Do you think it's weird we haven't said "I love you" yet?

[supergr8]

My boyfriend and I have been together for over 6 months and we have spent nearly every day together since we started dating. We tell each other all of the awesome things about each other all the time. He is moving into my place soon. He even has hinted at marriage! But neither of us has dropped the "L" bomb and I think it's because we're both afraid. I've been holding out for him to say it because I have had such terrible luck in relationships in the past, but I think I am ready. Still, since he hasn't said it yet I'm worried that he still doesn't want to say it and I don't want to get rejected.

Is it that important to say it before you live with someone? Should one of us have said it by now? If I must be the one to say it, how do I go about doing it?

[enigmatta]

I wouldn't know. I've been dating the same guy for over a year and we still haven't said I love you to each other. Firstly, we're not in a relaitonship, we supposedly broke up 6 months ago, but we could never keep each other away, so we're like a couple without the tag.

I think women want to be more verbal about it. We want to have the certainty that our feelings are being corresponded. It is that final bit to be sure of the other person and of ourselves. Like one of my writing teachers once told us, "when we say things, they become real. Words create worlds" So... maybe you've been feeling that you trully love him, but it won't feel real and absolute until you can say it, and when you do and the other person says "I love you" too, it'll feel like another stage. It'll feel like you're actually sure of what's going on.

I think it has a lot to do with psychology. There are fears stronger than our best feelings. I think you have to decide to be brave and give the "I love you" a go. You're gonna live together, I think it is a good occasion. Me? I don't know, I'll be miserable over that corner of "It's complicated" in the meantime.

[supergr8]

don't let that guy string you along just because he's afraid of commitment! I let a guy do that to me for two years and it was awful!

[DestinyDiamond]

It is NOT important to say I love you before you move in. You shouldn't feel like you have to because a forced "I love you" would make everthing ackward. Just say it when you feel it, that way it comes out naturally and he is more likely to say it back if it sounds sincere.

BUT! If you actually do love him and your ready then it should be easy! There are plenty of opertunities to say it. Examples: After sex, when saying goodbye on the phone, during sex, when he leaves for work, when you guys have a cute moment, after a good date.

If its your first time saying it then and you want it to be special then set up a romantic date. I'm pretty sure if you have been dating for this long that he would be comfortable to say it or even happy that you did because he is waiting for you to say it too.

[crookthings]

It's not weird. I do think it's important to be honest with each other and express your emotions to even if you're afraid of getting hurt (hey, that can be one of the emotions you express), but if going slow is what you're both most comfortable with, it's no one else's job to tell you it's "bad"!

I think if I were in your shoes and I decided to say it, I would start out talking about how much healthier this relationship is compared to past ones and how much it's allowed you to open up and let your guard down, and on that note, "I really love you." :3

[martyfellow]

yes, bot of you are araid of rejection..taht the other person will respond by saying they aren't ready for such a deep relationship, that they just want a casual, no-commitment sort of relationship.

One of you has to have the courage to bring up the duration issue; what sort of commitment do you expect when you move in together? Someone has to bring up what feelings each of you mutually shares!

[supergr8]

i think I tend to agree that we are both afraid of rejection... I guess I'm just going to have to do it! I don't want to end up being one of those couples that never says it, though I do like that we describe how we feel about each other versus just saying words :)

[martyfellow]

There ARE many couples who never get around to defining what is going on. That's OK at the beginning, but you're at the point where you have to get serious..good for you for asking!

[Elina73]

It's better to wait and mean it then say it immediately and not mean it. You don't have to say it before you move in. Maybe he doesn't want to say it yet because he wants to be completely sure about it, or maybe he feels the same way you do, that he might say it and that you might not say it back.

Just because you are going to live together doesn't mean you have to say it. It's after you have tried living together that you can actually say it because saying I love you means that you love each others' strengths and weaknesses, each others' good sides and bad sides of character.

As for who is to say it first, don't think about it. Let him know how you feel and then he will feel more comfortable letting YOU know how HE feels. Someone has to give the green light, doesn't matter who it is. If you're both afraid then the "L" word will never be heard, even if you both feel it.

[supergr8]

i think both of us would mean it if we said it, we're just afraid to say it.

[snowangle]

I think you really need to stop worrying about what you SHOULD be doing. Just think about what you feel and what he is to you. If you've been together 6 months and you love him by now, that's great. If you don't yet, that's okay too. It's all about going at your own pace and saying it when you're ready.

[DebiPie]

Don't do it! Let him say it first. And yes, it sure is important that you both say it, feel it & mean it before you live together. Why on earth would you live with a man that didn't?

[supergr8]

his actions indicate he does but I think he is too scared to say it! why do you think he should say it first versus me saying it? I do agree that we should get it out there and level the playing field before him moving in.

[DebiPie]

Studies show that it is important for the male to say it first. Google it. Read about it. It is & has been common knowledge forever.

[Toony]

I don't know anything about relationships, but I would hate to be rejected. If it was me I would wait for him. good luck

[Anonymous]

No not weird you should both say it when you two Trully mean it and really feel comfrtrable sayin it you know.