Why is a woman's reputation always tarnished whether she cheats, is the mistress, or isn't a virgin anymore?

Question

Though there is still some double standard; lesser than years ago (at least Tiger Woods' then wife went after him and not the other woman) but it still exists. I've even seen the Spanish version in soap operas; always shaming the woman. She didn't do it all by herself. The man was a willing participant too. If a girl's HS boyfriend cheats, she blames the other girl for stealing her guy. How about blaming the guy?

If two students have sex for the first time and rumors starts spreading at school, it's always the girl signaled by classmates. She didn't have sex alone.

If a girlfriend or wife cheats, most of the times the man kicks her out and breaks up or files for divorce. He is correctly more angry with her, not the other man. There isn't even a term for the male equivalent of the homewrecker (aka la roba maridos in Spanish). However, if a boyfriend or husband cheats, the woman wastes time taking her anger on the other woman and the mistress' reputation gets ruined. So it's a lose-lose for the woman, whether she's the cheater herself or that participating mistress. It's always her being gossiped about. If the cheating wife has a daughter, the little girl's reputation gets ruined just because her mother is a cheater. If the father cheats, his children's reputation do not get ruined. Why is only the woman blamed and hold to a higher moral degree?

No body steals a woman's man. He is grown enough to have self-control too and not cheat. I've seen this in a Spanish soap opera, where two lovers were going to abandon their families. Both died and everyone in the small town kept endlessly talking about the man's cheating wife nonstoppable, no one bothered to mention about the cheating husband. A husband that cheats and abandons both his wife and child is just as horrible too. He was still well respected in the small town. The women themselves are willing participants of shaming the woman too; enablers fo that double standard. Why is that?

Summeroflove · Accepted Answer

Cheating is wrong no matter who you are male or female. But a lot of people of both sexes lack self control as well as narcissists who don’t feel any genuine love. They may love a image of someone and a fantasy they have… Until they realize that’s not who they are and become extremely resentful.

Both people who willfully cheat are bad people it takes two absolutely… Unfortunately there are times where someone was mislead to believe someone wasn’t in a relationship and it goes bad for both people so you have to be careful who you get involved with.

There are men and women who have slept with a married person or at least in a relationship. But they just never knew… Still wrong to sleep around but that’s something you have to keep in mind if you sleep with someone you barely know. You have no idea what you may be getting yourself into.

I notice narcissists a lot of times blame the other person it’s NEVER their fault. This happens with both male and female narcissists… That well someone was coming on to them. Yet they still consented to having sex it doesn’t make it right. If you’re raped that’s another story but besides that it takes two people to have sex with one another. Sometimes someone will believe the lie that they really just couldn’t help but lay down and have sex with someone else. Why? Gets me…. Guess they just don’t want to see that they’re really capable of that and will buy any excuse.

I will call a man a home wrecker…. There are a LOT of men who get off to the idea of stealing someone’s wife. A lot of times stealing someone’s wife or husband isn’t about love. It’s about the power and control to destroy a family. Most the time once they get that husband or wife… They end up leaving them because they got what they wanted. It’s shitbaggery… But that’s what it is.

People can control themselves just some people choose not to. Weakness and lack of self control is a choice that people make and find it harder and harder to control their urges when they continuously are giving into them.

Look…. I see men and women do this. Where they take their anger out on someone they cheated with instead of their wife or husband… Even in cases where that other person had no idea they were in a relationship. Why? Fact of the matter is they don’t want to see it. They don’t want to think it was their fault. They want to excuse the behavior of their partner because in that moment it’s too hard to accept the fact that he/she cheated. So…. They stay with a cheater like a dog returns to its vomit and wonders why the same thing keeps happening. Ever heard of the definition of insanity?

Other people rightfully become anger with their husband or wife. Point blank a person whose going to cheat will cheat no matter what. You can blame yourself or blame someone else…. Buying the excuses they give. Or you can break up and grieve to eventually move on. But staying in denial mode… Which is what it is. Never gets any better.

People who are in denial will accept any excuse. If their cheating partner blames the person they cheated with they will buy it. If they blame their partner they cheated on… again. They buy it. It’s called denial.

Narcissists…. Narcissists you’re never Mr/Mrs right. You’re only Mr/Mrs right now. Either you’re a hold over until they can find someone else. OR… they have created this massive fantasy in your head that they expect you to live up to. When you don’t they become resentful and will start looking.

Narcissists need supply. Even if they hypothetically got everything they think they want. They will still cheat. Because pleasure number one and supply number two. They will never genuinely love you for who you are. They will only love you for what you can do for them and how you’re making them feel in the moment. By the time you caught them cheated or someone “steals” them. They have been out and about for some time now…. You just never knew it. You may think things are going very well while thhere out looking for another man or woman.

Miristheiss · Accepted Answer

Well, when it comes to being a WIFE. To being a serious partner one falls in love with and he wants to spend his life with, who is "special" to him, who he wants to have a family with and bring to his family for holidays... a woman's VIRTUE is often very important and matters to a LOT of men.

It MATTERS.

You are making the mistake of thinking men and women are the SAME. We are NOT.

We each have different roles in society, different strengths and weaknesses, different natures, different responsibilities.

Our expectations are different. Quit FIGHTING it.

First women, for whatever reason, don't care that much about men's sexual past when it comes to a future long term partner. So, the guys may now see her as loose and good for a casual fling but not a wife. Women do not care and will still want men because sexual virtue isn't one of their mate selection triggers.

Second. You make a false premise that when there is an affair or cheating women are blamed and not men.

Third, it is biological for men to want VIRTUOUS women for long term partners.

The birth control pill, sexual revolution lied to you women that you can just start fucking around and do whatever you want and that there are no consequences.

The pill really warped things. Natural BIOLOGY is for a pregnancy and reproduction and a family occur when there is sex. That is the way nature and society ALWAYS worked. Women get babies when they have sex. They are to be virtuous and keep random men, diseases, fatherless kids out of her womb. Babies are for husband and a family.

The pill just wrecks biology and people then think just fucking around is normal and without consequence (how many are running around out there with herpes? How many fatherless kids, how many damaged women). The BC pill and fucking around and long term partners getting women with 10 past partners, 100 past partners, all kinds of freaky stuff in her past... IS NOT NATURAL.

That is why many men really don't respect such women and know they aren't long term candidates. They are just for fun at most.

Women care about strength and status and provision and resources and him having good genes. (American Eagle Jeans aside). Women do not usually care about sexual past.

VIRTUE isn't important to women. Men often want a VIRTUOUS woman.

Most women aren't virtuous. Crying about men's attitudes doesn't change anything. It is what it is.

DishLady · Accepted Answer

Traditionally it’s hard to elevate a woman’s reputation once she’s been “deflowered” — at least that’s how it used to be. Even now a lot of guys will reject an amazing woman simply bc she’s been divorced, “because who needs that?” (as I’ve heard many a guy say in ref to single moms, to childless divorcees, etc.).

Today many women behave in a cavalier way and ignore this for different reasons…. Some lean into the reputation and pursue cheap associations with guys. Others lean away from the dating scene to prioritize other things (ultimately elevating their reputation in a different way).

It’s never the same as when we were girls, though.

avery58 · Accepted Answer

Anyone who cheats or is a knowing side piece to someone in an exclusive relationship is a whore. This goes for both genders. I don't get the "he/she wasn't in a relationship with and didn't owe you loyalty" crowd. You don't have to owe anyone anything to not be a shit person. Those actions could even lead to someone hurting themselves, or leaves trauma and trust issues that could last a lifetime... please don't fuck anyone's life over like that. But there's nothing wrong with someone losing their virginity, that's their choice.

Finchie40 · Answer

Because unfortunately females’ received that reputation years from centuries ago and it will never end , Most Females’ were raised to love and value her man and stay loyal and faithful to her man , If she cheats on him she is considered a whore , and in some countries , she can be murdered for doing so. So females’ have this reputation because it stems down from years ago and unfortunately it will never end.

MrOracle · Answer

Simple. Men and women value different things. We always have and we always will. Some of that is tied to biology too.

For example, for the last 10,000 years, the only way to guarantee paternity was if the woman was faithful to the man. The vast majority of men do NOT want to raise and spend his resources on another man's child - ESPECIALLY through deception. So, men value innocence, LACK of experience, chastity, and loyalty higher than anything else.

Women, on the other hand, generally want a man with experience, and they value a man's experience, knowledge, skills, status, and resources. Women, as a rule, do NOT value or prioritize a man's innocence or lack of experience - just the opposite. They also value a man's education, degrees, title, career, and income, while these things in a woman mean ZERO - NOTHING - to a man, except when he sees them as a negative.

A significant percentage of a man's social status comes from the kind of (and number of) women he can sleep with - because it's not easy to get a woman to agree to sleep with you. Since most men begin their adult lives with essentially zero value, zero education, zero status, and zero resources, they must WORK (and work both HARD and SMART) to build status and resources before he can attract women. Thus, a man who can get lots of women is a man who has high status. Women, on the other hand, can EASILY get all of the sex she wants. That's not where her status comes from.

For a woman, high status is a matter of innocence and purity - a LACK of experience. Women start their adult lives with a higher level of SMV (social market value aka relationship value) than most men will ever have, but her struggle is KEEPING it, because it's based on her innocence and purity. If she chooses to spend her value to gain experience or get attention, she can definitely get those things, but she can never regain that value, and unlike men, whose value is earned through hard work and status, women's value is NOT based on hard work and status, but on innocence and purity - things she can never get back once lost.

This is the very nature of the world. Whether you or I like it, or think it's fair, is irrelevant. It's how the world works, how it's always worked, and how it will always work. Even 60 years of Feminism, and tons of chances to the law that heavily favor women over men, have not changed this even a little bit. Men have chosen to walk away rather than accept Feminism, and many women have too, because it goes against human nature, and nature always wins.

Atze1984 · Answer

Wow this is a interesting thread...

Just remember... ironically less men cheat than women... however those less men statistically cheat a hell of a lot more than even the most active women...

Yet when it comes to the social repercussions it tends to be the women that slay each other the hardest... Men might disagree , yet among themselves they move on...

The story changes however once you get into the family situation... at least here... when you have kids and you cheat (man or woman) the social backlash is much worse... and considering the poor kids... well i can understand that.

I have been very lucky, never cheated and never got cheated on. Did have some relationships go bad yet i still can talk to them and there is no bad feelings.

In the end if you are unhappy or just got bored while in a relationship... the only way is to be honest and say it out loud... That should give the least backlash.

As for being tarnished... well i guess that depends on the social status you have as well as the environment you are in. Both high society and very religious ones will be very damning. Yet the lowlifes (as they call them) i surround myself with... they only judge the cheater...

Just understand that sometimes a person (man or woman) can destroy multiple lives all at once just by giving in to a desire. Now that said , if its already a very unhappy relationship then chances are you will get less backlash from it. But the point still stands , its just socially and morally wrong to sneak behind someone and do something...

So if you really have a connection then make them end what they are in , before you go further... Do that and then you will be off a lot better.

As for the virgin part, hahaha , well yes there are still some who require it...
But we live in a world that worships even the biggest porn stars , and to be honest... if the love is real who cares... And at the same time , there are always those others who are jealous because they fail to get what you had (be it in bed or as relationship).

Just remember this saying: "Throw away your old shoes before putting a new pair on".

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

I myself have been pointing out the retardation of getting all flustered at the person your partner cheated with (that may or may not even know who you are) instead of the partner. That 3rd party never made any promises to you... it's your partner that's deceived you, lied and manipulated you. That 3rd party has made no promise to you to break and in many cases are not even aware of you... Like when some married guy pretends to be single just to get a chick to sleep with him. Why is his wife going to focus on that chick that's also been deceived by her husband instead of his ass that's deceived them both?

I'm not going to clutch pearls for the women that get shamed for it more, because... that seems to just be cultural and thus even their women shame the women more and let the men off the hook for as much blame. Possibly because their understanding is the woman holds power... seductive power and she could've just not let the guy pursue her.

Meanwhile in the opposite direction my eyes roll in the back of my head everytime I see a female that cheated blame the male she cheated on for her cheating, and other females just agree with her and also blame the cheated on male for his woman cheating. Blue pilled/white knight guys will also blame him... but you'll see that phenomenon in some cultures more than others. Send that cheating woman's argument of "you didn't show me enough attention" over to some Islam country and she's probably going to get stoned to death.

So it is what it is... depends on the culture and the people on who's getting blamed and for what.

AMS700CX4u2 · Answer

Pseudo-Religious and social attitudes. Although we were never instructed to get married by our Creator. It became advantageous for men and women to chose a mate and remain loyal to that person for societies sake. By the time the Ten Commandments were issued, it was apparent that jealousy ruled human hearts. So "Thou shalt not Covet thy Neighbors wife and Thou shalt not Commit Adultery were included in the list of rules that insured domestic tranquility. Our Creator evidently was miffed by our refusal to make some Babies for him and had turned Eves horny button up to 12 on the Richter scale. Seems He was intend on having his way, whether we were willing or not. Then came the idea of filthy lucre, I have something you want (Daughter) you can purchase her from me. Which also adds to the idea of ownership. Jews were descended from Pharoah's slaves why would they insist on owning another person? But guys wanted a virgin or at least they thought they wanted a virgin. Scratch and Dent was OK with me. Virgins brought a higher price. Anytime man want to make someone adhere to a social rule they enforce it with "God said". Add all the above to the fact that men don't show an ability to say no, and you got a setup for "It's your fault".

Anonymous · Answer

It's been well documented in the courts and other legal works that women initiate divorce 80% of the time. A lot of women have this delusional "I can do better" approach and toss the guy she fell in love with. Yes, some guys cheat. But there is a rising stat that men and guys prefer being single these days. Feminism (3rd wave) has completely manipulated and rotted the minds of women that normalized disrespecting men, guys and boys. Like what do women offer these days? Nagging him, stressing him, making him food is considered oppression, it doesn't end. Girls and women are much more promiscuous and I see half naked women walking around even in cold cities like New York, Toronto, Chicago in early November when its -10 outdoors.

This isn't about her having "fun". I don't respect women who get tats, drinks, and does drugs and encourages her friends to cheat on guys and I have crossed paths with plenty of females like this. I feel good saying this because I have exposed that women aren't perfect through what I have watched on tv, on social media, what I have read and also what I have personally dealt with my own experience. I don't respect who cheat because there are women out there who are complete morons who assume being a boss babe and using buzz words like "feeling a vibe", I find that incredibly immature and I don't care how beautiful she is.

HighValue · Answer

The first mistake was thinking that TV shows represent reality. TV often portrays things the opposite of how they are in real life.

Second, MOST of the time when a woman cheats or is promiscuous, her women friends are supportive of her behavior and even help her hide her cheating.

Also, if a woman cheats, she often claims the more well off financially man is the father (1/3 of kids don't belong to the claimed father), then divorces and steals his house, car, savings, gets alimony, child support that she spends on herself for a kid that isn't even his, and even makes up lies to the court to prevent him from seeing his kids when they actually are his.

MOST women are terrible immoral people that deserve no sympathy no matter what happens to them anymore. They never do anything to get laws changed that are unfair and harm men, so any harm that comes to most women is well deserved.

Clear_Skies10 · Answer

It could be a cultural thing. I know here in Canada most guys don't even want admit to getting cheated on because society sees them as a loser, whether people admit it or not. If he got cheated on he must not be satisfying her needs. Whereas if a woman gets cheated on she's supported and seen as a victim. If she got cheated on it must be his fault because she's perfect, lol.

SoccerPlayer99 · Answer

Cheating is always wrong. However, men and women are not the same. You said it yourself in a roundabout way, women destroy other women's reputations. Men become physical with one another. Men are also hard wired to spread seed as as much as possible and also like to get that a variety of women rather than just one woman. In most cases, women find their person and they to keep him, assuming he's providing. Men have to worry about who's kid the woman is carrying. There's not an easy way to tell if the kid is his because features change/develope with time. Again, men and women are not the same.

Filthy_Immigrant · Answer

That's the wrong question. The question isn't if it's 'fair' that a woman's rep takes a hit no matter if she cheats or she gets cheated on. The question is how sexual dynamics really work — not how we hope they work.

Men and women are judged by different standards because they bring different things to the table in relationships. A woman’s value is often tied to her sexual exclusivity and her judgment in choosing a man. So when she cheats, she’s seen as disloyal. And when she constantly gets cheated on, people question her ability to vet men. It’s not sexism, it’s human nature.

To earn respect, you need to own your choices and cease to anticipate the world to deal equally with the sexes. Because it doesn’t — and it won’t

Anonymous · Answer

First off there's a difference between 1 man and a 100 men. Anyone can do something foolish. But to not learn from that MISTAKE and to keep repeating the MISTAKE is what's not acceptable. Usually the women that complain about this fall into that category.

I think where you making your MISTAKE here is you think because you are a woman there is no accountability in life. Women have expectations of men, well guess what so do men of women. And that's NOT changing. The sooner you accept that, the easier things are going to be. Or don't accept it if you'd rather. But know things are NOT changing. Equality does not mean women now dictate to men what he thinks. 👍💯😆

Anonymous · Answer

Cheating is wrong, no matter who you are.. That is why. As to virginity.. Studies have shown that a woman's ability to pair bond is directly effected by how many sexual partners she has had. for example 0 to 10 40% chances she's going to divorce her first husband. Anything beyond 10 and that percentage raises to 80%. The same cannot be said of men. Because unless said man is in love, sex is just mechanical. Where as with most women, sex is very emotional. Its why its never ever good for either sex to engage in casual sex.

Unfortunately in the last 20 years two items have essentially vanished from society, Shame and accountability.

DonaldDarko · Answer

Ultimately it's all about reproduction. Men are looking for a woman who will be loyal, stick around and produce a lot of offspring. Thots don't do that so, society is geared to reject thots. It isn't just men really it's governments. They want those soldiers, laborers and tax cattle. Babies represent power and wealth to the elites. So, they're going to squeeze every woman's uterus as hard as they can. It's that simple. Human sexuality is actually pretty vile sad to say.

Shiprex · Answer

Women have the keys to sex. They choose men do not do this although they may SEEK to get it, women still open the doors to it therefore they control the access to it and not men. This is why women get more harshly treated in these circumstances.

Anonymous · Answer

If a person cheats they are giving themselves permission to hurt the other person vs ending the relationship first. Gender need not apply.

I mistress is a horrible person by choice also.

Virgin is just an old man thought process and irrelevant.

Anonymous · Answer

have you ever noticed that men get away with things that women do not?

Yup. Its patriarchy.

It happens in almost every single country.

When you live in a country run and controlled by men, just expect women to always get the shorter end of the stick.

Twalli · Answer

This double standard probably stems from the belief that men have sexual needs that need to be met. If a man's needs aren't being met, that is the woman's fault that they aren't. He's just seeking to meet his needs. Women, however, don't have those needs. So, a woman cheating, or facilitating cheating, is knowingly breaking or damaging a marriage.

blackeagle007 · Answer

Once a cheater, always. Yes the cheater should be called on that. I know women who left their husbands because he cheated. You should lookup Pat Robertson from 700 club. He defends men that cheat. I bet anything if his wife cheated, he be screaming the husband to leave his wife

SkipPerk · Answer

Women are important. Life comes from women. Their lives, their choices—they matter.

men are worthless until they prove they have value. People expect nothing from them and they have little to no societal value until they demand,

XXTruthfulOgrexx · Answer

For the same reason people get angry at someone entering their house without permission. They are an invader. That simple

Tigress1039 · Answer

Things are changing, I take pride knowing I’m a female player and I will treat the no good guys like trash (Not the good guys). So it depends on culture and time. And things are different these times

LiamJHayden · Answer

Double standards. Think of Jesus writing in the sand and the accusers of the adulterous woman leaving one by one. Where was the man? He was just as guilty yet nowhere to be found.

spartan55 · Answer

Yeah, I've never really understood that either. The woman deserves blame if she knows the man is married, which varies.

CupcakeTheDestroyer · Answer

The patriarchy loves a good double-standard. Purity culture combined with sexual shame makes for a hell of a psychological cocktail, doesn’t it?

Darklydarkened · Answer

The culture is still medieval in its structure. And the idea of women being birthing machines didn't just go away.

Anonymous · Answer

If a woman has an affair with a man who she knows is married to another woman, she is absolutely as guilty as he is. Not more, but equal. Common sense.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Double standards and the male attitude that nothing is ever their fault.

Berethor · Answer

Because a man is like a key, while a woman is like a lock, if she bad lock she get shamed.

Anonymous · Answer

So, if a woman who knew your husband was married but she had sex with him anyway, you would only be angry with your husband? WTF? It feels like you only want to blame men for any bad behavior. You must be a feminist.

Anonymous · Answer

if women's reputations were as tarnished as you say, why do so many romance movies glorify cheating women?

elizamichale1 · Answer

Because our society is too hypocrite n has double standards for men n women for same things

genericname85 · Answer

cause nobody wants to be with cheaters. it's the same for men as well.

foxsquirrell · Answer

I don't call chicks whores for being promiscuous. Not at all. Its just a natural thing to do for them. Let them be and enjoy there sexuality.

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

I dont agree with that. That's the old way of thinking a woman's reputation doesn't get tarnished unless she wants it to

msc545 · Answer

Why are you so concerned with who get blamed?

Steve-the-lion · Answer

You're talking nonsense. I think feminism has poisoned your brain.

Anonymous · Answer

If she is in fault then what's wrong in calling her hoe. Bitch. Etc. ?

bobalife · Answer

Patriarchy unfortunately.

slatyb · Answer

Because that's how men control them.

Anonymous · Answer

They’re both to blame

beefcakebradybatson · Answer

M-I-S-O-G-Y-N-Y !!!

qwerty2469 · Answer

The same reason a man is. Trash is trash.

Anonymous · Answer

Because of the damn patriarchy.

Ella40 · Answer

Because we live in a exist society.

Why is a woman's reputation always tarnished whether she cheats, is the mistress, or isn't a virgin anymore?

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Why is a woman's reputation always tarnished whether she cheats, is the mistress, or isn't a virgin anymore?

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