Should men boycott Valentine's Day?

[Anonymous]

Let's face it, Valentine's Day is all about women. It's a day on which women expect to be treated a certain way by their man simply because they are women. It's a very one sided day.

It's time we boycott Valentine's Day and start calling it what it really is...'Female Entitlement Day'.

Thoughts?

Updates

+1 y

This question certainly ruffled some feathers, and that was the intention so I'm please. I'm not saying women don't do things for their men for Valentine's day. Some do, and that's great. But it's an undeniable fact that the holiday has historically been much more about celebrating women than men, and it still is. A survey last year showed men spent on average $339 on Valentine's day whereas women only spent $64. That is still the expectation among women, and that sexism needs to end.

[MikeAndMolly]

Valentine's day should be a celebration of love of all sorts and society at large certainly should not be placing gendered expectations on one or the other member of a relationship.

Historically, men have had either exclusive access to wage-earning power, or significantly easier access to more of it than women. This sometimes requires sacrifices of those men, (dangerous jobs, for example) but these are sacrifices that women, at least in the past, were not allowed to make even if they wanted to, and the problems with those dangerous jobs really have nothing to do with gender.

In that context, it makes sense that a holiday about romance and love would necessarily place most of the spending burden on men, who were more likely to have any amount of disposable income. On a related note, women could count on fine jewelry to be a sort of personal store of wealth when many did not have a way to earn significant money of their own. A man giving you a necklace might be considered a kind of insurance against the vicissitudes of fate, or a small bit of self-determination.

This is no longer the world we live in. Women have the power (and indeed, the expectation) to earn an income that can support them and their dreams independently, and most do. In that context, valentines day should not focus on a transfer from men to women, but instead on the interests and desires of all of the partners in the relationship equally.

To be clear, though, this is very much already the case in many relationships. Without any kind of "social pressure," most people I know share responsibility for making romantic gestures, buying each other gifts, etc. My fiancee, for example, has probably disproportionately spent more on me than I have on her on Valentine's days on average.

Now finally, I'd like to address the Bankrate survey you mentioned above, and clear up some mistakes you made in referencing it.

The survey, which I'll link here actually asked respondents how much they expected to spend, not how much they actually did spend.

The study found that, indeed, men expected to spend, on average, $339 on their partners, while women expected to spend just $64 on their partners.

Further, the study asked participants how much they expected their partners to spend on them. I think the results here are very interesting, with men expecting women to spend over $200 on them, and women expecting men to spend only about $150. This shows that, while on average the expectation to spend falls disproportionately on men, men are by far the largest contributors to this expectation.

I agree wholeheartedly that, in all cases, these numbers should change to match between genders. Where I disagree is the idea that the problem is fundamentally a sense of entitlement by women. While women did expect men to spend nearly twice as much on them as they expected to spend on their partner (and that's not good), men placed far higher expectations on themselves, and even placed higher expectations on their partners than women placed on them.

Basically, this is a problem, and boycotting a needlessly expensive holiday is probably a fine idea, but the argument that we should boycott the holiday specifically to make women put less pressure on men, entirely misses the crux of the issue. It's men who put this pressure on each other, more than anything.

And I also think it's worth noting that the fact that men expect less from their partners than they expect from themselves is its own separate problem. Have you ever heard of the soft bigotry of low expectations?

I think that concept may well apply here, and may even explain something of the disproportionate expectations among women, which I suspect come ultimately from that tradition rooted in disproportionate income ability in our history (and, more subtly, in the present).

Anyway, good luck with your boycott. I hope your girlfriend buys you something shiny this year.

[nightdrot]

How about starting a holiday for whinny self-pity? Good grief. This is not one of life's largest problems and Valentine's Day is generally what you want to make of it.

Care to guess what I do?

It just so happens that it was around that time, 14 years ago, that my girlfriend and I met. It was around that same time, two years later, that we moved in together - and lived happily ever after.

My girlfriend - and the three little gifts she gave me who call me Daddy - is the center of my universe and I don't even want to think of my life without her. (We, somewhat to our own surprise as we are actually otherwise rather traditional, were turned off by the idea of being married.) So we make Valentine's Day special.

Typically we do a dinner with the kids, putting a card at each of their place settings with a box of candy. I get my girlfriend flowers and a card and she - in what has become something of a half-joke/half-tradition - gets me a card and sexy underwear.

Then the next day we take the kids to Bumpa and Munga's (Grandma and Grandpa's) house for a long weekend. Then we go for a long weekend - (Friday, Sat. Sun. Monday) - either to the Hotel Washington (we live in the northern Virginia suburbs of Washington DC) or to a little B&B we found on the Chesapeake Bay and spend the whole weekend. (This year it is the Chesapeake.)

If we do DC, it is a play at the Kennedy Center, candlelit dinners with me in coat and tie and girlfriend in a beautiful dress, breakfasts in bed, dancing and - oh yeah - plenty of cuddling and sex. If the Chesapeake, it is walks around the little town - St. Michael's - and on the bay and maybe drives to other little towns. Little antique shops - girlfriend is a collector and likes interior decoration as a hobby. It is a little more informal, but candlelit dinners and - oh yeah - lots of sex.

It is always an incredible weekend and we are really looking forward to it. (Though the funny part is that we invariably end up talking about the kids a lot of the time. It is funny - we look forward to the time away, but we love our children and sort of miss them. I am, especially, the most besotted milksop of a Daddy you will ever meet. I work in politics but my most prized job title is "Family Tickle Monster.")

Any holiday is just a day unless you invest meaning in it. It has just become the fashion that Valentine's Day is out of fashion. Unless you have, as I am so lucky to have, someone who makes it fashionable by giving it meaning. For me, it will always mean the time when I met the woman who changed my life for the better - and when I wake up next to her and feel her warm skin against mine as she sleeps peacefully in my arms, I know what meaning Valentine's Day will have for me.

It is not horrible and it is not burdensome it is not some sign of the oppression of men - except for those men who enjoy wallowing in their sense of self-pity and of being oppressed. Oh - and you will note that my girlfriend makes a dinner and buys gifts. She does work and spends money, too. Oh the tyranny!!

Seriously you get out of it what you put into it. If your preference is to sit a whine and weep about the unfairness of it all. As for me, I am looking forward to a great holiday and a great weekend.

It is called living a full life. Consider it sometime.

[Sixgun77]

I love saint Michael's! Hoping to sail there this summer or next. I'm actually seeing about planning a weekend there for v day if we can afford it because my girlfriend really likes it there.

[nightdrot]

@Sixgun77 Yeah, it's a great little town. We love it. It is more informal than in we stay at the Hotel Washington in town, but it is a nice change of pace and more of a getaway. Of course, Valentine's Day is more mellow than the summer, but that, in a weird way, makes it better and more romantic for us.

Suffice to say, you have good taste!

[wynn-ing]

This can have a grain of truth in it for certain people. But not all men and all women! This is a very generalised statement to make so boldly with nothing but a perspective with clear bias.
Valentine's day, commercially, is just an ad. You don't just treat your SO out because it's "The Day" but because you love them. Valentine's is an opportunity to do that and it will become what you make of it.

I don't celebrated Valentine's day and I also don't blame the entire opposite sex for what I made of the day. It can be anyone's and and nobody's "entitlement day".

If you don't like it, don't celebrate it. But don't falsely accuse half the world to be "entitled" to activities in this day. Actually, don't falsify to anyone. Not everyone thinks so rigidly.

[PurpleStorm]

Oh great. Another member of mgtow hating on females and getting other men to join. open your eyes. actually go out on valentines day to town and take a good look around, you will see females kissing their boyfriends, caressing them, being very tender to them. Yes they expect special attention on that day from men, but they also give special attention. The man might gift her something, give her flowers, they will go out, the girl will also gift him something, she will dress up for him, look nice for him, wear some special sexy lingerie for him that she picked out for this exact day long time before that

[PurpleStorm]

Should I do a boudoir photoshoot as a gift for my fiancé on Valentine’s Day? ↗
got this suggested to me literally after I posted my opinion here

[PurpleStorm]

@the update. you wanna talk about sexism? how about the fact that men still get paid more than women so they can afford the more expensive gifts. yes, valentines day is more for a woman but that is simply because not many men are into the romantic stuff and the hearts and the rose petals and the cupid... if men got just as excited about these things, perhaps things would be a bit different. Other than valentines day you have mothers day and womans day. the rest of the year is equal holidays. there is a father day and international mans day also. what are you complaining about?

[Asker]

Thanks for acknowledging that I was right.

[PurpleStorm]

I acknowledged 5% of what was said and I explained the reasons behind it. When will you have the spine to acknowledge you were wrong about the rest?

[Asker]

The reasons you gave were incorrect because you assumed a woman has to give a man "hearts and the rose petals". There is not reason a woman can't get a man what he actually does want rather than what women want, so your point is moot.

Now, which part of what I said was wrong?

[PurpleStorm]

Read my replies again I pointed out many things you said wrong. I don't think you even fully read the second reply. And I did not assume a woman has to give hearts and rose petals. It's just the things that are associated with valentines day which women love and men don't care for. Many women would rather receive a very romantic but cheaper gift on valentines day if it's something thoughtful, but men are choosing to rather just spend some extra cash and not thing about it too much. Their choice, noone is forcing them. If money is your only issue here this is not valentines day vs other holidays, or men vs women. it's normal girls vs golddiggers. normal decent girls will be thrilled with a gift that is romantic and means something, materialistic girls are the only ones who will put pressure on you to spend a lot of cash on that day. so if it's your only fear simply be more careful selecting girlfriends.

[kaylaS91]

.. sounds like you’ve had experience (s) with particularly bad people. Which I’m sorry for but..

It’s important to not make blanket statements about billions of people based on the actions of just a few.

[adamKing]

Let's agree to disagree

[DonCachondo]

"Just don't talk about it because some people are clearly benefiting from it"

[Cellenko]

He was clearly speaking about the event itself, why not try to answer to his question instead of let him think the Valentine's day is not drive by commercial purposes

And by the way people are more similar to each others than before because they are influenced by the same kind of advertisings and medias with the same underneath messages in a lot of countried

[kaylaS91]

@Cellenko
The answer to the question (thoughts?) was my thoughts..
Thanks for looking out for me, though. ☺️

[sejla]

You might try to swim against the current but you might get sunk in the process.

I'm sure there are some men who enjoy showing their woman how much they care. My ex used to complain because I'd only ask for one rose at Valentine's. He said it was embarrassing when he went to buy one flower for me and the rest of the guys were walking out with bouquets.

A lot of couples buy gifts for each other not just the guy buying for the woman.

[Apple1996]

Then women should be allowed to boycott all the holidays they spend slaving away at like Thanksgiving and Christmas

[Asker]

Sure, that's cool.

[Bman4907]

It's only fair.

[eron5p62]

Agreed 100 percent I think we should only keep the holidays that are for the kids

[Truthatanycost]

Agreed 100%.

[Dchrls78104]

@Apple1996 I wouldn't miss those, either.

[Apple1996]

@Dchrls78104 thank God cuz I hate all those holidays. They are very stressful

[Bman4907]

I'd keep the holidays with the days off, but none of the extra work. If the day walkers at my company get the day off, I get an extra 8 hours holiday pay. I'll keep that and trade in the people.

[The_man_whol_aughs]

Sure

[mistixs]

Find something better to boycott. Maybe male circumcision.

[DonCachondo]

That IS an excellent thing to protest! I'm not sure how you would go about boycotting it, though...

[Asker]

@DonCachondo Agreed, it's a great thing to protest and we need to do it. It's one of many subtle forms of sexism we men endure that most women are not honest enough to acknowledge. All you need to do to protest is not celebrate it unless you are with one of the few women who will actually celebrate you as well, and give you equal attention on Valentine's day.

[mistixs]

Just be honest and admit that you're trying to find a way to feel better about the fact you can't find a Valentine

[DonCachondo]

I was talking about circumcision

[Unit1]

Oh look! A woman, who cares about men 😀😀😀

[Marriedwith2]

Exactly... but give him some credit for trying, he's a bit special. He thinks I'm a woman because I'm a better person than he is. poor little incel

[MzAsh]

Yeah bring more attention to women by boycotting. That’ll show em.

[Asker]

Are you sure bringing attention to the sexism of women is the kind of attention you want?

[MzAsh]

Are you sure bringing attention to women at all is what you want? All they’ll do is buy Valentines for themselves and use it to laugh and make a mockery out of morons who’d actually go out of their way to boycott such a thing.

[Asker]

Boycotting is not going out of one's way; it's just the opposite. You seem a little ignorant about how that works.

[MzAsh]

Well knock yourself then. It’s still amusing to see men squeezing over this every year but nothing happens.

[Asker]

Not true, it actually gets a little better every year, thanks largely to raising awareness about the general selfishness of women with regard to Valentines day, as this discussion is doing, and no thanks to morons like yourself.

[MzAsh]

Ah well who really needs Valentines Day when you have a man who will give you wine and chocolates any day of the year just because?

[Asker]

Yeah, I'm not buying that. I've seen what you actually look like.

[MzAsh]

You don’t have to buy anything. No one wants anything from you.

[Asker]

Oh but there are people who want things from me, my wife being one of them.

[MzAsh]

We’ll go entertain her, as a good man should.

[Massageman]

$339 ? Are they serious? No one we know spends that!
We will go out to dinner or lunch during the week, and I'll give my wife her favorite flowers or candy (Turtles).

[Applers64]

Their are a lot of women that make that day all about them, i personally don't care about Valentine's day, i can pick any other day of the year to spoil my guy, honestly the day should be about both people, i do think its ridiculous to see the comments and the women hating on you just cause they are fucking butt hurt by the "Women Entitlement Day", they must be the type that are entitled... sad.

[Asker]

Thank you for your comment, and your honesty. I think most of the women commenting here know I'm right about Valentine's day being mostly about women, they just aren't honest enough to say so. Thank you for not being like that. You give me hope.

[kim45456]

It is not our fault if you dont do shit for your on valentins day.

[kim45456]

You are a female simp. It is fucking ignorant. Hoe can't you see women buying extra expensive sexy clothes, lingerie, or chocolates

[kim45456]

You are a female simp. It is fucking ignorant. How can't you see women buying extra expensive sexy clothes, lingerie, or chocolates for their men? Only because you dont do shit for your men, does not mean every woman is like you

[Applers64]

You are welcome, i try my best to be honest, there are other women out there like me very few though unfortunately, i don't see anything. Wrong with doing anything on that day the way you want it.

[kim45456]

I dont where you live. Maybe it has that to with culture. Some women try to look their best and cook for their men. So not buying a gift, does not mean they dont care about their men. Maybe you dont see women buying a something because you can't see them preparing nice special meal at home

[Applers64]

Kim one you don't need to repeat yourself in three comments we all heard you ok. Second women buy that shit cause they think that's what a man wants on that day, yes some men do, not every single man on this earth wants that. Its a choice what you want to do on that day, and you don't need one day out of the fucking year to do this shit its not fucking required, its optional, not a fucking law, and you are pissed cause i think differently? Really? No shit not every girl thinks like me thank you Captain obvious, you act like i don't do shit for my guy bold of you to assume, a relationship takes to people to make it work, it doesn't matter how long you guys are together, it takes two to make it work, just a little info that's what me and my guy do, I'm not one of those women that don't please my man in anyway shape or form, he also does the same in return. So don't come on here spitting shit when you are probably one of those women that need that day to be all about them. I wasn't raised to fucking hate on men and make everything about me and only me, i wasn't raised to be a fucking princess and to be fucking catered to. I'm not sorry for seeing a guys point of view on things, and being more understanding why men get turned off by stuff cause women want to be fucking assholes about about it especially making a big deal about something that wasn't needed to be, and like i said be for the day is fucking optional for what people want to do, no one should be forced to do anything on that day if they don't want to.

[kim45456]

Sorry but you are generalizing it and think you are better than other women. Such a bitch behaviour. Do you know the whole female population to make these generalizations? We should take your rights away, if you dont like your "privileges " so much. Also men cheat more than women, and you dont call them assholes

[kim45456]

If you dont care what people do on that day, why are hating on women then? Why do you care what they do?

[Applers64]

Kim i am agree with you on some parts yes i agree, no i absolutely don't think i am better than other women not in the slightest, and yes men can be fucking assholes and yes they cheat too, yes they are assholes and they can be, but i try to catch that shit before hand and remove my self from that. And there's always different sides and opinions to evrything.

[Applers64]

Not saying that there is never any good women out there and all men are awesome, both women and males can be fucking assholes, we both play our part. And there are men and women out there that aren't assholes.

[Applers64]

I see both sides and what you guys are saying. Have a great day or night whatever time in is where you are at.

[Moonchild714]

I think everyone should Boycott Valentine's Day. If people need a day to treat the one they Love Special, then either they really don't Love thwm or they are Pathetic Losers!!! I've never let a guy take me out or do anything Special aka different on or around Valentine's Day I make sure they are aware I don't Fall for that day and I would hope they don't expect anything Special either...

[lateralusqueen]

I don't celebrate Valentine's day & I don't expect anything special from my boyfriend either on Valentine's either. If he wants to do something nice & small I'd appreciate but if not it's all good. Every day that I spend with my boyfriend is what makes the relationship special, not one dumb holiday a year. The memories & experiences we share throughout the year is what matters

[AbsoluteCutie]

😂🤣😂🤣 Bruh. I swear the website has some of the saltiest men on the earth. I’m sorry for whatever has made you this bitter. But seriously women’s entitlement day? YOU can boycott Valentine’s Day if you want. My husband and I are going to celebrate our love on February 14th and everyday before and after that. Not everyone’s miserable so just let those that want celebrate it be happy and enjoy things.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Not liking the holiday is one thing. But calling it "female" entitlement day is just bull. Just another topic for you to bash the whole female gender. Those who choose to celebrate can do so, those who don't, don't. How the hell is that female entitlement? So I suppose than so is a women's birthday where her man buys her a gift? But then does she not, will she not do the same? Well it's the same for Valentine's day. Hate the holiday. Stop hating on all women.

[Asker]

I have no problem with the holiday itself. I have a problem with the expectation among many women that it is a day for their men to celebrate them but not the reverse. I have seen that attitude all my life and it's an undeniable fact. Certainly not all women are that way, but many are and the purpose of this question was to bring attention to that fact and encourage those women to pick up a mirror and take a hard look in it.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Again that's all " you ASSuming"
You really need to stop ASSuming about "all" women! And I think you are the one who needs to take a good long look in the mirror. Maybe you'll see bitterness and hatred makes anyone unattractive!!

[MackToday]

The people doing that kind of shit in the name of all women are communists. They call themselves feminists and act out in any way they can. Then women get the blame for the shit behavior of a bunch of communist revolutionaries. What's more these useful idiots don't even know who's pulling their strings or what they serve (most of them anyway). Keep in mind, they've been lied to as children, tricked and subtitle trained to hate men as "oppressors". This is Marxist class struggle veiled as something else.

[mindNsoul]

I dont celebrate Valentine's day but man Amen to that 👍

[MackToday]

@mindNsoul When you see men blaming all women just point out that feminists are communists and liars.

[mindNsoul]

I actually don't bother responding to those men in general. First, they are few and they normally exist online. Second, generalization is not a language a wise smart man/ or woman would use. And third, most men and women in the real world are not fighting a war against each other. There is good and bad in every gender 🌹

[kim45456]

When a man blame all women, you should call him an incel. Nobody are entitled to talk about men or women

[DonCachondo]

wtf how did Communism... what?

[MackToday]

@DonCachondo Neo Marxist class struggle. Social power in place of money.

[R_Cakes91]

Here we go again, some blaming women for everything...

In all seriousness, it’s a dumb holiday that creates a lot of bitterness from the people who truly care/ wish they had someone during that time. I know how you feel (never had a SO for Vday) but don’t blame the opposite gender because you’re unhappy.

[Testaccount65754]

What is he blaming women for? Not liking someone isn't the same as blaming someone.

[R_Cakes91]

Read the question one more time

[AynonOMouse]

From what I have seen the women of younger generations are more fair and caring, but the ones from my generation (gen x), and the older generations, your statement would be more fitting for those generations because for them it very much was just for women and they would get quite angry at their SO if they didn't get stuff, but did nothing for the man.
I think the women from the generations younger than mine are more often much better relationship material because they seem significantly more caring and thoughtful towards their SO/partner.

[Peanut127]

That day, if hane a SO, just ends with a lot of sex so why would a guy complain about that?

Vday is to SHARE feelings of love or appreciation with someone. Women give back to their man just the same. Yes, prob in less $$ way but that's why couples communicate. Then u will know how to please each other :)

[Peanut127]

Have* a SO

[Aj619]

Uhh dude probably has no one and he's sorta right but he should be saying why do couples get everything and single people get treated like shit that dat.

[Anonymous]

Sure. If you want to be an incel for the rest of your life that’s a great idea. I assume you’re an adult, so by now you should have learned that not everything is about you, what you want and what you don’t want. A relationship is give and take. It’s fine if you don’t want to celebrate valentines day, don’t like romance, don’t want foreplay, don’t want *insert whatever here* but then don’t expect people who DO want those things to chose to be with you. I would assume you wouldn’t want to be with a girl who told you from now on she’s going to boycott sex, because she doesn’t want sex and only men want it. It’s ok that she doesn’t want sex but she can expect to become, and stay, single then as people in general wouldn’t want to date her.

[Bee-Hatch]

Stop trolling. No one cares about your petty complaing. We all read your question in a whining voice in our heads.

I personally never did valentines day. Because if you need a special day to let someone know how you feel, then your relationship is pretty much up shit creek.

[Asker]

Is that really all you got? smh

[Bee-Hatch]

Aww is that all you've got sweetie?

[Asker]

I see you're just a parrot. That explains things.

[Anonymous]

uUUM it's a day for both men and women to spoil each other a little and celebrate their love for each other, dafuq.
And neither of my 2 exes bothered with this. I got one of them a nice valentines card to show my appreciation and he literally laughed at me. The other ex didn't get me anything but I got him chocolate and a card. Total children. I only date quality men these days.

[adamKing]

😂 I'm guessing you dated them only because they had abs

[wankiam]

its not all about women... its all about marketting and as such we should all refuse to buy into it

[nathanp97]

Yes, but women are the ones who predominantly benefit from it.

[wankiam]

@nathanp97 are they indeed... i thought it was the card manufacurers, sexy underwear peddlers and restauratuers that double the price of everything on feb 14th... i think you are vilifying a group that are just as much the victim here

[PondyPand]

So you're another typical incel then? Good to know.
Sorry you're immature and think all your problems are due to women.