Is it a red flag to be close friends with an ex?

[meepmeeperton]

If one person is close friends with their ex, I could see how it might seem like feelings are still there and cause insecurity in a relationship. At the same time, after ending a long term relationship, they might see them as more of a brother/sister instead of just never talking to them again and that doesn't seem so bad to me.

[SecretsofKB]

Frankly, this is a personal preference on whether or not you see it as a red flag. I know of three friends off the top of my head that are friends with their exes. One set are friends because they are co-parenting. They get along well.

For me, well I was cheated on once. The partner that cheated on me did it with her ex, so I am a little hesitant, to say the least, if someone is really good friends with their ex. It is a trust issue thing for me.

So, you need to look inside and figure out if their friendship bugs you enough that it would affect your relationship.

[Ferngully2000]

Possibly a red flag, I haven’t kept in touch with any of my exes and it’s mainly because as harsh as it sounds, I don’t care too. I have moved on.

Of course I wish them well but that’s it. I don’t want to remain in their lives and I wouldn’t want them to in mine.

[bddddd]

I have kept in touch with all of my exes. Persona; preferences differ. But I don't think that's a flag.

[Ferngully2000]

@bddddd But why do you bother? I mean do you care for them? I find once the care factor goes, I have move on regardless of how it ended, good or bad.

[Ferngully2000]

For those that want to remain in touch I feel like they still think there’s something there emotionally and there’s not, so I don’t want to lead anyone on. I think that’s better in the long run,

[bddddd]

Because I still love them. Sex aside, they are still the people you love. Different people have different views and that is fine too.

[bddddd]

For me, there is always something there emotionally. As I said, different people have different views and that is fine.

[Ferngully2000]

@bddddd yeah ok fair enough, interesting hearing different perspectives

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the classic ex-files! My aim here is to help unravel the enigma of relationships and sprinkle some love glitter along the way 💖. So, being BFFs with an ex can feel like a wild rollercoaster. For some, it's a red flag waving high, while others see it as a cozy friendship blanket. It all boils down to trust and clear boundaries. If suspicion or jealousy creeps in, it might be time for a heart-to-heart 💬. Ex-drama might just be a no-go unless everyone’s on the same page!

[princeofromance]

Yes, I was pursuing a woman who was still living with her ex. She would always tell me her and her ex-boyfriend are a work in progress. I quickly got the picture and distanced myself from the situation.

[Simslover92]

Not if there are no longer sexual tension between them. Or romantic feelings involved from both parties.

[Finchie40]

Only if you or they is trying to pursue another relationship with someone , but if no one else is involved then be friends’ with them all you want

[AviatorTom]

Not necessarily. In any relationship, each partner has their own set of friends, in addition to joint friends, and those friends are all types.

[PeachyPie93]

I understand both ways but it honestly depends on if one or the other feels something or would hookup again. I don't think it is good to stay in contact if anyone has feelings or is attracted to the other one. I personally am still friends with my ex because he is someone I can always call if I want to talk, even if I'm sad at like 4am he will answer the phone for me. Or if I need anything he would help me out, and personally I don't really have anyone else as dependable as him in my life. I think it is fine we are still friends especially because I am not with anyone right now but if I had a boyfriend I'm sure we wouldn't talk as often lol. He just bought me a ring recently and says it doesn't really mean anything he just wants me to have something to remember him by. Plus he is gonna be having an arranged marriage soon to someone prettier, skinnier and younger so I'm sure he is over me. We are planning to go to Japan next year together tho so I am excited for that since he promised me that 10 years ago lol.

[hahahmm]

Just keep in mind that as you build trust in a new relationship you being too into spending time on others works against building trust. Sure, you have the right to have friends but like everything else: choices have consequences. Even if there's no obvious consequences right away it will happen sometime.

And especially if you're with a guy thinking about being with you forever, it's going to factor into his choices. Would think the reverse is true: woman not liking her man talking to ex.

Of course people make excuses for it because they can't make up their mind what is important or what they really want. It's like someone driving a car on a road trip and never knowing for sure if they want to go east or west.

[molonski2]

Its the exact opposite of one of these so called " Red Flags " the OP is very young so I well understand the insecurity of the question..

If a person was physically abuse or worse that's a " red flag " in this instance they would certainly not be close with anyone past , but to maintain a relationship with a long term ex , it's frankly extremely positive.

I'd be more concerned if the report card was extremely negative , or they were abusive , rather than a good close friend , you learn as you grow older to never actually keep anything finite.

Its a good thing.

[Crimsyjo]

If they on speaking terms that's OK but if they text a lot, talk and hang out that's a big red flag. They've got shared memories and had sex... that could reignite any time so it's definitely a cause for concern and insecurity even if they are innocent and I don't think it's worth the hassle.

[FunkyMonkee]

Not that I know of. I was close friends with both of my first 2 girlfriend's until the 2nd one became an asshole towards me 6 or 7 years ago. I haven't seen my first in almost 25 years but I assume we could still be good friends if we ever see each other, again.
Why would THAT be wrong when there's so many friends with benefits relationships that are still active? If you're JUST good friends with someone you're still fucking, why can't you still be good friends with someone you used to fuck decades ago? Especially since you'll never fuck them again.

[Luopio27]

A Female friend of mine, is like 60. She has 2 daughters now, 15 & 18! The 2 most important men in her life is the father of her kids who is also engaged to her, not yet married!


The 2nd most important man in her life is her male best friend, who is the god father of her older child! Anyway, this god father man was in a relationship with her for years before they broke up and she started dating the father of her kids!


So yes, an x can become the lifelong best friend with you! It only works if all get along and no one has any jelousy or trust issues!

[Miristheiss]

Absolutely. That was an instant no go for any relationship. If any girl I had dated was doing that I would have immediately scratched her off the list.

Don't get into serious relationships with people still keeping exes as friends.

There are 4 billion of the opposite sex. You can have better standards than that.

[EzraIsShy76028]

Not necessarily.

This is just dependent on so many factors to count.

Not all relationships end off with hostility. That's one thing to keep in mind.

But if they seem like they just can't let their ex go, then that could be a red flag.

[Angelo75]

In my case it's simply "playing with fire around something that I hold dear".

If I hold my car dear, I wouldn't play with fire around it cuz eventually it might get damaged.
If I hold my house dear, I wouldn't play with fire around it cuz... well... ask the firefighters that are regularly putting out houses on fire.
If I hold my relationship dear, I won't play around with fire near it cuz I don't want to risk it.

[meepmeeperton]

Not saying I disagree, but people like you really need lay off the metaphors. You told a bunch of stories about playing with fire instead of establishing *how* this is playing with fire.

[Angelo75]

oh... hmm... ok.

Talking strange then.
If both are single and staying friends, it's not a headache at all.
But when one or both gets a new partner, your friendship and attention is supposed to go towards the new partner. An ex should fade away in the background.
For starters, many times people end up comparing their ex with the new partner. So if something goes wrong with the new one, they might quit easier on the new relationship and bounce back to the ex.
Second thing is that in some cases people will break up due to an argument on some points. But while being in a new relationship they end up realizing that the points in the argument werent that bad and might end up going back.
Even when you are loyal and want to stay with your partner, maybe the case is that your partner is close friends with an ex. If that ex at a certain point decides to come back and starts tempting and putting a lot of effort to get her back, (many times) you wouldn't be cool with it. Even if your partner is superloyal, the situation tends to become uneasy.

All in all it's better to just stay 'old friends'. No reason to become enemies though. But it's just healthier.

But hey, I'm not out for a discussion and for some reason I get a vibe that you are the one that wants to stay "close friends" with your ex.
If that's the case, well it's your choice. I'm not looking for a discussion. Just stating My Honest Opinion.

Cheers. :-)

[meepmeeperton]

Now that's more like it

[DrPepper12]

For people who have been burned in a similar manner I get it. But everyone is different and you should judge based on the merits of that person, not your past experience with others. I think that it's a red flag that a person would be insecure about having a friend of the other gender.

[beenherebefore]

I wouldn’t feel comfortable if my Partner was close friends with his ex. I would think there was some unresolved issues. But I also do not believe in staying friends with exes.

[Shiprex]

I wouldn't be all that fond of it because they know stuff about your partner that others don't and perhaps still have a thing between them

[BloodyMary6]

It can be hidden from your partner unless you’ve had a kid together.

[meepmeeperton]

Are you comfortable straight up hiding that kind of thing from your partner? 🤣

[BloodyMary6]

No I don't hide things from my partner. Those are signs of cheating.

[meepmeeperton]

So you're just throwing it out there that it can hypothetically be hidden?

[bddddd]

No, that is perfectly normal. Presumably there are 100 reasons you loved them. Not having sex with them anymore doesn't change that.

[bddddd]

When people trash their exes, I consider that a red flag.

[bddddd]

You pretty much know they will do the same to you in time.

[Godihateyou]

No. It's a good sign. Choosing good people you get along with is a sign of maturity and good decision making. I find women that have 20 exes that she hates means she's stupid and picks poor men.

[Chayce]

I think seeing your ex as a brother/sister rather than just a good friend is the red flag.

[Anonymous]

MAJOR. Unless they have kids together there is no reason your significant other should be friends with and talking to someone they’ve had sex with

[meepmeeperton]

What if you're dating the village bicycle and can't go outside without running into someone she had sex with?

[Opinion Owner]

Then continue to hit it until someone better comes along

[meepmeeperton]

Fair enough 🤣

[katiesmuff]

It would be a reason for concern for sure!

[Ngs54]

It’s a yellow flag

[In_Trance]

Probably the biggest red flag

[12karen]

Hmmmmmmmm no...

[Anonymous]

No, I don't think so.

[EmmiL]

Yes in my opinion

[January_Sixth]

Nope

[Phoenix98]

Yes.

[Dargil]

Yes, it is.

[Osborne775]

Yes.

[jahaims]

Duh.

[DCVsMarvel2]

Yes!

[chocolatetwopointo]

yeah

[Aldan1609]

I doubt it