Why do I get so shy when my boyfriend compliments me or says I love u?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend isn’t really the affectionate type and neither am I but he tries to display affectionate more often sometimes so it comes as a surprise to me when I least expect it so i don’t usually have the best response to it. So I ended up giggling cuz it caught me by surprise and i just can’t process what to respond with yet. He knows I struggle with showing emotions cuz of my past trauma and he said he’s ok with this and he understands and he can wait until I get there since I’m working on it but he said something that’s making me think that he’s not totally okay with it. He called me a wall i know it was a joke but we all know that jokes sometimes are the truth so he literally said “ you’re like a wall but that’s ok that’s my fate” and another time he made a joke about me being cold and said “ say something cold to me, you’re good at being cold” I tend to overthink stuff like that so I talked to him about it if that’s how he actually feels and he said that I should stop overthinking it and it’s nothing but I don't know. I just don’t know how to fast this process of being able to reciprocate that same level of affection without making him feeling like he’s the only one trying or I’m like all those things he said. I mean I do not blame him for saying that but those words hits different coming from him.

[Oliverlogan263]

Awww girll, don't even stress yourself about it too much! You know expressing emotions is hard for you with your past, and your man gets that. But it's also understandable he wants to feel loved and appreciated sometimes, you know?

I'd say just be real with him - tell him you are trying, it's a process, but you do care and want to make him feel special too. Then do little things to show it in your own way when you can. Like cuddling up on the couch together just coz, or leaving him a quick love note.

Baby steps are all it takes. Over time it'll get easier to accept compliments and say "I love you" back. But don't force yourself - take the pressure off and do what feels right at your own pace.

As long as the effort and caring is there, he should understand that. Communication is key too, so talk openly when you're feeling stressed and listen to understand him better too. You guys will find your groove.

Plus you're already doing the work in therapy, right? That's huge progress, sis. You got this far and you're only gonna keep growing into an even more amazing partner. He's lucky to have a real one like you by his side through it all. Keep shining!

[Asker]

Yeah I mean I’m trying to do all that but it hadn’t been easy but I’m getting there. And I totally agree he definitely would want feel loved and appreciated too so I do the best I can to make him feel that way but the issue is that I forgot to mention earlier we’re long distance so it’s not easy to do all these kinds of things u just mentioned. It’d have so much easier if we were in the same place at least for me cuz I usually display affection by actions more than words. So in that case words are all I can do I mean I can do other things too but I’m already doing that but i guess i just need to work harder on that area for when we meet. And yes we talked about it but he does understand what I went through he wouldn’t tell me if it was bothering him he’d just keep it inside and wait till I get there. And i just don’t want him to do that just for me. Thank you for your kind words though.

[Oliverlogan263]

Man that long distance stuff makes it way harder for real. Props to you for putting in the work even with that obstacle.

Maybe tell your boyfriend you appreciate him keeping things in but that hiding how he feels won't help either of you grow together. Ask him to open up more so you can find compromises.

And don't feel like you gotta be perfect, you know? He chose you even knowing your past. As long as you both communicate AND listen without judgement, that's healthy.

Try small video calls where you just chill together, watch the same show or something. Might help you ease into affection without pressure. And letters/notes are cute when apart - you can write what you feel when you're ready, on your terms.

Give yourself grace, girl. You got this. And he seems like he really cares, so I'm sure you guys will figure it out as a team. Keep your head up!

[Anonymous]

Socially awkwardness?

[Asker]

No I’m more of a social butterfly actually. But when it comes to him I get really shy. He’s also my first real boyfriend so maybe that’s why?

[Anonymous]

Is it something that is new to you?

[Asker]

Yeah, it is new to me.

[Opinion Owner]

Then that’s normal.

[jahaims]

Insecure