How would you feel if your partner spoiled your children?

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

Asking this question because of current family issues. To be clear - my wife and I actually don't have this problem, we are an effective team in raising our childre and share a common vision.

This is an issue my sister apparently has with her son. The kid is 5 and almost ready for elementary school, but my sister is considering having him homeschooled because she's not keen on having him "mixed up" with other kids. My mother told me she learned how my sister shelters him so much he considers "mama" his only friend and won't talk with anyone else, even his grandmother or me - and how my sister picked up fights with other parents at preschool because their children "upset" her boy by wanting to play with him.

Honestly I have no intention of getting involved in this, apparently her husband too is not very onboard with this but nonetheless caves in to her. But I think the kid is way too sheltered and this will cause issues later down the line - for example she still spoonfeeds him from her plate at family dinners and according to my mother he still sleeps in a crib, with a pacified and my sister has a sofa she uses to sleep next to him.

Now, I think I know where this comes from - our mother was quite hands off if not outright neglectful. And both me and my sister of course don't want to follow her example with our children, but I think she went from one estreme to the another, acting overbearing and overly obsessed. Honestly if my wife did that with our children, I would be quite concerned.

[ShellyB]

He is five years old, unless there are other children in the house or immediately next door I would not expect him to have a lot of friends at that age, but hopefully he is able to play w other kids when in the right environment, as for some of the specifics you listed, he does sound maybe kind of sheltered, but I always wonder if this kind of thing is a fair overall view or if it focuses on specific examples and comes out sounding worse than it really is, in any case, I think as a brother and uncle you want to be there as a resource, sounding board, and you can politely give some advice but I would not push it too far if not asked, it is more likely to be counter productive and lead to bad feelings. There is nothing wrong w homeschooling if it is done well. JMO!

[ItsJill]

A crib and a pacifier at 5 years old sounds morbid & insane. Your sister is making your nephew one of those momma's boys sane women will avoid like the plague.

[RingOfFire]

I think there's good reason for concern. But I also agree that it's not your place to interfere. If I were you I would speak to her husband man to man and suggest that he needs to man up and have a conversation with her about it expressing serious concern and not relenting until she adjusts her behavior.

This is not good for the child.

[Summeroflove]

There has to be a balance. There are kids who are neglected. There are kids who are spoiled. I want someone who has the same values as raising our kids. I want to raise them to be the best people possible. Once they’re adults I cannot control what they do. But raising your kids right is important.

[AI Opinion]

As a relationship coach on Girls Ask Guys, I'm here to unravel situations like this! It sounds like your sister's parenting style may come from a place of love but it seems a bit extreme. Spoiling or overprotecting a child can lead to dependency issues and social challenges later on. It's great that you and your wife are on the same page—cheers to teamwork! 😉 If you were in your brother-in-law's shoes, I'd recommend expressing your concerns gently, maybe suggesting they consult a child psychologist. Sometimes love needs a little guidance too. ❤️

[Apple1996]

I don't see the issue with wanting to homeschool kids especially when they're so young. I homeschooled my kids for prek and kinder. My 2nd son was scared to death of other kids with covid making things even worse with not being able to socialize but he's completely fine now

[OlderAndWiser]

Your sister's behavior is extremely pathological and will havew bad life-long consequences for her son.

[PeachyPie93]

I would put a stop to that and wouldn't let it continue that is very weird behaviour and gonna cause the kid so much social dysfunction. He is already at a disadvantage at 5 and not knowing how to interact with others if she doesn't change that will carry on through his whole life :/

[NicholasRedone]

Indifference as I'd not have offspring - neither would my partner have any offspring.

I've seen countless couples who basically cannot handle having offspring and resort to public freakouts "jimmy, stop behaving like that, get back here*"

What drama I don't need 🫠🤭

[molonski2]

I think you last paragraph sums up my mother exactly , but throw in a sinister twist also , I can understand and relate , but your sister is going far far too far , integration is utterly vital , my daughter who was super successful education wise was the absolute opposite scenario , so I think your sisters kid needs to be amongst others.

[midnightmoon05]

Oh boy… what to say?
Your concern for your nephew is definitely right. He is going to grow up messed up.
My partner? It is very hard in a marriage when the wife has that kind of anxiety…not much her hubby can do unless just share some videos or books with her…

[alice55]

Nothing wrong with how she act, my parents and grandmother also sheltered me this ways and it feel good you feel loved. If my partner did this I would be happy as I plan to do this too. Spoiling children is good as so many get mistreated by their parents and cast aside.

[KostasKouvalis]

It can be a bad thing too though, because then they can become entitled and too dependent on others and throw a tantrum if they don't get something

[alice55]

@KostasKouvalis Not if you scold them when they do it, you can love and spoil a child but if they Strat to throw a tantrum when you say no you just have to be firm and tell them to stop if the child respect you they would listen, when I was a child and whined to get something if my father refused he would scold me to threatened to hit me and I listened. children listen even when they're spoiled when they respect their parents.
It's parents who have no backbone and are pushover that create entitled children, you can love and spoil your children and still expect them to respect you that's just education.
I was very spoilt I had nearly everything that I wanted but I know how to differentiate a hard no from a more looser one and I respected it without making a fuse.

[KostasKouvalis]

Scolding doesn't always help though. That's the thing. There has to be firmness and respect and maybe a little bit of fear.
That's kind of true.
Ehhhhhhhhhh

On a lighter note, me and my parents were listening to French songs earlier

[alice55]

@KostasKouvalis No never fear if there's fear there's no respect and children aren't gonna listen you need respect only never fear. I feared my mother as a child but never listened to her never.
Fear is the reverse of what you need.
Scolding help if your children respect you though obviously if you're not firm naturally it won't work but it's not the child fault if the parent can't get himself respected though

[Joshydavid25]

Yeah overbearing parents create either fearful or rebellious children.. I guess it depends on their personality.. I definitely wouldn't like my wife to be extreme overbearing like that way.. She would create a mama's boy in the worse way.. But it's out of your hands, and is between the sister and her husband really..

[lorenzomichael]

I spoiled my little girl from the day she was born till now And I continue to do so for the rest of my life. Everybody told me I shouldn’t do that, but I don’t give a shit. I still do it. She turned out great. She doesn’t think she’s better than anybody else. She doesn’t always want things. She’s perfect.

[Nikki1989]

Kids need structure and protection, but they also need independence and socialization to develop properly.

[NathanDavis]

the problem is already there... this is completely out of the norm, and it might only get worse

[beefcakebradybatson]

I'd talk to her about it and tell her children (and everybody) needs accountability for their misdeeds.(My cousin Beaver was always bailed out of juvenile detention by his doting dad, against Beaver's mother's wishes, and Beaver thought he could get away with everything, never learning responsibility and ending up in and out of jail, prison and often homeless until his Jan.14,2021 meningitis passing at age 68).

[IslaTheWitch]

it's her child and her responsibility... if you think something is really wrong inform the authorities... but don't get between her and her child if you can't predict and prevent all the negative consequences the child will face...

[Awesomemegx]

Choosing a smart partner is much better than choosing a beautiful partner, you kids need intelligence not beauty, if ur partner is not smart or has bad habits then she is definitely gonna pass those genes to ur upcoming kids, so choose your life partner wisely!

[Malriarch1990]

Tell your partner to either support you and help show a unified front with the kids, to quit disrespecting you, or to get out.

[UrsulaY]

Spoiling isn't going to help them. Children need guidance.

[jahaims]

I wouldn't be with an immature partner that spoils their children

[KittygosMeoWW]

I would love to meet someone kind and generous who spoils my child

[driven159]

it's better than abusing them

[MikeTheGreek1979]

They all smell like that.