My boyfriend thinks I'm too skinny?

[Anonymous]

I keep an eye on what I eat but am not fanatical about it and I try to hit the gym at least 3 days a week or go for a run. I like the long lean look and try to take care of myself. I don't diet, I just have a healthy lifestyle. I'm 5'6" about 120 lbs. but toned and have muscle definition in my legs and stomach.

Anyway, when my Boyfriend and I started an exclusive relationship I went on birth control and put on a few pounds much to my dismay but didn't worry too much about it and I never mentioned it to him. Well, I had been measured for a bridesmaid dress months before and when it finally came in it fit great then about a month before the wedding I tried it on again to see what tailoring needed to be done and I could barely get into it! It looked great on but because it was corsetted it HURT to breathe and was so uncomfortable. The seamstress said she couldn't let it out.

So of course when I spoke with my Boyfriend I vented and told him I'm going to have to lose weight. He flipped out and flat out said no way! I couldn't believe it... He told me he thinks I'm too skinny already and he doesn't like it. We've been together for months and he's never said a word about it before. I thought he liked my body. It made me feel awful!

I told him I didn't have a choice, I HAVE to wear the dress. I lost the weight and got into the dress but the whole time he would complain about it and would always ask me what I ate or how long I ran. Now the wedding is over and I've kept the weight off just by sticking with my normal routine & he still gets on my case asking me what I've eaten during the day. I'm not thin enough for him to be worrying about anorexia or some such thing & I EAT & I'm healthy as a horse!

I just can't help but wonder if he doesn't like my body. It sucks, I like it the way it is =/ If he likes curvy women why on earth would he have pursued me in the first place? I'll never be that girl.

Is this coming from concern on his part or is he attracted to a different body type? How should I address this?

Updates

+1 y

Thx but it doesn't matter, I've asked for a break. I'm starting to think him nit picking about my bod was just an excuse to fight & I'll be damned if I'm going to sit around feeling like an ugly duckling because he can't say what he needs to say. Lame...

[MROREGON]

First thing is your body will change and just like the weight you gained while waiting for the wedding you will gain weight in the future. Face it you are not a little girl anymore and it's time that you looked like a woman. Many women starve themselves at your age and refuse to become pregnant because they are holding on in Vanity to some size.

Guys like curves, maybe your guy fell for you because of your personality but is anxiously waiting for you to mature into a curvy woman. For instance when Christina Aguilera was 19, I said wow she would be so hot if she just put on a few pounds and curves in the right places. Now she is one of the most beautiful women in the world. Same thing with Sandra Bullock, Haley Barry, Scarlotte Johansson and many others. Look at Taylor Swift right now, can you imagine how hot she will be when she looks like Salma Hayek.

If you really think you need to stay skinny then tell him, chances are he loves you for who you are already but was just hoping for a "few more curves"; be glad he doesn't like the BOY-SHAPE !

[Asker]

I have noticed my body has changed over the years and I'm okay with that. I'm 28 and I know that I can't get away with eating at Taco Bell everyday no matter how much I run. I DO eat & I don't own a scale. I try to live a healthy & active life. You're comment about him liking curves is my concern, even if I put on wt I wouldn't be that girl. I would look like a pear with big thighs and a gross stomach. It hurts knowing he would make changes to my body if he could when I think his is perfect

[MROREGON]

Honey you won't look like a pear if you are a runner unless you keep eating Taco Bell their food has so much simple sugar and processed sugar "CORN FED" that's why a lot of Mexican girls have those bellies.

But if you are working out and running you can pit the weight on evenly that's just life, look at your mom and grandmothers and aunts and you will know what your genes are! Chances are he just wants you to be comfortable with being a little thicker, most guys are that way!

Pretty is inside!

[imaboy]

It seems as if your boyfriend is stating his preference and he loves you although he doesn't consider it an important factor you would look better with more weight. 140lbs would be a good goal. He likes you for something other than your body.

I know about weight loss, health, diet, fitness etc. I work out many hours daily, eat smoked oysters, sardines, brussel sprouts, arugula, gogi berries, garlic, vegetable juices and only kosher and organic. It takes a long time to get enough calories so I started eating "junk" food like cookies, ice cream and candy. I feel better and have more energy. I have gained muscle and maybe even lost a few pounds of fat.

I would think a person who has written books, lost 4" waist in a month and been accredited by doctors would have something useful to say about the matter.

[Anonymous]

To me you just sound healthy. I'm also 5'6" and 120 Ibs and I probably over eat! I just have a fast metabolism though. I have no bones sticking out or anything- I'm just slender and quite toned because I exercise. I'm sure you're the same. Your boyfriend is probably just concerned that you felt the need to lose weight when you're already slim. By saying he thought you were too skinny in the first place he's probably just trying to emphasize the fact that your not overweight and so you don't need to lose any. He just went about saying it in the wrong way.

If your body is fit and healthy I'm sure there's no problem and that your boyfriend loves it.

[Asker]

Thank you! It's hard to explain that you can be slim and not skinny. And yes, I over eat too! but that's what the gym is for! I guess the concern is that he's still brining it up and I'm over watching what I eat. The wedding has been over and done with for a couple of months now. I just haven't put the wt back on. Not that I would want... I look in the mirror and feel good, but aorund him I'm now a little insecure

[AlexandraGothGirl]

I'd imagine he's just really concerned for your health. Maybe he's afraid of your Anorexia or has had bad problems with it in the past?

I'm going through a bit of a scare myself with my mother, she insists she's a healthy weight but I'm watching he starve herself to death...I do the same thing, I ask her what she's eaten every day, I make food for her and I insist she eat a little bit more at every meal that I'm there for. It's really scary to think about watching a loved one slowly kill themselves and not everyone is equipped with the social grace to bring it up appropriately.

[Asker]

I have never had an eating disorder and I DO eat. I just eat healthy... He's a fan of big meals late in the evening which makes me feel gross before bed so I don't eat much if we have a late dinner but other than that I can really pack it in. I exercise so I can eat naughty things on occassion & like I said, I'm not wasting away by any means... I REALLY am healthy.

[AlexandraGothGirl]

I didn't say you weren't but if he's personally ever dealt with someone who was then he's likely used to being lied to about the other person eating and watching them do what they can to try to deceive people around him. It's hard to not take one situation that happened and watch similar events take place and not see the possibility of it taking place again. As for the body type thing, if he wanted someone else, he wouldn't still be with you.

[AlexandraGothGirl]

I meant "I didn't say you were" sorry about that.

[Asker]

Yeah, that makes sense. I could ask...

Your comment: "As for the body type thing, if he wanted someone else, he wouldn't still be with you" I keep telling myself that but when I was in wt loss mode (which totally stressed me out) we were at a bar and he whispered in my ear, you're the skinniest girl here. I asked why he would say that. He just said, "I don't like skinny girls." I don't know how to take that. And I've dated guys that weren't physically ideal but I liked them so didn't care...

[AlexandraGothGirl]

Wow...did you hit him with something, or at least throw a drink in his face? All I can say is you should try sitting down with him and talking to him about the way he feels, if you are absolutely in no way willing to change then you should let him know that. Maybe you can just talk this out with him and tell him that his comments about your weight are really hurting you and you need him to stop. Go to the doctor and ask about your weight, get a professional opinion and settle things for good.

[thatssotera]

That is lame. One of my exes said I was too skinny, but he also said I should have red hair and wear glasses a lot, and have bigger boobs and a whole list of stuff. He really wanted me to look like another girl who we knew. WEIRD WEIRD WEIRD. So glad I'm out of that relationship. I hope everything works out for you. Weddings are nothing but trouble for relationships, it seems.

[Reeses-pieces777]

yeah when I read this question, this sounds like you're very healthy. that's good. I'm 5'7 and I weigh 120 and I fluctuate, but it's definitely a very healthy weight. and I just hope that he's learned not to comment all the time.

one of my ex boyfriends was like that too. he would tell me I was too thin, but I'm not. I'm at a healthy weight

[ALWAYSclassy]

If you're skinny and that's your natural body type then tell him to get over it. If he doesn't like skinny girls ask him why he is with you? It's not like you were fat when you first met and you dramatically lost all the weight right? Make comments about his penis size or his money and see if he likes that lol I know that's mean but guys should know not to talk negatively about a girl's weight.

[Anonymous]

5'6 and 120 *is* pretty skinny.

But really, your health is between you and your doctor.

I honestly don't know, from what you've said, if this is concern or preference on his part.

Do you get regular checkups with your doctor? If so, and if he is not concerned, then I wouldn't let your boyfriend bully you about it. Tell him your doctor has given you a clean bill of health, and you would appreciate him backing off on this issue.

[Asker]

I was 115 in college & packed on over 20 lbs of muscle with my last job. Now that my job is a bit more sedentary going I range btwn 120-124.

I had shoulder reconstruction surgery & a follow up corrective surgery when a pin came loose so I'm at the doctor at least every 6 months plus periodic physical therapy check ups. My blood work is more than perfect & and I have tons of energy.



My telling him I don't appreciate his comments hasn't worked. It's the only thing we fight about.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah, well, consider dumping him. 5'6 and 124 sounds pretty darn good to me.

[Asker]

Done =)

[Meggi]

Your boyfriend just care about you a lot. He just wants you to be healthy and I believe you when say don't have a eating disorder. I think need to talk to him.

[Anonymous]

you should eat whatever you want and excersise and it's ok to be skinny nothing is wrong with that, actually I'm skinny and my boyfriend thinks I'm chubby:S I'm only 43KG

so just be what you are and who you are

[tyrantfuryre]

5'6" @120lbs and you're too skinny? Not really..

[Anonymous]

Thats a no win situation for your boyfriend

[Anonymous]

5' 6" 120 lb sounds like a good weight.