How do you process dating moving forward when your first dating experience was so bad?

[Anonymous]

For so long I wanted a relationship and I finally landed in my first one 4 years ago and ultimately it ended last may. But the remnants remain of what happened more often then not it seemed like she never took it seriously. Our communication sucked because she didn’t really ever want to talk cause situations would trigger her. She had temper tantrums and meltdown’s if she didn’t get her way. We always had to do what she wanted to do I felt my interests fading into the background. She constantly seemed like she was ashamed of me she was addicted to posting on social media she would do pictures of herself, family, friends but not even 1 of us. Even in her regular phone she didn’t. When it came to gift giving around Valentine’s Day her birthday or Christmas my gifts were thoughtful like I would go off her interests and what she liked. But for me she never seemed to invest as much. The first Christmas her mom bought the gift for me then for Christmas of 2022 she went to the dollar store and got a bunch of random things I would never use and got upset when they went untouched, actually she started using them herself. I was upset not with the gifts but the symbolism that she didn’t even try cause she knew all my interests. I think the thing my brain is grappling with is she got the benefits of a relationship without investing in it.

[HollyK21]

I’ve heard that it takes half the time you were with someone to get over them. This isn’t the case for everyone, some people move on immediately but if the relationship was especially tumultuous then it could really take that time. You broke up with you ex not even a year ago, so after 4 years together I’m not surprised you’re still feeling like this.


My advice is to not worry so much about dating someone new. You still have trauma to heal, and what you don’t want is for another woman to pay for what you ex did in any way, shape or form.


If you’re wondering how to finally move on from your ex, I’d say start with forgiveness. This isn’t for her at all, but for you, because as long as you keep lamenting over the situation, hanging on to your hurt, fear and anger, then you’ll never get over her. You’ll never be able to fully let a woman in again or trust properly out of fear she’ll do what your ex did, and basically your ex will keep preventing you from moving on. I don't know about you but I don’t think ex’s deserve to have such a powerful position in not only your life but your decision-making.


So forgive her, for not having what it took to be a proper girlfriend and putting you through so much hell. Forgive yourself for sticking with her for 4 years despite all the reasons you should’ve broken up. Then you can start moving on, because you’ve made peace with that chapter of your life being over and shutting that door for good.

[laly520]

by learning how to accept it ending n moving on