No, text, No call, No show!
So what happened?
You met on a Saturday night, you had the perfect date, she held your hand, and at the end of the night, she kissed you. Then she texted your phone constantly.
Emoji here, selfie photos there, it never crossed your mind that, she would ever for get about you. You might even go from second base, to third base, and then suddenly you got a home run. Candles are lit, music is playing, and your two souls intertwined into one, and in the morning when you wake up, she is still there. You are in a relationship now, and three months have passed. You’re relaxed now, and become more of who you really are. You don’t think twice about farting in front of your baby. For women, you don’t even dress up anymore, and make-up is sparingly now. You two become less agreeable and more verbal. Plans for the future arise, and family comes into the picture, yikes! Everything is going well, so you thought, then something happened….
“Hey beautiful; what you doing?”
You text her this message because you hadn’t heard from her in a few hours. Ten minutes have passed and you hadn’t heard anything still. An hour has passed and you are freaking out now. You call, and she finally answers the phone giving you the following excuses:
“I was busy silly.”
“I got a lot on my mind.”
“Why are you tripping?”
The five stages of Dropped Interest Levels!
Rather you are a man or a woman reading my (Take) you should know that there are approximately interest level drops that one goes through before actually dumping someone.
Stage 1. The compliments and the laughing at your corny jokes, is gone! Now her interest level is plummeting from the high 90% to the lower 60%.
Stage 2. The cute hand holding and arm grabbing is gone, no kissing is initiated. IL is at a whopping 60-56%
Stage 3. She is starting arguments and throwing zingers at you which starts off small but intensifies as IL drops to 55-48%.
Stage 4. She is with you, she might even still say she loves you. She might even make love to you occasionally, but she is pretty much done with you. The way you touched her to get her in the mood, doesn’t work anymore, she is buying time. IL is now at a -48%.
Stage 5. The final argument, in front of friends, out of the blue, a small thing which becomes a huge deal, now haunts you, and she says the following:
“I just need time to figure things out”
“I don’t know what I want, right now I’m so confused.”
“I need space.”
“It’s not you, It’s me.”
“I feel obligated to you and I don’t want to be tied down right now, right now is bad for me.”
Anybody speak Womanese? I learned, and I learned fast… allow me to interpret. Regard me, regard me! What she is saying is, “Please get your stuff out of my apartment so I can change the locks, and date your co-worker!”
Your gut is telling you, think she is with another man, because you hadn’t seen her in a few days, or she doesn’t call you like she normally does. You get images in your head of some dude screwing her brains out, and you’re freaking out. Then finally after your worrying, begging, and pleading; she gets tired and says,” Let’s call the whole thing off.”
So what happened?
There could be a lot of reasons why he/she had lost interest in you. However for the purpose of this article, I will address a major problem in dating that will summarize in part as to what happen. Let’s first shed ourselves of our ego, and investigate these series of unfortunate events optimistically.
The first issue I found is that many of us do not know how to slow it down. Most of us tend to rush and not let the relationship happen organically. Organic is good for you! Again, I have no ego, that’s why I confess this was as much my problem as it is yours.
Moving too fast!
Many of my relationships, like yours in the past started out flaming-hot, then fizzled away into an ember withering away in the cold night. I realized that possibly saying, “I love you,” and moving in together in three months, is too much, too soon. Studies indicate that the average couple starting out dating should wait at least 3 months before sex. However, most couples who actually get into a relationship start having sex with in 1-2 weeks of there dating period. Stalling on sex not only builds interest level, but it actually helps with not feeling obligated to commit to a relationship before your actually ready. This allows individuals to base the relationship not on the physical. For example lust. Waiting for sex is hard, I know, because I want it, but waiting does help with finding true companionship through healthy conversation. Now if you just want sex then by all means have it, if that’s what you do. However, just making a girl wait, makes her want it more.
3-6 months into dating it is suggested you can now make it official, and consider introducing the physical-intimate side of the relationship. Conversely, this could also be the time you’d make the decision to move on and desolve any relationship you had with said person. If this happens no real feeling should have been sacrificed because you didn’t start off head over heels, but you just dated to see if you were compatible to start a serious relationship.
6-8 months you can think about your first vacation, and meeting ones family
8-12 months you should have a good grasp of the relationship and thoughts of engagement, and moving together can be discussed.
Keep in mind (Psyc Majors) that this this time table is suggestive, dating experts will give a model to help us slow down, in hopes that we won't lead ourselves into a false sense of feelings. I feel we have gotten into this fast- food type of dating, that we rush things and get disappointed even quicker. What happened to courting? Most people I know including myself thought I was in love after a month of dating. I went out with this girl three times, and we were in love. How? We barley know each other?
The first three months with my girlfriend she had more red flags, than a nuclear power plant. I just overlooked them because she looked like Salma Hayeck. I rationalized her behavior because she was BBC (Beauty, Brains and Curves). I was in lust and so my behavior dictated that, and so did hers. I became too involved, made myself too available, and bared my heart too fast. Eventually, she began to see things she really didn’t like about me, and for her these things were deal breakers. No matter how big or small these deal breakers were, she could know longer rationalize them and her interest level plummeted.
Again this (Take) could also apply to women, as men do get turned off as well. However, I address men, because statistics show that 90% of the break ups are female generated.
My advice for men who have been through this, and will go through this in the future, is to know break ups will happen, and it is a part of life. There is no need to be mean to her, or blame you for the messy break up. However if you do, this is just apart of the stages of grief your experiencing which I will touch on at a later time. As a man or woman, it is your job to get back on your feet and arm yourself with knowledge. Make dating fun by understanding the minutia of it all. I have seen comments by some people who say, “It’s all about communication, not the practice of dating,” “It’s about luck, and finding someone with the same interest.” All good points, and I don’t dispute none, but I do say that dating is all of those put into one, with one true factor, slowing it down too enjoy the process and weighing the options clearly! My Uncle Lacey used to say, “Boy, speed kills!” My aunt Lilly used to say, “Boy, you eat too fast, you might choke.”
If one would just slow down and not rush things, date multiple people, say possibly three suitors, without feeling rushed into having sex, or making a commitment right away, there might be a lower percentage of divorce rates and broken hearts world wide.
There are people who get lucky, and find the one, first time around. My brother was one of them. After three months he and his chick moved in together, and after a year they married, and they have two beautiful children. However, not all of us are that fortunate, and it is only a small percentage of us, who actually gets that prestigious honor. So, for the rest of us mere mortals, taking our time, and actually getting to know a person before buying into the love and eternity thing, might not be so bad after all.