Why don't guys want to date women their own age?

[Anonymous]

Can anyone help me understand why the majority of guys over the age of 45 seem to only want to consider dating women at least 10-20 years younger than they are? I'm 49 (and told I look younger) and just getting back into dating after a long relationship but I don't want to date guys 10-20 years older than I am.

[youngladiesonlypleas]

I'm 57 and haven't dated or been with a woman since my marriage broke up over 6 years ago. Why? Honestly, I am not attracted to women my own age, many times I actually feel quite repulsed by them - in fact a lot of women in my area even 6 or 7 years younger than me aren't so attractive to me either.

You want honesty - here goes - get ready... To me, they all look so old and worn out (I know I'm no spring chicken myself) but they tend to remind my of my Mom's friends in appearance and holding even simple conversations with them, when you've got romance on your mind, just wind up being boring, but polite and actually pretty pitiful. Sorry, I know that they might all be nice women as people, but to date... NO THANKS.

II find myself only attracted to women from their mid 20's (perhaps even younger) to maybe 45 years old. And, I know and have seen first hand that women at those ages find guys at my age quite repugnant and mostly creepy (I hate that word). Another of life's big lies - young women dig older men. BS!

Actually I find this sad not only for guys like me, but for the young ladies, because I know that I've greatly improved with age and have a lot to offer a young woman with many many qualities and aspects no younger guy could ever fill. So, its sad because we both lose out.

It's to the point (has been for several years now) where I've just stopped trying and am not even thinking of dating. Frankly, I'd rather be alone (and much happier) than be relegated to date or be with someone society tells me I should be with or date.

BTW, I have no problems relating to, understanding or even having conversations with the younger ladies. Some even think I'm cute... but unfortunately in that "isn't that old dude sweet" just like a puppy way.

I've pretty much accepted (and have made peace with) that my time for romance has long passed me... and I'm fine with that.

So OK ladies - let the flaming begin... tell me how big a POS I am... and that I deserve to be alone... or that I'm some kind of pervert. But, you wanted truth - that's my truth. Warts n' all.

[phoebes1975]

Wow! So as a man you're automatically better with age, but women just "wear out" and have nothing that experience offers. I'm sure the young females are totally missing out on you. Such a shame, with so much to offer. That said, most PEOPLE, men and women alike just let themselves go after 40 and I get why those of us who make an effort, stay in shape and keep active are repulsed by their fat bodies and sedentary lifestyle. I'm a 40 year old woman, in great shape, run at least two marathons a year. 5'4" and 117 lbs, size 0 (for real). All I want is a guy around my age who is in reasonably good shape and still takes pride in his appearance. They are not to be had it seems, so I end up going younger. Physical appearances shouldn't count, but they do, for men and women. I don't think it's unfair for men to complain about their aging, sloppy counterparts, but I do think it's unfair to assume ALL women their own age fall into that category or are automatically uglier than the 20 somethings.

[Mesonfielde]

@phoebes1975 this question is more than half a year old, you're somewhat late with the flame.

[cherrybun]

um, yes. you are a creepy perv. and incredibly shallow.. you must not like women for real. attracted to them as something to look at and empty your wrinkly balls in, sure. But liking them as a human being? yeah no..

[sexwiseman]

I used to work in the nursing field, and the average age there at the time was 42. I worked with hundreds of female nurses, as I floated to different hospitals and departments daily; out of all those women I saw, I can literally remember 2 women that were in their 40's that looked in great shape. And by no means were they thin, they had some extra weight, but they looked nice. The rest of the women were obese, and had such a negative attitude, that once, a 40 something year old good looking nurse was hired, and in 2 weeks she had to quit because these fat nurses were so jealous, they sabotaged her on each shift. I didn't believe it till I saw it. So I think most guys tend to agree that the older women get, the worst they look; however, in my travels in europe, the older women were incredible because somehow they manage to stay in great shape, and they don't dress like moms! :)

[lovebird01]

I agree with the comment about European women. My girlfriend is from Finland, and just turned 45. She looks 35.

[Asker]

I see your point - men don't want to date their moms - but evidently many men haven't looked into a mirror lately. Good advice though-for men and women-to be healthy and fit, attractive,relevant and interesting no matter what age we are.

[phoebes1975]

You're completely right about the European observation. And as a 40 year woman who DOES stay in excellent shape and takes a lot of pride in her appearance, I can tell you the average American man in my age range is just as gross as most women my age. Europeans in general just seem to care more about this, and it's nice. That said, the average 20 something these days is pretty hefty. No all of them are overweight, but most are going to struggle a lot in their 30s if they don't gear up the fitness/gear down the twinkles. Good to be me though, I get both men my own age and those who are younger than me showing interest. How am I able to compete with 20 somethings for younger men? Land of the blind my friend, and the one without cellulite wins :)

[sarutobi]

@phoebes1975 It's far more risky to form an emotional bond with a younger woman than an older woman. A younger woman will settle for you. An older woman will be happy to have a good man. When that happens we don't have to hold back to rock her world and make her feel like she won the lottery.

[A-Woman]

It's simple. they don't like the bodies of women their ages. Men seem to not care to have real conversations with women their own ages. They don't want to be reminded of their age. they want to feel younger. I'm 35, attractive, 5'6 size 6 , I look max 27 yrs old. but 35 yr old men don't date 35 yr old women. It starts in the 30's and continues to the 60's. You have to think the other way, date younger not older. 39 in 'Men age' is the same as 49. Just don't talk about age. Don't limit yourself.

[Celav]

The funny thing is when they get so old that their young couples get tired and fee ashamed of how old they look and also behave. They start feeling more like nurses than wives. Guys you are not young forever either and look ridicule dating 20 years younger girls

[Adam_DoesArt]

Well, I assume it's largely due to attraction to younger women, and lack of attraction to older women. I myself, missed out on dating when I was younger, and will be turning 30 in 2022... I've almost never seen a 30+ year old woman, that I've found attractive.

I tend to only be attracted to early, or mid 20's women, and the thought of dating someone, who already looks old to me, when I've never even so much as been on a date, is incredibly depressing. I'd rather spend the rest of my life alone, then date someone I'm not attracted to.

[sarutobi]

Some of us in our 40's that have taken very good care of ourselves (I have even gained 10 lbs of muscle recently) look much younger so women our own age only want hookups. Only when I grew a beard did women my own age give me attention. I hated the way the beard felt. Ladies give men a chance that look young. We will still treat you like a queen (if you are sweet and very physically affectionate). We do not want a perfect 10. Any where from a 6-8 is perfect. It's disappointing when a 20 yr old flirts with us. We can't form an emotional bond with a woman half our age. Yes I am a gym rat but only on the outside. I am a complete softie on the inside.