Dating and relationships in general is based on value. People assign values to each other and how we perceive whether someone is on our level or higher based on behavior, wealth, looks, social status; we do this with materialistic objects so why not people.
For men most value is placed on a woman's looks and personality. While for women most value is placed on the man's looks, social status and money. Now, it should be noted that each person's value in another person depends on what they are looking for at this time in their life or at that instance.
For the above values I've mention this applies to relationships and not hookups/flings. For hookups, both men and women often always prioritize looks and will be forgiving of a shitty/lame personality if the person is hot but it should be noted that social status (for bragging purposes) also is a factor in hookup culture.
In addition, as mention a person's priority is dependent on what they are looking for at the time and can be separated into two market values (sexual market value and relationship market value). For sex men are willing to get with a women who is not on his level for easy access to sex.
Example a 5/10 female getting with a 8/10 male
While for relationships women are willing to forgive on looks but not on income and personality.
My one night stands were with HOT men; men that I would have considered out of my league... When it came to hooking up, my partners prerequisite were higher; at least superficially, than those I deemed necessary in a man I was dating. Seems weird to see that admission in type but quite frankly my criteria for a man I had a one night stand with were all superficially higher; looks, swag, attitude, dress, etc. When dating, the qualities in the men I sought dealt more with depth of character and intellect. Source:
5 PHENOMENA IN DATING EXPLAINED BY THE VALUE SYSTEM
1. Women not being attracted to Nice guys
Women are hypergamous meaning they only want to get with a man they deem better than them. When a nice guy meets a woman he often tends to use niceness to try and win her over and show to her that she is special but this does not translate to the female brain as such.
Before having sex a woman perceives a man doing nice things for her as him trying to bargain with her on why she should give him a chance. Obviously if your bargaining with someone the person who you come to has the higher ground and therefore higher perceived value. Thus, a woman in such situation will reject the nice guy advances because hypergamy dictates you must be better than her to get those panties.
The only case this does not hold true is when there is such a large contrast in looks, social status, money in the man's favor that him being nice does not hurt his chances with the woman. The reason for this is because he has enough self evident things that shows he is a catch/better that the woman perceives him being nice comes from a place of generosity rather than a place of sucking up in the female's minds. Such men women often refer to as GOOD MEN.
Thus, the reason nice guys fail is because women perceive kind acts as a way of sucking up rather than actual being nice to them (this is before sex). After sex the woman has given her investment and if a man continues to be kind to her then she considers it just that because she believes the man has gotten what he wanted from her yet still persist with kind gesture so he must really be a nice person to her.
2. Hot and Ugly couple pairing.
Now this phenomenon often comes about for many reasons but i'll a couple of the main ones how these pairing often come to be:
1) Control and power dynamic in relationship.
Remember relationships pairing both people may not necessarily have equal value in them as one might be admire while the other is worshiped. Many men and women pick uglier mates because they believe they would be more loyal to them and appreciate them more compared to people on their level or above.
2) The uglier person has high value in their eyes.
Again when it comes to relationships people tend to place different stocks in things outside of looks. For some it's personality and others money and social status. If said person is high in this aspect many people are willing to be with them even if they are several points below them in looks. And we can actual see this with skin color too. In many cultures white skin is ideal for beauty and people are willing to date another person who is lower than them in looks because they are white.
3) Ugly duck syndrome.
Many men and women did not get attention in their youth for whatever reason and got better in shape,increase their worth later in life but are unaware of their increase value. Some may have been lonely for a long time and latch onto the first person that show them interest, others stick with the BF/GF that were with them before they looked better.
4) Playing on insecurities.
Many women and men are insecure with self esteem issues and people who are skilled in picking on these insecurities are capable of making the people feel they are of lower value to them and they are better than them. Thus, that person gets in their head and if this person offers to go out with them that this is the best they can get even.
We see this plenty of times where less attractive men play on women's insecurities about their appearance in a numerous way and end up getting the girl to fuck him compared to a much better looking guy who compliments her.
3. Entitlement, and people constantly getting played and used by others
For a lot of people they often over reach on the mate they can get when it comes to superficial, and materialistic aspects particularly women. Thanks to social media and sites like gag many women have a high perception of themselves.and often over rate their value. Many men are willing to lower on looks if it makes it easier to get sex from a girl. So what happens when girls over inflate the guy they should be with and men of high value are willing to sleep with them for ONS or a little fling. The result is women think they can get these men for relationship and chase them for a long time in their youth in dead end relationship until they finally wake up and grudgingly get with men around their level.
Some however, do not and end up being bitter, old cat ladies with a jaded view on relationship, well into their 30's. Some even after with the fading of their looks still expect to be treated like a princess by men.
Similarly many men over inflate their value on the type of person they can get with and end up single for years but for the most part men tend to have realistic expectation of the type of girl they can be with. We see more entitlement with older men who believe their increase wealth, social status due to moving up in the world should entitle them to hot GF/Wife in her 20's.
Now while an increase in wealth, money will improve your attractiveness what many men fail to do is they neglect to maintaining their physical health and end up ball and chubby/fat older men. So the increase in money, status is offset by decrease in physical attractiveness unless of course your really rich and some men get frustrated that their standings have not improve even after making money.
However, for some men they are able to get younger women but what these men fail to realize is that the woman who show interest more often are just under cover gold diggers who loyalty are wavering and if a more successful man comes along willing to commit to her she will drop him real fast. So they are being used for their money.
4. Change in Preference later in life
Now again dating is about value and that value of what you think about another person is based on what your looking for at the time. People in their youth tend to prioritize fun, sex, and looks more so than personality, good morals, values and things on deeper level that would make a relationship last.
It's about fun and exploring.
It's for this reason that many men and women in their youth if asked why they wouldn't give a person a chance at dating them will give the excuse that they can't because they need to be physically attracted to them and they aren't but fast forward maybe 5-10 years later and this person is good enough for you now.
The physical attraction EXCUSE and inability to date someone for a lot of cases is a lie. It's not that you can't date them or you aren't physically attracted to them but rather that their value in the hookup culture that you want to explore and have some fun in is low.However, if your looking for a LTR and something serious and they are high in traits like personality,money and/or status that you are looking for in a partner their value switches over into being high to you. It's market switch basically. In one market and period in time a person is considered low in value but switch over into another market and they are high.
However, a big chunk of the time, people start lowering on he superficial and giving people a chance later in life who they otherwise wouldn't is because they are aware of their decrease value in SMV (Sexual market value) and RMV (Relationship market value) if even on a subconscious level and fear of ending up being alone.
As you get older from a biological perspective you become less viable for reproduction. DNA degradation in your gametes increases and birth defect occurring in a child you may have goes up with age. In generally dating, and what people look for is heavily tied to the children. Women care about social status and money because this helps improve the suitability of their child, as well as, height for protection. Men care about looks, and youthfulness because men want young, healthy kids and option of having many children. As a woman ages the child has greater chance of conceiving will have birth defects, still births/abortion occurring and a smaller window for having children due to menopause.
So people on a subconscious level are aware of their decrease looks and with their value going down they believe they are no longer entitled to being as picky as before.
5. DOUBLE STANDARD
Many people who are open to dating other races or having less superficial requirements often have double standards for these people. We see this particularly with black men and women who date interracial. Many non-black women for example will only give a black guy a chance if he is very rich and/or masculine (tall, muscular, nice above average face) a chance at dating her. While of another race her standards for being with him would not be as high. Similar thing can be said with black women where a black woman is only considered attractive and given a chance to non-black men if she is exceptional attractive but an average black girl would not be considered.
Similar effect can be seen if a person is not that physically attractive whether it's too short, not pretty face but they need to do it with non-materialistic means such as wealth,status etc.
THANKS FOR READING ~ JAILBAIT WARRIOR