What defines an affair opposed to a series of mistakes?

Question

We are both married, both been friends over half our life; we knew each other before our current significant others. We are both in 15 year plus marriages. The past 6 months, so how, we have ended up having sex all of three times. Neither time was planned, and just happened in the moment, might I add there was lots of times nothing happened either.

im confused, as I don’t know what it means. I’m stuck thinking have I fell into an affair, but to me it just feels like I’ve accidentally cheated 3 times. To me an affair is love, an entire whole relationship off the back of your current one, where you send good morning and good nights texts, where you have lunch together, and arranged hotels with sexy lingerie.

this has been nothing more than close friends, who have got too close and most of the time drank too much alcohol. Afterwards we part ways, the first time we didn’t speak properly for almost 3 months, and after everytime we withdrawal from each other slightly. I’m confused what this is or what this means. Or even who I am or what I want

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

You had an affair that you will more than likely will keep continue having , with this guy , as long as your husband and his wife doesn’t find out. You really don’t love your spouses’ you just like the convenience of them , and you are both afraid of the consequences of losing everything that you both invested with your spouses , your home your cars etc. you are both scared to admit to the truth ,, about how you really feel about them because you are both selfish people. How would you feel if your husband was screwing another girl behind your back? Alcohol or not is not an excuse , you are both sadly selfish people that only really thinks about what is best for yourselves , you will never experience true love, if you can not remove selfishness for someone period , you both should have never gotten married in the first place. Cheating isn’t a mistake , it’s a choice , just like relationships are a choice. You chose your husband the same way you wanted him to choose you but you sadly chose this other guy, instead of choosing your husband , you invested your time into this other guy over investing your time into your husband. So you are best to keep continuing investing your time into this other guy and ending your marriage with your husband because the truth is you truly don’t love your husband , if you did , you wouldn't be cheating on him , I hate to break it to you but the damage is already done, and your marriages are pretty much doomed and pretty much already over., it will just be a matter of time before the truth surfaces. No matter what happens , your husband is going to be devastated and your boyfriends ‘ wife is going to be devastated as well , that you both betrayed them. You are best to end your marriages with your spouses and set them free, so they can go find true love you are selfish if you continue stringing them along By you both stringing them along , makes you both even more of selfish people that only care about yourselves. whether you think it was a mistake or not , you don’t truly love your spouses , your marriage’s are sadly fake , because how can you honestly look your spouses’ in the eyes and tell them you Love them? , when you know deep inside you both betrayed your spouses? You are both best to end your marriages and move on because you both don’t really love your spouses. You can beg your husband to forgive you but the truth is he will not forget , My ex had an affair with her married co worker and I busted her red handed , I was devastated that she betrayed me that way , she begged and begged for me back and trying to convince me that she didn’t have sex with him , Sex or not , she still cheated on me by investing her time into this other guy and allowing herself to be vulnerable to this other guy’ she kept telling me it was a mistake that she was confused. Everything she told me at that time , sounded like nothing but lies , I immediately separated from her and kicked her out , my trust for her disappeared and my heart was shattered. I separated from her for a few years , during those few years , I dated other girls’ and slept with other girls’ to find out the girls’ I was sleeping with , were lying to me as well , telling me they were single when really
They weren’t , I had a husband knock on my door confronting me about sleeping with his wife , I told him the truth that I had no clue she was married and that I am sorry she betrayed you the way that she did. I immediately ended it with her and told her to not call me again , the other girls’ I slept with that lied, ended up going back to their husbands or boyfriends like nothing happened. During this time my wife has still been begging for me back, I eventually caved in and gave her another chance, considering I was having no luck in the dating world , taking her back was something I thought I would never do but I gave her another chance , things were good between us and she was treating me like Gold , Sadly It hit me that I couldn’t love her the same, and told her the truth that we are best just to remain friends. That I can not give her 100 percent of my heart like I did before all of this went down , told her to go find someone else and go live her life , because I can’t give her the same like before. I honestly felt like I was stringing her along. I still love and care about her , but my passion for her is gone. I thought it would come back but sadly it didn’t , Why cheating is such a horrible thing to do to someone period , but sadly so many people still do it , and wonder why they can’t find true love , Cheating is a selfish act , if you can’t remove selfishness for your partner don’t expect them to remove it for you , Love only grows when 2 people choose each other over everyone else in this world , Do your husband a favor and let him go and realize you are wrong period

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

You've "accidentally" cheated three times? Having some regrets after it happened doesn't make it an accident. Allow me to describe accidental cheating:

You and this guy are in the park and suddenly a storm comes out of nowhere. The wind is so strong that your clothes are blown away. Seeing you naked gives him a boner, the the next gust if wind blows him into you while it also pushes your knees up and back towards your chest and, somehow, his dick ends up in your pussy. Then, he tries to get out but you are locked together like two dogs mating. He keeps pushing in to "get a running start" on trying to break loose, but it fails and he must try again. Suddenly - uh oh! - he cums inside you and afterwards loses his erection, finally allowing him to break away from you.

Then, a few months later, you and the guy are in the same park and. . .

And the next time it happens, maybe you are at the beach instead of a park but - damn -it's incredible how this keeps happening against your will!

Is this what happened. . . or is this silly word game you are playing that a ruse that you are giving yourself so that you don't need to feel guilty for cheating on your husband on three different occasions?

Have you told him about this? Why not? I think you know why not.

wolfcat87 · Accepted Answer

First of all , if you have any respect for your partner, then you will tell them what happened.

Second, the fact that you are lying to your partner's face every day that you have not told them, it makes it clear that you don't actually feel bad about what you did and you don't care about your partner at all. Which is exactly how your partner's going to see this if they find out from anything other than you confessing to them. Every day with your partner from the first day you cheated is built on a lie. You are not "making a mistake" by lying to their face every day.

Third, did you even wear protection, or have you gotten an std test since?

Lastly, this is clearly not a "mistake". It's very clearly an affair. I don't know what lies you are telling yourself to try to make yourself feel better about what you are doing, but at the end of the day you know, and we all know, that you are cheating and having an affair.

Yeah, shit happens. People get carried away. A one time thing might have been a mistake. You are waaaay past that. Go talk to your partner.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

The thing about this situation is that there were no mistakes, it was all deliberate choices. You chose to spend time with each other outside of your respective marriages. You chose to do so without the knowledge of your respective spouses. You chose to meet in secret, chose to get kissy and hands-on with each other, chose to take your clothes off, chose to have sex, and chose to do it all over again two more times.
That feeling you have, that you made a mistake, is called regret. And regret comes from guilt.

Jessica405 · Answer

It is no accident. It is not a mistake, either. It is a deliberate act of betrayal. You are responsible for this cheating. You were the one that put yourself in a situation where it could happen.

Cheating is when anything is done with sexual or plain emotional things happen. Don't try and find excuses. There are none!! You have cheated full stop!!

The big question is will you tell your husband? Or will you spend the rest of your marriage with a sordid secret?

Flatmanlewis · Answer

I think this is the textbook definition of an affair. Hotel rooms and lingerie and frequent texts, do not need to happen to meet some threshold for an affair.

I have never cheated, and this is despite some clear and unambiguous opportunities. One of them was thousands of miles away in a hotel - and I was furious at my wife that particular night. Yet, I knew how much I loved her and how wrong it was. This shone through and I walked away. I mention that because it seems like you are clearly missing something in your marriage and maybe in your emotional and/or psychological state where you are seeking to fill a void. I’m not implying you are a victim of some condition. The first time this happened may have been a mistake but the second & third time were absolutely intentional. (I have to wonder, does your husband even know you’re out alone drinking with this male friend? Does he have no issue with you going out on de-facto dates with another man?)

Cheating is a series of small bad decisions until ultimately the final line is crossed. You know how this is going each time you meet him. Now, the question is what life decision will you make because of all this?

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

"might I add there was lots of times nothing happened either." - This is what told me there is tons of foreplay and the rest told me it's sparadic sex here and there... yet tons of time... lots of time together. You might as well be eating lunch together and planning sexy lingerie nights at the hotel. You two sure seem to find a lot of time together and that is what I think is driving it more than anything else. I would also say this is probably what will damage your real relationship even if you don't get caught. You're investing in something and it isn't your own relationship. You have the equivalent of a side-chick and that's about it... but instead of just sex... you're spending more time together than just fucking.

I'll call it an affair. On some level, there is emotional cheating going on here and that's the separation between just fucking and something more going on. I'd rather fart in my side-chick's face and play video games than actually spend time with her. You have something different going on... you spend time with this dude... which is relationship-type bullshit.

BadApple69 · Answer

I love the way people are so quick to point a finger and yell “CHEATER!”
I have been cheated upon and I have cheated. I also have had many conversations with men and women about the subject... I am betting 80% of every married person that lives today will cheat in their lifetime. This is human nature.
Now for your situation, you need to think about when (when not if) your husband finds out... What is it that you want? He will demand you don’t see your long time friend anymore or file for a divorce. Neither are good. The fact you have done this 3 times tells me you’re not going to stop. Honestly you are in a tough situation. I can relate… I too am seeing a long time friend on the side… and I couldn’t break it off with her. All I can say is if you care about your marriage start seeing your friend less and less. Good luck!

Valdemort · Answer

A mistake is making a decision that unconsciously turns out to be wrong. Something that wasn't deliberately and neither meant to be harmful.
These aren't mistakes. These are deliberate, conscious decisions you've made. In modern terms, this one is called cheating.
Have the decency to be honest about it, at least.

RickyRage · Answer

You cheated on your husband more than once with the same person. That's an affair.

It's not about how you feel at all. I hope you feel like shit about it. You are for the streets.

This wasn't a mistake, or a series of mistakes, so get that bullshit out of your head.

Do the right thing, please.

Luv2BRealExotic13 · Answer

Three times is no accident. That’s definitely intentional. Any exclusive relationship once is enough for most people. I’m not sure where you’re claiming confusion. You’re not in love or attracted to either of your spouses. Get divorced and married each other but usually men stay with their spouse so it’s probably just fun for him.

lightbulb27 · Answer

you are discovering the value of values. The betrayal causes bad feelings because it breaks the contract and agreement you made. Thus, you have some ethical internal standards. You are trying to deflect and avoid the definition by seeking a definition that would avoid admitting that you had an affair.

As long as you are still married, you've had an affair.

I'm sure there are justifications and excuses, but that's what it is.

It likely is also a series of mistakes.

spartan55 · Answer

Wow, the rationalizations and justifications are everywhere with this. So you present cheating on your spouses THREE times as 'mistakes'? Really? And you are 'confused' now... that's terrible, 🙄 l feel so bad for you! You should ask your husband what you should do. I'm sure he will buy all your bullshit. Just no shame at all, you are gross.

XXTruthfulOgrexx · Answer

Cheating is NEVER a mistake or an accident.

You made several decisions that ended in sex outside your marriage and at any one of those decision points you could have stopped and chose a different path.

You are involved in an affair. The question will be how your spouses react when they find out, and make no mistake they will fund out eventually. These activities always find a way of being found out.

JacobJordan · Answer

Firstly it is not possible to mistakenly have sex with someone or to kiss someone. What did you trip and fall vagina first on his dick? I mean seriously the stupidity behind saying "oh yeah I let some random guy put his dick in my vagina despite being married but it was a mistake"

BoopBoopBeep · Answer

Yeah that's an affair. Locking your keys in your car with the ice cream is a series of mistakes. You didn't slip on a puddle and land on a cock 3 times.

MilaRay · Answer

You and your douche bag partner make it hard for people to experience and believe in true love. Its a shame you both have no problem wasting other people's time. You don't love your boyfriend and he doesn't love his wife. So just be single. Your blocking him from meeting someone worth a damn

stark04 · Answer

Are you really confused? According to you whatever the fuck you said is the definition of an affair.

Seems like you're trying to find a loophole where you made up some shitty definations and rules that defines you not guilty of your actions.

aceleon · Answer

mistake? did youhad sex with another guy accidentally? accidents happens in an instant and without your intention. yoıu just cheated and doesn't want to take the blame you low life infernal whore.

andreasderjuengere · Answer

A 'series' of mistakes often is generated by making an initial "mistake".
Where some 'mistakes' are rather actions of correction and adjustment.
Guilty are only those who purposely cause hurtful problems.

Mado108 · Answer

Mam you didn’t accidentally cheated. You CHOSE to cheat 3 times. And yes, you’re having an affair who soon gonna destroy both of your lives, if you don’t wake up soon.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

there's no difference between a series of mistakes and an affair; that's EXACTLY what an affair is.

You're having an affair. And if you have any respect for your husband, you'll cut your connection with this other person.

exitseven · Answer

You are cheating. That cannot be explained away. You know it is wrong. You are having an affair. If you keep it up you will lose everything.

HelpfulWoman · Answer

XD XD a "series of mistakes"? fucking troll

What defines an affair opposed to a series of mistakes?

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What defines an affair opposed to a series of mistakes?

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