I feel like I am losing feelings and trust for my boyfriend after a misunderstanding and I don't know what to do about it.
I was recently put out of work because I was covering maternity leave at my last job and the lady I was covering for obviously came back. They said they loved having me but didn't have a permanent position for me. I had been trying to find my next job the entire time, knowing this was likely, but the job market is terrible here and I wasn't successful.
My boyfriend has been hyping up this job with his aunt at a big company that would also allow me to move out and just making it sound like a dream... for literally 6 months straight! But he never asked her to interview me and when I asked if I could have a contact to just apply on my own without his aunt's help, he couldn't do that either. He REALLY got my hopes up.
I am in the final interview stages for two jobs currently, he kept telling me not to be hard on myself but I know it bothers him. For the past few months since I became unemployed, he only sees me once a week or every two weeks, regularly takes hours and hours to even read my texts, and hasn't told me he loves me in over a month. He flakes on plans last minute, is late a lot, and gets my hopes up for things that he doesn't follow through with, like a birthday getaway (that was in July).
I feel more lonely than I did when I was single! Today he flaked on me again but said he has a whole long weekend dedicated to us... but I don't believe him, I don't trust his word anymore. I never asked him to make all these promises, so it feels like I'm being strung along. He asked if we'd have lots of cuddles and sex this weekend so I felt like that's the only reason he wants to see me and said "maybe."
We ended up talking about it and he said he was giving me space to work on getting a job but all it did was make me sad and overthink, I thought he wanted to break up so he was neglecting me hoping that eventually I'd just do it!
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It's normal you feel that way since this has been happening for months, so it kind of feels like more than just a misunderstanding. And it takes time for the lost trust to go back.
Since you've talked to him about it (assuming you discussed everything needed, and voices your concerns and needs - if you didn't, you should), I would give it a bit of time to see if he'll go to your usual pattern. If he does, give it a bit more time for the trust to grow back (but if you act any differently, and you probably will, also tell him this is only because he broke your trust, that you understand this was a misunderstanding and believe you can get back on track, but it will take some time for that to happen). You'll see with time if your trust is growing or not. And if je doesn't change, then the best thing is to let go
Thank you for the advice. I think I honestly have to let go. This has been a cycle and I can't withstand the pain and dissappointment anymore. I've communicated so carefully and logically and it hasn't made a difference.
"he only sees me once a week or every two weeks, regularly takes hours and hours to even read my texts" - this is concerning, you should talk about it, if he still flakes than there are bigger issues and I don't know if this relationship of yours can last
I have talked about it with him but I don't know if he realises ow much it hurts me. He says he wants forever with me but I can't bear feeling this lonely and neglected forever! He thinks it will naturally get easier when we live together but I don't want to live with him if this is the foundation it's being built on.
you need to work on your communication, there is no other way
Yeah the communication isn't working. It's like begging a brick wall to listen to my well-thought out and organized points. He just sent me an Andrew Tate video about how if a woman doesn't appreciate your generosity then you should punish her by ignoring her. I think it's over.
Andrew Tate is definitely a red flag
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