My boyfriend told me he loves me and I froze up...what to do now?

[Anonymous]

So I've been dating my boyfriend now for about 14 months. We've only been exclusive for about 3 months tho and that's because he "feels that he is getting older and didn't want to make a commitment to a woman unless he was sure there could be a future that included marriage and children." I knew I could see myself with him so I continued to see him and when he said lets date exclusively I was thrilled.

I am so in love with him and have been wondering when he'd tell me he loves me. So it was just his 32nd birthday and I did a lot of nice things for him and I guess he was in the moment... we were both a little drunk (me way more than him) actually he had like 6 beers only. It was the end of the night and we were having sex and he just said " babe I love you" and I just kissed him and said nothing...

Am I screwed now? I didn't want to tell him when I was drunk tho!

[toulouse]

why is tihs a big deal? its understandably. if you're waiting & waiting & not letting yourself speak, that's called being paralyzed, or froZen.

so if you have imposed this rule of silence, this freezing, on yourself, for all this time, why would you _expect_ anything different to happen? you're generally, not free to speak, so now, you can't automatically speak, even on command. it makes perfect sense to me.

if you want good honest communication, that means both of u.

waiting for him to say it when you know how you feel is just a game.

u won't ever be in control if yourself- like not communicating clearly, because you're under threat-f you have to play games.

[Asker]

hummm I agree to some extent and get what you're saying but I'm not playing a game. I don't believe a woman should put herself out on the line and be vulnerable especially when he has already tried to push me away in the past... but good honest communication is key and it is a two way road...thanks :)

[toulouse]

you call it not putting yourself there. I call it being free- or not free.

he may push you away for honesty. If someone pushes away for affording the same freedoms to yourself, that they afford to themselves, & expect you to afford to them, then how does that person does respect you.

I would not be with someone who does not respect me.

If you can not say what you really think , feel be you really are, for fear of losing his love, then you are not free with him, so how is it love ? is all I meant.

[Asker]

I mean I could turn this into a very long drawn out debate but I won't. I've read many relationship books and have lived through experience and I don't think a woman (notice I said woman..not girl) should say I love you first... but if she feels it she should say it back but I froze up and that's what I was nervous about. After the ice is broken then I's say I agree with you about being "free" or not. In a relationship you should say how you feel without being scared.

[jesshkah]

No, just find a time when the moment is right, and tell him "I love you too" and he might look at you confused and you can tag on "I forgot to respond when you told me while we were having sex" lol.. And if you do love him, the just tell him whenever. It seems like you both are happily committed with potential plans for the future, so there's no harm in it.

[DeepBlue]

Just say it if and when the it feels right. You don't have to respond in the moment. As long as you didn't say "sorry I don't feel that way about you" he's not going to lose any sleep over it.

[Frunkiss]

If you just be honest with him and say that you didn't expect it at the moment you should be good. And then tell him that you love him too and everything should go smoothly.

[kiter147]

Tell him now then. tell him how he struck you and make things good :)