Girlfriend says that she loves me, but doesn't know if she's "in love with me anymore".

[repetron]

Title says it all, I don't really know what to do, we've been dating for one year and she said she has been feeling this way for about 3 weeks. My belief is that if you don't know if your in love with someone that means your most likely not in love with that person, and I don't have to think about it I know that I love her without question. Is it wrong of me to think this way about the situation?

This is a very confusing time, she has been very stressed out for awhile, she is going on a student research trip for a month, and I don't know if this has anything to do with it.

But as it stands right now, I feel like I'm not her boyfriend anymore, just a really good friend, but technically we are still boyfriend/girlfriend. This was torture for me, so I finally got fed up and told her how I felt that this situation was unfair to me. I told I her that I'm giving her a month to make up her mind if she wants to be with me and work things out, otherwise staying in a relationship like this is not healthy for me and I can't be a part of it. Was it right for me to do this? I've never been in this situation before and any advice would be greatly appreciated!

[justathought191]

I think it's important that you brought it to her attention that the way things are right now isn't working for you. That's what has to happen in order for long term adult relationships to last. I read somewhere (probably on pinterest) a quote that said something like this, "One of the most important things you will ever learn is when to let go and when to keep holding on."

That being said while your girlfriend is doing some soul searching I suggest that you do the same and decide if you really want to be in this relationship or not anymore. One of the things about long term relationships is that they can start feeling like friendships because you've grown so comfortable with one another. So while you're letting her think you may also want to do some self evaluating and see if there's anything that you've been doing that would encourage the relationship to feel like more of a friendship than dating.

Other than that, good luck my friend.

[repetron]

Thank you! I don't believe that I've been doing anything to encourage a friendship over dating, I've made it very clear to her that I want a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, but I'll do some thinking just to make sure! :)

[Coffinspire]

I think you could have given it a little work before giving an ultimatum. After a year you start getting used to the other person being there and the spark kind of dies down. Maybe going out a little more together and having fun or something? There are ways to reconnect but it takes lots of time together.

[repetron]

Before she told me that she doesn't know if she's in love with me, she had told me something was off, I figured the spark might have died down, like you said. So I took her on a nice romantic vacation and we did some of her favorite things, but it was no good, a week later she told me how she felt, she even told me that kissing me and telling me "I love you" felt wrong to her. So I think we may have moved past the point of just the "spark" being gone :(

[Coffinspire]

Do you guys still get along? I am so sorry, she sounds completely disinterested.

[repetron]

Yup we still get along just fine, but she's just treating me like I'm not her boyfriend. That's what I've been fearing, I think I'm just going to use this month that she's on her trip to help myself move on and make plans for my future without her.

[Coffinspire]

Yeah you're probably better off, there is no use in making an effort if you're both not on the same page.

[freewill10]

your very mature to do this. U've done the right thing. Don't take that from anyone lying down. Very good! She's respecting you right now!

[repetron]

Thanks!

[Bleep]

You did the right thing in my eyes.

However I suggest you spend this month not contacting her a lot and focus on yourself. Either she realizes that she'd miss you and how much she cares, or it's over. But you can only get the truth IF YOU TAKE A FEW STEPS BACK DURING THIS MONTH. Hopefully that makes sense.

I would also prepare myself for if she says it's done, that's why you should use this time to focus on yourself completely.

[xguitarscen3girlx]

Agreed. Sometimes it takes missing someone to know much how you care about them. Like this guy above me said.Give her space & don't contact her. If she really cares about you than she'll come around. Thing is when yu love someone you normally don't question it. If she's unsure anymore then maybe she doesn't feel as strong towords you as you did her. So give her the space she wants & spend your time alone working just on yourself & your wants . You may find at the end that YOU don't even want it anymore

[repetron]

Thanks for the advice!

[winherback]

Basically she put you in the "friend zone"... bad spot to be in, man. This means she's not sexually attracted to you. Forget about her and move on. I know you don't want to hear that and you're going to try to "rationalize" your way out of it. You're just hoping..

[repetron]

Thanks man!

[prophecy]

good. just don't contact her in any way - avoid her. and even after a month, don't call her. if she will be interested, she will call. if not, move on.

[repetron]

Will do!