What is the difference between marriage and relationship other than legalisation of relationship?

[SunnyRS]

Don't get me wrong I am not against marriage, in fact I am from India, here marriage is celebrated like a festival. But I don't see the purpose of it.
What does it bring to the table which is more positive than being in a relationship?
Now I know if I ask this question here in my country my elders would smack me with all the religious books they can find and tell me relationships are not good or pure without marriage. But who decides what's pure or not?
I mean I don't believe in God but even if I did I don't think God would have time for such small things like checking a marriage certificate of a couple living together.
No offence to believers of God.

Updates

1 mo

I think I should be more specific in my question as the replies I am receiving are mostly focused on the societal perspective of marriage and I completely agree with that. Marriage is more easily acceptable by society than a relationship. But my question is what does marriage bring in extra for the couple which is not present in a relationship?

[Vesuvius87]

I don't believe in a god but even atheists can get married at a courthouse, at vineyards, at resorts, at beaches, etc. Perhaps you'll never really understand it from a woman's view. For it isn't just about the legality but rather deeper stability, security and that fact that I can publically (symbolism) refer to him as a husband rather than just a boyfriend. I would feel more motivated to work on issues within a marriage vs just a boyfriend I've been dating for a couple years and no interest in marriage. I just don't feel a boyfriend is a family to me and by now it would be very insulting if a boyfriend were to call me ''oh my beautiful wife'' and lovebomb me like that.

Unlike a relationship that's base on a verbal agreement, intimacy and romance, a marriage has more than that. It can also include being included as the person being able to make important medical decision if they were ever in an accident or them included on your health insurance and it being cheaper.

Perhaps this isn't the best example but I'll give you this analogy:

Imagine you've been applying for a management position for years and your superiors praise so you much and even say you're the future manager or even call you a manager, how you're the best and blah, blah, blah but they never give you the position ever, it's just words and not actual recognition. Wouldn't that make you feel incomplete and you would wonder if you're at a dead-end going nowhere? Similar concept.

[Vesuvius87]

Then to add salt to the injury, when you tried talking about the management position... your superiors tell you '''but why bother, you're like a manager already because we are saying it.. it's the same as if you were a manager, just without the actual position'' (again just words, no actual raise in position nor salary, nothing... just empty words).

[SunnyRS]

Going by your analogy, I would be happy, with the praise if they meant it even without giving me the promotion.
By which I mean if the person I am with actually appreciates me and our relationship it doesn't matter to me if we are to legalize that love.
A family for me is someone whom I care for with my whole heart, it could include my girlfriend and my friends too.

[Vesuvius87]

I think it would be best if you found a woman that shares your same concept and is like-minded. If you find marriage-minded women, then you guys will be incompatible. Personally I won't feel good just living together. I would like the full recognition (the actual action) and not just words.

[SunnyRS]

Fair enough

[StarWarGirl]

Stability, security, freedom from being always tip toed so that any action of yours could end relationship any time. Strength to take strong decison whenever required without thinking about consequences. These all are benifit of giving it a bond which can't be broken whenever we want.

It's like difference between coalition government and single party government.

[jahaims]

I had stability, security and didn't tiptoe at all prior to marriage. You can have all of things in a healthy relationship without marriage.

[StarWarGirl]

Sure but still marriage make that more secure with a legal bond like tightening that knot for one more level of security.

[SunnyRS]

I understand your point @StarWarGirl but I don't fully agree, you can get stability, security and freedom all of these things if you trust your partner whether you are married or not.
Otherwise there won't be any cheating after people get married and there won't be any divorces as well if the marriage is that stable.

[jahaims]

So you agree it is just a legality, lol. Also, if you feel like you need an added layer of security to a relationship, you definitely shouldn't be with that person because you don't trust them.

[StarWarGirl]

Also it's like a signal/symbol for society/people around us that we are exclusive and so don't dare to touch any of us. Give two individual a status in society which is seen with respect and we need not to full explain to them that what are we but only one word "married" is enough to explain everything.

[SunnyRS]

That's fair, so it's for society.

[StarWarGirl]

We are human full of emotions anytime any emotions any difficult times can shake us can change the person can question our trust can make one person feel insecure.

[StarWarGirl]

It's for both society as well as for personal mental peace

[SunnyRS]

That is true with or without marriage though, even a married person can have trust issues.

[jahaims]

If you need marriage to be able to tell people you are exclusive, then that isn't a healthy relationship. How is marriage seen with respect when most fail? Something with an over 50% failure rate isn't respectable in itself. Getting married to save time saying words when you explain your relationship is nuts.

[StarWarGirl]

@SunnyRS one thing I am very curious to know if you don't mind telling me, if you really were in such kind healthy relationship then what stops you to make it legal? Why you feel the need for this to be questioned?

[SunnyRS]

@StarWarGirl i am not in a relationship currently and honestly I don't have any problem in tying the knot with someone if they want to in the future, but if someone asks me if I want to get married, my response to that will be, it doesn't matter to me.
If you want marriage sure but if you don't and still want to stay with me I am ok with that as well.

[StarWarGirl]

Then it's completely fine. It's completely okay to be as both partners wants. The purpose of marriage is only to make it a respectable label for society, to avoid the future complications for raising families and during taking the decision about properties etc or other such problems we face in future. And making separation a little bit tougher. That's it.

[SunnyRS]

Yes, I understand and that's why I asked in the question that other than legalizing what does it bring to the table, which apparently it doesn't.
But thank you for your reply and a healthy conversation

[abc3643]

Marriage is a statement and, in fact, a legal one.

When you are just shacking up, that's like "playing house". Society doesn't respect it and the law doesn't really either since it's no different than teens dating.

Marriage - which is a LEGAL thing - officially means that the couple is saying:

"We declare the following:

• We are committed to each other for the rest of our lives.
• We are each other's best friend.
• We will make decisions that are in our best interests.
• I trust this person with my life.
• We are a new family."

In short, it tells society that you are serious and not just fucking around (in every sense of the word). Society recognizes that you are each other's most critical person in their lives. You are the "back-up" for the other person from society's perspective and it respects your choices regarding your spouse if your spouse cannot make those choices.

Society won't do that if you are not married and will, instead, go to next of kin.

This is why marriage isn't "just a piece of paper".

[SunnyRS]

I understand your points that marriage is for society and legalizing your relationship and I believe I said the same in my question that it is that but do you think that those who are not married are just shacking up?
There is no loving relationship without marriage?
And if society is something that you and your partner don't care about then you can live without marriage?

[abc3643]

There are plenty of loving relationships without marriage (*). They used to then LEAD to marriage. Now, people are lazy and that laziness has become an accepted part of the culture.

(*) There are certain specific exceptions.
For instance, the late Bob Barker, who died not too long ago at age 99, lost his wife in 1981. He pursued later relationships, but he would not marry; for him and for a lot of people, you only get married once - that's it.
My mother has been shacking up with another man for almost 18 years now. My father died in 2003 and that man's wife died in 2005. My mom and her "SO" will not get married because then they will lose the benefits that came with their dead spouses. So, my mom and this man instead got "married" in a different sense; they created some kind of legal contract which made them effectively be married without officially being married and thus killing those benefits from the dead spouses.

[Purpleronnie]

I’d don’t perceive any but then I never plan on marrying. My queen has I love her for every day of the 13 years I have been in a relationship with her , and always will until my last breath. Marriage would change nothing positively other than an excuse to celebrate our love which we do as much as we possibly can anyway. My heart has been promised already and no ceremony can improve on that. Any legality enforceable by marriage makes no difference as I have enough respect as love for her to always support her even if we ever were to part.

[SunnyRS]

Yes, thank you, I completely agree with you.
And congratulations on such a great relationship

[Purpleronnie]

Thank you , I do believe i have found my person 🧍‍♀️ … finally !. Perhaps part of my whole attitude towards marriage comes from watching so many fall apart and so quickly including that of my parents. We are shaped by our environment, that much is factual

[SunnyRS]

That is true, what we see shapes us to be what we are.

[Artificial Intelligence]

Diving into your question, lovebird, let's explore the colorful spectrum of marriage versus relationships. Beyond the legal paperwork, marriage often carries deeper emotional commitment and societal recognition. It's like upgrading from a thrilling fling to the full “happily ever after” package. Marriage can provide a stronger sense of security and partnership, making navigating life's rollercoasters a tandem adventure. Plus, in cultures celebrating marriage like a blockbuster festival, tying the knot can strengthen community bonds and family ties, creating a support network sprinkled with extra love and care. But hey, love's essence isn't bound by a ring or a certificate. True connection thrives on commitment, understanding, and mutual growth, whether you've got the official stamp or not. So, while marriage adds a unique flavor to the relationship recipe, the main ingredient will always be pure, unadulterated love. 💖 Let's keep celebrating love, in all its forms!

[sheikalana]

A lot of people in relationships don't live together. If you want a traditional marriage you would meet your future partner and probably date them for a while and after some time you would get married and move in together. Marriage is a duty and there are lots of responsibilities that's the biggest difference between just dating/being engaged and getting married.

Now if you're not in a traditional relationship where you live with your partner before getting married the signing of the papers wouldn't probably make that much difference other than legalizing things.

[SunnyRS]

Thank you, it is what I have been saying, but people think I am against marriage now.

[TonyMetal___86]

The whole point of marriage is the blessing of god to the married couples, making a promise in front of god, also so that god make them as one and a family than comes the usual governement paper so it becomes official...

Without marriage in my opinion, the couple are still strangers and do not have rights towards each other!

A real marriage is a sacred marriage, if it was just a civil marriage which is man made that no big difference between a civil marriage and being a boyfriend and a girlfriend!

[SunnyRS]

Fair enough, if you believe in God then a marriage must mean something more to you then a relationship.

[TonyMetal___86]

Very true!

[myloveforuisinfinte]

I believe in God, but yeah I don't believe in marriages.
Marriages are important for people, coz it gives security nothing else.
Otherwise most of the people cheat each other in the end. And u will realise how most of the relationships are fake and hollow, and are just lusty. Nothing else.
Coz no one in the world , have guts to be in that relationship which have no future (i. e marriage).
Everyone will run away if u say them that u can't marry each other.

[myloveforuisinfinte]

No one is that loyal , no one will wait for u if u say u can't marry them.

[SunnyRS]

That's a dark view on relationships, don't get me wrong I have been in bad relationships as well but there are good ones too.
And some workout without marriage as well, have faith and stay positive but vigilant when getting to know someone new

[SunnyRS]

Some people would like me, who don't care about the concept of marriage.

[myloveforuisinfinte]

It's not a dark view, it's a dark reality of every marriage.
Yeah only some work. Honestly I want that kind of relationship,(without marriage one). but it's difficult to find that kind of partner

[SunnyRS]

I know it is a dark reality.
And all the best, I hope you find what you are looking for.

[myloveforuisinfinte]

Thanks

[myloveforuisinfinte]

U too , if u want that kind of relationship too buddy

[SunnyRS]

I was looking for something like that but right now I am kind of enjoying being in a relationship with me.
Sometimes though I still miss some company.

[Grond21]

When celebrated correctly, a marriage is not just a contract. Which is an exchange of goods. A marriage is a covenant, which is an exchange of persons. You are saying that you give yourself to them and your spouse give themselves entirely to you.

It is radically different

[SunnyRS]

I accept your point but is relationship not the same?

[Grond21]

No, because a relationship that is prior to a true marriage is the discernment process, not the covenant itself.

[SunnyRS]

Hmm.. That's valid

[Grond21]

Yeah?

[SunnyRS]

Yeah

[Grond21]

I'm glad it makes sense to you

[Anonymous]

I guess some benefits would be: reduced tax, citizenship status, medical and employment benefits, loan benefits, you’ll also get a lifetime partner that will be by your side no matter what (ideally that is… relationships are much more fragile bcs it’s easier to walk away from).

[SunnyRS]

That's fair

[ApplePie409]

Brilliant and well worded question. Marriage is a partnership. The trade off for this arrangement is lack of passion. Everything in life has a trade off.

[SunnyRS]

Thank you for the compliment.
So you think marriage trades off passion?
And what does a relationship trade off?

[ApplePie409]

For the sake of argument, I've decided that you're an American living in Colorado.
Your wife wants very much to go on a vacation to Cancun. You also want that, but the roof is leaking. What do you do? You are the designated leader of the relationship. Are you going to be a nice guy and go on the vacation, or are you going to be the asshole that saves his family from a collapsing roof?

Either way, you lose. This is why marriage doesn't work.

[SunnyRS]

I agree, I am not for marriage as well, it does trade off a lot.
I was asking what do we trade off in a relationship?
Cause I found the concept you pitched interesting that everything has a trade off.
As for your dilemma question, I would hire someone to repair the roof and go on a vacation with my partner.
Although if I have to choose one I would choose to repair the roof.

[ApplePie409]

EXACTLY.

st5.depositphotos.com/.../...n-carrying-flower.jpg

This guy is a rockstar. The guy who chooses to fix the roof is an asshole.

[Jamie05rhs]

@ApplePie409 You are very wise.

[TheorionMage]

Physical duration and mutual legally-binding contractual commitments, cultural obligations & inheritances.

[SunnyRS]

I understand the others and believe them to be true, but what does physical duration here mean?

[TheorionMage]

One night stands and girlfriend-experience 'escort' dates of limited durations---

[SunnyRS]

Ahh, I get it.

[Nikki1989]

@Vesuvius87 said it all, but it sounds like you are not marriage worthy anyway, judging by your negative attitude.

[SunnyRS]

Oh thank you for judging me not worthy.
Your words mean a lot to me.

[Anonymous]

Your elders are attempting to prevent unfaithfulness by use of religion. Cheaters will cheat regardless of a certificate or religion it seems. Depends if the person is a cheater to begin with.

[SunnyRS]

That's true

[andreasderjuengere]

What makes a relationship " legal"?
And: is a girlfriend then ' illegal'?

[SunnyRS]

No a girlfriend is not illegal but marriage is a contract that is approved by law making it legal and binding, relationships don't have that.

[andreasderjuengere]

Mine has :)

[LiamJHayden]

A marriage gives the other person legal rights.

[SunnyRS]

That is what I said in the question

[Anonymous]

Marriage is a symbol of lifetime commitment that doesn't exist in other relationships. But that difference is minimal today, especially among women, given that half of marriages end in divorce and women file 80% of them. Women as a whole have shot themselves in the foot when it comes to marriage.

[Peridot25]

You should ask married couples this question.

[SunnyRS]

The question is open for everyone to answer whether married or not

[Peridot25]

You’ll get better answers from married people.

[SunnyRS]

I hope some of them are here and will take some time out to provide me good answers

[Peridot25]

Would you believe them on what they have to say?

[Peridot25]

Because you seem to have many doubts.

[SunnyRS]

I would listen to them, and if the points they make are valid then I definitely would accept.

[Peridot25]

What do you want to hear exactly?

[Peridot25]

What points are you looking for? Why not decide for yourself instead of depending on others?

[SunnyRS]

Anything that makes sense for being married.

[Peridot25]

If you don’t want to get married, just don’t. You’re going to different answers and neither one is going to be good enough.

[Peridot25]

*going to get

[Peridot25]

If anything, if the couple doesn’t give good answers, you’re going to question them and they’re going to question their own marriage.

[SunnyRS]

I have an opinion on the matter and I am looking for others opinion on the same, that's how people have healthy conversations.

[SunnyRS]

If my opinions can hamper anyone's marriage, then I don't think their relationship is that strong

[Peridot25]

Then they’ll divorce and that’ll prove your point marriage is useless. Am I correct?

[Peridot25]

If you want marriage, why do YOU want to get married?

[SunnyRS]

I never said marriage is useless.
I only said, I don't see any difference between marriage and relationship other than legalizing the relationship.
Marriage is not wrong I just feel it is similar to being in a relationship.

[SunnyRS]

I am fine either way with or without marriage, it doesn't make a difference to me.

[Peridot25]

But, let’s you did want marriage, why do you want to get married?

[SunnyRS]

Ok for the sake of argument if I did want to get married, it would be because my partner wants to get married.

[VV3ZZY123]

I think it's good to get married for the purpose of raising children. So they dont end up a monster.

[Jamie05rhs]

Permanence. Commitment. Finality.

[SunnyRS]

That's fair, I can agree with that.
At least the second part.

[Jamie05rhs]

Thanks, man.

... What do you not agree with?

[SunnyRS]

Permanence, I guess, it's not something you can get only if you are married, a healthy relationship can also be something permanent for some.

[Jamie05rhs]

@SunnyRS Those cases are very rare, though.

[SunnyRS]

That's true

[jahaims]

Nothing

[SunnyRS]

I agree to that