My boyfriend is excluding me from his plans tomorrow?

[Anonymous]

My mother says that if my boyfriend would rather spend tomorrow with his friends and didn't invite me then he clearly doesn't like me and doesn't think of me as a girlfriend and "the relationship will never work because what guy would rather spend time with his friends than his girlfriend." Now her words are making me sad and I don't know what to do. If he doesn't want to be with me tomorrow doesn't that mean she's right? I don't know. I don't want to make a big deal out of it but it's bothering me. And I talked to him and told him I'm upset and he still won't do anything--because he's traveling out of state with his friends. What should I think?

Updates

+1 y

I should clarify these are 4th of July plans he's excluding me from

[JanJan]

Okay first of all... You are in this relationship, not your mother. As much as she cares, she doesn't know the dynamics of the relationship. And you are old enough to make your own decisions.

And second of all, you should NOT be doing everything with your boyfriend. He needs his time, and you need yours. He does not need to take you everywhere with him. You two are adults. If you did every single thing together, you would be in what's called a "co-dependent relationship".

[risingphoenix201011]

Does your boyfriend often exclude you from plans with his friends? If he does then yea you should be pissed at him and he doesn't really respect your feelings. If he does include you then sometimes guys just wanna have guy time and you shouldn't fret about it. It all depends on what his normal behavior is. I honestly would feel a little hurt that my boyfriend doesn't want me to come a long for 4th of July but then again it's all based on how he normally treats you.

[Asker]

I don't know what to think :\ We've been dating for around 6 months and he's been hurt really bad by his exes in the past so I know he doesn't trust women right now. His last relationship ended like a year ago. And a few weeks ago I said "I love you" for the first time and he didn't say it back and then he freaked out and said he "doesn't know what he wants" but then he apologized and everything seemed OK. But he has this one best friend he's known forever and theyre going away together tomorrow

[Asker]

and I just feel really left out and he always sees his friends and I live farther away from him so I don't see him as often as they get to. And I just feel really sad now and I don't know what to think so I'm trying to figure out if I should take this to assume he's never going to get serious about me. :[

[Shaddowkat101]

How long have the two of you been seeing each other? If it's the beginning of the relationship that could be why..

[Asker]

I don't know what to think :\ We've been dating for around 6 months and he's been hurt really bad by his exes in the past so I know he doesn't trust women right now. His last relationship ended like a year ago. And a few weeks ago I said "I love you" for the first time and he didn't say it back and then he freaked out and said he "doesn't know what he wants" but then he apologized and everything seemed OK. But he has this one best friend he's known forever and theyre going away together tomorrow

[Asker]

and I just feel really left out and he always sees his friends and I live farther away from him so I don't see him as often as they get to. And I just feel really sad now and I don't know what to think so I'm trying to figure out if I should take this to assume he's never going to get serious about me. :[

[foolycooly1001]

If he had plans to go out of state with his friends, it's not surprising he wouldn't change his plans so his guy's trip would be fun for his girlfriend, even assuming he could arrange the extra travel space.

[Asker]

but it wasn't really like they planned something, it was a last minute thing and I just feel left out like..why am I an afterthought? and I feel like a guy should want to watch fireworks with his lady! right? come on! haha

[foolycooly1001]

I think if he wanted to hang out on his own or with one friend instead of hanging out with you, it would be weird. However, it would be weird if he asked his friends to let his girlfriend come with them.

[Asker]

well it's more like this:

We've been dating for around 6 months and he's been hurt really bad by his exes in the past so I know he doesn't trust women right now. His last relationship ended like a year ago. And a few weeks ago I said "I love you" for the first time and he didn't say it back and then he freaked out and said he "doesn't know what he wants" but then he apologized and everything seemed OK. But he has this one best friend he's known forever and theyre going away together tomorrow

[Asker]

and theyre going with his best friends's friend, so another guy who isn't close to my boyfriend

[foolycooly1001]

I still think you should cut him some slack this time. Let him know that you'd like to be included in future plans if possible.

[Asker]

thanks for your advice! yeah, I mean I don't want to seem clingy and crazy...but I just feel kind of hurt that he doesn't want to see me as much as I want to see him. sigh.

[foolycooly1001]

It sounded like you weren't even upset about it until your mom commented on it.

[Asker]

No, I was really upset about it but I talked to him and told him I was sad and he made me feel better about it but then I talked to my mother and she was like "well obviously he doesn't give a sh*t about you" and it just keeps digging at me..and now I'm dwelling on it

[Asker]

the thought of him not wanting to spend it with me just makes me feel like sh*t in general

[foolycooly1001]

Well I think holidays are probably the last days to change in a relationship(except for Valentine's Day and maybe new year's eve). Those are days that people might have traditions of spending with their family or friends, and it takes time to switch to spending them with their significant other.