Girlfriend & I had a fight, thought we were ok but now?

[Westklaw]

On Tuesday night me & my girlfriend had a fight. It was quite intense & both of us were upset. She told me she needed space. Last night we had a phone call and made up and said we would work together to move forwards. After the phone call I sent her a message to say thank you & how much i am commited to the relationship & that I loved her.

I have spent all day waiting to hear back from her after my message then she sends me this.

"I'm a firm believer in that actions speak louder than words so it's come as a shock today that I've heard absolutely nothing from you. There's no sign of the commitment that you claim to have to making things right or the reassurance I've told you so many times that I need. Your silence is telling me everything I need to know"

I tried calling her immediately & she hung up, and messaged me saying she doesn't want to talk. I feel like an idiot, I've spend the whole day thinking of her & hoping we would see each other. Any clue on how to make this right?

[D_Bone_Steak]

Would I be an asshole if I suggested the fight started because of her wanting to fuck that guy that texted you "she doesn't want to talk" while she was sucking his cock? Yeah... I'd probably be an asshole for pointing that out.

There is a chance that your text didn't get to her and she decided to re-pick up the fight. The fact that she's going off the hinges about it is kind of ridiculous though.

Bottom line... I think there is more to your "fight" than you even know of. Usually a chick trying to make something work will force you to be with her when you just need a break to think... she's using this "fight" to buy her time away from you though. So who's she spending it with? Does a guy named Pookie live on the couch? Look at him first.

Don't look at me... My name is Chad by the way... I haven't banged a random girl in like 3 or 4 days.

[BullShark]

I may seem like I'm being negative here, but the way I see it, your girlfriend was just looking for a reason to dump you, and this fight you guys just had gave her a reason (I won't ask what your fight was about, but something tells me it had to do with it all).

And as someone who's been in a same situation as you are in right now back when I was still very inexperienced and in a LDR, trust me when I say this that there's nothing you can do now to save whatever it is you both may have had. If she's already decided to leave you without you guys discussing your conflicts like a mature adult should, the mature thing for you to do on your end would just be to tell her that you understand and respect her decision, and that you wish her the best of luck, and just leave her there. Don't wait for a response, don't expect a response, and just remove her from everywhere because she's not worth your time at this point.

[HollyK21]

I want to ask questions, like if this is an LDR, if you provide her reassurance, etc but I’m not sure you’ll even respond to this so here are my thoughts. If this is and LDR (which it sounds like) or at least a relationship where you see her very little then I don’t know if there’s anything that can be done.


Why? Because that arrangement is not made for everyone. There has to be a silver lining or something to confirm it won’t be long before the distance is over. Without that, no matter how much you reassure her, if she’s a natural overthinker or reliant upon her partner emotionally then she will struggle every day.


Doesn’t make it better if she’s experienced past trauma, it all contributes to who she is now and how she can manage this sort of relationship. So while I understand you are eager to fix things, first assess how repairable everything is in the first place.

[Westklaw]

No, she lives about 10 minutes away from me. We have been seeing each other for 18 months now and literally about to move in together next month. This was our first fight we have had.

[HollyK21]

Ohh okay, with all the phone communication it sounded like LDR, I mainly wrote out what I did for in case you didn’t respond at least I could offer that POV for you to read.

So removing distance from the equation, do you feel like her issues are valid? By that I mean do you reassure her or whatever it is she’s saying is wrong?

[Westklaw]

I do not think her issues are valid. Because I give her my everything every day. Since the fight it has been me doing everything in my power to make things right. I feel like my only mistake was not messaging today before she sent that message and it was honestly genuinely me thinking she was going to reply to me when she was ready.

I even spoke to my best friend and he said give it time maybe she needs space to reply. Before this we have seen each other at least 5 days a week for months now. It has been going so well.

[HollyK21]

If that’s the case then don’t let her take advantage of your goodness. You’ve done what you can to be a great man to her, and if she can’t see that then your time is best spent elsewhere. Love aside, relationships aren’t about one side bending over backwards to accommodate the other. That isn’t healthy and honestly it doesn’t sound like she’s being very logical. If this is you first real relationship then I understand how hard this is for you, but it’s so important to step back and ask yourself if this person is really good for you.

[rosemilk]

nope just stop. she is immature. and childish to be waiting by the phone for you to communicate when she can just as easily communicate first. only childish girls play this game, i'm actually surprised seeing your age. assuming she is close to your age. if she wants to move forward together, she will have to communicate her feelings better. this is just nonsense

[lightbulb27]

I can only guess the stress of the change (moving in) is causing an emotional "ahhhhhahhhhhh!!!". That shows up as her in essence, blaming you. If it coincides with a low spot in her cycle, all the more... just women and relationships... maybe this ones specific emotional hangups.

I'd reach out and ask her how she feels. "how are you feeling". Or I'd redirect to something you both enjoy that might be funny "Ice cream?" to get the dialog going.

sucky time to have a fight eh!

[sawno]

Thats not your fault man, she's really on edge right now so she was probably also waiting for you. But take it as a lesson that she needs you to initiate more actively and go from there once she calmed down again. Somethings clearly really bothering her and it will be your job to help her trough it.

[WhitneySnow]

Explain to her that you did message her you don’t know why she didn’t get it. Send her a screenshot of the text as proof. Tell her you definitely weren’t ignoring her.

What did you guys fight about that she needs a commitment to make things right and reassurance from you? That could make a difference.

[sheikalana]

You know people have different ways to deal with their issues. Some want to fix it immediately others shut down and need space to regroup their thoughts. If she told you she was willing to work things out in my opinion there was no need for you to immediately text her afterwards. Give her some time and I'm sure she will reach out she's just dealing with her thoughts.

[KrakenAttackin]

Depends on what the fight was about and if she is worthy of you or not. If she is a keeper, send flowers and hunt her down and apologize in person. Maybe reach out to a close friend of hers for help.

If she isn't a keeper, tell her to GTFO.

[PeachyPie93]

She sounds immature. If you really like her though I would go see her, since she isn't letting you contact her. If she rejects you again I would be done with it and not feel bad.

[Vegasrunner]

It's actually pretty easy to make this right but I don't think you're going to be able to do it. For starters I'm guessing this fight is because of something she did?

[Unit1]

She's over you.

Chances are she found a new dick attached to a better body or whatever to hop on.

Accept your loss and move on. Your turn is over.

[sawno]

No thats not how that works, she's currently feeling bad and she's projecting it on him probably just an aftermath of the fight. Doesn't mean she is suddenly with someone else or disloyal, these are things you can perfectly solve still.

[Unit1]

@sawno I'm all for salvaging things but when I sense withdrawal in manners like that, then I get the feeling of being left behind.

[abbyjgriffin98]

Sounds like a lost cause. Just forget about her and move on.

[noohair]

My ex wife told me she forgave me but could never forget what I said. That is not forgiveness. Women don’t forget or forgive; they file it away for future reference. It is cave women stuff. It goes back to hunter/gatherer behavior.

[Darklydarkened]

Sounds like a childish relationship to me, better not linger on it

[Anonymous]

It’s almost like she is about to dump you before Christmas for some reason, like maybe she is cheating on you? If she isn’t willing to talk on the phone or acting like she didn’t see your message then something is up

[Anonymous]

What? That's not fair. You did send her the message. How could she say she gets silence and doesn't see commitment? Explain yourself to her. Tell her what you did. And that she should see the commitment from now on, not right after the messages.

[Anonymous]

At 39, you should be able to figure this out on your own.

[Westklaw]

Cool Input, thanks.

[In_Trance]

All you can do is reach out to her and talk it through

[linka_pat307]

Just give her space she wants forever

[Iron_Man]

It’s Christmas she needs to get it together

[Booklover_90]

Give her the space she needs.

[CovetedDUCHESS]

She seems to want to dump you

[Anonymous]

Dump her