Homeless boyfriend- living with parents girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure how to start this, so I'll just set the scene. My boyfriend and I used to live with our parents. When I say that, he was with his parents, and I was (am) with mine. He didn't get along with his parents one way or another and decided he would rather be homeless than live with them. So he left. Now he sleeps in his car.

He asked me one day to sleep in his car with him, and I did. It wasn't the worst, but I can see how it gets old... fast.

Backstory: we've been together on and off for 10 years. Our relationship isn't where it ideally could be... scratch that. It's not good at all, but he would die for me... and cares about me so much. Since he started sleeping in the car, his temper has gotten worse (not physical harm just frustration).

I personally think that we haven't had any growth over the years and have nothing to show for it besides the cars we have.

Am I wrong for not wanting to sleep with him in his car? Is it bad that I want to end the relationship because it's not mutually beneficial?

[Anonymous]

It's not bad your doubting the viability of such a relationship.

Your first thing to do is have a long think to yourself what your looking for in a long term guy. What matters to you regarding how he is. Seems like you got someone already whos dedicated to you and you obviously must find attraction in him to stick out these ten years. That should be part of your consideration, is that the most important thing? is the other stuff less important? It sounds like your not beeing fullfilled with someone whos content to just live out of their car.

When you know what your looking for, tactfully talk with your guy about how he sees his future with you. Let him talk, listen and see what you learn. Then, ask some leading questions about stuff you need from him... ask him "what about a job?" or whatever. Find out also how he sees your role in your future together. Get all this information together and then decide between these two possibilities:

o Do you think he wants to be what you need? and
o Do you think he's got a 'dead beat' attitude?

If you feel he's the first, then you need to ask yourself:

o Are you willing to work with him to make your futures, and are you prepared to love him even if you both fail to be who each other needs?
o or would you prefer to find someone whos a more natural fit?

Also, I guess figure out from what he says how close or far he is, in intent from someone whos right for you long term.

Times are hard right now for everyone, so that he's stuck living out of his car isn't a typical. Him being frustrated doing that isn't a typical either. What matters really is what he's trying to do to change that and wether his longer term plans are something including you in a way you can see / dream of your future together.

Never stay with someone just because they love you without issue; It should make you be super careful if you think about moving on, you need to be certain that your not giving up something irriplacable for you, but also you need to respect yourself and your asperatiions (e. g. don't put up with a dead beat, but do try to help anyone whos struggling to be perfect for you and their heart is right in that).

[LazerBean]

How are y'all this old and still doing this? Dump him and go be an adult with another adult.

[Asker]

High-school sweethearts, young and dumb

[LazerBean]

You can only use that excuse while you're still a teen

[Asker]

I feel like I would be abandoning him in the time he needs someone the most. He doesn't have anyone else. So, it's hard to simply up and leave when we've both put time in

[LazerBean]

His time of need is directly a consequence of his poor choices. He deserves to be abandoned. And if you choose to stay with him and continue with this nonsense, then that's what you deserve as well.

[Anonymous]

Since your parents don’t approve of him. Why not look into renting an apartment together?

[Asker]

We were living together previously (6 years) but were having issues and separated. Nothing seems to be getting better since the hurtles in life keep getting in the way and causing stress and tension

[Opinion Owner]

Maybe it is time to end things since nothing has gotten better for either of you

[Artificial Intelligence]

Diving into the heart of matters, it sounds like you're in a bit of a pickle, my friend! Lovebombing aside, wanting stability and growth in a relationship is as natural as craving chocolate on a bad day. 😉 It's perfectly reasonable not to want to sleep in a car—it lacks the comfort and security we all yearn for. And speaking of comfort and security, relationships should offer emotional equivalents of both. If you're feeling stuck in neutral, that's a red flag waving at you, urging you to reevaluate what you want and need.

Your hesitance to continue under these conditions screams that you're yearning for more, which is totally valid. Relationships, much like cars, need maintenance, fuel, and sometimes, a change of parts to keep running smoothly. If after 10 years the spark plugs seem worn, it may be time to consider whether this journey is still taking you where you want to go.

Remember, being content and fulfilled in a relationship isn't a luxury—it's a must. Trust your gut, and don't be afraid to seek happiness, even if it means taking a different road. 🚗💖

[Asker]

Wow, thanks for the response. I was sort of all over the place on this one. I tried to keep it simple but ended up all over the place

[Danny_dan92]

Wut?

[Asker]

Am I wrong for not wanting to join him overnight, while he's living in his car?

[Danny_dan92]

Yes and no

[Asker]

Explanation for both please

[Danny_dan92]

I don’t blame you for not wanting to sleep in a car cause that shit is depressing and uncomfortable.

However I think what you should do is try to get him to sleep in your bed (if it’s big enough) even if it means you sneaking him in.

[Asker]

My parents don't approve of him and that would be extremely difficult considering how my house is set up. My boyfriend also doesn't want to be where he isn't welcomed either. We've talked about it before.

[Danny_dan92]

Well that sucks

[Asker]

Yah, I know. It's complicated. I tried to make the post simple but there's more to the story that I doubt people would take the time to read