiences. Just like we will never fully understand them.

[OddBeMe]

Read her mind, what? You think there’s active hate against autistic people? No, just people who try to use their issues as a crutch.

[OddBeMe]

@HappyWoman34 and those who use Asperbergers like a crutch? This guy famously tried using his cerebral palsy to get out of charges of being pedo. (Not saying Jux is one). I just have people using crutches.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=pntr61gDEU4&t=4943s

[HappyWoman34]

I see both your points and there’s accuracy to both your statements. I’ve known people who use Asperger’s as an excuse for bad behaviour and choose to be defined by their label and I’ve met people who really do struggle with a lifelong disability. We vary by how hard it is, but it’s still harder to be autistic than non autistic. It’s common to complain about it a bit, to let off steam.

[OddBeMe]

@HappyWoman34 totally agreed.

[Juxtapose]

I am not asking for much when I tell people don't expect me to be a mind reader.

[Juxtapose]

If you want something from me then communicate like an adult.

[OddBeMe]

That basic communication. Why bring your autism into it?

[Juxtapose]

Cus people will doubly know that I am best delt with directly and some know autistic people enough to get a general idea of me.

People with autistic kids, friends, etc can see it in me by how I act.

[OddBeMe]

No one fcking cares how to best deal with you. We act as we’re brought up, hopefully respectful, but not always.

You are trying to demand some extra respect or something. Do you see me saying “Everyone give me a break because of my bipolar?” That would be asinine.

[Juxtapose]

lol and yet you are for affirmative action you hypocrite.

[Juxtapose]

If you don't respect people's disabilities at a basic level then you're an asshole. You'd be the type to get mad at a deaf person for not turning around when you say their name.

[OddBeMe]

Who said I didn’t? And there’s evidence of disabled and minority workers being shown the door by employers. So AA is the only option there.

All I’m saying is advice: maybe don’t make it about your disability.

[Juxtapose]

When my ex had schizophrenic episodes at work where she ended up having seizures and I went to get her, they never complained about her making it about her disability. She took the time she needed and went back to work.

I don't ask for much but it IS relevant to my disability. Some people like the safety of indirect communication because it leaves room for plausible deniability but when interacting with me it's going to save you a lot of headaches if you are just direct.

There were times at my last job where co-workers took specific note of my disability when a crying baby would come to my line because they are aware of my sensitivity to sound. People would offer to switch registers with me and I didn't even ask for that. Don't be an asshole.

[OddBeMe]

You two should have a reality show. Lol

The amount of time you're taking trying to convince of me of your disability woes should be evidence you’re wanting special treatment. “Ooh don’t break up with me, I’m autistic.”

[Juxtapose]

I'm trying to see if I can get through to you but obviously you're more interested in throwing ad hominem attacks than actually engaging. I should have known by your stupid response to my obviously unfair situation that you would have no sense of fairness or good faith in discussing this with me.

I'm done with this conversation.