How do you feel about broken promises?

[DizzyDesii]

I used to not hold promises that highly in regard and now I remember why. He said we could start trying for a family once he finishes school and once he has the money to start his business. I feared this could take forever. But then last year we got great news that he’d finish school a year early, by the end of this year. As for starting his business, more good news came when he got news of a family inheritance. I could feel God blessing us more and more. But now that those blessings have come, he now has made new excuses to not try for kids yet and so on. I don’t expect most to understand since “we’re not married”but I can see now that I don’t think that was ever his plan and he said whatever he had to keep me around and to lose his virginity. I can’t believe I dated another indecisive mf and I can’t believe I got suckered again. haven't felt like this since 2018. We’re still together but I don't know for how long. As fcked up as he is, I do enjoy being with him but I know eventually I have to put myself first again. #FeelFreeToList

Updates

2 mo

Last time this shit happened was with the guy i dated for 2 years (2017-2019). All his promises went out the window once we thought i was pregnant. I beat myself up and didn't want to ever look dumb like this again. So i came back stronger for the remainder of 2019/20/21. Then 2022/23, i felt myself getting too vulnerable again. And now I see I’ve fallen back into the same trap. Gosh i suck at this 😩💀🤣 But i’ll figure shit out with or without him. Just gotta see what happens after March

[Anonymous]

hopefully my response can save you and others. I am in law enforcement and wanted to wait until I was financially plus knew my job wasn't going to move me around a lot. I am 30 now and preparing my life to have my first child. it is not the same cycle in life, but we can also keep disappointing ourselves because there are idiots out here who have what we want with little to no effort. I always wanted to be a mom so here goes the story about my cousin.

My cousin had her first child by this college boyfriend of hers that she was crazy in love with. the first child was a son and the second child was a daughter by the same guy. However, the guy rarely spends time with either kid and it was getting to the point where he was an absentee father. She put him on child support but as we all can see here, the child support money is being used to keep her weave done. Her mom has to be buy nearly everything because she spends the money on looking good. He would have them around his girlfriends while leaving them with her. My cousin dress better than her kids which is sad. She leaves her kids with her mom 24/24 while she continues to put the stress on her mom. She hates working, but currently lives in an apartment paid for by section 8 which she perfectly fine with.

She met another guy and same routine. She was hollering about them being in love and how he is the sweetest man. As long as he paid the bills in the house for her, she was perfectly fine. She got pregnant by him, and it wasn't even 2 years later she ended up getting pregnant again. She constantly lied saying she got her tubes tied. Both kids were left on her mom as well.

The guy wasn't making a lot of money as he used to be so she kept lying like he was still staying there, but in reality she started talking to another man. Then she started hollering about how he was abusive to her and much more. She kicked him out because he wasn't making enough. Now she met a different man, yes she is pregnant now by him as well. The man left her while pregnant and went back to his other kids mom. As long as he handed over his debit card, you heard the sweetest things about the guy. He ended up dumping her and going back to his kids mother.

her oldest son is almost 13 years old and can't read at any level. All the responsibilities of doing anything is left on her mom especially with helping with homework.

My cousin is pregnant with her 5th child and two youngest not even 3 years old yet. she leaves those kids on her mom all the time while she constantly give birth to them.

sharing this with you because I wanna inspire you to be patient. it makes me upset that this girl is popping out kids like this while not caring that her kids can barely read and write. It is always the people that don't need kids having them, but leaving us to struggle having them.

[DizzyDesii]

Wow this is nuts. Yea i def won't be doing any of that. I refuse to depend on a guy financially and i also am not trying to have more kids than i can afford. I’d be happy with at least one

[Rosexøxø]

This hurts. Can’t even imagine what if felt like for you. Trying not to get watery eyed. I don’t even want kids. They’re cool, though.

I can imagine the love and thought you’d have for them and do have for them. I don’t know how you’ll handle the situation, but if you do move on, and try again, I’d recommend taking them around kids after a serious conversation about it or before, just to see how they act. Maybe try getting a pet or sponsoring one to see how he’d treat the pet as well? They can have good personalities but you’d have to see that they’d want to be a parent. You have to have a trust in him. Is he responsible and stuff like that. He’s he cautious when he needs to be and protective when he needs to be. Any guy can say they will have or want to have kids with you. Not to many men genuinely love kids and all. They just have kids and become dads because of their wives.

So maybe if you don’t find a guy who loves kids, or has those traits, try finding someone who’d be willing to lose a limb for you. He may not be the best dad but he may be somewhat invested, do his part, as long as he gets to be with you.

That’s just my humble recommendation in good spirit, for you in future endeavors, if you move apart from this current guy you’re dating.

As for the question and broken promises, yeah one wasn’t saying “I promise,” but was like a promise and it caused some difficulties on my life, I was depending on that person for support. Their word meant everything and I had to make the adjustments. As for the other one, it was when I was a kid and multiple times my brother had promised, literally, he’d buy me a dog (what I always wanted at the time). He never did but would always mention it. It’d hurt and I’d remind him and he’d say it again, and eventually my sister told me he wouldn’t, and I also stopped believing and got older. I got to an age where I no longer really wanted a dog or a pet for that matter.

Other than that no one ever promised me stuff. People who make promises are few, and those who make them and actually keep them are fewer/rare.

I hope you know what you deserve and get it in any means necessary. (Except for hurting good people or using good people, lol). Other than that, any means.

[DizzyDesii]

I’m afraid of animals so im not a pet person. He loves animals and is all cuddly with them. he's a bit distant from kids and will only laugh if they do something silly. He wants kids but preferably in his 30s. He knew i wanted kids way sooner than that and still played along. And no he's shows he's unreliable to any/everything outside of work and that he isn't protective (something he is trying hard to makeup for after leaving me in a risky situation). My other exes loved kids but i dont know any guy willing to lose a limb for me. I’d risk my life to save them but likely once married. I know he's big on being a dad but he's just not ready to be one.

[Oliverlogan263]

Man, that really sucks what you're going through. I know how you feel to get your hopes up about things with a guy, just for them to not follow through and make up excuses later on. It's the worst feeling when someone keeps breaking promises to you like that. I can understand why you would start to feel like you can't trust what they say anymore.

It's really not fair that he kept leading you on with all this talk about wanting a family together someday, just to keep pushing it off further and further back even when things aligned for him. That's so messed up of him to change the goalposts like that after you've been with him for so long. You totally have a right to feel lied to and used at this point. I wouldn't blame you for starting to question if that was even his plan from the beginning like you said.

I know it's hard, but you can't stay in a relationship where someone keeps jerking you around and not following through on their words. You deserve way better than to be in this unsure situation forever waiting around for him to finally commit. As much as you care about him, you've got to put yourself and your own happiness first here. Don't waste more of your time sticking around if he won't change how he's treating you.

I know breaking things off will suck, but you'll be way better off in the long run finding someone who actually wants the same things as you and will make you their priority too. Don't settle for less than what you want just cause you've already invested so much time. You'll get through this and meet a guy who appreciates you and keeps his promises someday! Stay strong, you got this! ❤️

[DizzyDesii]

Yea we’ll decide by the end of next month if we’re gonna end things or not. But rn we’re workin on it

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah man, that's a tough situation to be in. On one hand, I get wanting to try and make things work if you still have feelings for the guy. But at the same time, waiting around for someone who keeps breaking promises is so frustrating.

I'd say really pay attention to how he acts over the next month. If he's just giving you more excuses and half commitments again, then I don't think he's really gonna change, you know? But if you see him actively trying to prove he wants to step up and do better, then maybe there's hope.

Just don't let him drag it out forever with empty words. Make sure he's showing you with his actions that you and your relationship are important to him. And definitely don't put your own happiness on hold while waiting to see. You gotta make sure you're still living your life too during this time.

I hope it works out for the best, whatever happens. But you deserve someone who's all in, so don't settle for anything less than that. And if by the end of the month you still feel unsure about where he stands, then for your own sake you'll probably need to call it. You've got this! Let me know if you ever need to talk or vent more about it all.

[ShadezMcgee]

It bothers me when someone says they will do something and fail to follow through. I will only make promises I keep, IE giving my word. I take that seriously and would rather surround myself with people who are similar in that regard.

People have let me down too many times for me to believe a goddamn thing when it is "promised" to me.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea i wish i stuck to calling bullshit on promises. Had a vulnerable moment. It is what it is ig

[kylee2437]

I take broken promises very seriously because it shows that person is chasing a feeling and only when it benefits themselves, and it shows me that their decision making wasn’t in favor of them actually caring about me. Biggest way to get me to leave you alone is by breaking promises. I can’t stand a person that can’t stick to their initial word

[DizzyDesii]

Preach 😩

[RoseySarah]

From a nurse there is no good moment to start. Most kids just happen cause 2 people were dumb!

[DizzyDesii]

I dont mind being dumb if its gonna make me a parent

[RoseySarah]

You at least realize sex means kids

[AviatorTom]

I believe that a person should take responsibility for their actions. If they promise to do something, they should do it!

[DizzyDesii]

I agree

[RavenBear0]

Honestly I have this thing about promises even if it's something small and that promise gets broken I tend to get really upset and pissed off about it and tend to hold a grudge and start trusting them less and less and especially if it comes to the kids thing I understand why you'd be pissed about it coz that's not a small thing honestly it's a pretty massive promise but if he never intended to keep it then why make it in the first place and tbh if it was me and I found out he only did it to keep me around that gives me an even bigger reason to leave his lyin ass, but hey maybe try having a conversation with him about it and see if he'll go for the end of this year or even something a little closer and if at any point for any reason you think he's lyin to you I'd straight up fuckin leave, coz if you want kids and you're ready for them you deserve that and you should find someone who is also ready for that

[DizzyDesii]

I’ve caught him in several lies but this one was probably the trigger for me. So now im just here cause i still enjoy his company and want to see how our March trip goes. After March, I don't know if we’ll still be a thing or not. Just going with the flow, something i fckin hate doin but yea

[RavenBear0]

Yea that's fair but honestly I'd still recommend you talkin to him about it and makin sure he knows how important this is to you and how big of a deal breaker it can be

[DizzyDesii]

He knows. We had a 4 day battle. Vday week was going great until he started dropping bombs on Friday

[RavenBear0]

Ooo shit I'm sorry, well then apart from that I really don't know, but tbh if it was me that'd be a massive deal breaker for me and I wouldn't be able to stay especially if he had been lying to me about all

[IslaTheWitch]

Some men have problems finding the good-enough moment. It's like they believe in the moment when they promise something, but when the time comes, they feel it's not a good enough time... they can't find balance...

I gave birth to Drama Queen when I was 30 years old... because my husband is exactly this kind of man :D "next year... we will have a bigger flat/I will get a promotion/whatever" and years passed lol

[DizzyDesii]

Do you mean actual birth? Like you had a baby?

[IslaTheWitch]

yes,

[DizzyDesii]

Lucky

[Ms_Facesitter]

It's just disappointing, because by promising you something, they tell you to trust in them and they break that trust. That's like a double middle finger to your face. They say what you want them to hear. Actions have always spoken louder than words and the next time they say they'll promise you something, you'll just roll their eyes. They might not break this next promise, but it's just too late by then. You already lowered your expectations and put them on the "dogs that only bark" list :p

[DreamLife7]

Here's some tough love (and please don't take this the wrong way. Just being honest):

1. He's young and has a whole future ahead of him. Having a child would affect his dreams. Is that fair for him to drop his life for a child when he's young and has the whole world 🌎 ahead of him.

2. He's young and still exploring

3. Why milk the cow when you can get it for free?

4. The inheritance is HIS MONEY , not yours.

5. You put all your eggs in one basket while He's not doing that He's chosing the life and situation that's best for him not including you. Meaning you chose to plan your life around him while he is not planning his around yours because he's not thinking long term.

[DizzyDesii]

Thank you but 28 is not young. I understand if he was under 25. And he knew the shit when we got together. I told him if he wasn't about it not to waste my time. He chose to be here

[DreamLife7]

Men are not women they aren't worried about some biological clock. He has his shit or is getting his shit together for HIM, not you. If he's getting wifey support, company, and sex for free , why wouldn't he stick around and kill time? Men will tell you what you want to hear just to get what they need yet won't view you as long term. He's got a whole different plan that doesn't include you.

[RHK36]

I ain't commenting on the rest because you already know where I stand lol, but on broken promises nah fuck that. I can stand to be fooled maybe twice, but there's definitely no third chance. I tell people either you can lie because you're the best, but if you suck at it better be more forthcoming. If you make me have to get it out of you that's just as bad as broken promises. They in the same vein of bs lying.

[DizzyDesii]

You’re right

[Drew-1990]

It sounds like he keeps stringing you alone with all his excuses. Not defending this guy but is it also possible that he wants to wait till your married for kids and he just doesn't want to tell you that for some reason?

[DizzyDesii]

He did tell me that, late. Thats why i told you last weekend opened my eyes that i was being strung along. Now I’m just here for a couple of perks and to see how the next trip goes

[Drew-1990]

I know but you didn't mention the baby part

[DizzyDesii]

Cause thats the most hurtful part to bring up. Im tryna stay optimistic

[Drew-1990]

I understand you know I care and hoping for you

[DizzyDesii]

I know

[NathanDavis]

that sounds more like an excuse (s) than a promise..

[DizzyDesii]

The promises were made early last year. The excuses just continued to come after

[NathanDavis]

see, this is why I remained single during the pandemia + my business getting in a bit of a rough trouble because of it

precisely because I didn't know how uncertain it would all be... and I would not want give promises that would be empty or sound like excuses

[DizzyDesii]

Smart man

[Simslover92]

I'm sorry. That sucks. As for me, I feel like if someone like my boyfriend breaks their promise to me then I would be hurt and I don't know if I could continue the relationship depending on the promise. I'm big with promises.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea I don't know if the relationship will continue. But im here for now

[Simslover92]

Aww I'm sorry girl. It sucks when you have someone go back on their promise like that but all I'll say is do what you have to do. Don't stay in something that doesn't serve you any good.

[RavVid]

Promises between guys and gals are pretty important because we base our life around them. I think every body is angry with those promises being broken

[DizzyDesii]

Yeah

[Extraterrestrial1999]

If you love him, give it some time, maybe he will come around to having kids. I mean, I know a lot of people, who didn't have kids, until their 30s. If your 28, I would say, maybe see where he's at on the situation, next year

[DizzyDesii]

He and i have had this major discussion since we met. His “goal” was to not do me like someone in the past did me. He was just talking out of his ass. I do live him and im still here. I just dont know for how much longer. I just turned 29 this month. he's about to turn 28. He knew where i stood before we started dating. He was just talking out of his ass

[Extraterrestrial1999]

Well, if that's the case, you should try to go for someone 30 or older. Maybe they'll be more willing to have kids now.

[DizzyDesii]

I’d prefer kids with someone in their 20s, 30 at the oldest

[Agape93]

If it's one of those "shit happens, I'm sorry" situations, ok. Sucks but whatever. But if it's deliberate, I won't trust you again.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea its deliberate. If i didn't love him, i’d be gone already

[Agape93]

I don't blame you

[worldscolide]

I don't break promises, because of that I rarely make a promise unless I know for sure I can keep it. I won't associate with someone who constantly breaks promises.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea i dont make promises cause i know ima break the shit

[ChicoFromThe305]

Guilty of it but I did everything possible from my part to fix that mistake, I'm at peace with myself

[DizzyDesii]

Thats good

[Phoenix98]

I don't make promises often and in general I take promises pretty seriously so if you break one that's kind of a big deal to me.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea tis a big deal

[iron_ninjs]

Don't like people who break their promise.
As for your situation. I think you know what I think.
You're smart, you'll make the right choice.

[DizzyDesii]

I haven't been smart since 2022 so we’ll see if i bounce back

[iron_ninjs]

You will

[normalice]

It used to irritate me but now it just makes me sad that people are so grasping despite all we have.

[DizzyDesii]

Grasping in what way

[normalice]

Making promises to get what they want because they really want it but then forgetting all about the promise once they have it.

[DizzyDesii]

Thats why im about to start recording people and letting them know “this call will be monitored” 😂

[normalice]

Well, I say "forget" but it's not really that. They just lost the incentive to care about the entire situation. Making the promise doesn't make sense anymore. They are focused on the next thing they want not paying their debts for the last thing they got..

[Wiredone]

I have never made a promise that I didn't keep. If someone made a promise to me, I hold them to it. To me, a broken promise is a lie and I don't tolerate lying

[DizzyDesii]

I feel you