I’ve noticed that so many younger women in relationships seem to think that a guy being possessive is a sign of “love,” whereas older women know that it is a big reg flag. What are your thoughts?
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1 y
Oops. Sorry for the misspelling.
If a man is possessive, is that a sign of love or a big red flag? Why or why not?
This is always a red flag. I am glad you posted this.
If a guy can be described as "posessive" that means his views are all fucked up when it comes to... what a woman/girl... is owed (in terms of autonomy, respect, independence, and her overall agency as a person).
A guy who is possessive sees his girlfriend, as "his girlfriend" first and foremost. Not a girl who is a full person in her own right. He's not worried about what's right. Or what's fair to her. It's what it means to him.
It's not always the case, but often this is step 1 in a relationship that becomes straight-abusive down the road. THat's because it's the same mindset. It's not an equal partnership to a guy who thinks that way.
It's the idea of not knowing proper boundaries and forgetting how far it's fair to ask/expect any girl to reasonably accomodate you (your wishes, wants, requests, expectations etc).
So yes, this is definitely a red-flag. Every time. It's not a healthy relationship if the word "possessive" applies.
It's also not ever going to get better. Not ever. If a guy sees it that way, no woman is ever going to change that. It can, (and often does) get worse if a woman stays with a guy like that longer term. I've heard dozens of stories of possessive guys turning into abusive guys down the road.
You don't need that shit in your life if you can avoid it. A possessive guy is never good. Not ever.
Get outta there if you're with a guy who is "possessive"... that's not what love looks like.
Some people truly are possessive. Modern women, promiscuous, degenerate ones in the west call every boundary a man has "possessive". They call almost every man controlling. Unless a guy offers her full commitment but is also a pushover who lets her do everything and anything she wants but never takes back his commitment he is possessive.
It was common for women to get in committed relationships to act taken and to no longer act single. Modern women want all the perks of marriage, long term commitment but still act single and as if the guy should just put up with all of her shit. If he sets any boundaries to get his commitment... he is controlling/possessive.
Still going out clubbing, still getting drunk in public, dressing provocatively, not wanting her hanging out alone with guy "friends", not posting sexy on line pictures, not having public pages where stranger men can DM her.
Not everything a woman says is possessive truly is. We have to determine what you mean by "possessive"?
I agree that a man shouldn't be possessive. My stance is, if a girl crosses one of these boundaries don't argue and try to "tame" her... just move on and dump her. She is not relationship material. She is a modern hussy. Doesn't know how to be in a proper relationship. Still wants to be single.
I can’t help but notice that the language you use is in line with the incells. In addition you seem to take no accountability. Also I can’t help but notice materialism is what’s most important to you.
It really depends to what extent he is possessive. Some guys when you first meet can show signs of possessiveness, but I think it can be just showing they care without crossing the line. Maybe he’s worried about you. It can also stem from insecurities from a previous relationship.
Of course if it becomes controlling then yes it’s a huge red flag, but I think initially when starting out it might not be that at all.
A guy I like has shown signs of slight possessiveness towards me, which has surprised me, as I’m not used to it, especially someone who isn’t my boyfriend, but I think it can also be a sign he cares and a little bit of jealousy when I talk to other guys, I don’t mean in a bad way, just slightly territorial, like the reality hit him he could actually lose me.
t’s a sign that he doesn’t trust you and he thinks he owns you , so yes a big red flag. A guy should only treat you the same way he wants to be treated in return , the only time it’s ok for a guy to be somewhat controlling or possessive is in the bedroom , to spice things up but outside the bedroom, he should be respectful and trusting to her , the same way he should want to be treated in return , if you are with a guy that tells you what you can eat , or how you can dress , or who you can be friends’ with , you are best to dump his ass and run away , He doesn’t own you period , You both should establish boundaries together and follow those boundaries together , not the other way around. Boundaries aren’t controlling , boundaries are for the both of you to have a happy long lasting relationship together so you are both on the same page with things
Depends in the way it is ‘possessive’, this is regardless of who is (man or woman).
If he singles you out, slowly isolates you from your family & friends / doesn’t let you hang out with others unless he has permission to choose then RED FLAG & TOXIC!!!
Though if you are the only one he/she cares about, spends the most time with, and you genuinely click / love spending time together then that is a good ‘possessive’ trait showcasing love & devotion.
I know a couple where the husband hovers over his wife constantly. She can't even go out with her friends without him showing up and hovering. Know what effect that has on her? She's been openly hitting on me and talking about having an affair for about 7 years. She's feels the lack of trust and has lost all respect for the guy. She rolls her eyes whenever he opens his mouth.
That's what being possessive will do for you. How to drive someone away 101.
Look at it this way. Is a dog who is possessive of food viewed as a good thing? One that bites when you get to close to its food. What about a kid and a toy? One who hits when another kid plays with it.
I don't think it's a sign of love. It's a power move perhaps because they see the girl either as being too scatty to be able to look out for themselves, too flirty with others that they can't be trusted, too trusting of others than they may do something to her or just a fukin dik move to be playing some teenage ALPHA w@nkbag kind of King move.
Depends how if it's like you can't do what you want ever or wear what you want then yes but if it's like in the bedroom or he's just trying to protect you then no
Well when my boyfriend gets possessive about me at certain situations I like it I feel flattered I feel loved n I feel tht somebody is there for me who sees me as someone so special for him... so I meant the cuteness in that context
It can be a red flag if it’s too much, but a little possessive is a good thing as long as he also gives you your autonomy in stuff like working and hanging out with your friends. It shows he cares.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
1 y
I think it’s ok up to a point, but to the point of getting crazy and delusional and not even letting you speak to other men is obviously not ok.
No. A friend said that her boyfriend is possessive and when I told her it was a bad things she retorted with “possessiveness is a sign that he loves me.” This isn’t the first time I’ve heard girls say this. I also notice this is a sentiment that younger women share and older women understand possessiveness for what it is. Most younger women see possessiveness as a protective blanket or a sign that their partner cares, and it isn’t until they end up bloody and beaten that they realize just how bad possessiveness actually is. The reason I asked it here is to show everyone the age gap that exists. I must say it is exactly as I expected it to be.
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