Society & Politics

You're Doing It Wrong: How to Apologize the Right Way

“I’m sorry okay?! Feel better?”


You're Doing It Wrong: How to Apologize the Right Way


“Look, I said sorry! Can we drop it now?!”


You're Doing It Wrong: How to Apologize the Right Way



No. The issue is not amended just because you said sorry. In fact, no. I don’t feel better.



Contrary to popular belief, those two words are not enough. They don’t have magical powers, and they do not make amends. What did you think was going to happen? You were reckless, you made a huge mistake, and were careless, and then you seriously believe that mustering those two supposedly magical words will fix everything? They don’t, and without reason behind them, they don’t do a thing. Actually, it’s almost as bad as not apologizing at all.



I came across a post on where a teacher taught her fourth class on how to apologize appropriately, and I actually thought that these kids were being taught correctly. They know how to admit their wrong-doings, and even attempt to make the situation better. After apologizing, they were willing to restore friendships and were playing with each other again after holding grudges.



This is something that many people my age and older don’t know how to do. We shut each other out after making a mistake, refusing to apologize all together because we go about it in the wrong way, so we resort to the lame age-old apology and we get mad when it doesn’t end up working out like we thought it would. Sad how grown people don't know how to construct a sincere, believable apology.



I thought I would share the formula with you, and teach you guys how to construct a believable, sincere apology. Fucked up really bad and want to fix it? Follow this simple formula:



- "I'm sorry for..."



- "I was wrong because..."



- "I will try to fix it by..."



- "Next time, I will try..."



- "Will you forgive me?"



Let's go over each stop accordingly:



“I’m sorry for…”


Every apology needs to start with something along these lines, because these words make the apology come across as sincere, and shows that you regret your actions or behavior.



The next step is admitting what exactly you did wrong. Don’t beat around the bush by being vague, and say exactly what you did to upset the person you’re apologizing to. This can prove to be much more effective.


You're Doing It Wrong: How to Apologize the Right Way


Example: “I’m sorry for being an asshole.” vs. “I’m sorry for calling you fat.”



“I was wrong because…”


Address the consequences that came about because of your actions, including the other person’s feelings. The more tedious you are with this, the better. Acknowledging the grief that you caused and owning up to it is powerful, and very hard to do for most, but effective. If you’re ego isn’t that big, you can throw in how your actions have affected you and made you feel. Optional, but it helps to strengthen the apology.


You're Doing It Wrong: How to Apologize the Right Way


“I will try to fix it by…”


Attempt to make amends to make the situation right. Sometimes, mistakes are so huge, and there is virtually no way to correct them, but when you at least try to fix what you’ve caused is also a good way to strengthen your apology.


You're Doing It Wrong: How to Apologize the Right Way

However, it’s advised that you reconsider this step, as sometimes you can’t fix things, such as a broken heart or broken trust. Empty promises or consolation prizes can actually do more damage. If you can’t do it, don’t promise it at all.



“Next time, I will try…”


State that you will at least try to change, but it’s better to say it and mean it. If you don’t, then you shouldn’t be apologizing in the first place. This step helps repair broken trust and fixes your relationship to that person.


You're Doing It Wrong: How to Apologize the Right Way

If you’re back to your old tricks a day or so later, then good luck trying to get people to forgive you then.



“Will you forgive me?”


Ask for forgiveness with the intent of closure rather than expectation. These words are powerful and can do wonder when you use them correctly.


You're Doing It Wrong: How to Apologize the Right Way



Now that you know all the steps to an apology, here are some tips to follow when you’re actually committing the deed.



Tips:


-Don’t make excuses.


“But I was-”



“But she-”


You're Doing It Wrong: How to Apologize the Right Way

No if, ands, or buts about it. If you did something wrong, own up to it, and don’t try to offer excuses as to why your actions were justifiable. This weakens your apology and makes it seem as if you’re trying to get more out of it besides forgiveness. Instead if trying to justify your actions, or trying to drag other people into it to reduce responsibility, have the guts to take on all of the responsibility. If your balls or lady bits aren’t big enough to do this, then you shouldn’t be doing this.



-Don’t expect forgiveness right away.


Sometimes we fuck up really bad, and sometimes we do a deal of damage to the people we’ve affected with our mistakes, so when you apologize, don’t do it with the expectation of the person instantly accepting your forgiveness. It’s really great that you’re confessing your mistakes of course, but it doesn’t change the fact that what you may be apologizing for may effect the person greatly. One day, they may accept your apology, but they may be holding a grudge at the moment. Don’t force them to accept it or to keep talking to you. Give them some space and time to heal.


You're Doing It Wrong: How to Apologize the Right Way


-Be sincere.


This is crucial, because when you apologize, you actually have to mean it. Don’t do it with malicious intent, or because you want something out of it. Do it because you want to confess for being wrong, and you truly feel empathy for the trouble you’ve caused. You don’t make repairs to relationships by being a lying, sniveling a-hole. When you apologize, make it stick. The people can most likely see right through your lies.


You're Doing It Wrong: How to Apologize the Right Way


-Try not to repeat your mistake.


The last thing you want to do is apologize, repeat what you’re apologizing for, and have it completely thrown out the window because you didn’t keep your promise. When you go to apologize for them, the chances of them forgiving you become slimmer, because you didn’t learn anything from your last fuck-ups.


You're Doing It Wrong: How to Apologize the Right Way


So the next time you fuck up big, I hope you remember these steps and apologize the mature way. :)



Thanks for reading.



#SorryNotSorry #ShotsFired

You're Doing It Wrong: How to Apologize the Right Way
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