Girl's Behavior 
Guy's Behavior 
Flirting 
Dating 
Relationships 
Fashion & Beauty 
Health & Fitness 
Marriage & Weddings 
Shopping & Gifts 
Technology & Internet 
Break Up & Divorce 
Education & Career 
Entertainment & Arts 
Family & Friends 
Food & Beverage 
Hobbies & Leisure 
Other 
Religion & Spirituality 
Society & Politics 
Sports 
Travel 
Trending & News 
How come you don't want kids? How do you know that having children is not for you? (ChildFree or Anti-Natalist)? (Page 2)
Click "Show More" for your mentions
Most Helpful Opinion(mho) Rate.
Learn more
Learn more
We're glad to see you liked this post.
You can also add your opinion below!
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
53Opinion
Like you, I see this as a moral decision besides a personal decision that may or may not agree with the moral decision.
But unlike you, I think the moral decision is the opposite and I think there is a moral obligation to bring kids into this world. I think good people have a moral obligation to society to bring and raise rational, moral adults into this world.
I first choose not to have kids because I realized I did not want to spend the time... or more accurately put, I did not want to spend *my* time taking care of kids 24/7.
I love kids. I play with kids. I just realized that I enjoyed that on my time and not *all* the time. lol!
The older I get, the more I think this was the best decision of my life for many reasons.
But morally, I think I have shirked my responsibility to society. Morally, I should have raised some rational, morally thinking adults. I had the means. I could have done it. I choose not to.
I think it's morally wrong to make more people destroying this planet. We are already a lot too much people. There is no need of more kids
@Seppelson and @JudgmentDay - just curious, if you are successful in convincing everyone to not have kids and noone has any kids, eventually the human race will become extinct. Yes?
So, is that goal? Do you wish that humans no longer exist?
Just wondering...
@lizziepooh03 Realistically, that's never gonna happen either way simply because of hormones, etc. That always acts as a safe guard to ensure that the probability of procreation and reproduction or "mating" will occur and is greater than that of non-procreating. And the reality is that the number of people that do choose to reproduce and procreate or has reproduced and procreated exceeds those that is unable to reproduce and chose not to reproduce.
As for extinction, I think for all organisms it is ultimately unavoidable and inevitable. Simply because of our physical limits, what our physiology consist of. We aren't exactly made out of matter that is extremely durable and neither can that ever exactly change, realistically. We're all very frail, mortal, pretty much everything can hurt us and kill us either way.
There's many other possibilities of existential risks that would result in us being extinct other than us not reproducing till extinction occurs, and the probability of those
types of existential risks would exceed the odds of everyone one day being convinced that they don't want to have kids.
One time a co-worker of mines talked about this and he said "if everybody thought the way I did then the world would fucking end", and I'm like seriously? Not everybody is exactly the same and will never exactly "think" the same, so he's overreacting. The odds of that ever happening is very slim to none, although I can't say for certain that the possibility or probability of people choosing to not procreate wouldn't increase if things get really bad, as in catastrophic and cataclysmic in the future. But right now, it ain't gonna happen and can't happen.
Because I don't like them, and don't find them cute at all. I don't want to spend my money on them and have to deal with problems they could get into. I am also terrified of the thought of giving birth.
@Comawhite666 If giving birth us terrifying to you, then imagine losing your child to something horrible or tragic unexpectedly, because things like that CAN HAPPEN and we only have so much control over what can and will happen in our lifetimes, if any control at all.
My mother ran Daycare (still does, in fact) since I was an infant, and I am the oldest of 4 kids. I spent my whole life around kids, and I knew in my teens that having kids wasn't for me.
And true to that, I am 48 and have no children, and still don't want any.
I have 2 nieces and a nephew, and am still around kids plenty, but I am happy not to be bringing them home with me.
If I have kids, 1. I'll just be a single dad. 2. I'll make a horrible dad because I'm coldhearted. 3. The idea of impregnating a woman disgusts/repulses me. 4. Kids cost so much money. 5. There will be times where they will make me disappointed at some point.
"5. There will be times where they will make me disappointed at some point."
There we go. Why risk setting oneself up for further disappointments in the very first place? Especially if the risk is not justified nor necessary at all to be taken in the very first place?
People are morons
I wouldn't say I don't want kids. But I don't want kids for the wrong reasons. I don't want kids if I don't know whether the kids will have both their father AND mother's support in life. If either me or the mother couldn't support the kid (s) as much as they need, then I won't have kids. I don't want kids, just to keep up with the Joneses. I don't want kids, because not everyone is great at parenting. Raising and caring another human being (s) is one of the most hardest yet important jobs a person can have in their life. Not many people take it serious enough or do a good job. They only think they did a good enough job, when in reality it's not even close. Look at all the "kids" that have turned into adults that have messed up their lives. Look at all the CURRENT kids that are messing up their lives. Enough said!!!
Why do I not want kids? Simple!
I have sweated my ass off for 5 1/2 years at uni, with another 18 months to finish fully. I have one enormous student loan to repay.
I am not going to give up my future career, and waste all this time and money just to be mother to kids.
You'd end up grieving a whole lot more and worse if you invested all that time and money into them and they turn out to be completely and utter disappointments, or if something horrible and tragic happened unexpectedly to them? Just think about @juicyjessie
That is the luck of the draw. It would not stop me from having kids if I wanted them.
Like in that vid, it is easy to be wise after the event. As for being disappointments, the right approach is NOT to have expectations, then there will be NO disappointments. Just accept the reality of any situation.
@juicyjessie My point was by choosing not to have any, then you already saved you and them from ever facing such a horrible outcome. What I was trying to say is, put yourself in the shoes of those parents that lost their kid (s) to something horrible, like that more recent event in Florida at the high school, or how about some other disasters like earthquakes or tsuanmis? If you were those parents' shoes, then would you feel much grief or possibly even regrets over the decision to bring someone into this world only for them to become a victim and suffer a horrible fate? I won't disagree that it is prevention though.
I do feel so sorry for these parents, but I do not think you can stop this carousel, that we call the spinning world, just because someone feels sick.
@juicyjessie I'm not trying to stop this carousel, rather I'm trying to see how many other users here have similar perspectives as I do in regards to that the bad and horrible things that can happen in the world would greatly outweigh the good things and thus for those reasons also have decided and choose to completely opt out of having kids altogether, because they feel and believe the same as I do. That it is not fair to do so, not just, not right to just give somebody something that they may or may not like and may or may not want. Typically, they would be more pessimistic or pessimists.
I'm somewhat the same. I don't want to impose life on another potential human being either but not because the world is necessarily bad but more so cuz I didn't ask to be born and for me, existing is a chore. I can't bring another human being into this world risking the fact that they might feel the same. To me, it just feels selfish. I'm not against others having kids, just against it for myself.
I've always felt that the bad an horrible things in this world outweighs the "good" things, and that nonexistent people are not being deprived of those "good" things. Rather they don't have a "need" to experience those "good" things or to experience anything at all! It's different once someone exists and are involved into this world since there is a time limit and everyone that is already exists and involved in this world would expire eventually, thus the desires to enjoy and experience things to help cope with the miseries and suffering exists.
@Volvagia Do you agree that one has to be born first, and to experience bad things first like misery, pain, suffering in order to give any sort of meaning, value or importance to the good things in existence such as things that provide joy, amusement and/or pleasure? But by choosing not to create life or impose life, we aren't depriving anyone of any of those things as they would not have any needs or desires for any of those things? What do you think or feel about this?
absolutely agree, it doesn't make sense as an argument for people to say "we have no right to deprive them all the good things in the world" when "they" don't even exist yet lol so nobody is being deprived of anything here
@Volvagia Check the updates for a long ass quote. You might like it.
I do not see myself as a father. I am not excited about the idea. You lose career choices, freedom, time, money, health and sometimes relationship after having children. I am a really happy human beeing, I love my life and it would take a huge hit after something like this would happen. Those are my personal reasons.
Have you considered getting a vasectomy?
I mean just in case as a precaution, because you never know what might or can go wrong?
Highly unlikely, or almost impossible with the protection that me and my SO had been using for years.
Well, if it's been working fine and working out then that's all it matters. If it ain't broke then don't fix it. If one partner had surgery done then the odds of an accidental or unplanned for pregnancy is substantially reduced to near impossible.
I felt the way you do for awhile, but now I think life is a balance of suffering and pleasure and that I would always choose to live, I have been suicidal before and not wanted kids because of the bleak outlook I had on life but the truth for me is that the pleasure I get from existing is worth every bit of the pain, the same way having a relationship was worth the breakup, that a fufilling career was worth the work and suffering and hours. If I bring someone into this world and they choose to stop existing they have that right, but I have no right to deny another their existence either. I want to change the world for the better and the best way I can think of to do that would be to have a child and raise him/her to be better than I have been.
I wouldn't choose to stop existing, but I already am certain that there's no point of me having kids of my own, having family, or seeking a relationship or dating anyone. Was just trying to see if there are anyone that felt or thought similar about things like this.
'fufilling career was worth the work and suffering and hours." This I can still agree, you need work and money to survive and live.
"the same way having a relationship was worth the breakup" This I will NEVER agree, and besides you don't need a relationship, or THAT KIND of a relationship with anybody else to live and survive. Besides, once they're gone, unless you are already quite content with yourself, then there goes your "happiness" and "fulfillment" down the fucking drain, all the fucking way.
@Eikz1000 You wouldn't be depriving anyone of anything from this world by choosing not to bring someone into existence, as their existence would not even have started.
A relationship doesn't have to be all your life is about, once you are ok with yourself you can share your life with someone and that sharing is great and wonderful and when it ends you don't have to be bitter and hurt, I am grateful for each relationship, what it taught me, and the happiness I had within it, the things I enjoy most in life are often not things I need to survive, like music, dogs, nature.
I absolutely refuse to ever share my life with anybody else no matter what. I would never try to seek anybody else since I don't believe in love, or believe in the "good" that it supposedly has. I doubt there are many antinatalists that ever date or marry anyway and most people probably would not ever want to be around an antinatalist any way.
I have the power and potential to give a life to someone, if I choose not to use my potential for the good of the world I'm depriving society of my potential and I choose not do that.
So you rather play Russian Roulette and gamble away someone else's future and well-being all because of society? Because you believe that would actually be "good" for society?
It's not Russian roulette, it's understanding that regardless of how shitty life gets sometimes the good times most definitely outweigh the bad and that if given the choice between existing and not existing I would. choose to exist, and so I would also like to give that opportunity to my son or daughter one day.
Well then we can't relate entirely. I rather choose to never had exist at all if I have to become part of this kind of world and reality and species, and those were the only 2 options to pick from. My point is we can not choose between those 2 options. Only between the options of either taking chances with what the outcome might be by bringing somebody else into existence or to COMPLETELY REFUSE TO DO SO, and opt out of it altogether, especially when one does not believe it us fair, just, or right to bring somebody else into existence for them to experience suffering and harm. Take your pick, either choose to never have kids and can never lose any kids of your own to any horrible unexpected outcome, or have them and take chances with and face whatever the outcome will turn out to be. My minds already completely set on to never have kids till the day I die.
Nothing good ever came without a risk, I would rather know my child for 15 years and have given them a good 15 years of life and lose them than never have them have existed at all, I lost a friend when we were 14 and Im glad to have known him for even such a short period of time, and I'm sure his parents do not wish he had never existed just to save themselves some heartache.
Like I said. Each to their own. I limit what risks I am willing to take. I already completely forfeit on all things relevant to dating, relationships, etc. long time ago, it's not like I quit a few years or months, and I know they won't make me feel "happy", "whole" or "fulfilled", thus there is no point for me to go back to them. Can't have kids or get anyone pregnant "accidentally" or otherwise when one chooses to stay abstinent and celibtae indefinitely anyway. I even considered getting a vasectomy at one point, but decided I won't need it since I refuse to ever seek anyone for any of those things any more. That will and desire I might have had one time is completely gone and dead.
Like you said to each their own, I don't disagree with your choices and i fully support your freedom to choose that life for yourself, I on the other hand choose to risk it, I would rather burn out than fade away.
We're all going to be gone eventually either way. Nothing lasts indefinitely and forever as much as we would like it to last. 1,000 years later? 100 thousand years later? How about a million years later, or a billion years later? Or Centillion years later (10^303)? Our planet and solar system would be long gone and forgotten then, if there even is anything still left of us. We're just trying to deny and postpone what is clearly inevitable.
Inevitable endings do not need to dictate the present, all we can do is choose what to do with the time we've been given.
Then what is the real difference between burn out and fading away?
To me burning out is making the most out of life, to squeeze every ounce of enjoyment and purpose out of it that you can and fading away is to accept that you have to exist and do only what is needed to get by, to accept mediocrities and fill your life with them and be ok with that then die without every having tried your hardest at something.
Then that all comes down to what you really want to do. What exactly is it that you believe is important to you and worth giving it your all and trying your best in? What do you want to achieve or hope to achieve if at all?
I agree, and one of the things I would like to achieve is a successful and happy relationship and someday children. And I understand how much work it takes to achieve that, but I'm willing to take that on, I understand the risks, the potential heartache, but I'm willing to risk it.
Guess we all have different goals, etc. What matters a lot and is so important to one person is of no importance at all to another person. Others say just live your life how you want to live, choose or pick whatever path you desire to go, or whatever you believe is best and right for you, or would make you feel "happy".
For some strange reason, i desire to have one of my own. However, I can see how horrible life can be and how nothing is ever for certain. if I were to have kids, i would be supportive in whatever they want to be. I'd love to adopt and have one of my own. Try to help others that are less fortunate has been my goal for a long time.
Adopting is still better in the long run. At least neither party can have any resentment for the other, since those that ate placed for adoption are people that are ALREADY HERE instead of creating and adding "New" life, imposing life which comes with guaranteed harm, pain, suffering, and a death, all of which no one had ever asked for. Thus that is completely selfish and unfair, unjust, that's like shoving a broken product onto someone intentionally knowing that it can't be fixed nor returned, and has no warranty. It's like sorry kid, no refunds or returns. Giving someone something they may not want only for them to become stuck in constant and perpetual miseries.
I'm not ready to have kids and I probably never will be.
I feel like I'm not responsible enough, I don't how to deal with children and most of times I have no patience for them.
Not to mention that some of the things that I want to do while I'm still alive wouldn't be possible if I had kids.
I don't like kids.
I would rather travel and having a career.
I think a couple would be happier without having kids.
I like my freedom and independence too much.
Ur such a keeper
Yeah, I definitely gave up kids because of poor environmental and philosophical conditions. Many generations keep bringing up children with the hope "they'll change things", but here we are, still full of nonsense.
I'd have really loved raising one or two, but I don't see much hope for this world.
@HopelessPaul Ultimately it is futile. Nothing is ever solved in this kind of a world, not truly anyways. Our species is a completely disastrous, divided, destructive mess, any kind hope for a "better" or "good" future are completely false and delusional. One way or another we're all going destroy each other since we can never truly co-exist peacefully with one another being stuck on this very tiny pale blue dot in this massive and vast thing called the universe. by the way, have you ever heard of or read "On The Heights Of Despair" by Emil Cioran? If so, what did you think of it? If you haven't read it yet, I's suggest that you read it.
Cioran is among those books I eternally read in my to-read list (even recommended to me by a Romanian).
What I've read lately that resonates with this concept is "Burnout society" from Byung Chul Han, and the way we've come to become overly competitive and workaholic, exploiting ourselves in today's excessive "freedoms" and "positivity". Unless I come to understand a better way to overcome that situation without forcing the always convenient "personal responsibility" burden, I'm not gonna be responsible to bring children so I tell them "you live to work more than work to live, we're in a free will utopia and it's gonna be your choice. For the hopes you can sleep at night".
@HopelessPaul Check the updates with a long ass quote from Cioran. You might like it.
Oh this is one is easy.
Having a kid is like getting a ball & chain for 18 years. Except this one cries, talks, gets into trouble and costs you a ton of money.
Also it increases in weight, size, troubles as well as getting rebellious over time.
@oddwaffle Just hypothetical question. I want to ask you, let's pretend you did have a kid and they gave you that much trouble for those 18 years, then if they died earlier or prematurely, let's say in their 20s or early 30s, then would you feel relieved that they're gone, or would you be filled with grief and regret that you brought them into this world in the first place?
If you spend 250k in cash and 18 years working day and night to build your company and it died in a fire before your retirement, how would you feel?
Well that is my point, but it's an even bigger fucking gamble with one's emotions. Since with a person, that attachment is much deeper. Those parents that lost their kid (s) to something terrible and tragic unexpectedly; that will scar them for the rest of their lives. It will never be simple to just let it go.
@oddwaffle Agree?
I'm around children every day in my job, I don't want to spend all night with them too. Plus, I like to do things when I want to eg go out to a restaurant, a concert etc without having to lug kids around.
Plus, going to tedious things with children or even to a proclaimed 'child friendly hotel' during the school holidays makes me want to cringe.
Cause I don’t like a lot of things kids do. They talk to much and it irritates me. They scream and that irritates me. They don’t listen and that gets on my nerves. Kids aren’t for everyone. They are most difinitely not for me.
The possibility of losing a child to something horrible is much worse. I always wondered what goes through the minds of parents when horrible news come to them that their kids had suffered a horrible fate and died. The only way one would never have to deal with such a possible outcome is to choose to not have kids at all.
My aunt lost a child. It still hurts her to this day
See, there we go. It's almost like a warning for you as to whether or not you want to take chances with that kind of an outcome where you might end up in the same situation as she did when she had lost her own kid. It's like just take your pick. It's a big fucking game with your emotions. The equivalent of playing Russian Roulette with someone elses's well being, and in this case that someone would be hypothetically your own child.
A big fucking *gamble* with your emotions.
@Pink2000 Agreed?
I guess
I don't think truly someone don't want kids, personally I say I don't but i still think of what it would be like if i had a kid so
The big problem to me is being pregnant, I don't want to be fat and see my body change.
@alice55 Stuff like that comes with the territory and can't be avoided. There will absolutely be risks and consequences that cannot be avoided. Did you read my description btw?
I might have kids, I might not have kids.
We'll see if it ever happens.
If it does and i wasn't planning for it, cool. I guess I'm having kids.
If it never happens, and I want it to, I'll adopt.
And if I decide i dont ever want kids, and it ends up happening... then I guess ill have to figure that out then. All depends on my situation.
And if its a boy... well my sisters always wanted a son XD
I don't like kids. I just don't have the temper. My childhood wasn't pleasant so I wouldn't want another child to possibly go through that. Plus I always worry the father would leave, and then I have to play both roles.
See, you're getting it. Take no chances with it, because someone can always fuck you over when you least expect them to.
Always.
And even if you have to play both roles they may be unhappy with their lives and childhood. So like I said, what the point of risking another's unhappiness and misery? Why put them into this world at all in the first place when there was NO NEED to? I mean most certainly nobody, not your supposed and hypothetical child had ever asked you to create them and bring them into this world now did they? And if they were every really unhappy and somehow realized this some day, then both of you would be much more miserable about the outcome. And they're bound to be unhappy and miserable if their biological dad had ditched them.
Exactly!! This world has to many fucked up people to create someone's happiness. The world sucks, so why torture another life?
@ashley1996 I think those that insist and expect everyone to have kids are the most deluded. Nothing really bad has happened yet, nothing of cataclysmic scale yet, but when and if it ever does happen then they'll finally come to realize it and learn it the hard way. They'll get their very own rude awakening of sorts. The more pessimistic crowd is trying to be as realistic as possible, it's like "we told you so that everything and anything can possible go wrong unexpectedly AT ANY TIME now didn't we?" but it always falls on deaf ears for them. They refuse to see it from a different perspective and ONLY cared and bothered to listen, believe, hear what makes them "feel good". Although my point does not mean those that aren't optimistic should simply wallow in despair, we had made assessments of our situations and realize that it is unfavorable to subject someone else into this kind of a world. But others may be in much better situations and conditions than we are so it may be more
more suitable for them to take their chances and take risks, but they need to recognize them and realize that raising someone right is no simple task and takes great amount of time, effort, money and commitment and dedication. If someone isn't fully up for that and just decided oh what the hell I'll just jump on the bandwagon all just to conform and have some kids all for the sake of conformity, or because they can't take others criticisms and judgments for not conforming like those that had conformed, then they aren't really doing what's best for their children, but rather, it would be for themselves and their own best interests.
True!! A kid shouldn't be brought into this world for selfish needs. I wouldn't want to let a kid grow up in this nasty world. I fear for humanity.
@ashely1996 I think they typically have the mindset of "what can ever go wrong? What can possibly go wrong? Or what can possibly ever go wrong? Everything is just gonna be fine and there's no need ever to worry about anything at all" and entirely focus on just the "good" possible outcomes. They have as much of a bias as we do. They have optimism bias while we have realism bias or pessimism bias.
I know they need to realize nothing is perfect and so much can happen!!
@ashley1996 The fact that those that never expect the unexpected and never expect that something can or would go wrong would meant that when and if something finally DID GO WRONG, especially if it's serious like losing their child in an accident or something horrible such as to crime, then they're going to have a harder time facing and accepting reality for what it is, for what had happened and was entirely beyond their control the whole time. It would lead to much more grief and bitterness compared to when one recognizes how terrible reality can turn out to be, as they'd be more mentally prepared to face and deal with it better.
I won't give anyone the kind of power over me that a child gives the state and a woman. I *ESPECIALLY* won't give that power to the state or a woman.
I remember you told me about what it was like being with a woman that is a single parent, wasn't that what you went through?
Yah but what I meant with this reply was, having a kid gives the state the power to come into your home and tear your life apart at any time, and imprison you if they feel like it. It gives a woman the power to tear your life apart at any time if she feels like it, have the state imprison or kill you, *AND* gives her a meal ticket and a way to mess with you whenever she wants, for example by not living up to the custody/visitation order (which the court won't do anything about, but if YOU were preventing HER from seeing the kid, they'd put you in jail in a heartbeat), making false accusations, etc.
I remember you said she fucked you over big time or something like that. You learned it the hard way and just wanted to give everybody the heads up about how the system works and because it's completely rigged against guys and basically it's "look before you leap".
Eh. I got fucked less than most men do, and I realize that. And I'm like "Holy shit, that was LESS than what the average man goes thru? How are there not ten thousand murders PER DAY?"
@Barrabus_the_Free You only got fucked less only because that wasn't your child, not your biological child. But the court and legal systems are still are rigged to fuck over guys in situations like that from what you are telling me, especially financially, as well as emotionally and mentally. And if the lady isn't trustworthy she can abuse the system and stab you in the back since the courts will always rule in their favor. I guess in your case it was almost like you had tested the waters, been there, done that, so if guys had no idea what they were getting themselves into, be careful, otherwise they can test the waters themselves with a lady that has a kid and they might just learn it the hard way, am I correct?
There's no reason to get involved with a single mother. If a man wants to fuck one, then whatever, everyone goes dumpster diving from time to time. Just make sure to use a condom, or better yet get a vasectomy. Under no circumstances should a man trust ANY woman with birth control, and especially not a single mother. She's looking for someone to support the kid she already has, and is perfectly willing to get knocked up again in order to secure a chump.
That's good advice for those that are still up for looking to get any. I've decided to remain celibate indefinitely ever since the last time I called it quits on all things relevant to dating, relationships, etc., and that's been way more than 10 years since I've last bothered to try, and I don't feel any incentive to try anymore. Somebody earlier had posted a question in regards to chase dreams and success instead of chasing a significant other, and I think that had made their point. Though they probably meant chase your dreams and once you had become successful then consider or re-consider about chasing or pursuing a relationship with someone.