How do you feel about broken promises?

Question

I used to not hold promises that highly in regard and now I remember why. He said we could start trying for a family once he finishes school and once he has the money to start his business. I feared this could take forever. But then last year we got great news that he’d finish school a year early, by the end of this year. As for starting his business, more good news came when he got news of a family inheritance. I could feel God blessing us more and more. But now that those blessings have come, he now has made new excuses to not try for kids yet and so on. I don’t expect most to understand since “we’re not married”but I can see now that I don’t think that was ever his plan and he said whatever he had to keep me around and to lose his virginity. I can’t believe I dated another indecisive mf and I can’t believe I got suckered again. haven't felt like this since 2018. We’re still together but I don't know for how long. As fcked up as he is, I do enjoy being with him but I know eventually I have to put myself first again. #FeelFreeToList

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

hopefully my response can save you and others. I am in law enforcement and wanted to wait until I was financially plus knew my job wasn't going to move me around a lot. I am 30 now and preparing my life to have my first child. it is not the same cycle in life, but we can also keep disappointing ourselves because there are idiots out here who have what we want with little to no effort. I always wanted to be a mom so here goes the story about my cousin.

My cousin had her first child by this college boyfriend of hers that she was crazy in love with. the first child was a son and the second child was a daughter by the same guy. However, the guy rarely spends time with either kid and it was getting to the point where he was an absentee father. She put him on child support but as we all can see here, the child support money is being used to keep her weave done. Her mom has to be buy nearly everything because she spends the money on looking good. He would have them around his girlfriends while leaving them with her. My cousin dress better than her kids which is sad. She leaves her kids with her mom 24/24 while she continues to put the stress on her mom. She hates working, but currently lives in an apartment paid for by section 8 which she perfectly fine with.

She met another guy and same routine. She was hollering about them being in love and how he is the sweetest man. As long as he paid the bills in the house for her, she was perfectly fine. She got pregnant by him, and it wasn't even 2 years later she ended up getting pregnant again. She constantly lied saying she got her tubes tied. Both kids were left on her mom as well.

The guy wasn't making a lot of money as he used to be so she kept lying like he was still staying there, but in reality she started talking to another man. Then she started hollering about how he was abusive to her and much more. She kicked him out because he wasn't making enough. Now she met a different man, yes she is pregnant now by him as well. The man left her while pregnant and went back to his other kids mom. As long as he handed over his debit card, you heard the sweetest things about the guy. He ended up dumping her and going back to his kids mother.

her oldest son is almost 13 years old and can't read at any level. All the responsibilities of doing anything is left on her mom especially with helping with homework.

My cousin is pregnant with her 5th child and two youngest not even 3 years old yet. she leaves those kids on her mom all the time while she constantly give birth to them.

sharing this with you because I wanna inspire you to be patient. it makes me upset that this girl is popping out kids like this while not caring that her kids can barely read and write. It is always the people that don't need kids having them, but leaving us to struggle having them.

Rosexøxø · Accepted Answer

This hurts. Can’t even imagine what if felt like for you. Trying not to get watery eyed. I don’t even want kids. They’re cool, though.

I can imagine the love and thought you’d have for them and do have for them. I don’t know how you’ll handle the situation, but if you do move on, and try again, I’d recommend taking them around kids after a serious conversation about it or before, just to see how they act. Maybe try getting a pet or sponsoring one to see how he’d treat the pet as well? They can have good personalities but you’d have to see that they’d want to be a parent. You have to have a trust in him. Is he responsible and stuff like that. He’s he cautious when he needs to be and protective when he needs to be. Any guy can say they will have or want to have kids with you. Not to many men genuinely love kids and all. They just have kids and become dads because of their wives.

So maybe if you don’t find a guy who loves kids, or has those traits, try finding someone who’d be willing to lose a limb for you. He may not be the best dad but he may be somewhat invested, do his part, as long as he gets to be with you.

That’s just my humble recommendation in good spirit, for you in future endeavors, if you move apart from this current guy you’re dating.

As for the question and broken promises, yeah one wasn’t saying “I promise,” but was like a promise and it caused some difficulties on my life, I was depending on that person for support. Their word meant everything and I had to make the adjustments. As for the other one, it was when I was a kid and multiple times my brother had promised, literally, he’d buy me a dog (what I always wanted at the time). He never did but would always mention it. It’d hurt and I’d remind him and he’d say it again, and eventually my sister told me he wouldn’t, and I also stopped believing and got older. I got to an age where I no longer really wanted a dog or a pet for that matter.

Other than that no one ever promised me stuff. People who make promises are few, and those who make them and actually keep them are fewer/rare.

I hope you know what you deserve and get it in any means necessary. (Except for hurting good people or using good people, lol). Other than that, any means.

Oliverlogan263 · Accepted Answer

Man, that really sucks what you're going through. I know how you feel to get your hopes up about things with a guy, just for them to not follow through and make up excuses later on. It's the worst feeling when someone keeps breaking promises to you like that. I can understand why you would start to feel like you can't trust what they say anymore.

It's really not fair that he kept leading you on with all this talk about wanting a family together someday, just to keep pushing it off further and further back even when things aligned for him. That's so messed up of him to change the goalposts like that after you've been with him for so long. You totally have a right to feel lied to and used at this point. I wouldn't blame you for starting to question if that was even his plan from the beginning like you said.

I know it's hard, but you can't stay in a relationship where someone keeps jerking you around and not following through on their words. You deserve way better than to be in this unsure situation forever waiting around for him to finally commit. As much as you care about him, you've got to put yourself and your own happiness first here. Don't waste more of your time sticking around if he won't change how he's treating you.

I know breaking things off will suck, but you'll be way better off in the long run finding someone who actually wants the same things as you and will make you their priority too. Don't settle for less than what you want just cause you've already invested so much time. You'll get through this and meet a guy who appreciates you and keeps his promises someday! Stay strong, you got this! ❤️

ShadezMcgee · Accepted Answer

It bothers me when someone says they will do something and fail to follow through. I will only make promises I keep, IE giving my word. I take that seriously and would rather surround myself with people who are similar in that regard.

People have let me down too many times for me to believe a goddamn thing when it is "promised" to me.

kylee2437 · Answer

I take broken promises very seriously because it shows that person is chasing a feeling and only when it benefits themselves, and it shows me that their decision making wasn’t in favor of them actually caring about me. Biggest way to get me to leave you alone is by breaking promises. I can’t stand a person that can’t stick to their initial word

RoseySarah · Answer

From a nurse there is no good moment to start. Most kids just happen cause 2 people were dumb!

AviatorTom · Answer

I believe that a person should take responsibility for their actions. If they promise to do something, they should do it!

RavenBear0 · Answer

Honestly I have this thing about promises even if it's something small and that promise gets broken I tend to get really upset and pissed off about it and tend to hold a grudge and start trusting them less and less and especially if it comes to the kids thing I understand why you'd be pissed about it coz that's not a small thing honestly it's a pretty massive promise but if he never intended to keep it then why make it in the first place and tbh if it was me and I found out he only did it to keep me around that gives me an even bigger reason to leave his lyin ass, but hey maybe try having a conversation with him about it and see if he'll go for the end of this year or even something a little closer and if at any point for any reason you think he's lyin to you I'd straight up fuckin leave, coz if you want kids and you're ready for them you deserve that and you should find someone who is also ready for that

IslaTheWitch · Answer

Some men have problems finding the good-enough moment. It's like they believe in the moment when they promise something, but when the time comes, they feel it's not a good enough time... they can't find balance...

I gave birth to Drama Queen when I was 30 years old... because my husband is exactly this kind of man :D "next year... we will have a bigger flat/I will get a promotion/whatever" and years passed lol

Ms_Facesitter · Answer

It's just disappointing, because by promising you something, they tell you to trust in them and they break that trust. That's like a double middle finger to your face. They say what you want them to hear. Actions have always spoken louder than words and the next time they say they'll promise you something, you'll just roll their eyes. They might not break this next promise, but it's just too late by then. You already lowered your expectations and put them on the "dogs that only bark" list :p

DreamLife7 · Answer

Here's some tough love (and please don't take this the wrong way. Just being honest):

1. He's young and has a whole future ahead of him. Having a child would affect his dreams. Is that fair for him to drop his life for a child when he's young and has the whole world 🌎 ahead of him.

2. He's young and still exploring

3. Why milk the cow when you can get it for free?

4. The inheritance is HIS MONEY , not yours.

5. You put all your eggs in one basket while He's not doing that He's chosing the life and situation that's best for him not including you. Meaning you chose to plan your life around him while he is not planning his around yours because he's not thinking long term.

RHK36 · Answer

I ain't commenting on the rest because you already know where I stand lol, but on broken promises nah fuck that. I can stand to be fooled maybe twice, but there's definitely no third chance. I tell people either you can lie because you're the best, but if you suck at it better be more forthcoming. If you make me have to get it out of you that's just as bad as broken promises. They in the same vein of bs lying.

Simslover92 · Answer

I'm sorry. That sucks. As for me, I feel like if someone like my boyfriend breaks their promise to me then I would be hurt and I don't know if I could continue the relationship depending on the promise. I'm big with promises.

Drew-1990 · Answer

It sounds like he keeps stringing you alone with all his excuses. Not defending this guy but is it also possible that he wants to wait till your married for kids and he just doesn't want to tell you that for some reason?

NathanDavis · Answer

that sounds more like an excuse (s) than a promise..

RavVid · Answer

Promises between guys and gals are pretty important because we base our life around them. I think every body is angry with those promises being broken

Extraterrestrial1999 · Answer

If you love him, give it some time, maybe he will come around to having kids. I mean, I know a lot of people, who didn't have kids, until their 30s. If your 28, I would say, maybe see where he's at on the situation, next year

Agape93 · Answer

If it's one of those "shit happens, I'm sorry" situations, ok. Sucks but whatever. But if it's deliberate, I won't trust you again.

worldscolide · Answer

I don't break promises, because of that I rarely make a promise unless I know for sure I can keep it. I won't associate with someone who constantly breaks promises.

ChicoFromThe305 · Answer

Guilty of it but I did everything possible from my part to fix that mistake, I'm at peace with myself

Phoenix98 · Answer

I don't make promises often and in general I take promises pretty seriously so if you break one that's kind of a big deal to me.

iron_ninjs · Answer

Don't like people who break their promise. As for your situation. I think you know what I think.  You're smart, you'll make the right choice.

normalice · Answer

It used to irritate me but now it just makes me sad that people are so grasping despite all we have.

Wiredone · Answer

I have never made a promise that I didn't keep. If someone made a promise to me, I hold them to it. To me, a broken promise is a lie and I don't tolerate lying

DJB72 · Answer

I try not to use the phrase "I promise" unless I'm 100% sure I can follow through.

exitseven · Answer

I am sorry kid, I imagine you would be a great catch.

RainBat · Answer

I LOVE when people break promises, it's very endearing, and I enjoy it every time, what an amazing character trait, really makes one MOIST

Yannae · Answer

I lose respect for them the moment they break a promise once.

Shark_61695 · Answer

I don't believe anyone who promises me something... I'm just cynical about everyone.

Jerre · Answer

I can survive with broken promises, but probably not be friends anymore. I’ve never experienced that.

itsclearlynicholas · Answer

I'll get over it, 😬😊😅 "it could always be worse"

douride2 · Answer

Don't make a promise if your not going to keep true to your word.

Twalli · Answer

I'm decisive, but don't know what to do to make my decisions realities.

legalboxers · Answer

shit happens sometimes.. car breaks down.. death in the family. etc

appleadayisgood · Answer

sorry i know how much you want to be a mother.

justabuddy · Answer

I guess I think of this saying. Trust takes years to acquire and pass than 30 sec to destroy.

Tim-loves-it · Answer

I never listen to promises anymore. they never came true.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

I warned you but you didn't listen. 🤷

Hardworkingguy · Answer

I really don't like broken promises

moneymagnet24 · Answer

Promises are made for broke...

KittygosMeoWW · Answer

Hate them….

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