I'm beginning to feel, that I might not be fit for a romantic relationship as I'll feel like a victim? Please advice me?

[Anonymous]

Please advice me on how to overcome this.

I've always loved myself more than anything while growing up, not is a condescending way. I look after myself in all aspects very well. Cherished my friends and family. Loved to give & be helpful. My priority to have good friends was priority than being in a romantic relationship.

At university, met a lot of guys I was interested in & vice versa. Never dived into anything head-on. Would get to know him slowly. But most of the time, I would find out he's seeing multiple girls at the same time while he has been trying to woe me or he has a girl friend and is just trying to have a good time on the side.

Some guys would try to humiliate me publicly, or threaten me on social media or chase me around from university, to my accommodation, malls, gyms and so forth if I wasn't interested in them. I learnt through this, I had to handle their ego's correctly.

All this leaves me shattered, reduces my mental health & I love myself less. It takes me more 6 months to recover.

University to work, handling my emotions better. Men showed excessive interest to get into your pants. I connected with this guy after I left the work place. He gave another excessive attention after he got with me and I felt jealous for the 1st time "the burn"!

Decided to focus only on my work as it'll get me to a better place than working on a relationship. Came another over-showering me with excessive flattering while I'm trying to stay strong and not go down another negative emotional rollercoaster, as i'll go into a cycle of possessiveness, seeking their consistency and its a vicious cycle. To counter all this I've swamped my life with work and activities to be productive with my energy. I'm learning to stay detached with boundaries not to let things affect me. But somethings they do, trigger me and I distance myself from them & that's how I'm managing.

Please help me out here on how to manage things correctly, if i'm doing something wrong.

[teamvic]

It sounds like you just haven't found a good guy

Most you meet only seem to want to fuck and you're not into that. Simple as that

As far as what you can do, well your best bet is just make them your friends first. So you're gonna have to friend zone them. Because the problem you're having is these guys just wanna fuck right away. This way if you make them be friends first if all they're looking for is sex they'll eventually leave. The ones that want more will stay. Also you'll find guys who will stay but still try to make a move, as in hook up, one night stand kind of guy. Those guys might not be what you're looking for either. If they try that. Unless you want it, I wouldn't give them a chance

Also if you make them friends first. Not only will you find the ones who actually wanna be with you, you'll also get to know them and see if you even LIKE them. Looks aside

[Luckycharms12]

Be in a relationship is work you can't do everything you want anymore have someone else to think of. Comes with some cons but also comes with lots of pros to

[Asker]

Thanks for your response. Yes I agree relationships are a lot of work and effort & it comes with pros and cons. I'm prepared to put in that effort and time into it. But these men I have encountered, seem to wonder around and I can't accept that back to back! I get hurt and feel less than at those instances. I don't know if they want me to feel less than on the flip side. It takes me a long time to recover and I can't seem to focus on things I need to focus on and my health gets affected. So I'm just trying to stay strong and if a man really likes me, I don't have the strength to take too many steps closer to him. I'm going to have him at a distance, just to protect me in my world.

I've buried my head into my work and am staying busy. Then a man came along recently and we worked great together and felt like we made a good team and we had each others back. We had a good sync on many things. His family member said many positive things about me and complimented me on my compatibility with the man. They said, keep in touch with him and feel free to reach out, but he isn't the best at reaching out and initiating. We don't live near by and I'm just maintaining a friendship and not getting anywhere close to anything else. As if I do, I'm probably going to see myself become a crazy person. So I stay away and just being productive with my energy and life, as I can't afford to let my life slip again...

[Luckycharms12]

I think it's good to be a little lazy and a little laid back with someone life stressful all needs down time. Be comfortable and confident to be yourself. Goofy and fun times.

[Luckycharms12]

But understand where you are coming from be friends with that guy but he should be making an effort too. Id move on tho life short seem nice and have your shit together. Know what you want and don't.

[Asker]

Thanks for your kind words!

[Luckycharms12]

Any time

[Anonymous]

You have expectations for what you want in a relationship and the vast number of men you encounter are not meeting those expectations? That does not mean there is anything wrong with your expectations. Sounds to me, you expect a man to be faithful to you? That’s fine. Nothing wrong with what you’re expecting. You can’t control how others choose to live though. Hopefully, you’ll meet a guy who’s sold out for you but if you don’t.. being single isn’t bad. You can live a beautiful and meaningful life, whether you’re in a relationship or not.

[Asker]

Thank you so much for your response, it means a lot. Yes, you are right, I do have expectations for them to be a good person & treat me politely. I'm not the sort to even think of harming or breaking another & these guys are oblivious to both. Why do that, if they aren't interested genuinely for something long tern in the 1st place.

It's so frustrating. More than being single, I always wanted to be a mom and have at least 2 children. But I don't want to have a family with just anyone and then suffer with a mental breakdown down the line.

I feel the older I get, the strength to protect me emotionally is weakening & that scares me more. I feel the strength I have is only to apply it to something positive and productive and it cannot be used by others to tear it apart.