How cruel is deliberately lying about wanting marriage and kids just to get a girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

From a 1-10 scale, how cruel and mean would this be:

A man enters a relationship by deliberately deceiving a marriage-minded woman. He knew from the very beginning she doesn't want to be a man's girlfriend for 4+ years.

The woman breaks up when he later on admits (he had no option but to tell the truth because the woman didn't agree to move in with him) to only going along with her just so she can stayed being his girlfriend for a bit longer. She's still young in her 20's but this was a total waste of time for her. This earned him not just a break-up but being blocked too.

Honestly how cruel is entering a relationship with a lie because you knew they would've never dated you if they knew the truth from Day 1?

Updates

13 d

It's one thing to continue dating someone that doesn't share your goals (if it doesn't work then it's your fault for staying) but another to date someone that lied just to keep you.

[DishLady]

I don’t think it’s cruel to state a person wants marriage and then takes a girl on as a girlfriend.


It’s like guys don’t pop out of the womb and then immediately go make their own life. There are stages to everything, including responsibility and compatibility.


For example… a few articles will suggest that before moving in together (which will involve the guy being around you all the time, deepening emotions, etc. gift him a house plant and see how long the plant survives in his care. Observe how he is around pets, children, and other adults. Beyond the level of the passion you might share, that level of care and attention to things is basically what he’ll bring you.


Now… guys also aren’t leaping into marriage straight out of the gate! There are levels! You date a little, then be some girlfriend/boyfriend and IF YOU STILL LIKE EACH OTHER and also IF YIURE BOTH MATURE ENOUGH TO MARRY… then the guy asks you.


Sounds like one or more of you wasn’t ready. So there you go.

[Asker]

The major issue is he completely lied about wanting marriage and kids in the future. It's one thing if a man say he wants that one day and first needs to know me better. Obviously I would want to know him better too but this is different.
He never wanted marriage and wasn't much in kids but deliberately got into a relationship by lies. He was only honest when he tried to persuade me into just moving in with him as a girlfriend and just see how things go from there, giving excuses of how weddings are expensive and the government; things he never mentioned before, I had no idea that's how he felt about it; he never said that in the beginning. Once I refused to cohabitate with him and disagreed with his ideas, that's when he finally tells me the truth that he never wanted marriage. I was royally pissed off, broke up and blocked him.

[Anonymous]

It’s incredibly cruel, and karma will take care of him. But what does lamenting over it solve? It doesn’t give the woman her time or anything else she gave him back. The woman in question should let go of the negative feelings she has towards him, so she can move past him and thrive in her life. That’s the best revenge, having a beautiful life despite that period of hurt he caused.

[Asker]

yes hopefully karma gets him good
She's now single and taking a short break for the meantime.

[Opinion Owner]

That’s smart of her, this is a very hurtful time but it won’t feel like this forever.

[PointlessNonsenseGuy]

It's pretty messed up.

How long were you with this guy? How much time did you lose?

[Asker]

2 whole years
That's 730 days of time wasted, spent for nothing. He only told me the truth when I wouldn't agree with just moving in with him as a girlfriend and see how things go nor his other excuses of the government involved or how weddings are expensive. Then he finally tells me he never wanted marriage and isn't not into kids either but just wanted to keep me. Needless to say, I ditched him, the break-up wasn't on good terms either (I was very pissed off by then) and blocked him.

[PointlessNonsenseGuy]

You're still pretty young if you're 18-24.

Are you looking again? Or are you in a mourning period?

[Nikki1989]

That type of thing is standard practice for most men. When men talk, take it with a grain of salt.

[Asker]

yes it has become so common, men doing that just to get a girlfriend and waste her time, her fertile years into nothing.
He only told me the truth when I refused to move in with him as a girlfriend and disagreed with all his BS talk about the government and how weddings are expensive nowadays. He never told me that from the start. I had no idea how he felt at all. Otherwise I would've never dated him. He wasted 2 years of my time for nothing.

[Anonymous]

So did she breakup with him or he broke up with her? Are you saying that he didn’t wanna marry her?

[Asker]

She broke up and blocked him. He didn't want marriage but lied about wanting it (a lie he kept for 2 years) just to keep her as a girlfriend.

[Opinion Owner]

How old is the dude because that’s childish! Don’t be wasting years of my life for nothing smh

[Asker]

He's 26 years old.

[Opinion Owner]

Then he’s not a man smh I’m glad she blocked him

[Peridot25]

Super cruel. If she broke up with him and blocked him, he deserved it.

[Asker]

Exactly. Yes she was very pissed off to have wasted 2 years of her time. 2 year is still 730 days. It's one thing to continue dating someone that isn't compatible in hopes of changing them (that would be the woman's fault) but another to date someone that lied to you just to keep you.

[slatyb]

Highly unethical.

[Asker]

and as a result, he became my now blocked ex boyfriend. If he was against marriage and wasn't into kids, then why even get with me in the first place?