Am I wrong for not sleeping with my wife?

[Anonymous]

my wife has had depression issues and stuff in the past and she’s now on zoloft and when she started taking it after a few weeks of her taking the meds she approached me and told me she no longer enjoys having sex with me and isn’t interested in it in the slightest. ( i’m a laid back guy i’ve respected her decision and told her when she’s ready to be intimate again she can approach me about it and we can go from there ) anyways now we’re 5-6 months into no sexual contact. we still kiss echbother goodbye and cuddle and watch tv and stuff but no tomfoolery ya know? but today she blew up on me about how i don’t love her anymore or find her attractive and must be cheating because i don’t ever approach her for sex and i don’t initiate sex and a bunch of other stuff about how i messed her self esteem up by not pursuing her against her wishes? ( i wouldn’t have the time or energy to cheat if i wanted to i work for an IT firm and do 10-12 hour shifts 5-6 days a week ) but im just at a loss here i respected her wishes to not approach her for sex and now i’m a scumbag supposed cheater asshole for not approaching her for sex.

in the end of the argument i just told her that we need to work on communication and i love her and am still attracted to her. But I told her that I am respecting her wishes, I repeated what she said to me, and that she made the choice here not me. she wasn’t having any of that. help me out am i wrong here?

[DreamCrescent]

I’m not going to say she’s in the right. saying something you don’t mean is never the right strategy in a relationship


However, i can see why she feels a bit hurt. your indifference to the lack of love life frustrated her. that’s not completely surprising.


i’ll put in a context that’s got nothing to do with love or sex. imagine at work you have a coworker who is shy. they don’t like attention on them but do a very good job. you could “respect their wishes” and just continue on with your work like they aren’t an amazing coworker who deserves recognition because they’ve said they prefer not to be put on the spot or publicly praised. OR you could and should do the right thing. acknowledge their work and give them the recognition they deserve. and do it in a gentle way that honors their shyness


your wife, who is going through a struggle has expressed something different. your response was a shrug.


maybe in the future try “this is hard for me i deeply love you and personally enjoy having sex with you.” “I’m here for you whenever and when you’re ready I’m open to us finding a way to make it enjoyable again for you”


anything but nonchalantly moving on with your life on account of “respecting her wishes”. kindof a cowardly way out of supporting your wife. realtalk

[Little_Bumblebee]

You are not in the wrong here.

She might feel insecure and worried because of the less sexual contact. But that is not on you when you're respecting her wishes.

Communicate openly with her that you're (if you are) still very much attracted to her, and that you love her, and would love to have sex with her again when she's ready.

If she feels ready, then maybe you could even start slow. Maybe go for some massage with some oil.

[aceleon]

do you know why some guys never gets the girls?

they completely respected their wishes.

i don't say don't respect their wishes, i am saying if there are priorities, respect is not and will never be on the first place with womans.

stop acting like a pussy and act like a man, fuck her wishes and fuck her too while you are at it, tell her that you want her so fucking bad and even if it is for 1 night you will have sex with her (not ask it, demand it or better DECLARE İT) play against her womanhood mate, stop the decency and such shit, this is your wife and it is appearant she wants you to desire her and want her (and possibly come and get her) even if she doesn't want the sex itself, forget about the lame ass communication thing, communication kills passion and in your case it will not just kill it but absolutly murder it, talking time is over, it is time to shut her mouth with the most passionate kiss you can pull of and make her live the best night of her life.

[CozyCoffin]

Not at all. Ask her to communicate more. You might also get her in the mood by treating her to a date, or a show or something.

[Anonymous]

Loss of sex drive and ability to orgasm is really common with this medication. You may need to find new ways to become intimate with her that express your love to each other. Have you asked her for any physical contact? Does she pleasure you at all? Sorry you are going through this, she may just need to hear that lack of physical contact isn’t going to push you to cheat.

[AmyHew1tt]

I think you've handled this so far amazingly, and compassionately. I'm sorry you and your wife are going through I hard time. I wish I had advice, but depression is so tricky. She needs professional help.

[HelpfulWoman]

nah. she can't expect you to read her mind on what she wants to do sex wise. She can't expect someone to try to be intimate if she's literally said it doesn't interest her at all!