Is cheating a death sentence for a relationship?

[Anonymous]

Before I got cheated on I was a firm believer that any form of cheating would immediately end the relationship. But now that I got cheated on after three years together, I can see why some people still stay and try to work it out (especially if there are kids involved). Don’t get me wrong, I think cheating is horrible and anyone who cheats is a lowlife coward but depending on why they cheated or for how long - I can understand why couples choose to reconcile. So in that case, is cheating really a death sentence?

Absolutely, no second chances

No, the relationship can still be fixed

There are worse things than cheating (explain)

[SteveSmith1985]

I am shocked. Shocked that your feelings about this have changed. I don't even know what to make of that. I don't even know that I want to try. But I have never heard anybody say something like this. I'm having trouble computing this in my head.

I've been extremely against cheating since well before I ever started having "girlfriends" in the 7th grade.

I've been cheated on, (a long time ago now) and all that did was give me the practical lesson for why I've always held this belief so strongly.

I'm not taking issue with whether couples have experienced infidelity and reconciled successfully. I know they have. But how you can "understand" how somebody can stay in such a relationship, whereas you used to feel it was a death sentence. That's crazy to me.

I don't even understand, how after being cheated on yourself... your feelings about it softened?

For me, its a death sentence. The relationship could never be the same (to me). I could never trust someone... no matter what they said. They've already made all of those promises to you claiming they loved you. Why would someone who broke a promise to you then, keep their promise now?

(I'm not looking to argue. You don't even need to reply. I have just never been so fundamentally perplexed by another human being. I am gob-smacked by the fact that you exist)

[Asker]

Honestly, I am as shocked as you are! I guess I only gave it another chance because there was no sex involved and he was extremely remorseful about what he did, he started opening up to me more and it actually brought us closer. Of course I was deeply hurt and betrayed, I’m not letting him off that easily. But when I reflected on our relationship, I realized we’ve been through so much together. I also kinda understood the reasoning behind his betrayal and since there was no sex involved, I still think we can move on from this eventually.

Now, I am still plagued by the conversations/text exchanges he had with the other woman but I take comfort in knowing that I’m allowed to change my mind and leave him if I can’t move on from his betrayal. Also, if he were to repeat the same mistake then he’ll be dead to me. I guess I’m punishing him in my own way even though I took him back, and he knows it.

I have been reading a lot about successful reconciliations post infidelity and there are success stories. I guess I just wasn’t ready to give up on our relationship yet so I’m willing to try and make it work despite the hurt. Maybe I’m just a simp lol

[SteveSmith1985]

Ok. I understand this now. No sex. That's very very different.

I might be able to forgive that. But... that is not what people mean when they say "cheating" (although I completely agree that there is cheating in many ways that might not involve sex. I am against that too).

It's sexual infidelity people get so hurt over. It's a whole different ball game. The universe is right again. Things make sense. I hope things work out with your guy. (wow I feel so much better)

[Asker]

He did go out on dates with her and there was physical contact (kissing, hugging, etc) but it hasn’t gotten to the point of sex just yet. Basically just emotional cheating. If there was anything sexual involved then it’ll be a different story for sure, I won’t be able to forgive that.

Thank you, I hope it’ll work out as well!

[SomothErgai]

it super duper depends on a whole shitload of factors. and i'm too tired right now to explain all of them. but the short version is to ask yourself a few questions. Who? What? Where? When? Why? How? then ask how do you truly feel about the answer to all of those questions. if it bothers you so much that you only feel anger and resentment toward this person whenever you see them or even think about them, then there's probably really no coming back from that.

On the other hand if it doesn't bother you so much that you hate them, then it's possible it could be salvaged.

One unpopular opinion though, that I always like to ask is, why does him having sex with another woman bother you so much in the first place? and vice versa of course. I'm sure it would bother him if you fucked some guy. But why though? I've thought about that question a LOT. and When I really get down to it, I think that jealousy really comes from a dark place that not a lot of people can handle facing. but that's a discussion i'll have another time

[Asker]

This is very insightful I appreciate it! I did decide on reconciliation because I did not have any resentment or animosity towards him after I found out, in fact I kinda understood why he did it.
Most importantly, there was no sex involved AND he was extremely remorseful about it.

[SomothErgai]

I'm glad it worked out for you. Almost all relationship questions can usually be answered by deep introspection. asking yourself how you really feel about something, or what you would want if you could have anything, stuff like that is super helpful in deciding what you should do in any given situation

[Vesuvius87]

Most of the times cheating is indeed a deal-breaker in a relationship and it's a very hurtful act towards a partner. However, there are things worst than getting cheated on.

Getting scammed (they never returned your money) by your partner, them being after your or your family's wealth and even suggesting you to research about your father's willing will (basically that's them dropping hints of wanting your parents dead) and basically using you the whole time, not just cheating but faking that whole relationship and nearly destroying our fertile years by keeping her as an eternal girlfriend... a real, legitimate sociopath.

I got my happy ending though. I found better and got married on Sept 20, 2024. I'm now currently 6 months (by April it'll be 7 months) pregnant with a lovely boy. I'm still fertile.

[Asker]

Wow what a psycho move… that’s definitely an extreme case of betrayal. For them to be lying all throughout the duration of the relationship just to get access to some money is low. I’m glad you found your happy ending though!

[Vesuvius87]

Thank you. It happens. We all fall and then get back up. All I can say is meanwhile I'm accomplishing my goals and living a happy life, those who tried to ruin someone's happiness are empty, miserable people whom will eventually die alone, without anyone to turn to.

[Asker]

Don’t worry, karma will go after them eventually. What goes around, comes around!

[DishLady]

The thing is... if it's not overtly so, it probably should be. Once a person cheats the other person is CONSTANTLY wondering if the person will do it again (to the point of appearing paranoid). Cheaters don't suddenly change just because they were caught. It's never "just a one time thing" and it's never "nothing" so why bother staying with this moron who doesn't value you? Move on and let them deal with their own glitch.

[Asker]

You’re right, it still haunts you no matter what. I can forgive but I can never forget the betrayal. Honestly I do feel like I needed extra time to give myself some closure, this way I won’t feel any “what ifs” because I’ve tried to make it work even after a terrible betrayal

[AI Opinion]

I'm here to add some spice to your love life! Cheating can feel like a relationship apocalypse, but sometimes, the love story finds its way back to life. It's all about emotional CPR—communication, patience, and rebuild the lost trust. The why and how of cheating matter. Think of it as uncovering the relationship red flags and seeing if mutual growth can happen. Every love tale is different, and for some, love can surprisingly bounce back stronger. 🌟💔❤️‍🩹

[Finchie40]

In some cases it isn’t and some cases it is , it just depends on the individuals’ in the relationship and why one of them cheated in the first place and whether the non cheater is willing to forgive them and work things out, I have witnessed some couples choosing to work things out and stay together , after cheating occurred , and it honestly blows my mind , but it does and can happen. I cheated on a girl when I was younger and I immediately told her the truth that I did and the reason why I did it , and she wanted to stay with me and work things out and she agreed that she was a massive bitch to me and that it wasn’t fair to me on how she was treating me. I was shocked that she wanted to stay with me and I told her to let me think about it and take things slow. So cheating isn’t always the death sentence if the cheater and non cheater can work things out , and are honest with each other

[Asker]

Reconciliation does happen and I’ve seen some success stories as well! Did your relationship changed for the better after you decided to try and work it out again though?

[Finchie40]

I chose not to stay with her because i felt bad for what i did and told her she deserves someone that wouldn’t cheat on her , she did throw herself at me and we ended up having sex again , but after that , I told her it’s best if we just remain friends’ because my feelings for her weren’t the same like they were before I hooked up with the other girl. But I know other couples that have worked things out after cheating took place and they are still together and happy

[Summeroflove]

I understand many things are easier said then done from someone on the outside looking in. But having such a bond to someone as well as doing so much work on a relationship. Many people just don’t see it until after it’s over.

Cheating is a deep form of betrayal but I get it too. Many people are glad when the relationships over as well especially if the relationship is toxic and the kids have to go through that as well.

[Asker]

Absolutely. After all the hard work we put into our relationship the past couple of years, I wasn’t ready to give up even though he’s betrayed me. He seemed deeply remorseful and was willing to put in the effort to make it work so I gave it a go. I no longer see him with the same childlike wonder that I had for him before the cheating but I still have a lot of love for him. It’s just weird, I never thought I would be the one to consider reconciliation.

[Summeroflove]

Oh it absolutely changes someone’s perspective it’s hard to ever see someone the same way again. But many people are so attached and in denial. Especially when they say they’re sorry then cheat again.

Especially when someone cheats with just a loser…. It’s degrading

[Asker]

True! If he cheats again then I’m definitely walking away, no need to fool me twice. I can’t decide if it’s worse to be cheated on where the affair partner’s a downgrade or an upgrade from you though…

[Summeroflove]

I agree it’s absolutely a horrible thing to do

[OlderAndWiser]

I would prefer to keep my self-esteem rather than accept a cheating partner.

[Asker]

Totally valid!

[NordicInScandinavia]

There are worse things than cheating but it is a death sentence in my relationships no matter what. That betrayal is something I'll never forget and I refuse to give someone a chance to disrespect me like that twice.

[Asker]

Understandable, the betrayal runs deep no matter what and you wouldn’t be able to forget it

[NordicInScandinavia]

I wouldn't want to forget how someone who claimed to love and respect me did me dirty and if it had been emotional over sexual I'd NEVER trust them again because they showed you ain't it.

[Asker]

Which is worse in your opinion, emotional or sexual cheating?

[NordicInScandinavia]

Emotional, hands down. Sex is sex. Have fun with your lowlife coward, you choosing a real role model for those kids of your.

[Nikki1989]

Cheating is obviously bad but hardly the end of the world.

[Asker]

Yes, exactly!

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Can be repaired but very difficult for most people to do.

[Asker]

For sure, it’s going to be a long and tough journey of reconciliation and both parties would have to put in the work

[jahaims]

Unless one person has zero self respect

[Asker]

Makes sense

[RedInnocent69]

It can be fixed, but will never be the same

[Asker]

There are cases where the relationship turned around for the better after infidelity though, but yes I do think it won’t ever be the same

[Danny_dan92]

Basically

[Asker]

What things other than cheating would you consider to cause you to automatically end the relationship?

[fish5505_87]

Sometimes!

[Asker]

Care to elaborate?

[fish5505_87]

I think, every situation in life is unique. Without sounding too wordy! We are all human we make mistakes. I always say this, but context is king! Was I drunk out of my mind at a bachelor party got a lap dance. How young was I? All of ur personalities as humans are very unique and distinct. I think the decision is up to the person who is cheated on.

[Asker]

You’re spot on. Context does matter, it doesn’t justify the betrayal but it helps a lot in deciding whether or not it can still be forgiven (definitely bot forgotten though)