Is it okay for my husband to have female friends at work but he doesn’t allow me to have male friends at work?

[Anonymous]

My husband and I have been together for 10 years outside of our marriage. Recently I have been noticing he’s been keeping in touch with his female coworker through texts and calls. She does not work around him anymore and works in a different department. Upon asking him about the situation, he said it is all casual friendship. But when I’m at work, he doesn’t want me to talk to other men in the work environment or have friends. Working in a factory with the vast majority of coworkers being male, I find that almost impossible. I’m not allowed to text or call another man work related because he thinks it’s not right. I’ve never made him question my loyalty but he’s made me question his many times. It’s gone to the point where we continue to disagree on the subject So should I be okay with him doing it but for me to be prohibited from it? What would be the best way to address the situation?

[Chevy1_kb]

Well it wasn't ok for my ex to have friends that where girls because he basically slept with them and pretended they where his friends I mean I member one time he showed me one of them that's a friend in his phone when he was drunk pictures of out sea life centre with her but not took me on outings so I said your taking your friend that's a girl out but not me pathetic prick your not much of a boyfriend are you Nd all I do is be fucking nice to you he always said he would go out places with me but changed his mind on the point of doing it but went out with them asshole and a friend that was girl he showed me naked pics of her she sent him on his phone he said at one point she had nice tits in one a said wit you all about am your girlfriend Nd your saying that a also mentioned that why do u still keep them in your phone if your not interested and she's just a friend and then he said she knew about me and when he phoned her I said tell her I said hello but he kept muting the phone so I knew she didn't know about me and he was cheating so I didn't like him having friends that where girls he just shagged or spoke dirty to everyone dick head I had guy friends but I didn't cheat I always said am with someone to them but yet he was shagging Nd talking dirty with his friends that are girls so no I didn't like him having girls that are friends

[chrissykerdock]

could it be he's to be trusted and your not... men are more agressive by nature and you may be just too beautiful to tempt men with... while a man doesn't get anywhere unless he makes all the moves.

[Nifrayu]

That's not been my experience.

[ZackBan]

So you find out he talks to a woman at work and your reaction isn't "stop" it's "in that case I wanna talk to men at work too"

Sounds to me like your marriage isn't that sturdy.

Clearly your desires are found elsewhere.

If his behavior really bothers you then maybe try having a conversation with him. One would think after 10 years together you'd be doing that already

[loveslongnails]

" My husband and I have been together for 10 years outside of our marriage" Does this mean you were dating for 10 years and now you're recently married?

Anyway, your husband's double standard is regressive nonsense. I wouldn't be surprised if he were having sex with other women. As MzAsh says - what are you prepared (or unprepared) to do about it?

[MzAsh]

I think you know the answer here. What are you prepared to do about it?

[boggboss]

Any relationship where both partners are not treated with the same level of respect is not OK but at the end of the day it dont matter how many strangers tell u this as its your choice to be in a relationship that treats u unfairly wither tey to set better boundaries or find a partner that can respect u

[JacobJordan]

Combo response: NO. Neither of you should have friends of the opposing gender. It is disrespectful and dishonorable to the other. We do not have friends of the opposite gender nor do either of us remain alone in the same room as someone of the opposite gender when the other is not present.

[KrakenAttackin]

@jacobjordan. Spot on correct.

[loveslongnails]

You're entitled to your prehistoric view, but it is neither disrespectful nor dishonorable to have friends of another gender OR to be alone with someone other than your partner. What that says about your level of trust for each other FAR overshadows the veil of false propriety your religion (I assume that's where your "mandate" comes from) puts on it. It's nothing but insecurity and lack of faith in each other, and THAT is a lack of respect right there.

[JacobJordan]

@loveslongnails it is not religion but morality. and neither of us worries the other is going to cheat it is morally disrespectful and dishonorable to be friends with someone of the opposing gender or to be in the room with someone of the opposite gender. I would say it is safe to assume you are not married. that is something you will learn when you mature more. there is no benefit to having friends of the opposing gender when you are married. you call it prehistoric but it was quite common up to the early 2000s just because your morals are so skewed you think it is okay does not mean everyone shares your morbid shallow and morally corrupt view of the world. You should be able to look at our current society and see how messed up things are. part of that is the moral corruption running rampant.

[loveslongnails]

LOL You sure do make a lot of "moral assumptions, Roseanne Roseannadanna. LOL Let's unpack your inane assumptions:
1) Your entire premise is based on a statement: " it is morally disrespectful and dishonorable to be friends with someone of the opposing gender or to be in the room with someone of the opposite gender." WHOSE morality? Where does this idea originate and why have you accepted and adopted it? "It is morally wrong to ______ (fill in the blank) ALWAYS has its origins in something, and 99% of the time, it's a religion. So don't try and tell me " it's just morality" without explaining where your rules come from.
2) I've been with my partner over 10 years. That's longer than the average 1st marriage.
3) Your view of maturity is nothing more or less than that - your opinion. It's not an absolute.
4) Your insistence that MY morals are skewed because they don't agree with yours merely demonstrates YOUR lack of maturity.
5) I think your views are prehistoric, and I think your relationship is insecure, but you don't hear me calling you "shallow" because you hold those views.

And 6) ... Your implication that our current society is messed up because men and women have friends of the opposite gender is baseless. Hence, that if it were NOT the case, society would somehow NOT be messed up? Sure - friendships with the opposite or other genders must SURELY be THE cause of what's messed up in the world. UH... no!

While you're at it, look up the word "morbid". You obviously don't know what it means.

[JacobJordan]

@loveslongnails Bud maturity is measurable when comparing to what is considered widely accepted markers of maturity. It is the same type of measurement child protective services uses to determine the mental and emotional age of a child. you keep stating that we have uh... what was the moronic phrasing, ah yes "It's nothing but insecurity and lack of faith in each other" we have been together over 10 years as well and we have every faith in each other. what we also have is cultural teachings. I was raised to respect women and also to not be alone with them when I am married because it is disrespectful to her. My wife is Eastern European and that same morality you seem to think is "prehistoric" is still taught to daughters and sons to this day. As a result your use of prehistoric is rather silly as once again this was very common up until the early 2000's and given the state of relationships post 2000s... well lets recap shall we
casual sex
hookups
one night stands
fuck buddies
multiple partners
drastic reduction in marriage rates
drastic reduction in just long term relationships

as for my use of the word morbid I am very aware of what it means and I used it correctly as a matter of fact. Now to clarify your attempting twisting of my words I said society was messed up because of rampant and widespread moral corruption. now I don't particularly care what choices people make in life it is their lives after all. we posted our response because that is our opinion and would you look at that it even says "opinions" so it would seem every response is one's opinion. I'll leave you with the same silliness you left me except unlike you I didn't make a mistake.
while you're at it, look up the word "prehistoric". You obviously don't know what it means.

Cheers bud

[loveslongnails]

Your proof that your point is valid "because it's being taught to daughters and sons to this day and is rather common" just isn't true in soooo many cultures. Just as it is also UNTRUE that the things you mention are AUTOMATICALLY PRESENT in European cultures where men and women enjoy friendships with members of the opposite sex and or necessarily absent where they don't! And, your argument for WHY it is disrespectful is explained solely by " I was raised in a certain way... blah, blah, blah ", which begs the question as to what you'd "think" had you been RAISED by a man who had sex slaves!

What disgusts me about your way of thinking is the implication that others who don't share what they consider to be a manipulative and restrictive view, somehow do not have RESPECT for women. I'm not twisting your words, "bud", I'm just calling them out for their implication.

One last thing for your condescending, self-righteous mind to ponder -ALL these things you list: casual sex, hookups, one-night stands, fuck buddies, multiple partners, have existed and flourished for AGES throughout history, in very many societies and cultures. The names were different, like concubines, or mistresses, but they were protected by the patriarchy, and accepted by the wives of men who forced these same restrictions on them. The only difference you will tell me is " I don't fuck around", but you still enforce the restriction. So, I'll now refer to it as "ancient".

You're correct that everyone's response is an opinion. I offered my opinion by responding to yours, "bud".

[JacobJordan]

@loveslongnails well I was raised for 5 years by extremely abusive people and I knew that was wrong before I could formulate the thought. As for the factual reality that it is being taught to this day is actual quite valid and actually in eastern Europe it is taught though you seem willing to discount first hand experience to those teaching to push your hilarious version of reality. as for your claim that because history has it means people were fine with it. they most certainly were not fine with it. in fact in Rome for example if a man cheated on his wife or a wife cheated on her husband the victim was allowed to kill the cheater and the person the cheater was with. yeah they were totally okay with it. then we have Egypt where promiscuity is part of what led to the fall of the Egyptian empire. then we have several other prominent empires undone by the promiscuity of male or female leaders. Perhaps you should take a world history course or 12 because you haven't a clue what you are saying. as for your use of the word ancient lets just go ahead and give you the same thing a second time
While you're at it, look up the word "ancient". You obviously don't know what it means.

by all means continue with the absolute clown show you are putting on if you wish it is very entertaining especially given you are calling my views prehistoric and ancient (both of which are wrong) and then you utilize examples that are actually prehistoric and ancient in an effort to justify your flawed logic.

sadly you couldn't call out the broadside of a barn because you can't even argue your own point without being a hypocrite because you are far too emotional to be able to stick to the facts.
cheers and good day boy

[loveslongnails]

Oh you poor thing, calling other people emotional because you can't address their points with facts. Shame on you, junior. I've not said anything hypocritical, but anyway, here's a better word for your self-righteous highness: draconian, more to my point. Love it. I'll stick to one simple point and ignore your historical references to Egypt, Rome and whatever else you deem appropriate to "prove" that promiscuity caused their downfall, all by itself. And that having friends of the opposite gender is the gateway drug to promiscuity.

Your point that this draconian ethic is still being taught in certain cultures doesn't make it any less draconian, IN MY OPINION. It also doesn't make it prevalent... that means widespread, junior, and that would be in the opinion of many others.

So while you call my points whatever you want, you still can't address this simple FACT:
There's no evidence base to support your claim that this practice of separation reduces ANY of the activities that you point out, ESPECIALLY on the male side. No evidence whatsoever. It's your opinion, nothing more, and without and evidence based data, your "logic" is equally as flawed as you claim mine to be. Oddly, the only logic I asked for is something to support your opinion, other than "I was raised that way".

I've wasted enough time with you, as I'm sure you feel the same towards me. I'm muting this.

[JacobJordan]

@loveslongnails I have provided ample evidence little boy you just haven't provided any to prove otherwise and instead attempt to twist what I am saying in a childish attempt to disprove what I am saying. such silliness as insinuating that I am saying the singular cause of the downfall of rome or egypt was promiscuity when I said no such thing I simply pointed out that promiscuity was very much looked down on by those empires. your view of the world is the same type of view held by some of the most twisted and ruthless leaders throughout history and you say I am the one with the problem. tsk tsk mate you should check a mirror

[Anonymous]

No. Absolutely not. My wife has a ‘work husband’ (in another city) and a ‘gay boyfriend’ at her job. I’m not particularly concerned by either. I often go for after work drinks with female colleagues without her, usually on date night when we meet up later for dinner and a movie. The key is good communication and frequent sex so neither of you feel neglected, threatened or unsatisfied.

[HaleyCatgirl]

I've seen a recent video involving at work husband and it took a turn it was pretty funny the work husband and work wife had a family together which was a really messed up I'm sorry I shouldn't be putting this under here but that just reminded me of that

[Anonymous]

he's being ready shady... watch out. he may even be cheating on you. he does this stuff to have the upper hand and to be controlling... you are in a controlling relationship and it will likely get worse.

[EmmaMary]

Perhaps it's time you put your foot down and told him to do the same.

[jahaims]

He cheats or wants to. He doesn't trust you because of his own thoughts. Basically he is projecting. Why are you married to someone who doesn't even trust you?

[Tim2nice]

No it’s not ok at all. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander

[exitseven]

Maybe he knows that guys cannot be trusted. They are always looking for something on the side

[Philyouup]

yeah. red flags everywhere. he sounds like a bit of a bollocks

[Tstrbrainer]

It's not fair, but then again usual guys can't get laid with their female friends 😂

[sheikalana]

No, it’s not okay.

[Jazzy54]

Sounds like a double standard to me.

[Jazzy54]

And “doesn’t allow you?”

[glennos89]

It should go both ways

[FunkyMonkee]

He sounds insecure and possessive.

[SotiCoto]

Double Standards = Not Okay.

[KatherineJ]

That seems a little controlling

[Nifrayu]

Nope. That's definitely not OK.

[jjj101010]

Sounds controlling

[Anonymous]

No that is not cool, and he is controlling.

[slatyb]

No, that is not ok.

[austinbooth]

Hell no

[AndreaH]

No that's strange