Why do pretty people not feel pretty but average to ugly people have the biggest self esteem?

Question

I've noticed this and I'm a good example, I know I'm not all that but I feel like a damn king bruh 😂

Then I see women that look like angels in human form being insecure and full low self esteem, what is this phenomenon?

My assumption: I think it's societies fault, I think it's cause average to ugly people, they aren't given any attention so they got all the time to grow self confidence but attractive people get all the attention and clearly nobody is perfect so there's flaws but since they get attention, eventually people that are either jealous or just hateful, start pointing out these flaws and cause insecurity in these beautiful peoples hearts and of course as someome used to such attention, they take it more personal because they aren't used to negative comments and negativity is just easier to pay attention too and compliments are easier to just shrug off.

Chris's quote of the day: Attractive or not, y'all mfs gotta let them insecurities go, fuck em.

etsylo · Accepted Answer

im not beautiful by any means, but i have been told my whole life that im a very pretty/cute girl. that i have the appearance of a 'softie' and sweet girl whatever that means.

at least for me in my experience, people would always tell me im cute or really pretty. but then they would try to be with me solely because im pretty. that alone messed me up because i felt like a trophy rather than a human. some people get jealous if they see you as pretty or if you have something they want that they don't have and that has happened a lot to me. a lot of issues came from people being jealous of me and i hated it because i just wanted to be normal and have friends and not have drama.

i hated being hated for being myself, for having an appearance i grew into. even now i go to stores and sometimes a girl would glare at me when her man is there and it always makes me uncomfortable because i don't know what im doing to receive such a dislike. sometimes guys would try to talk to me only to tell me they find me attractive, which, okay thanks but i don't want those compliments from strangers. i can't do anything about it, but it just gets me thinking. should i change myself so i can be accepted for who i am and not for being pretty?

it also doesn't help that society keeps switching up. skinny girls are in, curvy girls are in, big breasts are in, a fat ass is in, thick thighs are in, flat stomachs are in, siren eyes are in, doe eyes are in, chubby faces are in, slim faces are in. everything is in when it benefits society until it doesn't and it moves on to the next trend. most people, especially girls, are seen to meant to follow the expectations of society but not everyone is alike. even in your own culture, some beauty standards might be being skinny or tall. some could be the eyes, the neck, whatever.

for me, in my culture, most people tend to be skinny with a decently big shape of breasts. it has of course expanded to just learning to accept how bodies are but growing up, i was never skinny. i wasn't fat either. i was just curvy. in the sense of being curvy below my hips. i compare myself a lot to my relatives around my age because i feel out of place knowing i may not be skinny like them. i look strong, but with hips if that makes sense. i get told i have ass but it makes me uncomfortable when anyone else but my boyfriend tells me this because it reminds me of how i was treated growing up solely for my appearance.

i guess what im trying to say is society does fuck people up with themselves. it's horrible. you're either something good or something bad. and lots of the time, you feel the need to carry expectations to keep fitting in or standing out. there's just no winning 💔

IslaTheWitch · Accepted Answer

Self-esteem forms in the early years. If something goes wrong at this time, it probably will negatively affect self-esteem.

Imagine a kid who can't look into the eyes of the person they speak with... Parents and teachers will repeat that it's showing a lack of respect if we don't meet other people's eyes. But the kid just can't do it. It's a common scenario for autistic kids but not only.

So, what happens then? This kid thinks I'm so stupid; I can't do such an easy thing everyone else is doing, like looking into other people's eyes... And then the kid adds whatever else is not working, like I'm so stupid, can't make friends, speak clearly, or write an essay. It accumulates with time.

If there is no adult to stop it, to show that some things are hard to learn and support the kid, the self-esteem will decrease.

It also happens that more intelligent or just prettier kids get higher expectations from adults and other kids. And if they can't meet them... their self-esteem decreases...

Restore it is very, very, very, very hard...

NathanDavis · Accepted Answer

mostly because our self-esteem is based and built by a few different factors and not just how we look, and also because how we do see ourselves and feel about ourselves is also a matter of perception

so, how do we perceive ourselves is often linked to see how others perceive us... and that's not always just from looks but other things as personality, character, attitudes, moods and so many other things...

our actions and the actions of others have an impact as well... our families, our friends, our partners, coworkers, classmates, relatives, neighbours... any other stranger or known person will play a role in all these perceptions

and then, there's even more... which is our brain and how our own and unique brains are going to process all of these things, most of the times... the "distortion" happens in our minds and because out brains just work a bit differently and when this is the case, we can have it a bit harder to just "get it" and what others can very clearly see on us, we will not be able to see it ourselves

Sonorous · Accepted Answer

I don't believe that's always the case, but I do believe it happens in a good amount to where there's a clear pattern. Especially with women. This is because when they're attractive enough to be top tier in looks, there's more attention & focus on them to continue to be that way or even to become even prettier. And the female dominance hierarchy is more looks based in general but with harsher consequences towards being at the top than the male one in some ways. Many women at the top will feel the jealousy & envy from many below them. And that of course is communicated through how they're treated. They may even feel that they can only make friends when they look a certain standard, which is just yet another thing constantly reminding them to be worried about their looks & if they're good enough. Though I can't relate, I do feel for them. And I also feel for the other issues they have to go through:

midnightmoon05 · Answer

I agree with what you said.

I never told my daughter she was pretty while she grows up.., I wanted to develop her inner beauty as well…

now that she is 16, she learned that she is pretty…. sigh…but she also has better self worth than before… :) I still have to train her to be more kind.
she came home and told me that her friends in school call her she has a pretty cry (she was sad in school)… she even looks pretty when crying …

some people are born with good looks…but we have to work with them to develop their inner self worth…sadly too many only focus on the outer beauty… and that’s all they will get …not good for them as we all get old. Looks will fade.

Crmolon · Answer

I think women put a lot of effort into themselves to enhance themselves, which is good. Some women are far better at this than others and those that are naturally beautiful hit the jackpot, ultimately society had really pushed us to compete and be better, so you are told you aren't much very often, that and with suitors choosing between you it would play with confidence. I for sure feel like a right ugly duckling, I do what I can to look somewhat nice but I do appreciate the beautiful and stunning women around me

Lisia · Answer

Whatever you said and also people always compare themselves to other people and the grass is always greener on the other side.. also I assume people are more intimidated by "attractive" people so they won't hit on them as much as they would do with an "average" person.

Anonymous · Answer

I don't agree with your post. All women/girls, who are considered conventionally attractive by society's beauty standards usually are self-absorbed and have huge egos even to the point of arrogance. This is something that I've noticed even on this site. On the contrary, ugly and average people have been bullied and marginalized for their looks since they were born. How can they have high self-esteem?

Sweetsurprize · Answer

I don't know but in my opinion, I think attractiveness is the result of your HEALTH (physical as well as the way you feel inside -mental health), and age, what you've been through. Maybe even socioeconomic status (whether you're rich or poor).

serenalovesramen · Answer

I don’t know if im smart enough for these lol, but one contributing factor could be the way society treats and values physical appearance. People who are perceived to be more beautiful may find themselves subject to high expectations and more scrutiny from others. and if they don't live up to those expectations, they can end up feeling less valued and appreciated

Apple1996 · Answer

I've noticed this too. I think it's because very pretty people are intimidating so they don't get hit on or complimented often. Average people get hit on often because they aren't as threatening

CoolCatMar1 · Answer

Many people call me beautiful everyday in my day to day life and some don't compliment me at all though. I also think i am beautiful I don't know if you think i am average or not but yeah i do have a self esteem for sure

overthinkergirl · Answer

very interesting question! maybe pretty people get more self critisizing while ugly people have this thing to always show of maybe they want approval from others.

Starrrboy · Answer

Yeah it's always the 6/10 chicks who have the biggest egos lol.. I think because most people are average therefore they go for people who are not so out of their league.. so , the people in the middle get most attention and then think they're the most wanted , which they technically are lol.. it just baffles me when I see girls who are mad cute and asking for validation. and average girls thinking they're a goddess lol..

PBandJ_Nerd · Answer

No clue. I'm an average looking woman but I'm not sure if my level of self-esteem matches what you're saying.

journmarie · Answer

I know I’m average, and therefore I have low self esteem. I’m glad you feel like a king. Share some of that confidence with us less fortunate ones😂

genericname85 · Answer

cause if you're ugly, you build your self esteem on things that you achieve. so you associate your value with what you can do. and that only increases. meanwhile looks is nothing you can do about. you look your way and that's it. sure you can work out and diet to maybe look a tiny bit better. but that's it. you're powerless in the pursuit of enhancing your superficial value. that makes one unhappy with one self.

exitseven · Answer

I have noticed that too. Maybe they are compensating for something else.

alexiah · Answer

I’m average to ugly and my family's bullying has made my self-esteem really low 🥲💪🏻

RedInnocent68 · Answer

To synthesize, essentially, being pretty is a mental disorder. 🤔😂

Anonymous · Answer

Probably because average to ugly people had to get by on more than just their looks.

Anonymous · Answer

I'm butt ugly and have low self esteem. So it's not always the case.

Anonymous · Answer

I think anyone can think of themselves as beautiful. It's subjective, just don't shove your opinion down my throat or Ima tell you the truth. 😎

Why do pretty people not feel pretty but average to ugly people have the biggest self esteem?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Why do pretty people not feel pretty but average to ugly people have the biggest self esteem?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.