Single Lady Problems
As a single woman who doesn't want a relationship right now, I run into so many people who just can't seem to understand why I chose to be single right now. Any time I simply talk to a guy for more than 5 minutes, everyone assumes I want to either be in a relationship with them, or hook up. Like. what? Since when is being interested in a conversation or a person mean that I think they are compatible enough to invest all this time and energy into as a boyfriend or that I just want them inside of me? This is how it usually happens: a) I casually mention that I'd need to fall in love in order to be in a relationship, and then b) "ouuu so she wants to sleep with me! Score..." haha!
Enjoy The Ride (You don't need to be dating in order to gain from the relationship)
I may enjoy spending time with a you, but if you think about it, lots of guys can be fun to hang out with. I mean, a girl may be benefiting from the relationship in so many ways like maybe you offer lots of good advice, or you both love paint balling, you both love music etc... But common, everyone loves music, many people like paint balling but what about all the rest? I feel that many people need to learn to care about the friendships more not worry so soon what will become of them. With this being said, too many guys cut off the connection if a girl says she isn't looking for anything serious right now.
At the end of the day, if you are only spending time with a girl in hopes that you will date, you probably don't have enough interest in her to ever get serious. Some people just need time to figure out how they feel/think about you so why the rush? Do we always need to be out there looking for Mr.Right and stressing over it if we are single? Or can we just not make such a huge black and white deal over our desire to live a fulfilling life without our main focus being on guys?
Why She Doesn't Want a Relationship Right Now
Too many people jump to conclusions. I've had one guy that I was considering completely ruin his chances by assuming I just didn't like him. He took my words as rejection and moved on in a very obvious "your loss for rejecting me" kind of way. It really sucked cause that's not what really happened. Please consider that you can not assume her saying she does'"t want a relationship means she's rejecting you, can't commit etc... You should try to be aware of different reasons a girl may not want a relationship at the moment, and simply ask questions to see what she means by that.
Here are a few things she could mean by that:
#1 is the most over-looked reason
1. Dating can be stressful and some people just really try to avoid the stress of that. She may want a relationship to happen organically with the right person. The idea in this case is to keep busy pursuing her dreams and career goals and to build friendships with good supportive people. She's happy with or without a boyfriend but isn't willing to change her amazing life for just anyone. Eventually, she is bound to meet Mr.Right organically but she just doesn't want to have to worry about who this guy will be! It could be you, it could be Joe next door who knows, but what matters is she is not actively looking. This girl may be more of a relationship kind of girl than you realize and once she sets her mind on someone, she's all in.
Don't assume she wants to hook up because this kind of girl would much rather be available for her special guy than some random guy. Be okay with being friends, or possibly more just don't sweat over it. PS: Some girls who fall into this category do enjoy hooking up sometimes to help release their urges but don't assume they will do this with just anyone and everyone.
Here are the most cliche reasons which also have truth to them
2. Now here are the girls who love the attention and freedom that comes with being single. That doesn't mean they want to jump everyone's bones (some do of course), but these girls love to flirt and have all eyes on them. (Some are a mix of #1 and #2 and relax once they find the right person, but of course some are also only #2)
3. "I want to be in a relationship and I'm ready, but you aren't the right guy for me." Yes, it's a hard truth but some girls really do say that when they only like you as a friend. Please keep in mind that rejection doesn't always mean she's not attracted to you, or doesn't feel you are boyfriend material. To be honest I've rejected guys that I could have fallen in love with before simply because our life styles didn't match up, or I felt like our weaknesses were too similar to a point where we wouldn't be able to help each other where we need it the most. You can't take rejection as "oh, she doesn't see my value or think I'm good enough", cause honestly 50% of the time it has nothing to do with that!
4. She may be interested in keeping you round in case she ever breaks up with her boyfriend.
5. She could like you, but is in a bit of a sticky situation that she needs to deal with before getting serious.
6. She's recently had a heartbreak, weather it be love, family, career-related etc... Try to be supportive and patient. Be a good friend and don't pressure her into making a decision right away.
I hope this article inspires you to think outside the box a bit, and ask the right questions in order to better respond to a girl who says she isn't looking for a relationship right now. Remember that not everything is black and white, and that even if you do get rejected, it really doesn't always mean she doesn't WANT you. It may just not be the right fit.
- Living the Adventure (LS)