Do men have any leverage in relationships who aren't rich or extremely attractive?

[Anonymous]

I know this guy I work with whom is very fit, he is good looking, nice career and mentions he is faithful to his wife and also mentions that despite his wife who is decent to ok looking, (doesn't work out and is older) and shows him a bunch of messages from other men she receives and how she apologized to him for entertaining a guy just by being friendly and messaging everyday until he told her to stop that.. he is the good looking one, younger partner, more successful and faithful one (as far as I know) and he receives absolutely no messages or inquiries from the opposite sex, yet he does. How does that happen? I mean, unless a man is rich or looks like a model, does he have any leverage at all in a relationship? It seems like even she could replace him faster than he could.. Am I wrong? Thoughts on this one..

[dynamicyandere]

Everyone can have leverage by having boundaries and standards and the self-respect to walk away from a bad relationship.


Also, it’s odd that he is rich and attractive but gets no attention from other women.


That makes me believe that perhaps he’s lacking in the personality department.


Looks and money are superficial things that may make someone attractive, but there are plenty of men who don’t look the best and don’t make that much money who can attract plenty of women because they have personality and charm and confidence.


Also, if you’re partner is with you only because you have more leverage than them, that’s not a good relationship.


They should be with you because they love you — not because you have leverage over them.


Leverage is for forcing someone to behave as you want them to behave, whether or not you trust them.


Leverage is what people use in Game Of Thrones all the time, to keep their opposition in check.


You shouldn’t need to play these mental chess games of power with your significant other.

[dynamicyandere]

Using leverage to force your partner to be with you is controlling them with FEAR.

Instead, your partner should willingly want to be with you out of LOVE.

[Lynx122]

Well personally I think as I get older men have the leverage. Women get a ton of attention but it's superficial attention. How many of the guys who like a picture on instagram will actually be capable and willing to take care of this woman and deal with her every day. Sex is more available than ever and women are less willing to support their partner like traditional wives used to. But commitment from a man is rarer and more difficult to obtain than ever before. If anything we should be very careful who we give a chance to because there's a lot of bad choices but not many good ones.

As a young man dating can be very one sided and hard but as long as you work on yourself in some way when you hit 30 things will change.

Biologically women will always have an advantage especially in getting attention but in the end it's the man that decides if the woman he's with is worth his time and effort. If she's adding anything to his life, if she's treating him well, how much of a hassle she's creating for him, if she's supportive and caring, if she lets him have his peace and quiet time, if she's appreciative of what he does for her etc.

Honestly I'm glad I'm not a woman. Having a vagina seems like a magic spell at first glance but the best it can get you is a long term relationship with a good man and that will take a lot of work by the woman so nothing magical there. But even some women get lost in the sauce and think they can solve anything just by being a woman and think they deserve the world but that usually leads to bad places.

As a man you get honest feedback about your value. But as a woman women will lie to you either to give you a false sense of confidence or just because they don't want to be seen as the mean one. And men will give you attention but it doesn't mean you're actually on the right path when you get attention from men so a lot of women are clueless about their actual attractiveness.

[its_amelia_c]

As the saying goes, there is a someone for everyone!


Not everyone is rich or attractive! Not everyone is looking for that in a partner, not everyone is superficial and has that on their dating and partner wishlist, and if they do then they are not the perfect or right person for you!!!


There is that perfect person for everyone, sometimes it may take a while to find them, you may have to date a few odd ends to get to them, but you will eventually find that right one!

[Asker]

So are you saying she is right in this situation? Are you defending her? He could easily be out there running the streets if he wanted I'm sure.

[RainbowMarinade]

Leverage?
As in “I’m have other options, so you better toe the line?”
Is that what you mean by “leverage?”

[OlderAndWiser]

If you select the right person, absurd situations such as this don't arise.

Sometimes, people who seem to "have their shit together" and have "everything going for them," nonetheless suffer from low self-esteem and a horrible lack of self-confidence.

[coachTanthony]

There will always be someone better looking and richer so everyone can be replaced if that is the intent.

[Apple1996]

Women always have more options than men. That's just how it is

[KrakenAttackin]

@Apple1996. This is true, which is why a woman's love is so much more shallow then a man's love.

[TenderFantasy]

👎 Not true! I think it's quite the opposite! A lot of women will lower their standards just to say they have a boyfriend or husband! I've seen some good-looking women with not so good-looking men! Women, from the time they could learn to walk, have been taught that their GREAT ROLE in society is to become a wife and a mother!

Also, a lot of women will use what is between their legs as LEVERAGE and the all too not so brainy man will take the bait! Why do you think there are so many single mothers out there who are on Welfare!

[Apple1996]

@TenderFantasy yeah it is that way for some women out there

[KrakenAttackin]

@TenderFantasy As I said, a woman's love is much more shallow than a man's love.

[Avicenna]

A relationship is dysfunctional if it revolves around anyone's implied leverage. And who really wants to be in a dysfunctional relationship?

[hahahmm]

First off you're making a lot of assumptions. When I was deeply into my girlfriend (who I later married) I was approached by one of the finest looking women on earth, practically begging me to ask her out & following me around like a puppy. I ignored her because I was loyal to my girlfriend and I didn't go running around telling co-workers about it so from their POV it never happened.

Secondly, according to women I'm a very good looking guy. I never had a problem getting women I approached. But I can count on 1 hand the number of women who came to me out of nowhere and most of them were drunk and/or not my type.

Thirdly, I am successful... no women are throwing themselves at me because I'm not giving out the energy that I want that. Some have sent subtle signals but guess what? I ignore it.

Fourthly - come to think of it, on some online social site (not here) where people talk about life in their city/neighborhood, a bunch of women did try and get in my DMs but just like on GAG: I ignore... tell them to keep on walking. I even got my wife to join the same site cause I'm not trying to go 'there'.

Sure, if a guy goes to a place where women are in your face gold diggers like the bars that pro athletes hang out at, results are going to be different.

If I were a cheater and I wanted lots of women/texting then I'd have that. The guy's wife sounds like a cheater or wanna be cheater to me. When a woman really values a guy & doesn't want to lose him she's not playing these games.

[hahahmm]

But more to your question: Some guys have leverage & some don't. I have leverage because I'm not a simp. I know my value & I made sure my wife knows that I know. I'm not going to put up with any bs. I haven't had any issues with this in my marriage.

[msc545]

Women are always going to get more offers for sex for men than men get from women. However, that isn't the end of it. The other part of it is that in any dispute a woman's word will always be taken for granted and a man's word will only be considered when there is overwhelming evidence that what he alleges is correct. This is well illustrated in family law disputes in which women routinely get all the money, All the property and all the children and men routinely basically gets screwed and not in a good way. Women have tremendous amounts of power in our legal system and they exercise it routinely when they are angered or when they simply want a new situation with better benefits for them. This is the essence of hypergamy and it is an evil and debilitating development in American society and recent years. Men have reacted by refusing to date, refusing to get married, and refusing to have children because they know that the legal landscape is very grim for men. For women it is beneficial and they know it.

[KrakenAttackin]

@msc545. Excellent comment. Female hypergamy has been fully weaponized by the legal system and endorsed by society. A man's only recourse is to retreat from this overwhelming negative power.

[msc545]

@KrakenAttackin Thanks. The grim reality of this saddens me greatly.

[D_Bone_Steak]

He's married... she has all the power. This man is a perfect example of why so many of us guys, including a married guy like me, are warning other men about the dangers of that institution.

What do you as a man stand to gain? Answer that honestly... and yes... nothing at all. She can get fat, cheat, and all of that, and if they do split, she will have the chance to walk away with all the cash and prizes. It's simply not equal at all and any man should be highly suspicious of a woman pushing for marriage.

That's my opinion on it.

[Kaamraj]

This answer has two parts. When they're young an average man will have nearly no leaverage as women are hypergamous and desire men who are above them in sexual marketplace value (SMV). This is demonstrated by swiping patterns in dating apps where the average woman statistically finds the average man unattractive.

However the difficulty here is for the average woman to realise that she's just average and her best bet would be to settle with an average man sk that as time passes and her youth declines and the man's assets increase the sexual value is equalised.

The imbalance in the sexual interaction between the genders is mostly attributable to women have have priced themselves out of the marketplace, being motivated to do so by mainstream and social media and dating apps.

[Asker]

But he is younger in this situation, and has his shit together and is attractive and STILL she has more options. His well is dry, message wise.. so does SMV equalize itself for men overtime or is that just something we like to think.

[Kaamraj]

This time we are going through is the first in human history because human sexual interactions have been truly globalised thanks to social media. Every girl with a smartphone now has an access to the global marketplace. It is very difficult for men.

But let me tell you this from first hand experience, being a man in my mid 30s it does get better with age. You learn about how to maximise your sexual value online and in your professional circle. You learn your own value and how to speak and act accordingly.

[TenderFantasy]

@Asker, intereested men are a dime a dozen. Women really need to be PICKY when it comes to who they end up marrying or being with in the long run. She can only get pregnant 12 times a year. A man can technically FATHER a child 365 times in a year if there's not stopping him in between!

[blueonblack22]

Some otherwise average looking people know how to use emotional leverage on their partners even when their partner is out of their league. It’s usually because the other person has some insecurities/trauma and the other person “fills the void” they are feeling whether it’s good for them or not.

I got a feeling your friend has some mommy issues. His wife likely filled that emotional need. That’s why he tolerated that.

I notice that men often get ridiculed in our culture about that but “mommy issues” are a very real thing.

[rigmarole]

Nothing women fear more than abandonment. If you're not being respected then shut it down and walk away... Ignore her... Chances are she will be mad at first and then once that resolves itself she will chase you. Not that it is what you want, but it happens pretty consistently. I mean why would you want a women back that can't show some basic level of basic respect and loyalty? If she valued anything about you, she wants it back. If she's an egotistical psycho she doesn't want to be the one getting dropped, she wants control and to be the one that dumps you. You're a man right? So make your own decisions and take that power away from her.

[ProbablyClueless]

Men don't have any leverage in general. The reality is that women, especially modern women (but I think this was probably always pretty true), are basically going to do whatever the hell they want to do and that's that.

And the reason I think it's probably always been like that is because when you look at relationships between men and women, she'll basically go along with things until she decides that she's not going to invest anymore. The instant she decides to shut you out; that's it, even in the most controlling societies. No more relationship. No more intimacy. No more trust and honesty. No more sharing. Why? Because she doesn't feel like doing it anymore and you really can't make her. And it's always been like that.

I've always been really confused by this idea so many women have about being controlled all the time. Even if she doesn't feel like she can leave, she'll do her level best to suck any joy and pleasantness you get from interacting with her.

[Billlewis]

I have no leverage whatsoever in my burgeoning love affair with the mean, arrogant Bitch Goddess who enjoys making me squirm, but I actually view that as a very positive element within our relationship, because the more one sided her control over me becomes, the relationship itself will be equally one sided, and that's what I believe we both desire.

[SotiCoto]

If you're thinking of leverage in terms of a relationship... that is a fucked up relationship. People have no business being paired off at all if they're looking for ways to manipulate each other. There ought to be trust, mutual understanding, and a shared investment in each others' wellbeing. If one cannot simply ask one's partner for something and accept whatever answer may come... then the relationship is fundamentally flawed.

[dynamicyandere]

Exactly. Using leverage in a relationship is having something to force your partner into compliance. Almost like blackmail. No healthy relationship resorts to that kind of manipulation to stay together.

[patrick994]

A man even if he is rich and handsome will never have the same power as a woman, a woman nowadays thanks to the dating app can have access to many men, for her it is not indispensable to have outstanding beauty or wealth gained through career or entrepreneurial work.

A handsome and rich man can be just another one, women receive requests from all kinds of men all the time, this can also lead them to replace or substitute their partner.

[DarkWinterNights]

Men’s leverage comes from not tolerating being disrespected and withholding the long term stability of a relationship or marriage. Unfortunately men have been kneecapped by the government so even if he’s done nothing wrong and tried his best, he can still be taken to divorce court, lose his children, his money and his home because his wife got bored with him. So ultimately the only power men still have is to choose not get married or cohabitate but that’s not very good for him, women or society.

[BoopBoopBeep]

@dynamicyandere nailed it. He doesn't need leverage (they should be fighting on the same side) he needs a higher caliber partner. And I don't know... the self-respect to go find her or something.

[dynamicyandere]

Thanks! 🙂

Haha, yeah.

He should find someone where he doesn’t need to resort to leverage to keep her from leaving.

He needs to have enough self-respect to find someone where they can mutually trust and respect each other.

[Vegasrunner]

You're not wrong You're just naive. How a man looks isn't as important as how a women looks. Sounds like the guy is a typical Beta male and because of that he allows his wife to walk all over him because he thinks he can't get better. The #1 attraction trigger for a man to have is status, and if he has this he'll be able to get as many women as he wants.

[aceleon]

it doesn't matter how rich or handsome you are a woman can easily get laid because it is men who wants her.

it isnot about woman being too high level it is about man being hungry wolves.

[KrakenAttackin]

Your leverage is your willingness to WALK the moment she takes you for granted or disrespects you.

Never be afraid to WALK AWAY from a woman. It took me far too long to learn the lesson.

[Smashingdoozy]

A relationship isn't something to be leveraged. What a ridiculous outlook.