I flushed her out for snooping on my phone, can we ever rebuild trust?

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend is a recovering alcoholic with trust issues. Both her father and her grandfather cheated. She has snooped on my phone in the past and I suspected it was happening again so I sent a really soppy romantic message to a random instagram account to flush it out BAM! She sent me a photo of my phones screen and said 'This was sent to me, care to explain?' I then confronted her stating that it hadn't been sent to her and she had taken a photo of my phone that she had accessed without my consent.

She has not apologised for snooping and has accused me of emotional abuse for 'pranking her.

Can we move forward or is this toast?

Yes

No

[Anonymous]

No because you don’t understand her. She has trust issues and you know that, yet you want to keep her out of your phone for God knows what reason and you’re also dumb enough to actually send a romantic message to someone as some sort of ”test” (she is NOT going to believe it was a test, just something you’re saying as an excuse) and now she’s even more paranoid and anxious. What you should have done is from the very start of the relationship say ok babe I understand you have trust issues is there anything I can do to make you worry less? And listen to what she says she needs and let her have access to your phone if she feels she wants to, because you should have nothing to hide anyway. You can argue that she should trust you and you should have your privacy but no it doesn’t work like that. You have chosen to be with someone you know have trust issues, which she can’t help (she should be in therapy for it though), so to make the relationship work you need to be understanding and very accomodating to her needs regarding this. You need to be a conpletely open book and never give her even a small opportunity to worry. Over time that will make her trust for you grow and your relationship can be stable and happy. She obviously doesn’t trust you, you obviously don’t understand her or her needs, and now she trusts you even less and worries even more. Her being comfortable, happy and not worried as well as the state of your relationship should be more important to you than keeping your phone and whatever private just out of principal. Keeping things secret or private only works with someone who has no trust issues, and you have chosen to be with someone who HAS trust issues. And again, now you’ve made those trust issues worse.

[Anonymous]

If you have nothing to hide, why does it matter?

[XXTruthfulOgrexx]

I do not understand why people keep worrying about phones. Seriously. You shouldn't have anything on your phone to worry about in the first place but there are so many hidden apps, locking or bank apps where you can hide pictures, texts and communications it would take a computer scientist to find them all.

If anyone has half a brain and education they can learn to keep their phone clean by hiding information their spouses will never find. It is asinine to go snooping at this level of technology.

[Anonymous]

Good luck, you're facing an uphill battle.