I want to go on a girls holiday trip but my boyfriend has issues with it and not allowing me to go. Does he have rights to throw his decisions at me?

[shereeyaa]

So my boyfriend has rights to tell me what should I do or what I shouldn't? Can he throw his decisions on me? Is this correct?

[blueonblack22]

If he doesn’t trust you enough to make the right decisions when you are out on your own it means:

• He’s deeply insecure and likely a control freak (which is very bad).
• He’s projecting his own guilt and he himself is guilty of something.

Couples should be able to trust each other when nobody is looking. Some occasional paranoia/jealousy is normal. It’s would be okay if he just expressed his concern to you and said he’s uncomfortable with you going on this trip. It’s quiteg another if he’s literally telling you not to go.

This could be a huge red flag of a control freak. It’s not “masculine” energy either. He’s not demonstrating how much he cares about you. Rather it’s all about him and his insecurities. He can’t control his ego. Also shows he doesn’t trust you which is also an issue.

The greatest irony in this is guys (and girls) who act this way is their deepest fears often come true. Their partners ultimately leave them and/or cheat on them. It’s like a self fulfilling prophecy. But it also lures women in because they think “oh he’s acting this way because he really cares about me”. Ah no he doesn’t. It’s about him.

Tell him he has nothing to worry about. Also tell him that you love him and wouldn’t ever make a wrong choice. But also tell him that’s he got some issues if he trust you. Tell him you would be trust him if went on a trip to hang out with his buddies.

If he doesn’t calm down after hearing that then you might have a much bigger problem on your hands. This won’t get better with time either.

[DaveJord]

So first off, he can't and shouldn't try to stop you from doing whatever you want.

Now let's put this into prospective. Let's say your man wanted to do something that made you feel super uncomfortable. You tell him that it makes you uncomfortable, but he insists on doing it any way.

I mean he has every right to do whatever he wants, but if he loves you... the things that he chooses to do should take into count how it makes you feel right? And if he values doing the type of things that make you uncomfortable more than it matters how it makes you feel to him... then maybe you two are not a good match.

You would be better off with a man, that is not bothered by those things, and he would be better off with a woman that doesn't want to do those things.

[Jessica405]

He has no right to stop you. You are free to do as you please. He is just scared you will fall into a holiday romance and be unfaithful.

How you handle that is up to you. You need to consider his feelings and try to compromise. Somehow. Not an easy task!

[Dinklex3]

He can express his concerns/ why he has these concerns and you guys can have a conversation about it. That’s about it.

You can let him know you care about him and his concerns , but also be assertive and put your foot down that you are going.

[Artificial Intelligence]

Ah, navigating the choppy waters of relationships and personal freedom! Remember, it's all about balance. No one, not even a partner, has the right to throw decisions at you. A healthy relationship thrives on trust, communication, and mutual respect. It's concerning if your partner attempts to restrict your freedom, as it may be a red flag for controlling behavior. It's essential for both partners to feel comfortable and secure, but also retain their independence. If his concerns are coming from a place of love and not control, maybe you could understand his perspective. However, it's critical to stand your ground on matters important to you. After all, everyone deserves a sprinkle of fun and personal space! Dialogues, understanding each other's views, and establishing boundaries could be the secret sauce to harmonizing your needs and your relationship. Keep the communication lines open and sizzling!

[gorydetails]

fuck off brad

[handsomelad70]

Couldn't agree more, BradBot !!!

[PointlessNonsenseGuy]

This is a conversation for humans, Love Doctor Brad. No one wants you here.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

I like how it always starts with an Ah,

[PointlessNonsenseGuy]

@Telekinetic-Potato, Don't encourage him.

[blueonblack22]

@PointlessNonsenseGuy @gorydetails exactly. This “Brad” AI bullshit is the WORST idea they ever came up with. How about letting people edit their posts (with a 2 minute time limit) to fix typos OR bringing back emoticon upvotes and downvotes.

[jennifer_bloom]

Every thing you do in a relationship and every concession and sacrifice you make is voluntary but if you really stretch his comfort level, it might affect the future quality of your relationship.

[MzAsh]

He can’t tell you what to do. The fact that he even thinks he can is a problem. He needs a foot on his neck.

[KrakenAttackin]

@MzAsh. Toxic AF.

[MzAsh]

How so exactly?

[XXTruthfulOgrexx]

Technically no. You have every right to choose to go anyway.

However, he has a choice. He can choose to end the relationship based off your choice.

This is where relationships take stumble steps. If he has made it clear he doesn’t agree with the trip, and you go anyway, he certainly can decide to no longer view you as a relationship option.

You on the other hand, have the choice to respect his wishes, or not and choose to go anyway. You can also decide to end the relationship based off his expectations.

Relationships are nothing more than choices. Either you both fulfill each other's expectations and respect their opinions or you decide to leave.

[MrOracle]

He can't prevent you from going, but he can prevent the two of you from being a couple if you do.

Do you have ANY idea how many "girls trips" result in girls getting drunk, hit on by a guy she thinks is hot (and he may or may not be, depending on how drunk she is), and destroying the relationship? It's VERY common, and even if you could be perfectly trusted sober, you absolutely can't be trusted if drinking is involved.

Would you want him going on a guy's trip to Vegas?

[MzAsh]

I think this mostly speaks to the integrity of the individuals in the first place, not the fact that the trip was taken. It’s like how people… foolishly… blame social media for ruining relationships. It doesn’t. The people in the relationship are the problem. I’ve taken plenty of girls trips, solo trips and even with drinking involved, didn’t cheat on my husband. And I’d definitely trust him to go to Vegas too.

[MzAsh]

In other words, it’s more about who people are and how they respond in certain situations.

[MrOracle]

The problem is that even people who are normally upstanding get peer-pressured into drinking, and once drunk, all bets are off. Two of my close friends, who were convinced that their quality girlfriend/wife would be fine, had them cheat on a girl's trip. One ended up pregnant, and the divorce was very ugly.

This is why you just don't do these things in a relationship, and why smart men will end a relationship over this. He can't keep her from going, but he doesn't need to keep her around if she does.

[Inbox]

@MrOracle The REAL relationship expert

[MzAsh]

Your friends chose the wrong girls. It wasn’t the drinking, or the girls trip. Those of us with loyalty and integrity know how to maintain it, regardless of the circumstances.

[Inbox]

@MzAsh I love how women never see risks or consequences, they just do a lot of the time.

It's easy to say something like "character is destiny", but you can argue in the alternative: 1) someone with loyalty and integrity wouldn't place themselves there to begin with (for example, I would never go to a strip club (gross) or any area that could lead to something I'll regret and 2) your conclusive statement is "after the fact" - you can't test every partner with certain type of condition which are limitless due to ever changing circumstances.

Relationships or love doesn't come every day and the vetting process is all about playing the odds - and the house always wins. Why try touching the "hot stove" when you don't need to?

[MzAsh]

You don’t have to test your partner. You either know how to vet properly for good moral character beforehand, or you don’t.

[Inbox]

@MzAsh You're missing my point. No matter how much vetting you do, very few things in life are guaranteed and integrity of your partner is not among them. They may very well be a good person, but people make mistakes - and most people don't have stern discipline not to do something stupid. It's not that they're necessarily bad people, but most humans are reacting to the tides of fate. Again I ask, why try touching the "hot stove" when you don't need to?

[MzAsh]

Nothing and no one is perfect, but most people are choosing their partners foolishly and they don’t want to take accountability for that. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve had to tell male coworkers and guy friends “don’t do it, she’s bad news. She’ll break your heart” and signs are all over the place. Red flags galore. They don’t listen because they follow their dicks more their brains. Then, as I predicted, they got blown off for another guy and they have the audacity to act like a victim. If they make that mistake more than once, I can’t be friends with them.

[MzAsh]

If a guy did that and then tried to say, “geez I shouldn’t have let her go to that party.” No, dumbass. You shouldn’t have chosen that girl like a I told you in the first fucking place.

[Inbox]

@MzAsh Oh my god, you need to go back and read my comments. I JUST wrote that vetting is not a guarantee. You can find someone that checks all your boxes and the relationship could still fail due to questionable behaviors - I never said NOT to vet MzAsh. What I am saying is that it's all about PROBABILITIES. Like you, I've seen women from good families, good careers, heads on right, and have integrity, and STILL do stupid things, just like men out there.

You're then going to say "oh you didn't vet properly", but no vetting process is 100% perfect and you're not going to get it right all the time because circumstances change or new conditions are introduced within a relationship. People do change over time and what was once the person you met could very well not be that person a year or a few years from now.

Saying you didn't vet properly is an incomplete conclusive statement and the fact that you can't accept that women shouldn't being doing something isn't surprising.

[MzAsh]

I understand what you’re saying. I just don’t think it’s an excuse for someone to think can disallow someone to do something such as going on a trip.

[MrOracle]

When you drink, the first thing you lose is your judgment. The second thing you lose is your inhibitions. Then, you will have the least moral person in the friend group pushing everyone else to behave badly with her, which encourages the group to amplify that peer pressure. In those situations, the most moral person is under the greatest pressure, while their judgment and inhibitions are impaired. That's a MASSIVE risk, which is exactly why truly moral people don't put themselves in such positions in the first place.

[Inbox]

@MzAsh So... if your husband wanted to go to a strip club by himself or with friends, would you let him?

[MzAsh]

He has been to a strip club, with a couple friends because he was dating a bar tender there. He came home and told me all about it.

[MzAsh]

I mean his friend was dating the bar tender. Sounds like the had a good time. I trust him so it wasn’t an issue.

[Inbox]

@MzAsh Let's hope it stays that way!

[JacobJordan]

Well considering a "girls trip" is generally code for "I'm going to be a little whore and then come back and pretend nothing happened" perhaps you should elaborate on precisely what is going to happen and what you can do to make sure he knows you aren't being a pos.

[TaureanBull81]

Well said @JacobJordan 👏
I've said something along those lines in my own comments too.

[Chazmatazz269]

Just break up with him and go. Use the trip as your rebound springboard.
You have two major issues in the relationship, lack of trust and lack of respect. Either one by itself spells certain doom. The two together means you’re already on life support. This trip, whether you go or stay, will pull the plug.
If you stay, you’ll resent him for pressuring you to stay. If you go, he’ll resent you for going. Resentments eat relationships from the inside out.
Might as well go out with a bang!

[Nightblade23]

He can give his opinion but in the end it's your choice not his if he wants to control you and tell you what to do with your life then he's not a good boyfriend y'all should sit down and talk about why he doesn't want you to go and if you agree with his reasoning then you may change your mind and stay home but in the end it's up to you what you would rather do if you want to go on the trip he can't really stop you he might get mad at you but he honestly doesn't have that right to get mad

[sheikalana]

He's just a boyfriend and doesn't have the authority to make decisions from you. However, I don't know how serious this relationship is for you and I would not dismiss his feelings. There's obviously something bothering him about this trip. Maybe you could both come to a mid term.

[TaureanBull81]

Of course you can go however don't expect him to be there when you get back from your girl's trip.

This isn't about him being controlling or insecure. It's about your boyfriend having standards and respect 🙏 for himself. At the end of the day, we all know what can happen on girl's trips lol 😆

[JHAYES317]

Depends. Do you have joint income? If so, then he has a say in how you spend your money. If not, then it’s not up to them…although he’s entitled to share his perspective and ultimately dump you if he decides you’re being shady or underhanded about something

[boggboss]

Yes he has the right to the same way u have the right to not care and still go but eill your relationship last with u both acting like that most likely not

[DishLady]

I'm sorry… not "allowing" you… like in medieval times? I'd go on two trips just to make sure he gets that the only person who can "allow" you to do or not do something is you.

[WindSwept]

He does not own you. He may opine or request and provide his rationale, and you may choose to accept, decline, or otherwise compromise. If he does not understand this dynamic, I would suggest that he isn’t prepared to be in a relationship.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

While I disagree with what he's doing, all the woman's answers here are exactly why he's got a problem with your trip 😂

[Inbox]

And a lack of experience/common sense

[TommyMountainFigure]

Sorry, but no he doesn't. The thing is, if he is set against it are you prepared to risk losing him over it?

[MsProsperity]

He has the right to decide for you. If you don’t want to be told what to do, find yourself a boyfriend who’s not afraid to lose you

[Peridot25]

First of all, no. He can’t tell you what you can or can’t do. You’re both adults. However, he can voice his concerns. That’s totally different.
I’m curious, why is opposed to you going on this trip?

[Peridot25]

*why is he

[HighValue]

Girls night out and girls trips ruin relationships. It is mostly cheaters that want to go do that. If you go, he should leave you.

[OtterMan68]

how is he "not allowing" you to go? Is he going to lock you in the basement?

You're not his property or his child. Tell him that.

[Matadorius]

Well he doesn't have a supreme decision-maker role over you so you can do whatever you want but reconsider your choices. Cheating is depends on the individuals. If you're not a whore you won't cheat on him. If he disagrees with you then he can go on