Is it acceptable to start a relationship with someone, commit to them, love them but also say they need to loose weight before having sex together?

[lgh1998]

Basically is it wrong to be in a relationship with someone because you love them for who they are but refuse to be intimate until they loose weight? Feel like its a sensitive situation 🤔 or should you never start a relationship with them in the first place? Or tell them that they need to loose weight before a relationship?

Updates

+1 y

Ok so maybe not worded it the best but the situation is... after being in a relationship for about a year I realised that we werent having enough sex and that is because after initially thinking me being a bit out of shape didn't bother her when having sex she realised that it did and from then on shyd away from it until I realised and now am trying to loose weight. But my question is probably, should she break up with me or trust me to loose weight?

[Anonymous]

No it’s not. Unless you love and accept them as they are you shouldn’t date or enter a relationship with them. You don’t commit to a relationship with someone on the condition that they change.

[Anemone978]

Sounds stupid.. if someone came to me with that, I would say nah i'm not losing weight.. so there is the door.. I rather be alone than be with someone who isn't attracted to me 100%

[lgh1998]

But if you have always tried to loose weight and never succeded would your stance be different?

[Anemone978]

I am over weight and all I can say is if you don't want me then stay the fuck away from me..
A guy who wouldn't fuck me fat I would defo not let him fuck me skinny.. lol

[lgh1998]

Again... maybe didn't explain it the best but it wasn't until we had sex (were fully naked together and in weird and probably unflattering positions) that she realised that she wasn't very attracted to me. She didn't think he's overweight but ill go out with him anyway it was already too late by the time she realised

[Anemone978]

Still I would not be with someone like that.. regardless if they thought I was one way.. she could see you.. she also seen you naked before sex happened so, yeah not someone I would want to be with.. all I hear is excuses for someone who would drop you for a hotter guy if he wanted her...

[lgh1998]

We didn't see eachother naked before sex but ok I get you thanks for answering

[Anemone978]

You two didn't take each others clothes off? Where you in the dark? Has she never hugged you with clothes on?
Seems a bit petty to feel differently about someone without clothes on... unless you were wearing slimmers or something to hold your fat back.. lol

[Anemone978]

Clearly if that is the excuse they never actually loved you.. lol

[lgh1998]

Well didn't take clothes off infront of eachother until the first time we had sex and tbh I dont like my body naked but with clothes on they seem to hide a lot. My T shirt kind of hangs off my chest so you dont see my belly, i have a big arse which kind of helps concel my lovehandles. I dont really try to hide it properly it is just kind of hides itself but I see what you mean. Surely she would be able to tell? But I dunno maybe she just never thought about it in clothes but yeah this is why I asked the question because after thinking about it I wonder if I should be with her. Just can't imagine not having her in my life and if I did loose weight we would both be happy so yeah maybe I could stay even if just to loose weight for selfish reasons. But I dont have to because I do love her. I should probably add that she's not a hypocrit... like her in terms of weight and beauty is way out of my leauge but we met online and got to know eachother first and kind of fell inlove before even meeting almost

[Anemone978]

Well that is your call.. I don't see it working out even if you were to lose weight but if you want to try it out, you will feel better regardless of if it works out or not because you will look better!

[BoopBoopBeep]

No that's stupid. You could be waiting forever for them to get in shape when obviously it's not something that is important to them, so all you're doing is committing to celibacy.

[bededazzle]

it would probably hurt the other person quite a lot. i think you would have to live them as they are. it’s also a demand, which is pretty much never good to make.

[bededazzle]

based on your update i think it’s more about your take on things. for instance, is it your own goal to lose weight too? don’t do it just for her. it’s good that she can be honest with you. should she break up with you? personally i think it is kind of a harsh thing to do to someone you love, but it’s up to her

[lgh1998]

Yeah I do 100% want to loose weight and trying to use that as motivation as best I can. But I also want sex, but I also would never fkrce anything and just try not to mention it until I feel she actually finds me attractive but its pretty confusing and im not even sure what to fo really

[bededazzle]

well, is your weight loss something you can kind of work on together then? that’s kind of cool if your motivations align and it could be great for your health! lol of sex was a direct motivator for me too, i would probably work out more! just saying, if it were me, i would NOT dump you but support you

[lgh1998]

Thanks a lot for your answer

[bededazzle]

i wish you the best of luck. you got this :)

[MissBoogus]

No, you shouldn’t do that. Be attracted first. And the likelyhood that the person will change is low.