I expressed my deepest fears to my boyfriend and now he says he will do anything I ask him. Why do I feel afraid?

[Anonymous]

Shouldn't I be happy? Keep reading for the backstory.

We can't quit each other. I wouldn't say it is toxic but definitely a tough power struggle phase. There is something unnameable and intangible there. A calm but strong pull of sorts if you will.

Anyway, I am SLOWLY 🐌 rekindling things and said to him since it was his mess up, he has to go at my pace.

I clearly stated what was and wasn't acceptable, what I wanted and needed and what I saw he needed to improve. I said changes were non optional.

Then I did something I never did before.

I expressed what my fears were, how they made me perceive him and what I needed and wanted from a partner. NOT necessarily him.

He responded with

"My heart is open to you".

"Whatever you need from me I will do it".

"I'm by your side"

"Don't be afraid"

I already made some requests in previous issues. He said he is willing to grow and he is slowly making efforts. I can'texpect him to evolve overnight. And vice versa.

🤯🤯🤯🤯

This should make me happy but I am so terrified and emotional about it and I don't understand why?

[sawno]

I think its pretty simple, you expressed your fears but the sources of the fear aren't gone yet. He's willing to move in your direction which is awesome, but I don't expect your doubts to be gone until you see that progress for yourself. And thats fine in my book, as long as you give him the credit he deserves for trying its ok if you don't feel fully comfortable yet until he's there.

[Asker]

How can I even know if he is mako g the changes? I'm not going to stalk him or ask him like a teacher for homework. How do I even know he is doing those things?

[sawno]

You'd see him move towards the goals you set, I don't know which goals they are but it should be gradual improvements right? Unless its something relatively simple to do then he might change overnight.

[boggboss]

Sounds like u still don't trust him and now feel vulnerable because u opened up yo him but what confuses me is how this was even going to work if u find it so hard to open up

[Asker]

Well, as you can see, I am doing that now. He was being the same way. Now he is being more open too. I guess he is mirroring me in a way. Not in a narcissist way but a following my lead way.

[boggboss]

Or maybe he is just listening to the requests u put forward

[boggboss]

And not u don't trust him with is fair enough if u still feel afraid that feeling is because u think he will betray u

[Asker]

Anyone is capable. I guess because I am just shocked he is saying OK after all of this power struggle before.

[boggboss]

Which again is fair enough but now u will need to learn to trust him or move on u clearly want this to work so yeah u will need to get past these feelings

[Asker]

Yes, it's for mynown mental health primarily so that even if it doesn't workout m, I can be connected to they why of my emotions.

[boggboss]

Fair enough

[laly520]

opening up to him made u feel insecure n afraid that he will use it against u
just try to trust him more