What are your thoughts on these 5 things?

Question

If you’re not being treated right in a relationship and someone comes along meeting all that you hoped for, and they are all for y'all giving it a go once you simply end things with your boyfriend/girlfriend to be with them, then…

#1 Why do people outside of the relationship consider them to be THE REBOUND rather than referring to the new guy/girl as the potentially BETTER OPTION? (Especially if you’re feeling emotionally available and only focused on the present and not the past partner)

#2 Why is it considered some form of emotional cheating to have seen better in someone else and choosing to leave to see if the grass is greener? (without physically cheating/acting on it)

#3 Why do people feel you need time to heal to get over someone? (A lot of people checkout emotionally long before they physically leave).

#4 Aren't these options better than staying with someone who is not right for them? (Sure they could be alone for a while but why pass up a great opportunity that crossed your path. That person may not be single later).

#5 Why do some girls and guys try to ruin your relationship with someone but then decide that they also do not want you after you have left your boyfriend/girlfriend for them? (Like was it all just a game about the chase/a challenge accomplished)

#FeelFreeToList

What are your thoughts on these 5 things?

Lliam · Accepted Answer

When I was young, I wasn't looking for marriage or kids. I would get into relationships and be deeply infatuated (I was into 100% exclusivity), but the infatuation would wear off after several months or a couple years. It wasn't that I didn't like them anymore, I just didn't want to spend the rest of my life with them.

I never cheated. I just moved on. It sounds cold blooded and it was. But it turned out for the best in the long run for all concerned.

I think it's tragic to waste time when you know something won't last.

So, in answer to your questions:
#1. A new guy/girl can definitely be - SHOULD BE - the better option.

#2. It's only emotional cheating if you are married. But in a relationship (boyfriend/girlfriend), you aren't yet committed for life. Those kinds of relationships are part of the search for a life-partner. So it's rational to meet someone else and choose to leave to see if they may be the one, or at least to get more life experience and insight into yourself.

#3. This is a tricky one. You're right about a lot of people checking out emotionally long before they physically leave. So the best way to heal is to find someone new; someone better.

The only reason not to immediately seek another relationship is if you still love your ex and can't get them out of your mind, because that's not fair to your new partner.

I had an experience when I was 38. I had been living with a girlfriend named Petra for well over a year. She was the first woman I ever loved. I loved her with my heart and soul and she loved me.

We would up separating even though we loved each other. It's too complicated to explain why.

I've never experienced such pain in my life. I had a constant feeling of being punched in the gut. It was so bad that I sometimes felt nauseous. At times, when I was alone, I would double over and bawl.

It took me a year to pull myself together and move on because I only wanted her and couldn't imagine anyone being as perfect. She had set the bar. She was my ideal.

Then I met my (future) wife when I was 40. She was totally different but in an amazing way. Nobody could ever be Petra, but my wife is another type of perfect ideal.

So I guess the only reason you need "time to heal" is if you aren't ready to move on with your life. But in some ways, that doesn't make sense because time, itself, doesn't heal. It's up to you to stop dwelling on the past and make yourself emotionally available again.

#4. Absolutely! Pull up your socks and go for it.

#5. I don't know. A person who does that is sadistic. They take perverse pleasure in hurting people for selfish reasons. But I also have to place some blame on the pursuee for being gullible, as well as unfaithful. If they allow themselves to be lured by someone else, it proves that they are in the phase I described in #2. They are still searching. So it's best that their partner find out sooner than later.

I knew a nerdy guy named Pete in high school. After we graduated, he had a kind of cute girlfriend. It made him feel like one of the cool dudes.

At some point, a good friend of mine named Brad, who was also friends with Pete, hit on the girl at a party and fucked her. He didn't want her. He just got some kind of satisfaction from the conquest of fucking girls who were desired by other guys.

Anyway, when he did that to Pete, I thought Brad was a lowlife. Pete broke up with his girlfriend and was devastated. It destroyed him and he disappeared.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Man, I want to answer these. But we are talking personal feelings and there is no clear cut right or wrong answer to most these. a lot of it comes down to perspective and intent.

One would HOPE if a person is in a relationship they're in it for the right reasons to begin with. Because it isn't just about one person's feelings. The problem is, that's exactly what it is in many cases. So for example.

1. Those people are not in the relationship as you pointed out. Why care what they have to say? They don-/ know the dynamics. You do! They can make any ruling or judgement they want. But it's not relevant because they're not in the relationship.

2. This is a sensitive question. Where does cheating begin? Is it emotional? Is it sexual? Does it begin with a wandering eye. This question WILL be hotly debated because relationships are NEVER equal. Someone will ALWAYS love someone more than the other. But the best relationships ebb and flow. Because they love eachother equally at different times. I don't know if what I'm trying to say is translating here.

3. This one is an interesting question to me. Because I can relate to it. The assumption is you need time to grieve and heal after a relationship and I agree. But some wounds will NEVER heal. Or more accurately they'll heal but there'll always be a tender scar. So people are just saying make sure you're over the last relationship so as to not take any baggage into the new one. Again this will always be debated because of people, thier personalities and varying feelings, and thier experiences.

4. I'm very black and white about this. There's a line from the movie "The Mexican". And the question is posed "in a relationship when is enough enough"? The answer given? "Never". When you love someone, never. You either choose to love someone and take all the bad with the good or you make the decision to not be in a relationship with them. Love is not conditional. I think in question 4, people are worried that you are making love conditional when they may not realize you've just decided that you can't afford to love that person anymore. Again this is perspective. I want to make it clear. I don't think it's OK to lose feelings then look around for a better partner. Then end the relationship. You need to end the relationship. Then look for another partner. Again I understand how it's possible that someone finds you and you're not even looking. Again, perspective.

5. Women are not cookie cutter. You already know this. It would be easy to say she some b**** that is just jealous, wants to sabotage your relationship, and THEN judge you for it ending. And I'm not saying that isn't a possibility. But she could also be someone who just thinks differently then you. So she's highly critical of your relationship. Again I go back to my original point, these people are NOT in the relationship with you and him! They're opinion is NOT relevant. Because they do not know the dynamic between you and him. They can't! So take other people's advice on YOUR relationship with a grain of salt. They'll most often just cause strife. Even if it wasn't intended.

NathanDavis · Answer

nope... I don't switch or replace people

if I am not happy with someone, then I close things with that someone, because I am just not happy with them and I should not be in that situation

I would never stay unhappy in relationship (this being different from working on some issues within the relationship, because these would be minor things and but we're still happy)

#1 rebounds...
rebounds are rebounds... this is when you mess with someone while you're still hooked up on the previous one... not exactly a better option, now... what other people think about it, is always be up to them and not what the truth really is

#2 emotional cheating...
it is emotional cheating because the other person feels emotionally cheated... and also because you're getting involved with two people after the understanding in a committed relationship was, to be faithful to one another in all aspects just not the physical one

#3 healing...
not everyone needs to heal after a relationship, that is true... I never needed to heal after any relationship because I was never hurt by my partners or our previous relationship... I however, needed a time to cool down and to readjust in few aspects, emotionally and mentally... yes, I need to cool down first, and it could take months

#4 options...
personally... I do not see people as optional
if I am with you, I am a 1000% with you... and if we're not happy then we should just not be together... but I certainly do not wait around looking for better options to trade with, no

#5 players
no idea... I don't mess with those people

Ms_Facesitter · Answer

#1 Why do people outside of the relationship consider them to be THE REBOUND rather than referring to the new guy/girl as the potentially BETTER OPTION?

If they only get with me when the relationship didn't work, I won't see myself as a better option but the Second option. If I was the better option, he wouldn't wait and see if the current relationship would work. He would just break up.

#2 Why is it considered some form of emotional cheating to have seen better in someone else and choosing to leave to see if the grass is greener?

I see this as "Wanting to take a break" But I don't see this as cheating. This is a break up in my eyes if you need a "break" from eachother.

#3 Why do people feel you need time to heal to get over someone?

They expect others to feel the same way as them.

#4 Aren't these options better than staying with someone who is not right for them?

Definitely, is someone is not right #1 IS the better option. #2 I would look for someone better. #3 I would move on pretty fast once #4 realization is there.

#5 Why do some girls and guys try to ruin your relationship with someone but then decide that they also do not want you after you have left your boyfriend/girlfriend for them?

They want what you have and they're jealous of what you have and they don't like you because you have what they do not.

Drew-1990 · Answer

I'm going to try to answer them all in one thing. I personally feel like this is a grey area in general. I understand people are in crappy relationships and deserve better but when you look at this other as greener and better I feel like you are setting your current relationship to fail. Maybe the guy isn't a rebound and is better but did you just sabotage your current relationship probably more on a subconscious level? And personally I am a believer in taking time to yourself after break up. I feel like it. You need that even if you don't realize it. And honestly, it's kind of a slap in the face to the person you left like your relationship meant nothing. And on the being emotionally done months before it ends, that's usually more of a girl thing. Guys can do it too don't get me wrong but most don't. Honestly, many men have been blindsided by that. They thought the relationship was going good and then found out that their girlfriend was unhappy for a long time, not always the case but a lot of times.

Joshydavid25 · Answer

Just end things with the person, and not entertain somebody else honestly..

#1 Well it is a rebound at the end of the day, because you jumped from one relationship to another right after, and the hurt, pain, and emotional attachment probably hasn't gone away that quickly.. Unless you were already checked out and ready to go, but at that point you would just leave.

#2 It is at the end of the day. No matter if your current relationship sucks, and the other person is better, you are getting emotionally and romantically attached to the other person while still in a relationship.

#3 Well, because if you were with that person for any given amount of time, your emotions are still attached to the situation, and maybe even the person especially if you end it..

#4 You don't know if the next person is right for you either.. But, the best option is just to get out of there and move on if the relationship sucks..

#5 Once their ego was stroked and they have you wrapped around their finger, they probably got bored and wanted to go on the the next challenge like a sociopath..

Paradiseequeen · Answer

My brothers have experienced this so I seen them be involved with all types of situations sadly. There are women out here that don’t give a damn about your relationship or the next man relationship. All they wanna do is try to outdo the next woman and take men from them. These women weren’t right at all for them, but they all married the same woman they created havoc with. It goes both ways for both genders. There are people who love to abuse and manipulate. People be ruining other people relationships for a form of control. emotional cheating could always lead to something better if the person isn’t like any other person, but their dream person. Someone they actually find themselves in but people these days are jealous

BoopBoopBeep · Answer

At first I was going to say "All of them are better with buffalo sauce and homemade ranch dressing!" then I realized I was hungry and possibly illiterate.

I wholeheartedly agree with you, especially #3. I've had a few breakups where we were waiting til something passed or I got home or whatever, but it was really over long before then. How long did it take to move on? I dunno... good 15 minutes at least. Back when I was a smoker that's 1.5 cigarettes. That usually did it.

I do think some people are too quick to jump on #2, but reality is that's how it is sometimes. Especially when your partner has just started phoning it in. Like the song lyrics go "If you never left me lonely, took the time to satisfy me, I would never do the things to him that had you loving me"... but that cuts both ways for men and women.

Anonymous · Answer

1) Difficult. It should always be the better option. But some people want to numb negative emotions from a breakup by having a temporary love to distract them from the emotions.

2) No idea

3) Because sometimes its difficult to make the descicion to leave someone. Or to accept the fact you are not together anymore.

4) Yes. But people rather avoid making that choice because they are afraid of what is waiting for them in the future. Andthe typical "what if's"

5) Jalousy. Especially when that person itself doesn't have a significcant other. They hate seeing others with the thing they desire. So they want to take it away to have them feel that persons pain.

RavVid · Answer

Society has a pretty keen interest in successful pair bonding and is censorious of those who break pair bonds. If girls and guys are all paired up then it is destabilizing for one of them to be broken, potentially leading to a round of musical relationship chairs.

Someone who deliberately sets about causing a break up but without long term intent is pretty dangerous

At the same time society is highly sympathetic to relationship failures unsuccessful.

I think these views revolve around this dichotomy.

Abdulwahh · Answer

1) This is because people like stories they like to talk about others but when tables are turned they get angry.

2) it will only be emotionally cheating if the one person leaves the other due to novelty wearing off however for abuse and too many unfixable differences its best to part.

3) some people have lots of trauma so they avoid relationships for a while.

4) it is better if the person is truly sincere such as feeling abused not a reason such as novelty ofcourse which will wear off.

5) either it was just for the challenge or certain things turned the person off about them.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

#2 "Why is it considered some form of emotional cheating to have seen better in someone else and choosing to leave to see if the grass is greener? (without physically cheating/acting on it)"

Because if you do it now, then you'll also do it when you're married.

#deezhoesaintloyal

exitseven · Answer

All valid points. Relationships are usually messy and awkward. They hardly ever go the way you want them to.

Anonymous · Answer

They are all indications of insecurity and emotional weakness.

dinojames22 · Answer

I lost my virginity as a girls rebound guy. I felt weird about it later on but not at the time

strateguy632 · Answer

1 just concern.

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