I forgave my boyfriend for cheating but It’s still irritates me. What should I do?

Question

My boyfriend cheated a year ago, I forgave him. Since then, he’s been amazing, and I’m happy with him now. I don’t regret staying, and I trust him, but I’m struggling to fully let go of the past. How can I move on and truly forgive him?

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

Sadly you won’t ever forget the past or what he did to you , giving a cheater a second chance is sadly a dumb move , just because he is treating you good now, it doesn’t mean he won’t cheat on you again. by you giving him a second chance? , is basically you saying to him , that it’s ok that you cheated on me. Before I give you more advice , What was his reason for him cheating on you in the first place? Cheating is a selfish act period, so kf he cheated on you , just because he had an opportunity to do so , you are best to end it with him , because he will do it again , if he cheated on you because you were treating him like shit or you made him feel unloved and unwanted , and constantly butting heads with him , then possibly you can work things out and compromise together only If you know for a fact you were part of the reason for him to do so. So before pointing fingers at him, point fingers at yourself first, don’t make excuses for his actions unless you clearly know for a fact that you weren’t that great of a partner to him . But if he cheated on you for really no reason at all? You are best to move on from him and find yourself someone that won’t cheat on you period. Understand you deserve someone that loves you and cares about you , the same way you do for them. Cheating destroys the foundation you both agreed upon when you first committed to each other. When someone breaks that foundation , the relationship pretty much turns to shit because the trust is gone , you can forgive a cheater if you know for a fact that you were part of the reason of their selfish actions , but if you know for a fact that you were loving and honest and caring to him , and didn’t withhold intimacy and affection from him , he doesn’t deserve you period. Because he is a selfish POS person and sometimes the best thing to do is walk away from them and make them realize how selfish they are to begin with , and hopefully the next girl he meets , he will stay faithful to her

lightbulb27 · Accepted Answer

some ideas... look to how others have forgiven difficult circumtances and draw from their experience. I've been in awe of how people do it. I think the answer is this.

They set their minds upon a higher objective. If you can see your spouse as a flawed human that you choose to love and see through to the other side, I think that is a healthier view than "I possess them and they are mine forever". That is what we want... because we all want to be loved and secure, but it is deeply flawed. get me?

Additionally, if the remnants of it... when you dig for what those root emotions are stirring... is about you... like "I'm not good enough", and that is striking an old wound in you. That is an opportunity for you to look inwards and heal some old wounds that are likely holding you in back emotionally in other aspects of life. By working out that old issue, it becomes a valuable experience... e. g. turning a lemon into lemonaide... climbing a stepping stone. Value... love, strength, rather than fear, loathing, fuming.

If it's about him, it may be a legit fear, like "can happen again" or his root issues were not exposed and resolved. e. g. he wasn't' open enough... the more open it is aired, the better. Get the junk out. Time I saw this at church, the guy confessed, was fired, and made big changes in life, ended up mentoring other men to quit porn addiction. There is no way around the fact our brains are little druggies and we can all fall into the trap so easily. Thats' the other issue... working around other chickadoodles and internet... it's chock full of temptations. I think sometimes we don't do enough exploration and work when such valuable disasters occur, so we have the strength and skills to avoid the next.

That builds further security.

It sucks being a human, maybe chimpanzee be easier?

Vesuvius87 · Accepted Answer

The issue is even though you can forgive and even learn to trust him again, the pain from when you got cheated on will always remain. So no, the relationship can't be amazing nor full of happiness if you're still struggling to let it go.

Honestly, it's nearly impossible for any person (man or woman) to let go of getting cheated on. It would be a good idea to start new with someone else you won't have trust issues nor hurt feelings with. He's just a boyfriend. You can always dump him.

katiesmuff · Accepted Answer

You either somehow have to get over it or it is going to remain an issue for you. Your already a bigger person than me, because I would have been gone the moment i found out he cheated and no second chance with that one.
Hope everything works out for you

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Forgiving someone is like trying to dance on a moving surfboard, isn't it? Kudos to you for making that bold move and choosing to trust your boyfriend again. The journey you're on is like nurturing a delicate plant back to life after it’s been trampled on. Think of your struggles as the plant's roots, trying to find firm ground again. Engaging in open and heart-to-heart conversations with your beau about your feelings could be the sunshine your plant needs. Also, weaving in some personal healing time, like indulging in activities or hobbies that light a spark in you, can act as the water. Remember, healing is a journey, not a destination. And on this journey, it's perfectly okay to have days when the sea is rough and others when the surfing feels like a breeze. Keep balancing love, trust, and self-care, and you'll find your surfboard steadying in no time. 🏄‍♂️💖

HawkPerception · Answer

Your post is extremely controversial...

On one hand you say you forgave him and he's been amazing and on the other you say you're struggling and haven't fully forgiven him.

It's either you have or you haven't. Sorry, but trust will never come back fully. That's just how cheating works.

Take a piece of paper and crumple it in your hand. It can never go back to being smooth no matter how much you try. That's the same thing as trust.

Either you live with that inkling of doubt and mistrust or you leave him like any intelligent and self respecting person.

ohsheeT · Answer

Well even though you forgave him it irritates you because it still comes up in your mind and you still think about it because you're always going to wonder..

But here's the thing if you say you forgave him 100%, then that's what you have to do you just have to let it go and believe and trust in him again if you don't then you're just going to keep beating yourself up and it's going to make you unhappy and it's not who you're truly meant to be and eventually it will just destroy you so you just have to let it all go if that's what you want to do and believe in him then believe in him all the way and you have to let it go all the way it's the only way that you're going to get your life back it kind of sucks that you didn't do anything but you're the one paying the price

AviatorTom · Answer

Forgiveness doesn't remove the pain. Try, as best you can, to live in the present and future, avoiding (but not ignoring) the past. You'll feel better that way.

Though not everyone who cheats once will cheat again (despite what many think), that doubt will always be with you. Don't try to eliminate the doubt, instead try to emphasize the good things in your relationship going forward.

Summeroflove · Answer

Cheating is one of those things that once it’s done you can’t come back from it. Maybe it’s just meaning you need to break up or maybe you get the sense he’s doing it again….. maybe even if it’s a deep down sense.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

That is precisely the problem with cheating: even of your partner forgives you, they NEVER forget it, and they will never again trust you as they did before the cheating.

MrOracle · Answer

This might sound stupid, but you really just have to decide, in your mind and heart, to accept that it happened, you dealt with it, and now you are done with it. Then, if your brain tries to bring it up again, you immediately shut down that line of thinking and remind yourself that you have already decided and moved forward. Do not give yourself permission to think about it - that's already been done and it's over (the thinking time).

You have to discipline your own thinking, just like for other tough things like doing homework or working out or paying bills or whatever you might struggle with.

For some reason, we don't talk much about mental discipline anymore, but it's a necessary skill for navigating adult life.

Purpleronnie · Answer

I guess the questions I have are 1. you say you “forgave” him and now you’re asking how you” truly forgive “ .. what’s the difference? .. 2. why does it still irritate you? .. knowing this would be central to my understanding in me being able to provide an answer in how you would move past the infidelity. You understanding the way you feel is pivotal in moving past it.. no?

Seems to me like you want to move past it which I admire.. truly I wouldn’t think I’d be able to in your position. But unless you define and understand why you feel the way you do any answer I could give would be based on assumptions … and well I’m not ever truly happy with them !

RHK36 · Answer

You subconsciously still haven't forgiven him nor do you trust him. Don't force a broken relationship you'll just get hurt in the long run. You're better off in a new relationship. Chances are still higher than normal he will cheat again. He might just do a better job of hiding it next time. Cheaters don't get better because someone forgave them. It's generally quite the opposite. If you don't respect yourself to walk away from a red flag don't complain later when he shows you who he really is again.

KpopMusicFan · Answer

If it’s still irritates you, I would dump them. That’s what I do once a cheater always gonna be a cheater and I know cause I’ve had a boyfriend or cheated on me and one time I forgave him. He did it again so now I will not date guys that she and once I find out a boyfriend cheats on me it’s done and don’t look back, you deserve better

Static_In_The_Attic · Answer

You can forgive but you may not forget & some say once a cheater always a cheater & although he burned you I hope he doesn’t play with matches around your heart again. Time it’s a wonderful thing & time will tell & hopefully it tells a wonderful story.

Bubbles934 · Answer

I’ve been with my partner 5 years. In the beginning he was texting and sexting a few other girls. He was doing this for almost the first year. I forgave him. I’m 38 now and he’s 10 years younger. I put it down to his age. He was 24/25 at the time but he soon learned his lesson

Yannae · Answer

You can't say that you forgave him when you haven't let go. That is something you need to accept. And whichever you choose will decide the outcome of the relationship.

He's been good now so you have to look at why you haven't forgiven him yet. If you actually Can forgive him.

9in_Serpent · Answer

He should agree to give you a free cheat pass to have sex with any other guy you want to make it fair and that way you both will be equal again. Another option is considering an open relationship where you both can have sex with whoever you want or bring in another person for a threesome as long as it is discussed before hand. Either way i believe it will be beneficial and strengthen your trust and bonds

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Such betrayal is nearly impossible to get over.

You're going to have to accept the pain til it numbs you or leave your boyfriend behind because the truth is he's most likely going to cheat on you at some point again anyways regardless of how he is acting now.

Anonymous · Answer

You very obviously didn't forgive and if it's been a year and you still haven't forgiven him, you never will. Break up with him because now you're the one who's in the wrong. Cheating is bad, but you decided to stay and "forgive" him. You can't keep throwing it in his face. Either forgive him or end the relationship.

WintersDaughter · Answer

Sounds like you need to talk to him about it. Before you do that, really think about what's still bothering you so you can address it.

spartan55 · Answer

You say you trust him, but you sound like you are trying to convince yourself. Just end it

WhitneySnow · Answer

Talk to him. Tell him how you feel. Ask for his advice.

Daniela1982 · Answer

You did not forgive him if there is still animosity in your heart.

worldscolide · Answer

You either move on or you leave. If you can't leave it in the past then you haven't forgiven him.

In_Trance · Answer

So what you're saying is you didn't actually forgive him and you committed to something without knowing how to do it

_lexiesplanet_ · Answer

hey obviously u haven't forgiven him about it... but why did you even stay?

fentom · Answer

Being really obvious here, I'd say that you haven't really forgiven him yet. Try and forgive him, or break up and find someone else.

SphynxUK · Answer

Let go of what exactly? What irritates you?

HelpfulWoman · Answer

you're a fucking dumbass for staying,.

Anonymous · Answer

Cheat back. Hook up with a black guy!

seviyorummm · Answer

Break up with that person who cheated on you

TurboAnon · Answer

Break up with him? The fuck?

ehatsham_hussain · Answer

You have to forget with forgive..

Jpie555 · Answer

I would break up… you’ll forever resent him

Dongie · Answer

Kick'em in the nuts.

I forgave my boyfriend for cheating but It’s still irritates me. What should I do?

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