I checked my girlfriend's phone (I know I shouldn't have) and I realized she cheated with me (during an open period of our relationship) What to do?

[Anonymous]

Context here. We have been together for three years, and during the first section of our relationship, she talked me into an open relationship because she felt the need to explore further (I am his first serious boyfriend). I agreed because I didn't feel it was a bad idea, however, we established a core of ground rules: -1 No emotional involvement, only physical.-2 Complete transparency.-3 We both had a veto to stop it whenever they felt like it. During an exchange year, she started seeing a guy who, to my sense, was very much developing affection towards her: the guy did paintings on her, they met very frequently, and overall, I felt that she was distancing from me. I signaled my discomfort, and she said she would stop seeing the guy, while assuring me that nothing emotional had happened between them, and that he hadn't seen the guy in months. She also proposed to close the relationship, to which I agreed. Almost a year had passed, and she showed very strong signs of regret from that experience, overcompensating from what had happened, which made me alarm again: if nothing had happened, why did she feel so bad? Temptation took over me, and I checked her phone: I saw that she had erased the chat with the guy on one platform, just before a couple of weeks we had spent together during her gap year. In another platform, however... They shared clear signs of affection, saying "I love you" to each other, sharing ideas for their time in bed, and overall having a much closer and constant relationship she had initially told me they had. I don't know what to do.

[Oliverlogan263]

Man, that really sucks dude. Finding out she lied like that would totally mess with my head.

I think at this point you gotta have a serious talk with her. Lay it all out there - what you saw, that she broke the rules you agreed on, that she lied to you for so long. See what she has to say for herself.

Personally, I don't know if I could trust her after that. Who knows what else she's not telling you. But maybe she has a good explanation and you guys can work through it somehow.

Definitely think long and hard about whether you want to stay with her after this. Betrayal like that is really tough to get past. Make sure she's really committed to fixing it before you decide.

And don't be afraid to end it if that's best for you. You don't deserve to be wondering or stressing all the time. Take some time to figure out what you want, with or without her. Just do what's right for you, bro. You'll get through this.

[DannyUk2017]

Just... RUN... You 2 are DONE HERE!. Open relationship or not i still stand by that line... A cheater Always a Cheater!.
She Got the Taste for Other Meat! So i'm afraid you're burned here, as if is was for you to Fuck other women, she would be Fuming!

[MzAsh]

When a woman develops feelings for a guy, she’s going to explore them if she has the opportunity. The regret of not doing so would have ended your whole relationship with her and she’d likely have just left you to see him. I think agreeing to open your relationship but putting a cap on emotional attachment is completely unrealistic and out of touch with how women operate, and that’s speaking to both of you.

[Anonymous]

How can it be cheating when you agreed to it being open?

[Asker]

She broke the rules we initially agreed (emotional involvement).

[Tim2nice]

One can’t help that. You can’t control emotions. Don’t be childish

[FunkyMonkee]

Not a damn thing! You weren't seeing each other, at the time so, why would it matter?
I don't understand how this works. You decided to sort of break up for a while and, while you're apart, one of you fucks somebody else. Then you get back together and you think they cheated on you when you weren't even together at the time?

[Anonymous]

Discovering infidelity can be a difficult and emotional experience. It's important to approach the situation with care and communication. Consider having an honest conversation with your girlfriend about what you discovered, expressing your feelings and concerns. Discuss the breach of trust and evaluate whether rebuilding the relationship is possible, based on open communication and understanding. Seek counseling if needed to navigate the challenges together.

[bededazzle]

i'd probably tell her what you did and go from there. prepare for her to be upset. of course, you must be upset too.

[slatyb]

"during an open period" So how was that cheating? Do nothing.

[Iron_Man]

Those things never work out. What did you expect? You should have never gotten involved with her when she said that

[Tharithi]

How is cheating possible in a open period

[Asker]

She broke the rules we initially agreed (emotional involvement). There is more info in the text below