My fiancé and I have a large age gap (I am 28 and he is 50) and other differences but we have a strong emotional connection that holds us together. I don’t know why but even though he says he wants to be with me, he isn’t very expressive or affectionate. He doesn’t compliment me ever. I may tell him things I like about him but he is never able to answer when I ask the same in return. Or I will compliment him on his physical attributes but he will say things like your lips are fine or this is average. You could do better if you put work in. Etc. I don’t really get it because he is pretty average looking and not my normal type but I really love him and have gone out of my way to prove it. I can’t tell if he really doesn’t like me but still wants to get married for convenience or if he is just bad at expressing but every time I try communicating this, he ignores me or diverts. Even though he is close to 50, makes less than me and has been divorced 3 times he tells me he is a catch but never makes me feel like he is lucky to have me. I don’t feel loved or understood by him and it hurts a lot. I don’t understand why he acts so indifferent. The only times I’ve seen him not like that is when other men give me attention and then he gets really nasty and jealous. He has called me a slut, whore, etc before out of that possessiveness. And when we sleep together, it is always passionate. But in the day to day, he acts very indifferent and I am trying to understand why. Any ideas or understanding? An outside perspective would be much welcome please. Thanks in advance ;-(
Why do people treat love interests with indifference?
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Not trying to play amateur psychologist here but I'd say it's one of two things. Either he's not very interested, or he thinks you're not very interested. Because I haven't seen you interact I don't know the dynamic. But I do find it interesting that you call him "pretty avg." You're Either saying that out of spite or you really mean that. And if you really mean it I I don't know what you're worrying about then because clearly you don't love him.
I meant average by societal standards — and only brought up because he picks on me about my looks. When you love someone, they become very attractive to you so I personally find him desirable in every way and have been very vocal about that. I am struggling because he isn’t as affectionate in return.
We teach people how to treat us. A guy isn't a mind reader. If you need him to be more affectionate tell him. If he still isn't then it's by choice.
Men are usually not expressive by nature. Has he always been this way or is it new happening?
Not always, during the wooing phase before we were together he was very expressive and affectionate. This all started after we got engaged for some reason.
Oh that is sort of normal But he should come out of it. Being divorced three times in the pass suggests that he will be divorce a fourth time. Do you think this is the right move? He seems to be starting to separate emotionally and you two are not even married yet. You concerned about a divorce?