Should my boyfriend offer to pay or is he not obligated since we’re not yet married?

[Anastacia1989]

boyfriend only offers to pay or get gifts on special occasions…. the rest of the time it’s 50/50……should he offer more? Or is he not obligated since we’re not yet married?

we are in a committed relationship and have met each others families…

also anytime he buys me a coffee he then says I can’t expect it every time…. is this rude or is it an honest comment?

50/50 is good - not yet married

He should offer more

[OfMiceandMen]

It sounds like something you two never discussed, but, neither of you should be obligated when it comes to the cost of dating.

That being said, I don't think he should have to pay for everything during the early dating period because you are still getting to know each other. Women cannot just show up with a smile during the dates, they have to put some skin in the game.

There's lots of women out there that are serial daters and get a guy to pay for everything with the intention that they will dump them once they've had their fill. Her paying for some dates shows him she is not one of those serial dater types. I am not saying your are one of those women, but guys have to be careful they aren't getting taken for ride these days.

Provided you are both serious, I think there comes a time when you need to have a chat with him about how much each of you pay. I would consider this type of discussion being pretty minor compared to discussions you could have during your marriage (if you are heading that direction). I recommend you be more open to discuss things that may be bothering you at this stage.

If he's a decent guy, then he won't mind increasing his side. If he gets nasty and becomes somewhat of an ass about it, then it gives you a little taste of what you may be in for once you are married.

[Anastacia1989]

He said he prefers the 50/50 thing and yes we are dating serious….. he also got mad when this waiter was insisting for him to pay for me and was saying he couldn’t afford the whole entire bill

[Anastacia1989]

Was this rude of the waiter to do? ↗

[Kaneki05]

This ain't the 50s though you can for sure find men who think it is if that's what you want but then go find them.
Modern is about just paying for what you can here and there, and both of you doing it so it never feels one sided. One should be doing it because they want to not because of obligation.
But again there is ones to find for that if you want them.

[velvetheart]

Well it kinda depends on what each of you wants from a relationship I think?

I personally prefer to keep it mostly 50/50 because we're both students and I'd feel uncomfortable if he paid for everything (if we're at a fast food we usually just order and pay for ourselves, otherwise we order together and take turns in who's paying the bill). But it's not like I'll insist upon paying myself if he wants to treat me to a dinner or something else on a special occasion, and sometimes I do that for him too :))

With that being said - it's all about personal preference I think. We don't have to stick to traditional gender roles anymore, but it's also okay to still want to do that. You just have to talk about your needs and maybe find a middle ground if they differ

[Daniela1982]

You could split up at any time for some reason. Lots of people promise marriage and then ream the other for all they can get, most notably sex. So, for now, I would say that its a good plan. My question is, if you can't carry half the load now for simple things, how are you going to chip in after marriage? 🤔

[Apple1996]

I would leave him tbh. If he was serious about being with you he'd pay for everything

[LazerBean]

Your boyfriend is not obligated to do anything at all for you, since you are not married. Just like you are not obligated to do anything at all for him. If you don't like how he is, then go get someone else.

[Anastacia1989]

I only wanted to see what people think and what opinions people have…. I’m happy with him

[LazerBean]

Oh okay, glad you're happy

[DaisyM23]

i think 50/50 is perfect unless one person WANTS to spend more money - i think if a person is richer they don't need to be so stingy too, like buying someone a coffee shouldn't be some kind of transaction and he can still surprise you with things (and you to him)

[Annbaby]

It's not just about marriage... Being equals is always good... Whether it's about spending money or doing household chores...

[Anastacia1989]

Ya equal is always good I agree…

[DizzyDesii]

50/50 with OCCASIONAL moments of taking turns paying in full for one another, married or not

[Anastacia1989]

Yes I agree with this right here for sure

[Billlewis]

Oh, I don't think there's any doubt that he should pay...

-- not 50%

-- not 60%

-- not 80%

-- and not even 90%

-- he absolutely must pay the entire aggregate total of your weekly/bills/rent/tuition and spending money, which should be remunerated regularly and religiously, without fail and without exception.

[brainwashed_sheep]

It's really about inclusivity and making sure that everyone feels respected and equal. For example, if he pays for dinner, then you should balance the equation by being on top in between the sheets.

[Wiredone]

I'm old school so if I'm dating someone, I pay for everything all the time. I never asked my date to pay for anything

[Anastacia1989]

Ya that’s the old school way from the 70s/ 80s lol

[Anastacia1989]

What about when people reach past the dating stage tho?

[Wiredone]

If you're past the dating stage then he should definitely be paying. There are times where my wife says she wants to treat me to dinner and she'll pay. I feel really weird having her pay

[Anastacia1989]

Shouldn’t it be 50/50 especially for house bills tho? Doesn’t your wife help out?

[Wiredone]

No she doesn't work. She was a stay at home mom. She has health issues that prevents her from working. I pay all the bills

[Anastacia1989]

If she has health issues then that’s understandable

[Wiredone]

If she did work I'd have her put her money in our savings account and I would cover the bills

[rosemilk]

even when you are married, i think it should be like this. i think this is fine and fair.

[slatyb]

Don't marry him. He views the relationship as a transaction. He's ungenerous and has no love for you.

[Apple1996]

I totally agree. Men show their love by providing for their woman. If he isn't doing that then it's best to get rid of him

[Sevenpointfive]

it kind of depends on who you are as people. i don't think there's a general rule. but if you are acting as a married couple then pay like one.

[TheSpaceGnome]

He is not obligated to do more than 50/50 even after you are married to him.
Why do you think that being married means you no longer have to contribute your fair share?

[laly520]

again with 50/50

if he wants that then let it be

he won't change

[Drumlin2001]

Aren't we in the age of feminism? Equal rights? Shouldn't you want to pay?

[Vesuvius87]

I'm single now but that means I don't ever cook for any future boyfriend ever right? After all we're not married and if he's just a boyfriend why should he be pleased with homemade meals?

[Vesuvius87]

If some man wants to go dutch all the time, then it makes sense that he doesn't get special treatment on being served at home either.

[Unit1]

And then women say money can't buy love.

❤️💲

[IslaTheWitch]

why should only he pay?

[Anastacia1989]

No one should be obligated to pay for anyone…. equal is always good

[IslaTheWitch]

even in the marriage, both partners earn money, and both pay (or use a shared bank account)

[Anastacia1989]

Ya that’s the right thing to do…my mom wasn’t working only my dad….

[JacobJordan]

Welcome to relationships in the 2000s.

[CozyCoffin]

Even in the marriage, he's not obligated.