The Most Unlucky Man on Tinder?

San Francisco resident Sebastian Stadil is purported to be 'the' most unlucky man on the dating app site, Tinder. Stadil, a software engineer, decided that rather than swipe right himself on potential dates, he would create a bot which would swipe right for him based on the qualifications he was looking for. The bot did so for some 200,000 women. It booked and scheduled the dates. As a result he received some 10,000 messages, went on 150 first dates, 50 second dates, 17 third dates, and spent a whopping $6,000...in just four months!

If the women did not respond to his or his bots swipes, the bot would automatically send them as much as seven automated messages hoping for a response. Stadil didn't think the automated messages would work, but he found whether he or the bot sent out messages, the response return rate was about the same. Some sample messages were: "1)Bonjour ! Care to meet over coffee some time next week? 2)Perhaps I can tempt you with some pastries instead? I know of place with fruit tarts, chocolate pies, and macaroons. :) 3)Can I interest you in a chai latte then? Better than coffee, and we can still get the pastries! Stadil says that 4/150 of the women had real potential, but that they didn't work out in the long run, and that Asian women tended to swipe right on him more than any other type of woman.

(Sebastian Stadil)

I'm sure to a lot of people, that might sound awesome, having a machine do the work of picking, scheduling dates, responding, and all the pre-date stuff, but there is something so unbelievably unappealing about the thought of being on the receiving end of that process. It's the same way I feel about people who do those Bachelor shows...it's like you're just part of this bunch of nameless animals to be herded about in the name of trying to find love. It's impersonal and I don't think men or women would find it endearing to learn that previous to you meeting this person, they would have only dealt with some robotic version of the person. I mean, sure if all one is looking for is sex, then whatever, but this guy wasn't looking for that and says ironically the best date of the 150 was one that he didn't even get using the app bot.

One of Stadils main problems, and I agree, is that he was attempting to engineer a love match. He said he would see all these matches and think, I must go out with all of them just to see if the next one or the next one is the one rather than actually put in the serious quality with the women he was currently on dates with. To be fair, many of the women he says he dated, according to him were a waste of time and weren't all that serious as any person normally dating would find when hunting for a serious relationship on a dating app. Plus can we talk about the money....6 grand for dates in 4 months?!? That is insane!

So what do you think? Is this man, who to date (pun intended) has not even remotely found "the one" despite he and his bots hard work and money spent, a genius, or an idiot for wasting his time? And how would you feel, man or woman, if you found out the engineering behind the date you were on? Would you be okay with that or completely weirded out?


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What Guys Said 30

  • Tinder is NOT a "dating" app, much less a relationship app. It's a "hook-up" app focused on only the most shallow of criteria. All this really proves is that you're an idiot for looking for "love" or a relationship on a hook-up app.

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  • Assuming 10,000 messages means 10,000 different women replied back to his swipes... then that means that out of 200,000 women that were swiped-right, he got 10,000 women to match back and reply.

    That's a 5% chance, or 1 in 20, for a man to even get a reply from a woman on Tinder.

    Also, 150 first dates out of 200,000 swiped-right women, is a dreadfully bad 0.075%, or 1 out of 1333, to get a date!

    -----

    Goes to show u that women on Tinder, must be fucking the same small cluster of male Tinder users, and the rest are subjected to these terrible odds.

    I will literally sit with my phone on my hand and continously tap on the "like" button without looking at my screen, until I run out of "likes". Then when they replenish after 12 hours, i'll do it again.

    Why waste time reading or even LOOKING at a profile, for a 1 in 1333 chance for a date? Bad time investment. Swipe now, read profiles only when I get a match. If I don't dig her, I just unmatch.

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  • As an IT guy I find it fascinating. I have had decent luck on tinder. It gets a bad rap as a "hookup site" but I have not found that to be true.
    The only issue I have with what you said is about The Bachelor (or the Bachelorette). Those are scripted reality shows. They are not "looking for love". They have nothing to do with dating or relationships. It is about putting on a fake show. None of the bachelors ever got married or lasted more then a brief time. I think 1 bachelorette is the only one to ever marry and stay married. Which shows there are always exceptions to every rule.
    I am a big fan of online dating. It is the only was I am able to date when I am looking to date.

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  • 6,000 dollars? Damn, that really us a lot spent within 4 months and still no luck on actually establishing a relationship?

    I'd save that kind of money for retirement years, or a new car or for rent or mortgage instead. I'd take no chances with spending that kind if money these days as becoming laid off unexpectedly can and will happen in the current economic climate.

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  • Well first off, online dating is lazy and people of low quality. Not saying that makes them bad people, but its just a fact. If you're out having fun, being social, and enjoying life then you have more dates to go out with then you have time to. It's isn't that hard to meet people at a mall or store. Google even tells you what locations are most busy at which time of the day so you can plan your grocery shopping when the store is busy.

    Second. He wasn't reducing love to science. or engineering. If he was, the first thing he would have realized is women aren't attracted to bitches. How does anyone possibly have the time to go on 150 dates in 4 months? That's more one date every single day. Sounds like they weren't real dates. But in any case, using a robot to schedule dates just screams "I'm a desperate bitch who will go out with anyone".

    Instead of going on 150 dates, he should have just a hobby and met a few women there, or went to parties, or other social events with friends. Easy to have fun with friends, meet women, and get a few dates without looking like an anti-social nerd with no standards at all.

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    • I read more into an article on him and he was saying to maximize his time and get in as many dates, he would go on up to three in a day, usually 1 hour coffee dates which he found he could accomplish the fastest and spend the least amount of money.

      I mean, even as a guy hearing that, if you can imagine your date admitting that she did this... it wreaks of desperation and of trying to game a system. What girl wants to tell her family, I met him via a bot who arranged our date... I was one of the 150 he went out with. At what point does that not sound weird to this guy. Anyway, his life, whatever. Seems like a massive waste of 6 grand for no positive outcome.

    • Well that's definitely a huge problem right there. A 1 hour "date"? So many reasons why that's a dumb idea. You should only go on dates with women who like you, and if they don't like you enough to spend all evening with you then why waste your time going out at all?

      And yeah, $6,000 is quite a bit for dates. I only spend like $30-40 on a first date that lasts 5-6 hours. He seems to be going on 2-4 a night spending that much on each one.

      I assume he was never going to tell you? Did he? I take every woman on the same first date but I'm never going to tell them. What's the point? They had fun and enjoyed it. I can understand why some women might think I'm a player or something because of it, but that's not true and there's no point it getting into a discussion about it and so why bring it up at all?

    • Out of curiosity, what is this universal first date? Lol

  • It just shows how picky he is with his girls. I bet he has a big list of things he looks for in his dream women. How is it even possible to go on so many dates and pay all that money and not at least get a girlfriend out of it.
    And maybe make a couple of new friends along the way. I bet he must be super picky and even with a bot help he will never find miss right that way.

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    • "If he's not having success it MUST be his fault"

      Flawless logic.

    • @Maverickj no if your super picky about finding a partner then it is his fault. I know guys and girls like this who have a egotistical view on dating. The more picky you are the harder it is to find the one.

  • As others have commented, it makes sense for Tinder, which isn't really about personality, compatibility or nuance. Unfortunately it also makes sense because there is an entire industry devoted to game, seduction and pickup that has little to do with being genuine, but is perfect for the Tinder business model. I wouldn't expect this to work as well for Match or OKCupid, but who knows?

    I assume he posted current photos of himself, authored his own profile and even wrote the canned messages? If so, automating the initial swiping and messaging process seems legitimate, especially if he had an algorithm for selecting people he might swipe right on anyway.

    Six grand in four months seems shocking to you? Really? I guess you haven't paid your own way on a night out in a while?

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    • Oh aren't you an angry one? Making assumptions about me based on me writing an article about... someone else. Get a grip. I've already written a take on how I absolutely feel it's bs that women expect men to pay their way all the time when it should be split down the middle, so busy yourself with judging others. No normal human being, male or female, plops down 50$/day to go on dates, let alone 150 of them in 4 months, let alone 2-3 dates a day. We're talking about an extremist here.

  • Yeah I agree it is kind of ridiculous and isn't part of the fun of finding someone not exactly knowing at first whether they'll be a match or not, like you just ask someone out and you know nothing about them, part of the fun is wondering if they're a match and finding out about them learning stuff etc, anticipation and all that.

    Though online dating websites and apps especially tinder or more or less shallow/fake places. If you want to find a date it should be naturally in person or just running into someone and getting to know them etc, I never found the appeal of going on a dating website and choosing people like a steak in the supermarket.

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  • Went on eHarmony for about a week or so, talked to a few girls, one of them sounded pretty awesome, so I asked her out on a date. We went on our first date about a year ago, and now we are a month away from getting married.

    So, it's all about the website and how real and honest you are willing to be. I told her straight up that I didn't expect sex on the first night, but that I would want it to be a part of our relationship (among other expectations). She told me she had a son from a previous relationship, and that if I wanted to date her, the end goal needed to be marriage, and me stepping in as a father role. We agreed to each other's stipulations, and here we are.

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    • i agree; i met my boyfriend/future husband on okcupid 2 years ago, and we've been inseparable ever since.

      he was honest and intelligent, charming, could hold his own in a conversation, and checked all kinds of dreamy boxes that weren't even on my list. i wasn't looking for a long-term commitment, or even marriage... but i always make exceptions for the right person, and he is that person.

  • Foolish man. He should have seen how electronic engineers use Tinder:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qgnxb-O-CBQ

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  • Finding the right person can be a numbers game. He used a way to get the best numbers possible. Not exactly likable, but Tinder is a shallow app to begin with so it doesn't leave much options for a more in-dept getting to know each other anyway.

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  • yeah we don't all have robots that can do this for us. tinder is a waste of time and if you need to put out that volume just to get one message back (which only further dilutes the attention paid to every other man and overinflates the egos of 10,000 women) then that time would literally be better spent watching grass grow, because at least by the end of it, you'd have grass to show for it.

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  • i think his problem is that he's on tinder. got to meet chicks the old fashion way. pick them up at the grocery store.

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  • So basically he wasted probably hundreds of hours and $6k. He could have gotten like 30-50 hours with decent Backpage escorts or bought a Realdoll and had something to show for it besides a bunch of memories probably best left forgotten. Love doesn't exist for everyone so is a waste of effort looking for it. In his case it should have been obvious after the first $1k burned.

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  • He actually has it better than me. He's a software engineer, plus he's Caucasian. I have it much worse since I'm still aspiring to be an engineer myself and I'm Asian American.

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  • Tinder was created to be a hookup app and most online dating seems to mainly just be hookups. Maybe something like Match wouldn't be but ehh.

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  • I don't think making a bot is not that of a hard work.. My bro is software engineer too and showed me some basics of creating a bot. Not that hard, chat sites and dating pass and ties are filled with bots.

    Anyway this was interesting read

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    • What did you use?
      IBM bluemix? If so, you didn't "make" a bot, you "trained" a bot.
      If you used something like Tensorflow and a Recurrent Neural Network, then you actually did.
      Its not too hard, but you need a lot of theory and you need to know how to get your data in there.

  • Unluckiest guy on Tinder... 150 dates... I'm on 0.

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  • This is par for the course for men. Most women have no idea what this feels like. Dating is hard for us, and easy for women.

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What Girls Said 9

  • My friend and I met on tinder through a program he designed, similar to this. I didn't meet up with him at first, we just ran into each other at random. I thought what he was doing was pretty cool lol Tinder really isn't meant for love.

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  • I remember reading about another guy who kept track of girls he talked to on dating apps in a spreadsheet. What is up with guys thinking that this can be handled in a systematic way? Like meeting girls is a video game to be hacked? It creeps me out.

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  • Tinder is a superficial hook-up app, deal with it or get out.

    Other than that I, as a woman, would not agree to go on a date if asking that was the first message he sent - I'd like it even less if he then texted again before I could reply.

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  • This is basically what Tinder is like for all men. Us women have it a lot easier.

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  • Oh he is hot

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  • For one, some of these 200,000 women likely love outside their preferred radius to meet men. Second, Tinder is littered with defunct profiles, I've heard.

    Those two factors alone (along with others I likely haven't thought of, being that I've never used Tinder) would skew the results. Likewise, there were likely messages the bot botched by not being adept at human conversation, the boy talking to other bots, etc.

    It sounds like he's more into his "experiment" than finding a great girlfriend. No issues with that - but other people shouldn't interpret the results so rigidly.

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    • Live not love...

  • Given that computer programming and tech-savviness are very valuable skills, I would say he's a genius for inventing a bot that can do the work for him. I wish I have that capability... but I don't know how. I guess I'll just stick to the traditional method of dating, even though it's not working for me. :(

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  • I would find it a bit weird and also be disappointed if prior to meeting the actual person, I had actually just been talking to a bot.

    I mean could you imagine that? Talking to someone who you think is really sweet and get on well with, wanting similar things in a relationship to you, a potential partner and then learn that that "person" doesn't really exist and is actually just a bot someone created rather than spending their own time getting to know you?

    I know it's not the same thing but oddly, it reminds me a bit of a scenario I was in with my bf: Now I already met him in real life years ago but we weren't all that close. Last year however, though we hadn't seen each other in person for 2-3 years, we became best friends by talking on Facebook and Skype a lot. It was weird because on fb chat, he was nice enough, but boring and didn't say much, whereas on Skype he'd be a lot more talkative and not so boring.

    He was talkative, had a good sense of humour, found me funny, was sweet (though not sappy), caring, seemed to learn from his past mistakes, would seem to constantly want to talk to me, try to make sure I was alright and was just this super sweet guy.

    So anyways, we found out we liked each other and decided to meet up in person after all the years.

    He would say how he was going to hug me and kiss me when he saw me and threaten to make my face go red.. I was so excited I could finally hug and kiss this sweet guy I'd been crushing on for so long.. and then we met up. He didn't hug or kiss me, kept moaning about stuff, was in a grumpy mood because he hadn't slept good and it ended up being a pretty short and disappointing trip. It was like that for a while where he wouldn't pay me much attention and act grumpy & annoyed yet had been so caring on Skype, I was confused because he'd still say he loved me on fb and stuff but act so grumpy in person.

    Anyway, after a while he finally started hugging and kissing me and acting sweet again and even a bit sappy. Turns out why he was grumpy and not giving me much attention before was because he wasn't used to having me with him and was shy, not knowing how to act around me.

    I feel some things still need some work but they're a lot better than how they used to be.

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  • Wow, that's crazy. The guy is crazy. The bot is a good idea though, in some cases

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