"Beggars Can't Be Choosers"

Um. NO

You deserve respect. It's not high maintenance or too much to ask to be respected.

This take is for the women who have ever felt inferior or mistreated in a relationship.

People find themselves treated in ways they don't like because:

-On occasion, they receive the love they want, and they put up with poor behavior the rest of the time to get a crumb of love at some point in the future
-Their self-esteem is so low, they feel (consciously or subconsciously) that this is "all" they deserve

Know your worth

Don't let someone step all over you because you think you can't do better. You can. No matter how inferior you think you are. If someone is ignoring you, taking your kindness, love, and affection for granted, then it's time you take a step back and re-evaluate your relationship.

I was in a toxic relationship for too long. Kept convincing myself that they were "the one", that sometimes, yeah, they mistreated me, but that the passionate "love" would make up for it. I kept thinking they were out of my league, that I would never find anyone as great as them, and that I would never have that kind of chemistry/connection with anyone. For this reason I found myself forgiving them over and over and over again. I kept brushing off mistreatment, and blatant cheating. I kept thinking:

"If I just try harder, they will eventually love me the same way."

But one day, they just said something a certain way and it felt as if the lights were turned on. I saw them for who they really were. I was no longer blinded by my own thoughts, my brain no longer fogged by my low self esteem. All I saw was truth.

Every girl has that one guy she goes back to, heartbreak after heartbreak, and nobody knows why, not even her. And she just can't let go."

I know this message won't get across to the girls who currently have these problems. In order to really understand they must go through their own moment of enlightenment.

My advice for young women who are entering the dating world

1. Know yourself before entering a relationship.

You have opinions. You have convictions. You have morals.

Don't let him change your character. Don't forget who you are and what you stand for.

Don't change your way of being just so he can like you better.

Example) I did a lot of things I was uncomfortable with in hopes that he would like me

(Sex in public, sex in his workplace, sending him naked pictures, sexual things I did not enjoy)

I changed my morals and my beliefs for him. This is the worst thing you can do because you start to lose yourself. Hold on to your personality and don't change for him.

2. Work on yourself before entering a relationship

Many abusive relationships are due to codependency. Codependency is excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner. (I'M TALKING ABOUT YOU, NEEDY PEOPLE)

Work on becoming a self sufficient, independent human being who needs no one but themselves to feel content and complete. Treat relationships as an addition, not the core to your life.

3. Have a life

One way to be a well rounded emotionally independent person is to HAVE A LIFE! What does this mean? It means don't make your partner the center of your life. Have hobbies, have interests, specialize in something. Obtain a craft or master the art of something. Have friends, have a job, focus on your education, focus on improving yourself. Have goals. If you go into a relationship having no life, chances are the relationship will consume you and it will be unhealthy. Plus, nobody likes having a relationship with someone who has no hobbies. They will get bored of you because you have no life/personality. You need to have a life outside of your partner.

4. It's really important to have friends.

Entering the adult world, some of us experience an intense loneliness. Sometimes this loneliess leads us into the arms of the wrong person and the wrong relationship. People settle, people sleep around, people make giant mistakes, all because they are lonely and have no one to talk to.

Don't enter a relationship out of loneliness. This is why it's really important to have friends. Most of the time we seek sexual relationships when what we really want is companionship. Someone to care about us, love us, and hang out with us. People who just want sex and people who just want love, don't mix. If a person tells you they just want sex, be honest with yourself and them and don't agree to something in hopes you can change their mind. It won't happen.

Don't beg for someone's love. You have a choice.


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What Guys Said 19

  • Most guys are open to dating a variety of girls.

    It's the young women under 30 years old who are the pickiest. They refuse to date guys who aren't driving luxurious cars, or isn't loaded with cash.

    They are WAY too picky.

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  • Everyone should get someone who will treat them alright.

    The flip side is, that beggars can't be choosers. If you're a fat 5'7 man who doesn't have any social skills, and works minimum wage... you can't be very picky about dating and expect some hotty!

    likewise, if you're a chubby single mom with an attitude... you can't be picky and expect a hot guy with a college degree and a good job!

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    • You should find someone who is at your level and if you work on yourself then you can raise the bar.

  • Nice, this is really good advice and it does not just apply to women either. :)

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  • Maybe some of the (especially) younger woman shouldn't only date the "alpha" males but try something different.
    I'm sure a lot of guys out there would love them and treat them respectfully but don't even get the chance becuse they are (fill in on of the billion reasons).

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  • The irony is that you learn who you are in relation to dating through the expertise itself. #1 is impossible. By the time people "know themselves" half their life is gone.

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  • Your thesis of not remaining in a toxic relationship is correct, but I might argue that it might be better to not be in any relationship at all if you can't find one that works for you.

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  • Why is it always women saying this? I get that not all of them think this way, but you have to be realistic. I'd love a supermodel girlfriend with a pretty face, pornstar figure, etc. but I'm a 5/10 at best, not athletic, and have a terse, prickish personality, so my chances are slim.

    For some reason, feminazis pound this drum all day - "Girls, you're beautiful no matter what! Never settle for anything but an ideal man because you're worth it!" yet to guys, it's something like "You shallow pig! You need to date ugly girls or you're just superficial misogynyst scum!"

    I am a shallow pig and have no qualms about admitting it, but the hypocrisy is rank.

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    • It tends to be women saying this because women choose sex partners differently than men. Women raise their standards for one nights stands, and assume men do the same. Men on the other hand tend to lower our standards for one night stands. Women don't realize that the men they are sleeping with are actually lowering their standards just to make sure they get laid. This gives them an over inflated sense of their value to men any time a guy more attractive than her tries to sleep with her.

      There is also an issue of the media catering to women, and telling them whatever they want to hear, which causes a lot of the hypocrisy you are talking about. They do this because women on average spend most of the families budget, so it is more profitable to cater to women's unreasonable desires, rather than to be honest with them.

    • @heavensgift2girls All good points. Women like having their egos tickled.

    • I hear what you are saying, as I know there are plenty of people out there who think they deserve to have someone with lots of money and material items. I don't think this mytake is about looks or money though. It's mainly about respect and finding a partner who loves you for you and can treat you right. Never did she mention finding a hot guy with a nice car.

  • They can too

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  • I think women more then me can be choosers whereas men are the beggars.

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    • That's not true at all

    • Show All
    • You mean the women you want to find you attractive don't? I'm guessing you're the sort of guy that fixates on a specific girl based on her looks then gets butthurt because she ignores you? Meanwhile there's probably a bunch of girls literally throwing signals in your direction that you're not even noticing.

      Women do that, they give approach signals when they want a guy to talk to them. You just have to know what to look for. And don't show off your insecurity bury that crap it's like an instant turn off.

    • @Silver119 Sorry for the long delay I actually don't or never notice signs/signals cause I
      don't get any. You may think I'm lying or making up but I'm not. Women give me dirty
      looks even when I smile at them.

  • Good take

    Just to add know your worth you don't have to re evaluate your relationships if they are ignoring you or casting you out that's okay don't get stressed over things you can't control but focus on the things that you can control also people does not define you God does.

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  • The message might work better as 'don't stand for being treated like crap' than 'demand respect'.

    The four points at the end are good ones.

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  • Post sounds like it was written by an ugly, fat chick or a sloot, "I demand respect no matter what!". Respect has to be earned.

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  • Everybody's got a choice... Even ugly chicks... The ugly dude who is funny sometimes or the cactus plant.

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  • i think you took that proverb way out of context. i agree with this take in terms of content, but i'm pretty sure the phrase doesn't apply to any of these. generally when it's said, it's applying to people, usually women (not being sexist, just stating facts), when looking for a relationship, not while they're in 1, already

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  • you are a women lol

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  • Yeah good take - In some ways it could apply to men as well who are in a toxic relationship but overall good advice to anyone in a bad situation.

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  • Different pov of a great quote. I generally apply it to personal situations more than other people.

    Those moments when al the food you can find in the house are pickles and saltine crackers...

    Great post though. People need to stand up for themselves and avoid settling for less.

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  • I feel like this post should be for men as well.

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  • I agree with the first picture... If your not willing to speak up... anything you get is partially your own fault.

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What Girls Said 4

  • I actually completely agree with the 'Beggars can't be choosers'. I don't, however, agree with the 'explanation' of it in that first pic.

    In my mind it means people who beg for love and are always so self deprecating and needy really shouldn't be such choosers - because they're obviously doing something wrong - picking wrong people.

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  • This was a great mytake! It's really important to keep in mind that no matter what you look like or where you are in the journey of life, everyone deserves to be loved and treated with respect.

    No one is perfect. And it's dangerous to say that people don't deserve love and respect due to how they look or their social class, popularity or some other qualifier.

    We ALL deserve love and respect.

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  • No. No one is entitled to anyone's respect just by virtue of being alive. You can command common decency and politeness but not respect. Respect is earned through things you do. You don't have to respect someone to treat them decently.

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    • It is so refreshing to hear a woman say that no one is entitled to respect. The fact you understand that, tells me you are far more likely to actually earn people's respect than someone that thinks they deserve respect just for being alive.

  • This is awesome advice

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    • It's crap advice. Respect is earned. You can't demand that someone respect you. Hitler thought pretty highly of himself, so you respect him?

    • @TwentySomething nope. Respect is something I give to every person I meet. It's called human decency. However, people can easily do things to lose that respect.

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