What is worse: Your partner falling in love with someone else, or your partner sleeping with someone else once?

[Anonymous]

I've heard some interesting psychology about this, especially the difference between boys and girls, but I want to hear the opinions of a bunch of random people about it to see if what I've studied holds up.

[sage2021]

Falling in love with someone else. That has got to be one experience a person can have that is ultimate pain in your body, mind, sick all over because you got l left for someone else and they are happy.

I experienced that once in my life and I couldn't even eat and went down to 97 pounds. I had to go to the hospital for a week to start eating again. It was horrible. And I never got over that pain for my whole life. I was like 1/2 person walking around on this earth.

The only thing that stopped me from thinking about him was when I met my last boyfriend and I fell totally in love with him.

[Asker]

I'm sorry that happened to you. But your answer is interesting to me from a psychological standpoint. The reason I asked the question was because evolutionary psychology posits that women suffer more from their man emotionally cheating on them, while men suffer more from their woman physically cheating on them.
The way you described what you went through is almost word for word how I've heard many men describe discovering that their wife or girlfriend had a one night fling with a stripper at a bachelorette party. And they were likewise destroyed until they found someone new.

Thank you for sharing that private and painful story. I'm glad you found new love!

[sage2021]

@Asker
Unfortunately I got the double whammy. The man I found and fell in love with passed away suddenly 4 months ago.
So here I am, alone naturally (like the song says). I give up because I am too old for love now. I don't think I would even want to.

[DeeDeeDeVour]

It takes time to fall in love with someone else.

That means he's been cheating longer.

Ouch!

[DeeDeeDeVour]

Thank you for the MHO. :)

[dreamstar72]

Sleeping with some one else
Falling in love with someone else happens not the greatest thing, but sleeping with someone while they are with you is disrespectful and cruel’

[BarryLiverstone]

Her falling in love. That could only happen if she’s been cheating

[BarryLiverstone]

If she got drunk and slept next to someone at a party that’s better than trying to drive drunk

[Asker]

Depends on what you mean by cheating. Girls "fall in love" without having sex all the time. And the question can really be boiled down to "Is emotional cheating or physical cheating worse to you."
I agree that falling in love is a form of cheating, but I want to know what YOU think. Is an emotional affair or a physical affair worse?

[BarryLiverstone]

You should have asked which is worse (emotional or physical) to begin with if that’s what you wanted to know.

It’s not an easy answer between the two because emotional is hard to verify and can be easily confused. So physical cheating is the answer to me if that cheating has been happening as often as emotional.

[BarryLiverstone]

And I have a few reasons for choosing physical

[Asker]

Thank you for your answer.
So the reason why I asked this question is because in evolutionary psychology it posits that men are more hurt by physical affairs while women are more hurt by emotional affairs. And this tends to be one of the things we often misunderstand about each other.

If you're interested I can go into the theory and science behind it. But I thank you for your answer.

[BarryLiverstone]

Yes go ahead and follow me so you can better explain. I’ve also seen similar studies

[Asker]

Followed. So the baseline of it has to do with genes that succeeded and genes that didn't. And based on the basic premise that women can really only have one kid a year while men can have an unlimited number of kids, limited only by the number of women they can get.

The basic evolutionary psychology premise is that men care more about physical cheating because it puts into question paternity. This may not even be on a conscious level, but subconsciously it FEELS wrong to be expending the resources you are producing for your offspring if you don't know whether that is actually your offspring or not. Because the men who didn't mind ended up helping other men's genes continue and not their own, so their genes aren't around anymore to promote that. Emotional affairs are only dangerous to a man in that they could lead to physical affairs.

Women, on the other hand, want men's resources. Because for millions of years before civilization became so protective and safe, we needed those resources to survive. If we pair bond with a man and form an emotional connection with him, then we survived. It didn't matter if he "scattered his seed" as long as he came home and gave us the deer he hunted. Physical affairs are only dangerous to a woman in that they could lead to a man falling in love with someone else and taking the deer elsewhere.

So those are the genes that survived.

[BarryLiverstone]

Ty. Yes I’m familiar with the evolutionary theory and how that also means in general that girls are hypergamous which is another reason that guys fear cheating.

Cheating is never ok in a committed relationship as it erodes trust and is really hard to recover from. I was answering the question less based on emotional vs physical and more based on the length of the cheating. It’s easier to forgive a one time mistake like sleeping with someone else or getting drunk and flirting because humans make mistakes and can be tempted to mess up on occasion.

However in the context of the question I would estimate to fall in love ( and not lust) it takes about 3 months. So while certainly neither cheating is ever acceptable, if I heard that she had a 3 month affair with a guy and they had been having lots of sex for 3 months while she’s my girlfriend or wife that’s a major deal. Because on many levels it shows lacking trust, disrespect, and that I am not fulfilling her needs. The 3 month emotional affair is very bad as well however that doesn’t involve risks of STDs, pregnancy, .. and as you said could be her wanting to flirt or vent to someone else and not be fully leaving me.

It’s an interesting thought process these days where cheating (on any level) seems much easier than it has been at any point in human history.

[Agape93]

Falling in love with another isn't a bad thing in my eyes. Good for you. But cheating is a betrayal and disrespect.

[laly520]

falling in love with someone else

[12karen]

Falling in love with someone else

[Anonymous]

They are the same hun.

[Asker]

I'm not trying to justify either, I'm simply asking which is worse for you. Let me put this in a simpler context. Which would you rather have happen:
Your wife comes home and says "I've been flirting with a guy at work. He makes my feel warm and fuzzy inside, but then I realized this was wrong and its over."
OR
Your wife comes home and says "I've been sleeping with a guy at work. The sex was great, but he doesn't mean anything to me. I realized it was wrong and now its over."

[Opinion Owner]

OK, but that's a completely different question then the first question you asked. If your partner sleeps with someone else she doesn't love you. She may say she does, but she doesn't. It's over!
Now in this second wording you're just saying she's flirted with a guy. That's a far cry from saying "I'm falling in love with him". What women would say that anyhow? I mean she either wouldn't say anything and if (by the time) she did your relationship would be as good as over. Or she's telling you deliberately to hurt you.

[jahaims]

They are equal